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Ratio of Tops/Bottoms? - 2/3/2011 6:50:17 PM

golemx

Posts: 29
Joined: 1/7/2011
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I'm getting back into this wonderful experience after taking a few years break to focus on starting a family. I've got quite a bit of personal experience (including a lot of reading) but never really been part of a "community" before. Here's a question I've always wondered about...

Are there more tops/bottoms? If you had to divide the male BDSM community would you find a 50/50 split on top/bottom? How about the female?

There's no point to this question other than speculation and idle conversation. Apologies if this is a common question...

Post #: 1

RE: Ratio of Tops/Bottoms? - 2/3/2011 7:40:32 PM

TreasureKY

Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
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I think it really depends on what you consider the "community". If you're talking about here on CollarMe, my impression is that there are a more men than women. As for the breakdown within males only, I couldn't say.

If you are referring to only those people who go to munches and BDSM events as the "community", I understand the ratios are a bit different. But there are others here who are much more familiar with that area.

Of course, there are also those who discount anyone they don't consider "genuine" as part of any community, so your mileage may vary.

Welcome to the forums!

(in reply to golemx)

Post #: 2

RE: Ratio of Tops/Bottoms? - 2/3/2011 7:56:29 PM

mummyman321

Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
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I can only speak from the male sub side of things. The Fem Dommes have a more abundant choice if you will. I would estimate 10 to 1. Now if you took out all the cheating husbands.......maybe it would drop a few? I would guess it tends to vary by location. But by in large the Fem Dommes typically have more choices.

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Post #: 3

RE: Ratio of Tops/Bottoms? - 2/3/2011 8:04:22 PM

Tantriqu

Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
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Ah, definitions.
I would never call myself a top; I'm a Domme, a female dominant, i.e., not sadistic, vanilla, switch, sub or masochistic. 'top' implies being directed by a receiving bottom.

(in reply to mummyman321)

Post #: 4

RE: Ratio of Tops/Bottoms? - 2/3/2011 8:13:40 PM

mummyman321

Posts: 2102
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From: Dusseldorf
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I did make the assumption by top that golemx meant Dom or Domme. So I stand corrected if that is not what he meant.

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Post #: 5

RE: Ratio of Tops/Bottoms? - 2/3/2011 8:42:08 PM

LPslittleclip

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it depends on where you are looking and what you specificaly want. if you desire a Fem Domme then it will be harder as they have the pick of the litter. if a male is ok then there are more. i would not worry about the ratio i would be asking what do i want and how may i serve a Domme building a profile and attending local munches and events to get to know the local folks

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Post #: 6

RE: Ratio of Tops/Bottoms? - 2/3/2011 8:50:03 PM

DarkSteven

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My impressions:

Online - more men than women. Among women - more pure subs than pure Dommes. Among men - I get the feeling there are more Doms than subs, but the split isn;t as definite as with women.

In person - the genders split about equally, m,aybe more men. Among women - more pure subs than pure Dommes but a lot of switches mix things up. Among men - more pure Doms than pure subs, and not as many switches.

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Post #: 7

RE: Ratio of Tops/Bottoms? - 2/3/2011 9:11:05 PM

SourandSweet

Posts: 66
Joined: 1/22/2011
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It also depends on whether you're single or not.

When I was there were without doubt more male subs/ switches/ idiots who thought calling themselves master made them a master.

Now I'm in a (very happy) relationship there suddenly seem to be oodles of rather lovely, genuine doms around!

Sigh.

:-)

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 8

RE: Ratio of Tops/Bottoms? - 2/3/2011 9:59:22 PM

BurntKitty

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Oh, darn it. I thought this was a fashion thread on mixing & matching items in the wardrobe....

Carry on.

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Post #: 9

RE: Ratio of Tops/Bottoms? - 2/3/2011 10:46:41 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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No, there isn't a 50/50 split. Not in any category.

It's important to remember that top doesn't automatically equate Dom/me and bottom doesn't automatically equate submissive. Also important, if you want to use terms like top and bottom, you have to remember that some people only play within a committed dynamic. Switches also throw the numbers off because they may be a top to one person and bottom to another, but they still are one person.

The highest portion is male tops/Doms, next would be female submissives, male submissives next, and the category with the fewest is female tops/Dommes.

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(in reply to BurntKitty)

Post #: 10

RE: Ratio of Tops/Bottoms? - 2/4/2011 5:05:04 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5175
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
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In the areas where we live there are many male dominants and submissives who have been looking for a partner for years. Of the female dominants and submissives I know, none need to stay without a partner if they want a partner. We could get many more people to join our munches if we had unpartnered female submissives or dominants. We have a long list of males who would attend munch if there was the possibility of meeting the female of their dreams.

