Required reading for noobs (and us old farts too)

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Required reading for noobs (and us old farts too)

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Required reading for noobs (and us old farts too)

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Required reading for noobs (and us old farts too) - 4/26/2011 6:20:25 PM

Hillwilliam

Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline

http://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html

I saw this on the other side and asked the OP if I could repeat it here.

It is someting we should all be aware of with the number of psychos and sociopaths that call themselves D types.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

Post #: 1

RE: Required reading for noobs (and us old farts too) - 4/26/2011 6:36:03 PM

mummyman321

Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline

Now that describes half the people i work with!

_____________________________

Life - Its not about where you are but about the journey to get there - I prefer to choose the road less traveled

(in reply to Hillwilliam)

Post #: 2

RE: Required reading for noobs (and us old farts too) - 4/26/2011 6:49:10 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Your link has nothing to do with BDSM. It is in the wrong forum.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Hillwilliam)

Post #: 3

RE: Required reading for noobs (and us old farts too) - 4/26/2011 6:52:29 PM

Hillwilliam

Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Your link has nothing to do with BDSM. It is in the wrong forum.

Are you claiming that sociopaths don't cloak themselves in the Dom(me) mantle and use that to their destructive ends?

I feel it has a lot to do with WIITWD. Maybe some noob will read it before he or she enters 'sub frenzy' and it might save their life.

Alternatively, what forum would you have it placed in? If you feel strongly, feel free to contact a Mod.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 4

RE: Required reading for noobs (and us old farts too) - 4/26/2011 6:56:23 PM

mummyman321

Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline

I think that describes many of the Dominants in the BDSM lifestyle. Just my personal opinion.

_____________________________

Life - Its not about where you are but about the journey to get there - I prefer to choose the road less traveled

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 5

RE: Required reading for noobs (and us old farts too) - 4/26/2011 6:56:30 PM

NocturnalStalker

Posts: 3858
Joined: 12/4/2010
Status: offline

If I was a psychopath/sociopath this would be the perfect pretense to carry out any deranged fantasy I would have.

Just saying.

_____________________________

"The road I walk is paved in gold to glorify my platinum soul."

(in reply to Hillwilliam)

Post #: 6

RE: Required reading for noobs (and us old farts too) - 4/26/2011 7:02:28 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I do not feel that strongly about it, I am making an observation.

Ending up with someone who is psychotic, or narcissistic (the new catchphrase for sociopaths) is just dangerous. It really doesn't matter what role you are, what gender you are, what you orientation is, etc etc etc. Personally, I do not think I am in any more danger dating a dominant sociopath than a vanilla sociopath when it comes to psychosis or personality disorders. You might be more successful if you said "Beware of meeting strange men of the internet!" instead of saying "Beware of strange dominants!"

Where does this warning belong? In the off topic section, because it really has nothing to to with BDSM. This forum isn't about psychological disorders, it is about the lifestyle. The last I looked, most of us do not think personality disorders and psychosis are a real part of what it is that we do.... at least it has nothing to do with what "I" do.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Hillwilliam)

Post #: 7

RE: Required reading for noobs (and us old farts too) - 4/26/2011 9:31:04 PM

Delilya

Posts: 4108
Joined: 2/2/2011
Status: offline

Interesting reading. Thank you

_____________________________

“Love me without fear, trust me without questioning, need me without demanding, want me without restrictions, accept me without changes, desire me without inhibitions"-Dick Sutphen

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 8

RE: Required reading for noobs (and us old farts too) - 4/26/2011 11:19:35 PM

Palliata

Posts: 371
Joined: 8/9/2010
Status: offline

Hey! Don't judge. Sociopaths are people too.

_____________________________

I speak not of The Way, but only My Way. Think it not an indictment of Your Way.

I'm male. I know it sounds female. Work with me.

