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Dichotomies - 2/24/2011 8:48:56 AM

LillyBoPeep

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this is inspired by a couple of threads scattered around; one on the primal urge, one on love, and others here and there.
a dichotomy is the presence of two seemingly contradictory things. for some people, love and Mastery, or love and Sadism are contradictory, and yet for others (*raises hand*), the dichotomy between the two builds intensity and helps sustain the interaction.
which camp are you and why?

admittedly, i don't have boatloads of experience, but for me, i found that love made other elements stronger. well first off, the dissonance encountered when someone who loves you does evil, evil things to you is pretty delicious and terrifying. but also, as love and trust built, i could reach further into submission than my analytical self may have wanted, and found a home there.

so what dichotomies do you observe in your relationships, if any? do you enjoy them/cultivate them? or would you rather avoid them? do they cause you to feel a lack of consistency?

Post #: 1

RE: Dichotomies - 2/24/2011 9:13:48 AM

sexyred1

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Great question, LBP. I am very much in favor of dichotomies simply because I believe in the duality of human nature.

It is exactly the source for all the consternation and concern about what we do here. People thinking they cannot be dominant if they love someone, etc.

I personally believe in love adding to the whole enchilada. For me, I grew up in the lifestyle, really only experimenting within the bounds of love relationships. So for me, I associate being able to let go and experience D/s with someone I trust and having that love add to the excitement of the activities therein.

I believe you can do whatever you want with someone you love and you can go farther with someone you love, vs. a stranger or even a friend.

I don't see a contradiction between Mastery, Dominance, submission and love at all. In fact, that is all I would desire.

Otherwise, without it, I feel empty and as if I am simply playing at this, rather than truly living it.

Hope that is all clear.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 2/24/2011 9:16:10 AM >

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

Post #: 2

RE: Dichotomies - 2/24/2011 9:21:12 AM

RCdc

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep
so what dichotomies do you observe in your relationships, if any? do you enjoy them/cultivate them? or would you rather avoid them? do they cause you to feel a lack of consistency?

All of them, like life, like people, it's multifaceted.

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: Dichotomies - 2/24/2011 9:30:39 AM

LaTigresse

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For myself, and only speaking about myself.......I love it. I love that I am very maternal and nurturing but also, when the energy is there with the right person, very sadistic. And that whole primal energy....just yeah baby! Then again, I also like the cold evil ruler facet of myself also. Then there is the very laid back and quite often dingy, spacey, goofy as hell, not afraid to make a joke at my own expense, facets.

I find that I am most attracted to women that, while deeply submissive, are also very multi-faceted in their own personality and interests. One of the women I have been most attracted to in my life was a switchy, tall, long black haired, tatooed, welder from BC. In many ways, very different from what I would initially consider but when she sank to my feet and told me she was mine, all of her.........pfffffffttttttttt.....it was a given.

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RE: Dichotomies - 2/24/2011 9:31:25 AM

angelikaJ

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It works both was for me:

Because I am very much a both/and person there have been instances in which either/or moments have taken a little bit for me to get my understanding around.

But I value the journey that emotional and cognitive and sometimes physical dissonance bring me to within the context of our dynamic.
The dynamic has introduced to me a different type of exploration of these inner contradictions; the push-pulls and the process of yielding.
In the realm of "submission being a gift", He once explained after one such epiphany that submission was a gift for me as well.

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RE: Dichotomies - 2/24/2011 9:39:26 AM

sexyred1

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I agree that being multifaceted makes someone a far more interesting person.

I know that I would never appear to be submissive to anyone, but that is the case and I don't feel I need to be any different.

I liken my various aspects to the facets of a diamond, different colors emanate from each facet depending on the mood.

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 6

RE: Dichotomies - 2/24/2011 10:09:08 AM

FukinTroll

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Very interesting grasshopper. Gonna wander off on a tangent or two, of course... you all know how I am.

From the position of the evil bad guys throughout the world, they are the good guys and the people trying to thwart them are the evil bad guys.

I have traveled and lived in a lot of strange and interesting places so I can see that what I perceive as "normal, wholesome and good" may not be what culture X sees as "normal, wholesome and good". The lifestyle is no different neither is the vanilla.

I used to be a deplorable slut when I was a teen, "not normal, not wholesome, not good" in mid-America. When I moved waaaaayyyyy down into Mexico I was still a deplorable slut. I had my own place over a Martial Arts Academy that I taught in, however I was rarely there, there was a gaggle of waitresses at a dinner that I ate at regularly, that scheduled week by week which girl I would be living with. Yep, deplorably slutty, however for them it was all just golden. There was no jealously, no insecurity no mid-America taboo and condemnation. It was all fine and dandy with them and the culture I was a part of.

