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Speaking Protocols - 4/25/2011 11:43:02 AM   
OwnedFemaleFlesh


Posts: 182
Joined: 4/9/2011
Status: offline 		I was just wondering if anyone uses speaking protocols, and if so, what 'levels' they use. i.e. Not being allowed to speak at all, being allowed to speak with permission, being allowed to speak if spoken to, being allowed to speak freely, etc.

How do these work out in your day to day lives? Do you always remember to use them, or is it a case of not following any protocol unless told otherwise? What levels do you use, and how do you indicate what protocol is in place at any given time? i.e. by saying level one, or, a I have heard others use, 'formal' and 'casual' etiquette required.

This is something I'm interested in at the moment as I sometimes talk too much, or talk over my Owner's favourite shows and am just wondering if this is something that could be of use to us. What experiences has everyone else had, if any? How has it affected your relationship, and would you recommend it to others or do you find it stifles what you want to say?

Many thanks,

owned xxx
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Speaking Protocols - 4/25/2011 12:11:59 PM   
Marc2b


Posts: 6660
Joined: 8/7/2006
Status: offline 		I am a "slaves are to be seen, not heard" kind of guy. There are times (like when relaxing by the fire at the end of the day when I enjoy quite conversation with her but most of the time when we are in Master/slave mode (we are not 24/7) the slave does not speak except...

1. To acknowledge a command.

or

2. To answer a question put to her.

There are some exceptions:

The slave can request permission to speak with a hand signal (kneeling in front of me, with one hand behind her back and the other on her forhead, palm flat and facing outwords). This is risky on her part - Master does not want to be bothered with trivialities.

Pleas for mercy and forgivness during punishment.

Screams of "Oh god!" and the like when approching orgasm.

And, of course, emergency situations (e.g. the house is on fire).



< Message edited by Marc2b -- 4/25/2011 12:18:37 PM >

_____________________________

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RE: Speaking Protocols - 4/25/2011 12:20:22 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I have had the dominants I have been involved with play speech games with me. We did not structure the relationship around it, but it was just for fun.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Speaking Protocols - 4/25/2011 12:20:45 PM   
Ninjaroo


Posts: 3
Joined: 1/10/2011
Status: offline 		N encourages me to talk. I have always been someone who represses what i feel i need to say to make people happy. He makes me talk about them.

For brief periods of "play" he will expect only two words out of my mouth .... "yes Master" and those are cool for short periods of time though i prefer to be in a relationship where i am a companion as well as his slave. YMMV though as we are also best friends.

(in reply to Marc2b)
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RE: Speaking Protocols - 4/25/2011 12:22:37 PM   
Ninjaroo


Posts: 3
Joined: 1/10/2011
Status: offline 		Ummm opps sorry N. That was me and i should really log him off when i read forums.

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RE: Speaking Protocols - 4/25/2011 12:24:00 PM   
coookie


Posts: 541
Joined: 10/25/2010
Status: offline 		sorry for those technical difficulties =(

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Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Speaking Protocols - 4/25/2011 1:03:12 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		We live together. There is no time when the relationship isn't in existence. Beyond that, I've been in a relationship where he didn't want any communication. There is no way I am willing to ever be unheard and invalidated again. And since the primary drive for us is emotional transparency and not obedience or service, cutting off communication would be the same as saying he didn't care how I felt, which would say that the bedrock of the relationship was no longer there.

In very stressful, short term situations he has told me to be quiet so he can concentrate on the problem at hand. But that's very rare, only happened a couple of times in all these years. And the moment he has solved the problem, it ends. 

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Speaking Protocols - 4/25/2011 1:06:37 PM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OwnedFemaleFlesh

I was just wondering if anyone uses speaking protocols, and if so, what 'levels' they use. i.e. Not being allowed to speak at all, being allowed to speak with permission, being allowed to speak if spoken to, being allowed to speak freely, etc.

How do these work out in your day to day lives? Do you always remember to use them, or is it a case of not following any protocol unless told otherwise? What levels do you use, and how do you indicate what protocol is in place at any given time? i.e. by saying level one, or, a I have heard others use, 'formal' and 'casual' etiquette required.

