RE: So I'm gonna rant here!

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: So I'm gonna rant here!

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: So I'm gonna rant here!

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: So I'm gonna rant here! - 2/10/2011 6:02:27 PM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

How is it that someone could get themselves so LOST that they would need to ask vague relationship questions to total strangers on the Internet

Greetings,

I have never understood it in all truth and often wondered what the individual would do if this avenue wasn't available. In my opinion some people become incredibly dependent and immediately run to their keyboard for advice instead of probing their mind instead. I've always felt that a submissive is at a grave disadvantage when she fails to invest the time and energy into discovering the answers on her own.

Namaste,

~porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to OttersSwim)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: So I'm gonna rant here! - 2/11/2011 12:37:34 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

There is a topic in the Mistress' Forum right now that both pisses me off and makes me sad...

I mean, what in the wide wide world of sports makes people think that when they embark on a BDSM relationship that they are so completely "off the map" that somehow "anything goes" and the normal concepts of common sense, humans in relationship dynamics, and sometimes even the laws of physics no longer apply!?

How is it that someone could get themselves so LOST that they would need to ask vague relationship questions to total strangers on the Internet, and when they get eighteleven answers from people hurrying through their day and jot off a response, they come back and seem intent to take what may be life changing action on that advice!?

W T F

And if they take the advice of strangers on the Internet and make poor choices with it, well I guess we could call that a form of social Darwinism and that we are somehow doing a service...but I don't know...are we more confirming beliefs that they are indeed in uncharted waters and "here be dragons"?

I feel like the kid "Tweek"on Southpark some days reading some of this stuff...

For the same reasons as people consult astrologers, or read their stars in the newspaper, or pray to a piece of stone, or read a text book, or set up an experiement, or seek counselling, or see their GP; for the same reason as someone asks permission, or asks their mom, their aunt or a deck of cards, or throw a set of yarrow stucks....people ask for answers when they don't have any, or are isolated, or feel fear, or don't believe the answers lay within their own knowledge or expeerience. Above all when we ask 'stupid' questions of people we don't even know and indeed have never even met it's because we caan keep face. or take it or leave it, or have our 'stupidity' affirmed as not stupid at all.
When we feel we know the answer, or indeed, know everything, then it's far easier to call others stupid for asking.
And these mechanisms have absolutely nothing to do with bdsm.
It just seems like it has on here.
And people we meet on the way up we may meet on the way down as the song goes.

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to OttersSwim)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: So I'm gonna rant here! - 2/12/2011 3:33:51 PM

MasterSlaveLA

Posts: 3991
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FullCircle

That's probably good advise but since you are on the internet I don't know whether or not to follow it.

ROTFLMAO!!!

_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to FullCircle)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: So I'm gonna rant here! - 2/12/2011 6:01:49 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Point 1: Sometimes it seems better to ask for advise from strangers because they don't know you and on the net they probably never will. so you could be in actuality a complete drongo. the advantage is, you can pick and choose what replies you will follow (if any).

Point 2: Sadly at times people can be so depressed that they feel anyone can give them better advise than they are able to work out for themselves. you know the situation, bloke is so depressed because he's been dumped for the last time and feels that he is worthless and decided to take on the first female who will have him, no matter what her circumstances,. this usually ends up in a jolly great clusterfuck of a disaster.

Point 3: Sometimes folks are just lonely and feeling left out so they post just to get replies and feel they are part of the group..

< Message edited by IronBear -- 2/12/2011 6:02:21 PM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: So I'm gonna rant here! - 2/12/2011 7:56:33 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Point 1: Sometimes it seems better to ask for advise from strangers because they don't know you and on the net they probably never will. so you could be in actuality a complete drongo. the advantage is, you can pick and choose what replies you will follow (if any).

Point 2: Sadly at times people can be so depressed that they feel anyone can give them better advise than they are able to work out for themselves. you know the situation, bloke is so depressed because he's been dumped for the last time and feels that he is worthless and decided to take on the first female who will have him, no matter what her circumstances,. this usually ends up in a jolly great clusterfuck of a disaster.

