RE: Is there such a thing as a "lifestyle switch"?

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RE: Is there such a thing as a "lifestyle switch&q... - 2/20/2011 3:01:26 PM

AquaticSub

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Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09

It seems to me that most posters here see themselves as participating in some sort of lifestyle BDSM, rather than kinky "play". And that the basis for this lifestyle is the partnership between Someone with a Dominant orientation and someone with a submissive one. (Or, in some cases, more than one person with that orientation). That the Dominant is defined as Someone with a deep, inborn need to play the dominant role in a relationship. That the submissive is defined as someone with a deep, inborn need to play the submissive role in a relationship.

But where does that leave switches? Switches often seem to be viewed as a kind of anomaly, perhaps even casual players who are just out to get their kink on (not that there's anything wrong with that!). Help me out here. Where are all the lifestyle switches? Or, does such a thing even exist?

pam

(with apologies to leadership527 if i stole this idea from Him)

They exist. I don't see why what you outlined, particularly what I bolded, would preclude them.

I view switching as very similiar to bisexuality. A bisexual can have a monogamous relationship with one person. Yes they are still attracted to the other gender but it doesn't mean they are going to go out and cheat or need a non-monogamous relationship. A switch, depending on their dynamic, may be happily monogamous in all ways, may play casually with others in the other role or both or may be poly and have multiple partners.

I have never understood the idea doing this as a lifestyle means one can not be a switch. If Valyraen were to decide he wanted to be a bottom or to have a poly relationship with a d-type, I would encourage him to enjoy it. I would not raise the flogger myself but I would regard it as part of my service to him to tend to him in his aftercare. He has seen me top once or twice and we've talking about me having a pet every now and then when I come across someone who actually inspires a level of dominance in me. Rare - hence why I ID as submissive - but it happens occasionally.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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RE: Is there such a thing as a "lifestyle switch&q... - 2/20/2011 3:02:30 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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On another track, one thing that BDSM/Kink friends who know both Neets and I soon pick up that my Neets is more switch than hard core, hard assed Mistress. This is a similar conundrum which I discussed in the Gorean Forum years ago. Our Gorean brethren, deny that a Gorean Free Woman is really a switch. Personally I disagree because even though they have a good deal of power and may own slaves in their own right, they must defer to the Master of the home, just as traditionally the Victorian Woman, although she can and did rule the home or estates in her own right especially if she was a widow, she would defer to the husband or Master of the home. This can be taken to the point where she would ask permission to buy a new dress, what food should be prepared etc. It is just that Victorian Men often had more than enough to keep them occupied with making money (or bonking the house maid or milk maid). So in essence, Neets submits to me at times or if the situation is serious. (She knows what buttons not to push). We sometimes like to play with floggers and bondage etc. In our view, Neets's wedding ring is more powerful than any collar. In all other cases Neets is the Lady of the House (Bruin Cottage - later it may be a Bruin Farm, Bruin Manor or Bruin Chateaux if business work as planned).

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RE: Is there such a thing as a "lifestyle switch&q... - 2/20/2011 10:40:49 PM

MaamJay

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Well I don't like to use the term switch for Myself as it means changing from one to another and that's NOT how I best operate. I'm at My happiest and most fulfilled when BOTH My Dominant and submissive sides are operating in harmony ... together ... at the same time ... with 2 different partners. Which is why friends coined the term Duality for Me and it really fits.

Master once had a sub/slut side and when we first met, I Dommed that side of him. But it wasn't long (about 2 months after we first met that way in real) that He and i "switched" ... He became Master and i am His sub/slave ... and that switch is now set in stone! Despite my reminding Him of how great a sub he was and My earnest desire to spank his ass again ... it just ain't gonna happen! That sub/slut side of Him seems to have appeared only to meet a particular need at that time and has disappeared without trace. If it ever came back, we'd deal with it however He wanted to do so! (I still don't think I'd be the one spanking His ass again ... sigh!).

I do agree with LP that in many cases different people bring out different aspects of ourselves, that is certainly true in that many people I meet bring out My Domme side and few bring out my sub side. Master was rather unusual in being first one and then the other.

I knew a switch couple where both were clearly switches ... they had a 3 weeks: 1 week rule that worked for them! He was D for 3 weeks and she was a happy sub ... then they switched and She ruled for a week! It was uneven for several reasons - He made better lifestyle decisions in general (finances etc etc), and also He was by nature a kind Dom, whereas her personality changed rather a lot and She was very much a bitch Domme! One week was about as much as he could take as Her sub ... and also as much as She could handle being D for without having too much remorse about all She had put him through! It was an interesting relationship but not usually chaotic or a continual power struggle ... it had been that way before they hit on the arrangement, but once they had done so, it was good as both knew who was in control at any particular time. It can be achieved ... lifestyle switch is not an impossibility.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: Is there such a thing as a "lifestyle switch&q... - 2/21/2011 12:22:56 AM

Iskander

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Joined: 9/26/2006
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Greetings,I am both new and old here.. A new love took me away, and an old love brought me back!

I regard switching not as in turning on or off, It is like water, and like water we all do it! From, gas to liquid, to solid... Its just within our nature! If being a sub is gas, then being a solid (ice) is the D, We are all still water by nature, It is but the freezing, boiling points that differ! And temperatures do change!
Not going to talk about work and non intimate relationships, but I consider myself a Dom, even in my most recent relationship, I was the Dominant one, yet financially and logistically, she was the boss... I know i'm hopeless at that, thus I submit and dont splash out on that new gizmo I wanted.. Am I less of a Dom? Maybe, but I am better off for it..

Just look at say feudal Japan, (maybe even modern), Man was Lord and Master, but when it came to daily living, the woman would speak her mind and He would listen! If a male told him the same things, heads would roll... A massive 'switch'...
I think the submissive keeps the Dominant from spiralling out of control! Yet neither do it to stop being what they each are, some just need to return to the liquid state more than others! D or s or switch, we are still all water by nature!!

When a D gives an s and orgasm pleasing it (obviously), is He/She being submissive to the desires of the s?
Now here is the thorn in the Dominants crown!
A Dominant has to know, and act in a way that the sub needs and desires, but a sub is told how to act and please... Which requires more effort? who really controls who? those that submit to doing what they desire, or those that have to 'guess' at what is desired?

Isk...

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RE: Is there such a thing as a "lifestyle switch&q... - 2/21/2011 4:47:12 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

They exist. I don't see why what you outlined, particularly what I bolded, would preclude them.

I have never understood the idea doing this as a lifestyle means one can not be a switch.