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RE: Dichotomies - 2/24/2011 10:18:23 PM

LillyBoPeep

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muy excelente ^_^

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RE: Dichotomies - 2/25/2011 12:56:40 AM

IronBear

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Bad Boys and Arseholes seem to attract the most beautiful women.. Nice/good blokes are left out in the rain.

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RE: Dichotomies - 2/25/2011 5:21:15 AM

Kana

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep
so what dichotomies do you observe in your relationships, if any? do you enjoy them/cultivate them? or would you rather avoid them? do they cause you to feel a lack of consistency?

Grins. Well I do like to hurt the one I love.

In seriousness, we have lots of dichotomies. Think about it, BDSM is awash in them. You have to be strong to serve. Only when bound can she fly free. When kneeling, she is most secure in her place. I get aroused by the screams of the women I care for. I beat the snot out of her, then spend the night cuddling. I slap her, then trace her face. I ram my fist in her pussy and she cums.
Each is a contradiction. Each is dichotomous...as are all people.

< Message edited by Kana -- 2/25/2011 5:53:34 AM >

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RE: Dichotomies - 2/25/2011 5:35:07 AM

0ldhen

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quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Bad Boys and Arseholes seem to attract the most beautiful women.. Nice/good blokes are left out in the rain.

Now now IB, I think you are one of the handsomer gents on the boards.

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RE: Dichotomies - 2/25/2011 6:14:58 AM

LillyBoPeep

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i agree Kana, and i think a lot of that might reflect something about us that makes us predisposed to seek that out? that would be another conversation altogether; burgeoning on one of those "natural inclination" topics that always piss people off. =p haha
i also believe in, as sexyred1 said, the duality of human nature. for me, that's an important part of where intensity in a relationship comes from. the intensity of passion, and of love, sure, but also of these exchanges. ultimately, i think all of "this" is just about the total honesty in who you are, which can be scary for some people.

i've read things by a few people who do believe that you can't love your slave, and i suppose next time, i'll have to harass them and go prodding and understand their reasoning. =p

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RE: Dichotomies - 2/25/2011 7:16:08 AM

IronBear

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Thank you lass, I find that the more I am in the rain the more cynical I get and the more I poke fun at myself.. I'm basically happy being the most evil bastard in Australia and one with a growing sense of sadism too.. Hmm I always figured I lost my good looks as I wandered through life but rugged instead.

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RE: Dichotomies - 2/25/2011 7:33:48 AM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

this is inspired by a couple of threads scattered around; one on the primal urge, one on love, and others here and there.
a dichotomy is the presence of two seemingly contradictory things. for some people, love and Mastery, or love and Sadism are contradictory, and yet for others (*raises hand*), the dichotomy between the two builds intensity and helps sustain the interaction.
which camp are you and why?

admittedly, i don't have boatloads of experience, but for me, i found that love made other elements stronger. well first off, the dissonance encountered when someone who loves you does evil, evil things to you is pretty delicious and terrifying. but also, as love and trust built, i could reach further into submission than my analytical self may have wanted, and found a home there.

so what dichotomies do you observe in your relationships, if any? do you enjoy them/cultivate them? or would you rather avoid them? do they cause you to feel a lack of consistency?

Great question! I've faced dichotomies within myself my entire life. Why did I enjoy sliding down utility wires like some foolheaded macho-boy and still want to have my nose stuck in a book...textbook or one just for fun...the rest of the time? How could I find such enjoyment in manual labor on my hotrods and yet want to spend my life doing labor that revolves more around the mental and good physical technique rather than strength? How could I love someone and want to see marks on their body, put there by me? How could I want to make sweet, tender love to someone, holding them gently but firmly, kissing them and whispering endearments and want to take that same person, make THEM spread their ass and point to both pussy and asshole with THEIR fingers and beg me to fuck them there, spank them there, bite them there until they bled? How could I want to lift a girl up to where she wants to be and love twisting her mind until she is confused, yet happy, taken aback yet moving forward and wet as hell?

Because all of it IS me. The foolhardy risktaker who rides motorcycles, the student, the hotrodder, the doctor, the sadist, the lover, the gentle but firm dominant with a very sadistic beast inside, the partner who fulfills his obligations and wants his partner to love him as he does her...and plays the good kind of mindgames with a willing girl.