(in reply to Delilya)

Post #: 9

RE: Required reading for noobs (and us old farts too) - 4/26/2011 11:36:43 PM

SexyBossyBBW

Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
Ending up with someone who is psychotic, or narcissistic (the new catchphrase for sociopaths) is just dangerous. It really doesn't matter what role you are, what gender you are, what you orientation is, etc etc etc. Personally, I do not think I am in any more danger dating a dominant sociopath than a vanilla sociopath when it comes to psychosis or personality disorders. You might be more successful if you said "Beware of meeting strange men of the internet!" instead of saying "Beware of strange dominants!"

I looked, most of us do not think personality disorders and psychosis are a real part of what it is that we do.... at least it has nothing to do with what "I" do.

This speaks to my sense of instinctual safety, at any event, where men, and woemen interact.

M

_____________________________

"..touching was and still is and always will be the True Revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Only when there are many people who are pools of peace, silence, understanding, will war disappear." -Osho

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 10

RE: Required reading for noobs (and us old farts too) - 4/26/2011 11:50:48 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

What in THE hell does that have to with anything??? Why someone would bother to post that BS is beyond me.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to SexyBossyBBW)

Post #: 11

RE: Required reading for noobs (and us old farts too) - 4/26/2011 11:57:24 PM

DeviantlyD

Posts: 4382
Joined: 5/26/2007
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I do not feel that strongly about it, I am making an observation.

Ending up with someone who is psychotic, or narcissistic (the new catchphrase for sociopaths) is just dangerous. It really doesn't matter what role you are, what gender you are, what you orientation is, etc etc etc. Personally, I do not think I am in any more danger dating a dominant sociopath than a vanilla sociopath when it comes to psychosis or personality disorders. You might be more successful if you said "Beware of meeting strange men of the internet!" instead of saying "Beware of strange dominants!"

Where does this warning belong? In the off topic section, because it really has nothing to to with BDSM. This forum isn't about psychological disorders, it is about the lifestyle. The last I looked, most of us do not think personality disorders and psychosis are a real part of what it is that we do.... at least it has nothing to do with what "I" do.

I have a different take on it. Truly sociopaths are dangerous to all...both kinky folk and vanilla types. So why would this belong in General BDSM Discussion rather than the Off Topic Discussion? Because I believe those in kink don't dismiss certain behaviours as quickly as vanilla types might. Kinky types may initially see it as just more edgy than the behaviour of someone who is dangerous. This is especially true of inexperienced submissive/slave types. I'm not saying all inexperienced s types, but definitely some due to their eagerness to please. I've been there. It wasn't a sociopath, but it was someone who definitely did not have my best interests at heart.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 12

RE: Required reading for noobs (and us old farts too) - 4/27/2011 12:11:18 AM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

http://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html

I saw this on the other side and asked the OP if I could repeat it here.

It is someting we should all be aware of with the number of psychos and sociopaths that call themselves D types.

I'd imagine that would be useful.

It assumes people think carefully and choose wisely when making a big decision - a principle I would strongly advocate.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to Hillwilliam)

Post #: 13

RE: Required reading for noobs (and us old farts too) - 4/27/2011 12:14:26 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

I'm very doubtful about the value of things like this.

Many, many, people exhibit some of the "traits" described. But in order to make an actual diagnosis I'd personally prefer to trust the opinion of someone who actually has clinical experience and training rather than a "check-list" downloaded from the interweb. That isn't to day I would trust the opinion of a psychiatrist or psychologist (a lot of them are bonkers too), but I'd still prefer his or her opinion to a checklist like this.

We're talking about mental health here, and if you seriously think that something like this is useful then let's hope there's a "delusional personality disorder" check-list out there. It might help.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to Hillwilliam)

Post #: 14

RE: Required reading for noobs (and us old farts too) - 4/27/2011 12:22:57 AM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

That isn't to day I would trust the opinion of a psychiatrist or psychologist (a lot of them are bonkers too), but I'd still prefer his or her opinion to a checklist like this.

Presumably this 'check list' is based on profiling, and, in effect, based on psychiatric opinion.

I can see the value in this for someone trying to make sense of a situation - although you'd hope that people wouldn't need to consult a psychiatrist to understand that such a person is really not what they need in their lives (experience tells us this isn't always the case).