In my dynamic, which is pretty fucked up from mainstream American eyes, I can guarantee I will not ever cheat on my girl(s), and also guarantee she is going girl shopping with me. It's my kink, dynamic, my 24/7 TPE that is all about me.

For a girl to come perusing the Troll and look at getting into my dynamic it would be intimidating and terrifying to most. What most of you know from this side is, that I am not as shallow as I appear, that I have a very deep dynamic, complicated and hard to grasp at times, but you all know that the girl(s) that join me are gong to be loved first and foremost. Can they cope with all the other stuff that accompanies that love? Don't know, not many came along for the test drive.

As interested as I am in a lifetime commitment, I have to protect myself first. Handing walking papers is extremely easy for me, hurts like hell, but I still hand out walking papers to things that are unhealthy for me or damages my happy. I am inflexible in my needs, reasonably flexible in my wants and stand absolutely firm on my dynamic.

I made a post not long ago the stated; My need X fulfilled your want/need Y purely through the nature of my need. I am looking for the click of yin/yang, and of course always looking for the triskellion should it happen or more diversity as long as I am sure that everyone is getting their happy on.

In closing, sorry for the book that may or may not have remained on topic, me grabbing you by the hair, dragging you to your knees, looking into your eyes filled with fear and excitement... yep baby I love ya, does it look fukin evil to everyone else? Absolutely, but it is still the shit you signed up for.

Slurp!

_____________________________

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TrollTopia
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The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

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Post #: 7

RE: Dichotomies - 2/24/2011 10:24:24 AM

NocturnalStalker

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I hate having emotions. One day I will correct this error in my design and will become a God.

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Post #: 8

RE: Dichotomies - 2/24/2011 10:30:22 AM

FukinTroll

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker

I hate having emotions. One day I will correct this error in my design and will become a God.

Bone up on your Asimov and you will see how tricky that can be.

YMMV
SLURP~

_____________________________

I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

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Post #: 9

RE: Dichotomies - 2/24/2011 10:54:53 AM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

this is inspired by a couple of threads scattered around; one on the primal urge, one on love, and others here and there.
a dichotomy is the presence of two seemingly contradictory things. for some people, love and Mastery, or love and Sadism are contradictory, and yet for others (*raises hand*), the dichotomy between the two builds intensity and helps sustain the interaction.
which camp are you and why?

admittedly, i don't have boatloads of experience, but for me, i found that love made other elements stronger. well first off, the dissonance encountered when someone who loves you does evil, evil things to you is pretty delicious and terrifying. but also, as love and trust built, i could reach further into submission than my analytical self may have wanted, and found a home there.

so what dichotomies do you observe in your relationships, if any? do you enjoy them/cultivate them? or would you rather avoid them? do they cause you to feel a lack of consistency?

What a brilliant question. I have a major and quite delicious dichotomy going on at the moment. The dichotomy is that although I have changed to the dominant side of the kneel I still retain a certain degree of masochism. and indeed some emotional masochism reared it's head last week. It's 'purity' was an astounding insight to be honest as emotional masochism used to send me deeper into a self-indulgent and quite turbulent spin as a submissive. Now I have a dicjotomy which is more like an internal conversation which goes: yes I'm hurting emotionally....ahh but yes you set this up.....you are in control of this. Since there was an element of addiction to physical masochism as well there's ne reason I feel I need to kick the addiction. Indded this feels healthier as a dichotomy than a self-defeating spiral into emotional misery.
I have actually believed for quite a long time (since a workshop in 1988) that we are reared to think in dichotomies about all things. For example that we learne black as opposed to white for example, or we learn the concept chair as opposed to non-chair. And that actually it involves thinking very differently about the world for us to think holistically or in absolute terms.
Hope that makes sense.

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Post #: 10

RE: Dichotomies - 2/24/2011 4:45:21 PM

0ldhen

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I'd love to come on here and say with certainty that I enjoyed my D's evil wicked side as much as I did that primal dominance that came off him, I truly would.

The problem is He'd get evil and BAM! I was gone, not there, dissappeared totally.

I clearly remember and acknowledge I always woke up feeling well used and content in a giant puddle though.