And I embrace it even while I find it fascinating within myself and others.

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RE: Dichotomies - 2/25/2011 11:14:59 AM

leadership527

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I'm in neither camp and I don't suffer dichotomies in my life. I love Carol and exactly because of that I dominate her. Sometimes I do things she doesn't like BECAUSE I LOVE HER.. not in spite of it.

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RE: Dichotomies - 2/25/2011 11:46:26 AM

weird123m

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Speaking of myself, I would have to say I've noticed tendency for Domination and giving pleasure. Most of the people I've spoken to expect that as a Dominant my goal is my own pleasure, when in fact I simply prefer to be in charge of giving out the pleasure.

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RE: Dichotomies - 2/25/2011 12:03:00 PM

agirl

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Almost everything about us, him,me, is a dichotomy.

I'm not *in love* and I'm not submissive......there has to be something that makes it worthwhile.

I not only observe, I've written extensively about it. I hate him, I adore him, I want his control yet I grimace at it...So much about him is on my *yuk* list. I want his approval..........but on MY terms ( yeah, easier than his).

All the things I admire and like are similar to the things he would.

I don't find affection and sadisim remotely contradictorary... I just find that being owned is a pain in the arse a good deal of the time.

agirl

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RE: Dichotomies - 2/25/2011 12:09:20 PM

LillyBoPeep

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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

I'm in neither camp and I don't suffer dichotomies in my life. I love Carol and exactly because of that I dominate her. Sometimes I do things she doesn't like BECAUSE I LOVE HER.. not in spite of it.

i think that's what i'm trying to get at -- not doing it "in spite of it," though when you try to talk about it, it comes out that way.
i think the presence of dichotomies just has a lot to do with social/moral training/tendencies, as mentioned in NihilusZero's posts.

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RE: Dichotomies - 2/25/2011 5:35:44 PM

DesFIP

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I also don't see any contradiction in having multiple needs. I'm not a robot, I'm a human being. I need love and friendship, sex and conversation, etc. I see no problem in needing this relationship to include a strong man who makes most of the decisions and has most of the authority.

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RE: Dichotomies - 2/25/2011 6:47:46 PM

0ldhen

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quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Thank you lass, I find that the more I am in the rain the more cynical I get and the more I poke fun at myself..

You are welcome, personally I've always preferred a fella with some time and weather under his belt.

Damn that pond anyway!

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RE: Dichotomies - 2/25/2011 9:37:58 PM

porcelaine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

which camp are you and why?

Greetings,

The dichotomy existed when I didn't embrace those divergent parts of myself and recognize the differences were complements rather than polar opposites. Everything came together once I understood my masochism and realized where it fit in the spectrum. From that point it was very simple connecting the dots and it all made sense. The latter brought about many changes and a lot of things fell by the wayside unintentionally. I suppose the truth has a habit of cleaning house.

I've seen a dramatic shift away from the emotional and a move towards more practical aspects of relating. I don't believe I've forsaken the idea of love, but it isn't at the forefront or the foundation I build upon. I view it as an outgrowth of our connection rather than the reason for its existence. His ownership is the framework and the constant touchstone that I look towards. My rational mind says he's Keeper and the arguments abate because that reality supersedes the other notions that might arise.

As for avoidance, its a non issue. I liken it to the times when one plied their parents with endless questions that elicited the same response. Accepting the truth has quieted my internal critic. Sadism provides an eerie solace that brings forth a deeper level of intimacy. Cruelty grants a much needed catharsis that unleashes those parts of myself that I once restrained or foolishly attempted to downplay. I feel much lighter now.

Namaste,

~porcelaine

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RE: Dichotomies - 2/28/2011 11:50:25 AM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

Almost everything about us, him,me, is a dichotomy.

I'm not *in love* and I'm not submissive......there has to be something that makes it worthwhile.

I not only observe, I've written extensively about it. I hate him, I adore him, I want his control yet I grimace at it...So much about him is on my *yuk* list. I want his approval..........but on MY terms ( yeah, easier than his).
All the things I admire and like are similar to the things he would.

I don't find affection and sadisim remotely contradictorary... I just find that being owned is a pain in the arse a good deal of the time.

agirl

I like this post...not completely sure why, though I do know the bold part appealed to Me. I think part of it is the understanding shown of the way things are and the not running when they are NOT your way.

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