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to crazyml)

Post #: 15

RE: Required reading for noobs (and us old farts too) - 4/27/2011 1:12:38 AM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mummyman321

I think that describes many of the Dominants in the BDSM lifestyle. Just my personal opinion.

Agreed, but to a certain way also a lot of the people who label themselves submissives, they're often not as easy to spot but quite a lot are very apt at deceiving and manipulating the top with lies.

I think because BDSM is on the fringe, it's easy for people with those "issues" to hide under the umbrella, a lot of "odd" behaviour can be explained with fetishes, being dominant, etc. Add to that the fact that in a lot of cases you meet the people only in certain circumstances (fetish or play parties, munches, etc.) and can't observe them in day to day interactions, so those traits are a lot harder to spot (and easier to hide) than if you'd work with them 8 hours a day. So many things that would trigger off warning bells in a vanilla situation can be "explained" by "domititis" or "subfrenzy".

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to mummyman321)

Post #: 16

RE: Required reading for noobs (and us old farts too) - 4/27/2011 1:27:02 AM

Awareness

Posts: 3919
Joined: 9/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Your link has nothing to do with BDSM. It is in the wrong forum.

Nonsense. BDSM attracts people with a wide array of dysfunction on both sides of the power equation. Given the inherent power dynamics, safety is an ever-present consideration and so establishment and dissemination of safety protocols is an excellent idea.

Having said that, a definition isn't going to really help most laymen. I tend to find http://tinyurl.com/ys9s7p somewhat more practical.

_____________________________

Ever notice how fucking annoying most signatures are? - Yes, I do appreciate the irony.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 17

RE: Required reading for noobs (and us old farts too) - 4/27/2011 3:10:42 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Hello folks,
A trained professional is the only one who can legitimately make a diagnosis such as sociopathy. That does not change the fact that some people just plain know somebody "just ain't right." While I applaud HillWilliam's intent, there is such a thing as a little knowledge being a bad thing. My fear is that someone would see this list and think they need only look out for people like this, people who fit this particular list (which by the way does seem to be from the DSM - I don't have mine in front of me and can't check). But what of the myriad of OTHER diagnoses (Borderline Personality Disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Intermittent Explosive Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, etc.) that can also manifest in violent people? These same people can cause equal harm. The difference is that they will have emotions around the event.

Many times on these boards I, and others, have posted information about a book called The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker . In it, Mr. De Becker lists a number of things that people (not just submissive people, not just women, but EVERYBODY) should pay attention to. These include paying attention to your gut, separating fear that is in your mind versis fear in the face of danger, noticing your surroundings, etc.

One needn't be a therapist to learn to listen to that feeling that something just isn't quite right, that I don't like how creeped out I feel, this is really uncomfortable, etc. We merely need to respect our own abilities.

If you want to talk about required reading - I suggest The Gift of Fear. That book truly can save your life.

Best,
sunshine

< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 4/27/2011 3:14:49 AM >

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Awareness)

Post #: 18

RE: Required reading for noobs (and us old farts too) - 4/27/2011 3:43:00 AM

oldbabyface

Posts: 56
Joined: 7/13/2010
From: West Midlands, UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker

If I was a psychopath/sociopath this would be the perfect pretense to carry out any deranged fantasy I would have.

Just saying.

Thankfully, you're nothing of the sort.

Unless your posting is a double-bluff?

_____________________________

Truth is so hard to tell, it sometimes needs fiction to make it plausible.

Francis Bacon

(in reply to NocturnalStalker)

Post #: 19

RE: Required reading for noobs (and us old farts too) - 4/27/2011 6:16:57 AM

NocturnalStalker

Posts: 3858
Joined: 12/4/2010
Status: offline

We all go a little crazy sometimes.

_____________________________

"The road I walk is paved in gold to glorify my platinum soul."

(in reply to oldbabyface)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Required reading for noobs (and us old farts too)

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.078