Point 3: Sometimes folks are just lonely and feeling left out so they post just to get replies and feel they are part of the group..

I may read the advice of strangers here but still listen and act on only the advice of close friends and that is to the advice of someone whose activities in the liefestyle I respect. Even today that still amounts still to four people.

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to IronBear)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: So I'm gonna rant here! - 2/12/2011 11:14:27 PM

Awareness

Posts: 3919
Joined: 9/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

Call me an unrealistic optimist...

But I come to CM to read incredible insightful posts with each read.... unfortunately... I am constantly leaving CM rarely reading such posts.

So... I wonder what is more stupid... those posts or me coming back and reading them!

It's operant conditioning in action. The random possibility of reading a post providing you pleasure is hitting the right schedule to reinforce your desire to keep reading.

It's really quite insidious, yet totally incidental.

_____________________________

Ever notice how fucking annoying most signatures are? - Yes, I do appreciate the irony.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: So I'm gonna rant here! - 2/13/2011 1:57:03 AM

MalcolmNathaniel

Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

And if they take the advice of strangers on the Internet and make poor choices with it, well I guess we could call that a form of social Darwinism and that we are somehow doing a service...but I don't know...are we more confirming beliefs that they are indeed in uncharted waters and "here be dragons"?

In my opinion, it's because most people still haven't figured out what the internet is. Most people do not yet understand that on the other end of any Google or Bing search is an answer written by a human who is jut as fallible as the guy sitting next to you in the bar. Actually, it has the potential to be far more fallible because there are hundred of answers written by thousands of people which allows you more ability to choose answers you like.

You get more information from the internet, but that means you also need to have better filters for that information.

(in reply to OttersSwim)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: So I'm gonna rant here! - 2/13/2011 3:06:42 AM

KeepMeUnderneath

Posts: 58
Joined: 1/29/2011
Status: offline

As I am one of these people I'd like to put my 2 cents in.

People ask because they are unsure. When people don't know you and never will, you can ask exactly what you need to with out leaving any gaps.
Not only that, people ask because they know others know better than they do. They are looking for advice from people who may have been in the same situation.
If we all made the same mistakes, we'd never move forward. We learn from one anothers mistakes. But we can't if we don't ask questions.

It seems for every one person on the internet who wants to learn, theres another three or so who want to have a cry about someone whose not as upto speed as they are.
There are those who offer help, and good on them and God bless their patience for answering the same questions a thousand times. Then there are those who are just so
ingrained in it all that I think they feel threatened by those from the outside. Thats what I think anyway

(in reply to MalcolmNathaniel)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: So I'm gonna rant here! - 2/13/2011 3:18:48 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KeepMeUnderneath

As I am one of these people I'd like to put my 2 cents in.

People ask because they are unsure. When people don't know you and never will, you can ask exactly what you need to with out leaving any gaps.
Not only that, people ask because they know others know better than they do. They are looking for advice from people who may have been in the same situation.
If we all made the same mistakes, we'd never move forward. We learn from one anothers mistakes. But we can't if we don't ask questions.

It seems for every one person on the internet who wants to learn, theres another three or so who want to have a cry about someone whose not as upto speed as they are.
There are those who offer help, and good on them and God bless their patience for answering the same questions a thousand times. Then there are those who are just so
ingrained in it all that I think they feel threatened by those from the outside. Thats what I think anyway

I', not disagreeing with you. But it's the same psychologival process as say throwing a dice or reading an agony column. It seems it's eaier to take advice from a stranger or a random process than to take advice from someone close.
Is anyone really that socially isolated that they don't have anyone to ask or that closetted? I suppose they are.
I'm not being skeptical here entirely. I've asked for masses of advice, posted when I have been entirely vulnerable and also felt as you have that the sharks are out there baying at the tiniest drop of blood. But you also have to ask why those very same people get a sense of satisfaction by topping everyone else in the 'holier than though' or the 'I've been there done that stakes'.
Sometimes a stranger, from many miles away, seems closer in spirit and intention.
I suspect that in the most part we are asking for affirmation and not for advice and are willing to look for affirmation wherever we can find it.