< Message edited by 0ldhen -- 2/24/2011 5:01:13 PM >

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Post #: 11

RE: Dichotomies - 2/24/2011 6:03:58 PM

LillyBoPeep

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i think we learn to think in terms of juxtopositions like "black as compared to white," "chair as compared to non-chair," but sometimes it seems to me that people -- at least people "outside" -- want you to be whatever one thing they know you to be. it's their comfort zone. if they know you as a happy-go-lucky person, they shrink away from you when you're melancholy. it challenges their sense of comfort and "knowing" who you are.

i agree that multi-faceted people are really the most interesting, at least to me. (love how you put that with the facet metaphor, sexyred1 ^.^) and when people embrace those facets of themselves, they become really beautiful. and i think that love creates this incredible intensity where it's not only "this is what i signed up for," to paraphrase mr. troll, but "this is what i need."
and when you have a connection that allows you to be REALLY honest about what you need, that's fantastic. ^_^

some people flourish in relationships without love; not being allowed to deeply love makes me feel stunted.

(in reply to 0ldhen)

Post #: 12

RE: Dichotomies - 2/24/2011 6:59:38 PM

ImaginativeWhims

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

I am inflexible in my needs, reasonably flexible in my wants and stand absolutely firm on my dynamic.

... folks we have a problem...

There's a person in a troll suit trolling our boards... and though most of the time we need to be cautious about taking him seriously, this statement right here has me admiring him more than any trolling he's ever done.

_____________________________

I am inflexible in my needs, reasonably flexible in my wants and stand absolutely firm on my dynamic. -FT

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Post #: 13

RE: Dichotomies - 2/24/2011 7:09:40 PM

FukinTroll

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ImaginativeWhims

quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

I am inflexible in my needs, reasonably flexible in my wants and stand absolutely firm on my dynamic.

... folks we have a problem...

There's a person in a troll suit trolling our boards... and though most of the time we need to be cautious about taking him seriously, this statement right here has me admiring him more than any trolling he's ever done.

Well, I am a normally obnoxious troll with occasional, annoying, bouts of sensibility.
YMMV
SLURP!

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I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

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Post #: 14

RE: Dichotomies - 2/24/2011 7:21:57 PM

LillyBoPeep

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ImaginativeWhims

quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

I am inflexible in my needs, reasonably flexible in my wants and stand absolutely firm on my dynamic.

... folks we have a problem...

There's a person in a troll suit trolling our boards... and though most of the time we need to be cautious about taking him seriously, this statement right here has me admiring him more than any trolling he's ever done.

i know right?
what the hell.

(in reply to ImaginativeWhims)

Post #: 15

RE: Dichotomies - 2/24/2011 9:44:11 PM

NihilusZero

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I think what you're getting at is a paradox.

Many of the seeming contrapositives people dichotomize are treated that way simply as a reflection of common social morality (e.g. slapping a partner in the face as a sign of affection), but those too probably deserve recognition.

In my case, I suppose the most prominent paradox is one of strict, clinical logic that actually leads to (in the right circumstances) heavy emotional doting and whimsy.

_____________________________

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I know they're all insane
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I know that I'm to blame."
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RE: Dichotomies - 2/24/2011 9:47:43 PM

LillyBoPeep

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you're probably right -- if our social morality leaned differently, our views on dichotomous things would lean differently, too. but eh, we operate within the context that we're raised in, for the most part. most of us learn that "hurting others is bad," but come to also learn that "hurting others can be good" -- "hurting others can = love"
it's an interesting thing to tackle at times...

care to elaborate on the last bit of your post?

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RE: Dichotomies - 2/24/2011 9:56:01 PM

NihilusZero

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

you're probably right -- if our social morality leaned differently, our views on dichotomous things would lean differently, too. but eh, we operate within the context that we're raised in, for the most part. most of us learn that "hurting others is bad," but come to also learn that "hurting others can be good" -- "hurting others can = love"
it's an interesting thing to tackle at times...

*nod* At first I found myself being extremely critical about what would qualify as a dichotomy, but contextually it would be silly to negate all the ones created by human interpretation since many of those will be rather pertinent in general and particularly to your point.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

care to elaborate on the last bit of your post?

Oh boy.

I started writing and, within 2 sentences, could feel this would be something that would drag on.

Short version: my half-Vulcan way of thinking is what moves me through life and yet (due to the fact that I'm human) it leads me to seek situations where I can comfortably indulge in emotional intoxication.

I'm not sure that explained much...apologies.

Better that than a novel in your thread, though.

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

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RE: Dichotomies - 2/24/2011 10:01:48 PM

LillyBoPeep

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ahhh yeah -- the ones created by interpretation would be extremely important, i'd think, since all we do really is live out whatever our interpretation is.

long version? no worries -- novels are good! ^_^

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Post #: 19

RE: Dichotomies - 2/24/2011 10:17:27 PM

NihilusZero

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

long version? no worries -- novels are good! ^_^

*points to inbox*

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
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