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Same or different - 3/16/2011 10:14:30 PM

sirenssong1

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Hi all,

I've looked around a bit here and I can't seem to find a thread related to my question. Is there a difference between being queer or being gay/lesbian?

Thanks for your help
ss

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RE: Same or different - 3/16/2011 10:16:18 PM

Jennislut

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not to my mind, they are pretty much interchangeable - though to me queer refers more to males.

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RE: Same or different - 3/16/2011 10:18:33 PM

LillyBoPeep

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to me "queer" is more of an umbrella -- it includes gay and lesbian, but also people with gender fluidity, transpeople, and such. some people use "queer" as an overarching label for anything that's not typical heterosexuality.

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RE: Same or different - 3/16/2011 10:29:14 PM

Jennislut

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isnt it interesting how it means such different things to each of us

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RE: Same or different - 3/16/2011 10:31:13 PM

BKSir

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I'm pretty much of the same mindset as Lilly, up there. I am gay, but I don't consider myself "queer". Well... maybe in the traditional sense of the word. It doesn't really get much more traditionally "queer" than me, to be honest. ;)

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RE: Same or different - 3/16/2011 10:53:03 PM

GreedyTop

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BK!! *tacklesmooch*

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RE: Same or different - 3/17/2011 12:22:23 AM

IronBear

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I'm more than a tad old fashion and fondly remember Streets ice-creams with their favorite ice-cream "Gay Time". As far as I know the company was "encouraged" to remove it from their products or re-name it. Seems on some occasions people eating "Gay Times" were accused or bashed for being Gay..

Still I will still refer to a person as being a "queer" old coot meaning a strange person and not their sexuality..

On TV recently watching the live broadcast of Sydney's Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras, the parade was referred to by a couple of Gay and or Drag Queens in the commentary as being "This Queer Mob"....

< Message edited by IronBear -- 3/17/2011 12:25:34 AM >

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RE: Same or different - 3/17/2011 3:16:51 AM

stellauk

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Off the top of my head I would define 'queer' as anyone who lives according to their own individual definition of the labels rather than the ones which are commonly understood.

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RE: Same or different - 3/17/2011 4:35:06 AM

VaguelyCurious

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I'm with Stella and Lilly - I kind of think of queer as short for 'difficult to label'

The problem with words like gay, bi, straight, is that they don't allow for gender fluidity - gender isn't necessarily a bimodal thing. So you have words like 'pansexual' for people who just like people regardless of the packaging, and 'queer' as a kind of umbrella term.

Wikipedia's not bad:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Queer

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RE: Same or different - 3/17/2011 6:58:19 AM

strangedesire

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Sometimes yes, sometimes no. I'm in the "yes" camp. I tend to see the label of "queer" as denoting transgressive attitudes towards sexuality, sexual, orientation, and gender, rather than as an indication of preference for the same sex. Like most labels, though, different people use it differently.

If you want to know what a label says about the person who chose it, ask them.

< Message edited by strangedesire -- 3/17/2011 7:02:56 AM >

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RE: Same or different - 3/17/2011 8:48:02 AM

DesFIP

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Queer traditionally meant gay. Today though, there is the term genderqueer which is different and may be why the traditional definition is changing.

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RE: Same or different - 3/17/2011 8:52:32 AM

sirssubk2008

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I'm with IronBear....I've always associated "queer" with a person being strange, and not necessarily their sexuality....
But then that might have alot to do with the fact that my brother and I used to indulge in alot of playful name calling when we were in our teens... he would call me a "queer" and I would call him "queer bait"... I don't believe that either of us meant anything sexual about it... he always thought me to be strange, and I always thought he attracted strange girls. Was pretty simple..

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RE: Same or different - 3/17/2011 3:19:07 PM

belleunchained

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

to me "queer" is more of an umbrella -- it includes gay and lesbian, but also people with gender fluidity, transpeople, and such. some people use "queer" as an overarching label for anything that's not typical heterosexuality.

This. The queer community seems to be opening up to new ideas of what's queer and what isn't. Queer is a nice, inclusive word. My campus organization in undergrad was called the LBTQIA - had to include everyone, no matter how many letters it took. ;) "I" was for intersex, btw.

I'm a woman who sleeps exclusively with women but finds some guys yummy. I call myself gay, a lesbian, or queer depending on the audience and my mood, and I offer explanations to those who ask. I've met a lot of people who don't fit traditional molds. Labels are convenient, but almost everyone I meet is more complicated than that.

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RE: Same or different - 3/18/2011 8:22:14 PM

sirenssong1

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Thank you for all your diverse answers, it's given me a broader understanding. And it's probably best to ask them too, instead of assuming what they mean. :)

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RE: Same or different - 3/18/2011 8:39:07 PM

NocturnalStalker

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What about, "faggot?"

Example:

Look at those two faggots.

I've always used this for male homosexuals. I also use this for people who are male and I dislike.

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RE: Same or different - 3/18/2011 8:51:37 PM

sunshinemiss

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Queer also includes heterosexual people who are advocates for lgbtq people.

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RE: Same or different - 3/18/2011 8:52:38 PM

dcnovice

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quote:

Queer also includes heterosexual people who are advocates for lgbtq people.

Wow. I'd never heard that.

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RE: Same or different - 3/18/2011 8:57:36 PM

SexyBossyBBW

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep
to me "queer" is more of an umbrella -- it includes gay and lesbian, but also people with gender fluidity, transpeople, and such.

This has always been my understanding, though I can see how it may have become more widely emcompassing. M

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RE: Same or different - 3/18/2011 9:03:22 PM

dcnovice

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker

What about, "faggot?"

Example:

Look at those two faggots.

I've always used this for male homosexuals. I also use this for people who are male and I dislike.

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RE: Same or different - 3/18/2011 9:12:42 PM

sunshinemiss

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dcnovice

quote:

Queer also includes heterosexual people who are advocates for lgbtq people.

Wow. I'd never heard that.

Really? Huh. It's pretty well known in my circle of queer het friends. It's how we all do the whole "we are all queer" kind of thing. I remember it as far back as when the AIDS crisis hit.

ETA: I remember in the 90's a bunch of (straight) people working in the Gay Community being really supportive of the people who were fighting for their rights and their lives. The straight people wanted to be identified with the community, saying "Don't hate my gay daughter / friend / etc." and looking for a word that would encompass that openness and alert others to an affiliation with gay people.

As an example, there was a straight woman I knew back then. She had been recently divorced and wanted the company of men without the difficulties of sexuality. She would go dancing every week at the gay bars and realized how much was needed in the gay community. She was really grateful for how that community helped heal a part of her and helped her self esteem. She was accepted and loved for who she was. She saw a notice on a bulletin board for the gay and lesbian hotline and went through the training. She became one of the best staffers ever. That she was straight was irrelevant to people who were suicidal, scared, coming out, learning they had HIV, etc. I suspect it may have actually been a healing piece for them to be accepted by a straight person. Anyway, she wanted people to know how much she loved gay people, how much she appreciated them. She did not want to be seen as "straight" because of the stereotype that went with it. She adopted the word "queer" so that people would know her mindset.

< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 3/18/2011 9:23:15 PM >

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