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Submission with the woman you love - 4/14/2011 1:34:30 PM   
EternalDecent


Posts: 11
Joined: 3/31/2011
Status: offline 		I don't think I would ever be able to partake in submissive activites with the woman I loved. I think this is due to fear and respect. Fear that we/she might become involved to the extreme level of things and possibly show interest in other men. And the respect I would hold towards her to not want to introduce her to a lifestyle of degrading nature and humiliation. If I were to fall in love with someone who happened to be unknowing of female domination, I think I would stop all dreams and fantasies to have a healthy relationship (not to say that a female led relationship is not healthy).

Does anyone have any point of views on this? Have you introduced someone near and dear to you to the lifestyle and possibly regreted it? Or have you introduced the one you love to the lifestyle and it has been nothing but great?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Submission with the woman you love - 4/14/2011 1:55:04 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		works quite well for us-healthy, happy and in love with each other. would not/could not have it any other way.

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RE: Submission with the woman you love - 4/14/2011 1:58:42 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		You are very young, and clearly have some issues to resolve before you can enter into a healthy BDSM relationship. Right now you see it as a disgusting, humiliating type of relationship when it so doesn't have to be. But all that is within you, you crave certain things, but you fear them as well. I think this is fairly normal in a 22 years old just admitting he has submissive fantasies.

One things many male subs do that is quite wrong is to base what a relationship with a Domme would be like on porn. Porn is fantasy. A real time relationship would be what the two of you make it. Keep listening, learning, reflecting. LA has a huge BDSM community so get out to some munches and see some real life couples.

Good luck with your journey.


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RE: Submission with the woman you love - 4/14/2011 2:00:51 PM   
Muttling


Posts: 1612
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline 		Never introduced someone to the life style, all of my vanilla relationships have been with women who wouldn't be into the idea.    This said, I've stopped dating vanillas all together.   It's an important part of a relationship to me.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Submission with the woman you love - 4/14/2011 2:04:38 PM   
Delilya


Posts: 4108
Joined: 2/2/2011
Status: offline 		My late partner and I were very much in love, when we grew into a relationship where he submitted to me. We had 10 happy years together before he passed. One does not have to exclude the other.

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(in reply to Muttling)
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RE: Submission with the woman you love - 4/14/2011 2:24:25 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EternalDecent

I don't think I would ever be able to partake in submissive activites with the woman I loved. I think this is due to fear and respect. Fear that we/she might become involved to the extreme level of things and possibly show interest in other men. And the respect I would hold towards her to not want to introduce her to a lifestyle of degrading nature and humiliation. If I were to fall in love with someone who happened to be unknowing of female domination, I think I would stop all dreams and fantasies to have a healthy relationship (not to say that a female led relationship is not healthy).

Whoa, you really are brand-spanking new to it all. I'm guessing your experiences to date revolve around watching bdsm porn or reading crap like the "Story of O"? Or maybe paying for a "professional"....

Otherwise, why on earth would you think there aren't happy, healthy, exclusive/monogamous D/s or M/s relationships, just like any other form of relationship.


quote:


Does anyone have any point of views on this? Have you introduced someone near and dear to you to the lifestyle and possibly regreted it? Or have you introduced the one you love to the lifestyle and it has been nothing but great?

I don't "introduce" people to the lifestyle. If they ask the right questions FIRST, then yeah, I'm happy to share my knowledge and experiences. Otherwise, I don't discuss D/s with my friends, family or neighbours etc but am more than happy to accommodate friend or stranger alike who happened to put up a profile on CM, for eg.

Bottom line is they have to have done something that suggests this is the lifestyle for them and that I do NOT educate or enlighten the otherwise ignorant.

Focus.

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Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to EternalDecent)
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RE: Submission with the woman you love - 4/14/2011 2:33:11 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EternalDecent
Does anyone have any point of views on this?

Uh yeah. I think you probably ought to step far away from BDSM as a whole given the underlying attitudes in your post.

Have you introduced someone near and dear to you to the lifestyle and possibly regreted it?
My wife of 12 years? And no, we did not regret it. It's the third best thing that ever happened to us short of meeting and getting married.

Or have you introduced the one you love to the lifestyle and it has been nothing but great?
See above... although I don't think I introduced Carol to "the lifestyle". We ran into some ideas from BDSM-land and imported them into our marriage.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to EternalDecent)
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RE: Submission with the woman you love - 4/14/2011 3:25:23 PM   
EternalDecent


Posts: 11
Joined: 3/31/2011
Status: offline 		I can assure you that my perception of this lifestyle is not based on porn or flix such as, "The Story of O." And in case it was not clear, I did not mean to imply that female dominant relationships are not healthy.

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Submission with the woman you love - 4/14/2011 3:30:42 PM   
BonesFromAsh


Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EternalDecent
I think this is due to fear and respect. Fear that we/she might become involved to the extreme level of things and possibly show interest in other men. And the respect I would hold towards her to not want to introduce her to a lifestyle of degrading nature and humiliation.


Interesting....where did you learn such things and why assume ALL D/s dynamics include them?

(in reply to EternalDecent)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Submission with the woman you love - 4/14/2011 3:34:02 PM   
EternalDecent


Posts: 11
Joined: 3/31/2011
Status: offline 		Thank you ChatteParfaitt, I do have some personal issues to resolve before committing to a serious BDSM relationship. However, I don't necessarily find the lifestyle completely degrading or humiliating, there are simply certain aspects of it that I would possibly like and/or fear (as you stated). I couldn't agree with you more though.

