RedBottomGirl26
Posts: 55
Joined: 9/17/2009
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LillyBo, I like the idea that you are concerned with helping some of your friends out of their shells. I think, it's a tricky issue. In some ways, they may very much need socializing around others, but too much could over-whelm them, just be a little cautious how you handle it. Generally, when a person gets lonely enough, they will come out of their shells, at least I think so. Not true of really anti-social people.
I think that yes, most people hide if something REALLY negative and disturbing happened to them, usually they are a survivor of something or other.
It's not very good to go probing in those deep & dark areas (remember people have secrets for a reason), though sometimes it's nothing really dark, more than embarrassing & painful, perhaps confusing (some people don't have the right words to get out their frustrations). If they approach you and want to talk, then I think it's okay to ask & nudge along, but it's not good to rush a person into revealing more of themselves than they are unwilling to give at any given moment, people tend to know when the "next" step is available (though maybe not in all cases).
I think you must be very perceptive to point out that people often do hide behind a mask (why? Because masks are more inviting and acceptable to society at large, though not in every case, since there is mystery involved). And true, I think some people might be ashamed of themselves, yes, often worrying if they are good enough or deserving enough to be seen by others. Maybe they were rarely or never told there was anything special in them, or maybe they were told that all the time, but only by family. You could see how a person might get confused about self-worth & concept. In a great world, people would just accept themselves as smart or beautiful or talented (or whatever), and we wouldn't need others for validation. And there are alot of people who are really confident, some even arrogant or vain (many would say many industrial/computerized nations are creating ego-driven, vain & selfish people). Which is why I think tempering things with being humble is a great philosophy. Anyway, but back to the mask idea...some people may act contrary from how they feel, but not every one puts on a mask the same way. There could be alot of reasons & justifications.
Oh, I do like the idea of having clearance. This is in effect a way to herd close family/friends together in a close-knit group, but a safety measure to keep strangers out who may not have your best interests at heart. I've always liked this idea, because in a close knit group, you do show your real self to them, and do very little masking (though even in a family, you may not tell them everything), and only to the outside group, does it seem you wear a mask. So, I don't see anything wrong with giving clearances of different levels of trust to different types of people. Not everyone is worthy of calling friend or lover.But, just because someone is different or odd, doesn't mean they are necessarily insincere, I think it mostly depends on approach & care.
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I've always been afraid of being rejected by my family and friends if they new the truth. I still have to be very careful not to reveal too much about my husband and myself because of jobs/family/friends...etc.
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