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to KeepMeUnderneath)

Profile

Post #: 29

RE: So I'm gonna rant here! - 2/13/2011 3:49:25 AM

KeepMeUnderneath

Posts: 58
Joined: 1/29/2011
Status: offline

Ok, when I broke up with my girlfriend. I didn't come online for advice. I went to my friends. We didn't cry and moan about it, we had a laugh.
But, my friends in real life aren't into BDSM. They wouldn't understand it. Sure, they are sex freaks. They are guys. We joke about sex alot, but, never could I say "Dude ummm I kinda like when chicks whip me, but for real". But, we do joke about it. To actually say "well it's actually kinda more than sex for me", they wouldn't understand. They haven't visited this webpage. They don't read into it. They have their own fetishes. They probably visit 'women with mustaches' pages or, huge boob forums and stuff. Whether their tastes are taboo or not, they're tastes are not these ones. Just like if they came to me asking "man, I like chicks with facial hair, where can I find some?" I wouldn't be able to give them any advice. You have to go to the source.

The holier than thou attitudes though, I find these people in reality are usually, well, losers. They act all that over the internet because it's the only place they can . I've had that happen to me countless times in my field of work. One man gave me trouble for years. Even went to the effort of linking photos of me to pornographic webpages. Ones even more taboo than fetish porn. I never asked him for advice but everytime I asked generally for advice or had something to say, there he was with his little gang of internet elite trying to make everyone online think I was a loser and they were way too cool for anyone. One day, I kind of half met him. I saw him. He actually came out to see me because he'd gained information as to where I would be and a colleague pointed out that the person infront of me (Staring at me from a few feet away) was actually, this douche bag from the internet. I had to laugh. He was a pathetic morsel of a man. The way he carried himself was very, hidden. He wouldn't stand out in a crowd. The type of guy who would talk to a women, get rejected then complain about how she was a slut and a bitch because she wasn't interested in him and how nice guys finish last. Never saw him again after that.

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Profile

Post #: 30

RE: So I'm gonna rant here! - 2/13/2011 4:08:47 AM

TotalDiscipline

Posts: 225
Joined: 5/5/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

I mean, what in the wide wide world of sports makes people think that when they embark on a BDSM relationship that they are so completely "off the map" that somehow "anything goes" and the normal concepts of common sense, humans in relationship dynamics, and sometimes even the laws of physics no longer apply!?

People offline are cold, egoistic etc..also...so online.,..it will be even worse.
It is not just the internet..it is the people.

(in reply to OttersSwim)

Profile

Post #: 31

RE: So I'm gonna rant here! - 2/13/2011 4:17:49 AM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtlebutterfly

Because the majority pops up living in their own little fantasy land, thinking that the bdsm is one world and vanilla is another. They leave the boring vanilla world behind and greet their fantasy land that is free from all duties, responsibilities and common sense etc., riding on their very own little unicorn waiting on their wings to grow and their magic wand to appear that will fix all the world's problems.

..and then when they discover their fantasy land isn't the way they expected they pout and everybody that so much as dares pointing that out is an ass.

oh and I forgot, that is what we're supposed to provide; the magic wand.

I think that's something like it. To put it more charitably: they enter this new D/s world, with all its fantasies, and figure that it's so radically different that they have to learn new rules about the basics of human behaviour. One of the crying shames of D/s is that there's such a paucity of depictions of real life D/s relationships. How do people blend their D/s with their vanilla lives? Gawd, how I wish, say, "East Enders" would introduce a husband and wife who lived a D/s lifestyle. Heh. That'd be fun.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to subtlebutterfly)

Profile

Post #: 32