This is something I'm interested in at the moment as I sometimes talk too much, or talk over my Owner's favourite shows and am just wondering if this is something that could be of use to us. What experiences has everyone else had, if any? How has it affected your relationship, and would you recommend it to others or do you find it stifles what you want to say?

Many thanks,

owned xxx


Speaking protocol for me isn't about enforcing when to speak and when not to speak; she should know when to keep quiet with no need for a signal. For me, it's about an understanding when communicating. Simple things - when you've finished speaking you tilt your head to the right and that's her cue (managed it this time).

< Message edited by NorthernGent -- 4/25/2011 1:14:26 PM >

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RE: Speaking Protocols - 4/25/2011 2:49:42 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OwnedFemaleFlesh

I was just wondering if anyone uses speaking protocols, and if so, what 'levels' they use. i.e. Not being allowed to speak at all, being allowed to speak with permission, being allowed to speak if spoken to, being allowed to speak freely, etc.

How do these work out in your day to day lives? Do you always remember to use them, or is it a case of not following any protocol unless told otherwise? What levels do you use, and how do you indicate what protocol is in place at any given time? i.e. by saying level one, or, a I have heard others use, 'formal' and 'casual' etiquette required.

This is something I'm interested in at the moment as I sometimes talk too much, or talk over my Owner's favourite shows and am just wondering if this is something that could be of use to us. What experiences has everyone else had, if any? How has it affected your relationship, and would you recommend it to others or do you find it stifles what you want to say?


In our everyday lives, we're just another couple and she can initiate any conversation she wishes. "Sir" tends to become her pet name for me, rather than what's expected within our D/s dynamic. The standing order is that she's not to call me that in front of a 3rd party.

Within a D/s dynamic, she mostly speaks when obliged to - such as if I ask her something or there's a physical problem, like a rope that's too tight, for eg. If I speak at all, I tend to confine myself to yes/no questions so as not to drag her too far out of her submissive headspace with laborious answers. All her answers have to end with "Sir" and any questions have to start with "Sir". That said, I tend to get a bit more chatty if I've gagged her; even have her repeat answers because she's mumbling etc - it's all good...!

The grey area is between the normal everyday and a formal scene. The girl takes her cues from me and my mood, generally reading my tone and body language. If she kept interrupting as you've described, I'd get pissed and she'd hear it in my voice - that I've suddenly become "Sir" and she *needs* to know her place and respond accordingly.

If you think you talk too much, then I'd say that's the standard your owner has set for you in allowing it. That's another topic - "training".

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

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RE: Speaking Protocols - 4/25/2011 3:15:04 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		my only speaking protocols are no cursing at him and must speak to him with respect. Other than that we're just like any other couple.

Now there are times when he tells me to be quiet or only to speak in a certain manner but they aren't long term situations.




_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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RE: Speaking Protocols - 4/25/2011 3:17:42 PM   
SirRussellP


Posts: 107
Joined: 1/10/2006
Status: offline 		I use them.  I will take away words like "no" for a time, the exception is if needed for her work and only when nothing else quite fits. 

The lack of that very simple word for awhile will help her slave find its voice, alters her view of the world and lets her know just how much power there is in that word. 

Another word I will take away for a while is "I" and "Me" this is to help her understand that she is no longer her own person.

Russell

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RE: Speaking Protocols - 4/25/2011 3:20:47 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirRussellP

I use them.  I will take away words like "no" for a time, the exception is if needed for her work and only when nothing else quite fits. 



Is she your girl?
http://www.dump.com/2011/01/06/why-do-the-irish-never-say-yes-or-no-video/

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

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RE: Speaking Protocols - 4/25/2011 3:25:33 PM   
gothikbutterfly


Posts: 484
Joined: 12/4/2010
From: the deepest darkest recesses of your mind
Status: offline 		if asked a question by someone other than Master, I have to wait for Master to give me permission to answer the question. Other than that, I am at liberty to speak freely.