(in reply to EternalDecent)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Submission with the woman you love - 4/14/2011 3:48:07 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		Ive introduced any number of bitches into bdsm cuz typically I dont look in the internet for my bitches. Some of them ive loved some not so much. But one has nuttin to do with the other. You head is not screwed on so tight if you think bdsm and healthy relationships are mutually exclusive

BadOne

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We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to EternalDecent)
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RE: Submission with the woman you love - 4/14/2011 3:55:12 PM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline 		To the OP
Dont worry about it so much that it becomes an self fulfilling prophesy, in my humble experience, you cannot guarantee that things will be the same always ...thats for damn sure, be open, communicate, and know compromise has to have a certain place in a LTR of any kind.Anyone who doesnt admit to that hasnt been in one for more than ten years, hell even five.
Good luck in your journey and enjoy it


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<) )╯SUCH
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\(•_•)
( (> A NASTY
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(•_•)
<) )> WOMAN
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Dont Hate Love

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Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Submission with the woman you love - 4/14/2011 3:55:52 PM   
subtlebutterfly


Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BonesFromAsh


quote:

ORIGINAL: EternalDecent
I think this is due to fear and respect. Fear that we/she might become involved to the extreme level of things and possibly show interest in other men. And the respect I would hold towards her to not want to introduce her to a lifestyle of degrading nature and humiliation.


Interesting....where did you learn such things and why assume ALL D/s dynamics include them?

Word.

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RE: Submission with the woman you love - 4/14/2011 6:08:49 PM   
NocturnalStalker


Posts: 3858
Joined: 12/4/2010
Status: offline 		At least you can rest easy knowing that your relationship will eventually come to an end.  My suggestion is stretch it like those Stretch Armstrong toys you had as a kid.  Remember Stretch Armstrong?  Hell of a good toy.  Played with mine for years.  Then one day, it got all hard and plastic-like, and it's days were done.  That was a sad day.  One of those moments where I experienced a monumental loss in life.  I was closer to that Stretch Armstrong than I was with any female in the past three years.  Troublesome, isn't it?  Wrong.  You will see my point soon.  Oh yes you will. 

I'm bored.


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"The road I walk is paved in gold to glorify my platinum soul."

(in reply to subtlebutterfly)
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RE: Submission with the woman you love - 4/14/2011 6:18:33 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I'm the other way around. I cannot submit to someone I don't love and who doesn't love me.

And by the way, eight years into the relationship we are still monogamous, we still do not do extreme activities, and we still love and respect each other.

Beyond that, if you truly are submissive, then it is unhealthy for you to live a lie, pretending to be someone you aren't. That way lies resentment.


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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Submission with the woman you love - 4/14/2011 6:26:25 PM   
AngelDaRainha


Posts: 21
Joined: 4/13/2011
Status: offline 		I have never found the lifestyle to be degrading or humiliating.  We may participate in degradation and humiliation, it does not make our lifestyle that way.  It is part of "play".   What if your vanilla wife/gf found sex to be humiliating (some folks do), would you then stop dating at all, because one aspect of a relationship may be humiliating, even in the slightest bit to either of you? 

I agree you have a lot to learn, I hope that one day you see the true beauty that lies within a bdsm relationship. 


_____________________________

~To touch the soul of another is to walk on holy ground ~ Of course I use My sadist heels to walk ;)

I'm a wicked sadist, I get my pleasure from your pain, tears and surrender!

(in reply to NocturnalStalker)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Submission with the woman you love - 4/14/2011 6:27:13 PM   
XXMystiqueXX


Posts: 41
Joined: 1/4/2011
Status: offline 		       as for DesFip's comment:   Ditto.  I have to have a loving relationship based on trust and mutual respect before I can truly submit to someone.   Many I have met over the years are likeminded in their thinking as well.  

       

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Submission with the woman you love - 4/14/2011 7:41:04 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EternalDecent

I don't think I would ever be able to partake in submissive activites with the woman I loved. I think this is due to fear and respect. Fear that we/she might become involved to the extreme level of things and possibly show interest in other men. And the respect I would hold towards her to not want to introduce her to a lifestyle of degrading nature and humiliation. If I were to fall in love with someone who happened to be unknowing of female domination, I think I would stop all dreams and fantasies to have a healthy relationship (not to say that a female led relationship is not healthy).

Does anyone have any point of views on this? Have you introduced someone near and dear to you to the lifestyle and possibly regreted it? Or have you introduced the one you love to the lifestyle and it has been nothing but great?

More the latter than the former.  My other half has found that he really enjoys topping.  We don't interact in a D/s type of fashion.  Neither of us are submissive, so it doesn't work like that for us.  It still worked out better because I feel more like he is a part of My whole world, rather than just certain parts.

The fear is from uncertainty.  It's because you haven't done it yet.  (The love in a dynamic.)  Maybe when you experience it, you'll stop being frightened of worst case scenarios.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to EternalDecent)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Submission with the woman you love - 4/14/2011 7:47:09 PM   
Vjklander


Posts: 41
Joined: 3/28/2004
Status: offline 		Kinda sounds like a lot of 'nilla relationships eh.

(in reply to BonesFromAsh)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Submission with the woman you love - 4/14/2011 9:20:54 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Yes, I fell in love with someone.

Yes, I introduced him to the joys of BDSM.

Yes, he had a Dominant streak so took to it like a fish to water.

Yes, he then turned into a fucking evil selfish sadist.

Yes, he became disrespectful.

No, I did not appreciate it.

Yes, I got rid of him.

No, I don't love him anymore.

Not sure I helped OP, but felt like answering.

(in reply to Vjklander)
Profile   Post #: 20
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