_____________________________

You're the brains of this operation, I just do what I'm told!

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Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Speaking Protocols - 4/25/2011 3:42:02 PM   
MissImmortalPain


Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		Speech restriction is a very hard limit for me. It always has been. I will drag out things in a conversation to get a person to honestly answer me about something. The idea of telling them not to speak seems like a gift to me not a punishment or form of training. Not to say there are not times when I have looked at "him" and said shut up and yes he does. But if someone really wants to speak I would not remove their right to do so. "Slave, pet, sub, or property" it doesn't matter they are all human and I treat them as such because I wouldn't want to own them if they weren't.

_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

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RE: Speaking Protocols - 4/25/2011 7:58:37 PM   
hausboy


Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline 		It depends on the circumstance.

At ClubFEM events, I only speak when addressed directly, no direct eye contact, answer with as few words as possible in a quiet tone, and address all as Madam unless they indicate a preference for a different title.

At my primary Household, I always address the Heads of Household as "Sir" and "Miss L."  I do not speak when going about my chores, unless specifically engaged in conversation. As a reward, I am permitted to lunch with my Sir, and during which I can speak freely without any formality.  During disciplinary measures, it is formal and I do not speak unless asked a question or ordered to count strokes-- apologies are allowable.  Corner time, if applied, is strictly silent.  During aftercare time, I can speak freely.

During my longtime marriage to my Domme, we only implemented speaking protocols during disciplinary sessions (for us, it was always funishment)  Our dynamic was as equals when not engaged in D/s play.

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RE: Speaking Protocols - 4/25/2011 8:47:13 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		I have high and low protocol.  Sorta like the military at ease and at attention modes.  In high protocol, the level of respect for time and the words spoken is vital.  They must be concise and to the point, not wasting time with idle chat or pointless questions.  For example:

Slave:  "Sir, may I asked you a question?"
Master:  "You just did"

<end of conversation>


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I give good thread.

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RE: Speaking Protocols - 4/25/2011 9:02:33 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		I was stifled for most of my life so we kind of have the opposite thing going on - he encourages me to talk and express myself as much as possible.  He kind of finds it amusing to watch me just go on and on about something, and then realize how much I've been talking.  At that point he kisses my forehead and laughs.

I heard the word "No" mentioned here and it cracked me up.  He had restricted us from drinking wine, for lent. So on Saturday we were in the store and I was happily talking about having vino on Easter. He said, "Maybe we should hold off until Monday" to which I exclaimed, "Nooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!" without even thinking of it.  Oops!  Then I laughed and said "We should make this an official tantrum" and I stomped my foot at him (for fun).  I said "There - now I've said No AND stomped my foot!  Wow!"

He swatted my ass and said "And I'll spank your ass right here in the store, too."

So yeah, I don't say no to him much.


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Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



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RE: Speaking Protocols - 4/25/2011 9:09:21 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OwnedFemaleFlesh
I was just wondering if anyone uses speaking protocols, and if so, what 'levels' they use. i.e. Not being allowed to speak at all, being allowed to speak with permission, being allowed to speak if spoken to, being allowed to speak freely, etc.


Unless we are in high protocol, I am allowed to speak freely to a point. If I call him a Rat Bastid and don't say SIR at the end of it, I'd be in truble.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: Speaking Protocols - 4/25/2011 9:13:08 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		We have "home" speaking protocols and "public" speaking protocols.  For most public situations, clip is to speak/remain silent as he would during a formal leather event.  At no time may he speak during service at a formal dinner.  It is required of him that he wait for introduction before engaging in conversation with a senior leatherman.  At no time is he permitted to interrupt the discussion between Myself and whomever I am having a conversation. 

I can grant him permission at a formal event to speak freely.  I will do that in more relaxed atmospheres.


_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Speaking Protocols - 4/25/2011 9:15:21 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		oh yeah....I almost forgot...there's a certain word I'm not allowed to call him. So I use words that mean the same thing....sometimes he lets them slip by. LOL
and no I'm not going to say it. I like my ass intact thankyouverymuch.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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