(in reply to golemx)

Post #: 11

RE: Ratio of Tops/Bottoms? - 2/4/2011 5:30:50 PM

darkenchantment

Posts: 39
Joined: 10/21/2005
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Since I don't think anyone has actually ever counted to do a statistical survey, this is really a very subjective question, and one to which the answer will depend on the experience of the person giving an answer. My opinion, for what its worth, and based on the scene with which I am familiar, is that male subs/slaves are very much in the majority, with male doms coming next. The gay community would tend to be a bit more equal in terms of sub/dom numbers. Below those in roughly equal numbers would be female subs/slaves and dommes. My experience has been that women of whatever persuasion are always in the minority. I don't know why. Maybe they are even now sufficiently disadvantaged and subject to abuse from vanilla men that they feel no need to enter the scene as subs. But that is pure speculation on my part, and probably says much more of my psychology than I should be exhibiting in public!

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Post #: 12

RE: Ratio of Tops/Bottoms? - 2/4/2011 10:11:33 PM

weaselwelder

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Joined: 6/22/2009
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I actually did do a sample on collarme a while back of people who had logged in in the previous 72 hours in my state. As I recall, the ratio was about 3 male tops for every 1 female bottom, with about half the sample identifying as switch. The female top:male bottom was I believe closer to a 3:7, but that's not my dynamic, so I really don't remember that well.

I do suspect from the sheer volume of self-identified bisexual switches however that the sample methodology of "what they put in their profile" may not reflect actual behavior.

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Post #: 13

RE: Ratio of Tops/Bottoms? - 2/5/2011 6:50:31 AM

Buzzzz

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I agree with DarkSteven. Again.

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Post #: 14

RE: Ratio of Tops/Bottoms? - 2/5/2011 8:55:06 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: golemx

I'm getting back into this wonderful experience after taking a few years break to focus on starting a family. I've got quite a bit of personal experience (including a lot of reading) but never really been part of a "community" before. Here's a question I've always wondered about...

Are there more tops/bottoms? If you had to divide the male BDSM community would you find a 50/50 split on top/bottom? How about the female?

There's no point to this question other than speculation and idle conversation. Apologies if this is a common question...

Are you sure the impetus behind your question isn't because you are having difficulty finding a sub? Because you are married and want the new woman to be personally involved with your wife, I think you are in fact looking for a unicorn, which are rare indeed.

(in reply to golemx)

Post #: 15

RE: Ratio of Tops/Bottoms? - 2/5/2011 8:56:03 AM

txurinal

Posts: 209
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline

speaking from the gay perspective, there are many more bottoms than tops. if i may comment, SIR, YOU are nice looking and i am sure YOU will have no problem meeting female submissives

(in reply to Buzzzz)

Post #: 16

RE: Ratio of Tops/Bottoms? - 2/5/2011 6:26:03 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5175
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

I just read your profile and wish to comment. You are looking for someone for play with both you and your wife. Yet, you state that you do not want a poly situation. You want a toy you can basically toss away if she requires too much attention. There are not too many toys who are willing to give give give to a married couple who want to take take take.

All I get from your profile is you want her to be sexual with you and your wife, you want to punish and humiliate her yet you wish her to just remain friends with benefits. Many couples are not only willing, but want someone to love and cherish. You are competing directly with those couples.

(in reply to golemx)

Post #: 17

RE: Ratio of Tops/Bottoms? - 2/5/2011 8:06:54 PM

Hillwilliam

Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline

Straight. A few more top men than bottom women

A LOT more bottom men than top women

Gay.....I don't have a fuckin clue nor do I have a desire to find out.

(in reply to peppermint)

Post #: 18

RE: Ratio of Tops/Bottoms? - 2/5/2011 9:18:19 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Based on my observations, postings in CM and personal contact in the local scene, it appears that something like 75% of bottoms proudly comment how they top their Tops (from the bottom). Thus it would stand to reason that a similar number of Tops are in effect unconscious submissives. So if you add that 75% of bottom topping bottoms are added to the remaining Tops who are not being topped from the bottom with perhaps the label for that 75% of bottoms who top their tops, could be referred to as clandestine tops. and those tops who are being topped (unconscious submissives or bottoms) are added to those bottoms who do not top from the bottom. I'd take a guess that many more bottoms than tops.

NOTE: My 75% figure is arbetory based on the small amount of tops and bottoms I know or have listened to here. Someone here may have a more accurate figure.. I'm sorry but I find it most unattractive to see a bottom topping his or her top. I find it disgusting to hear these same bottoms boasting to all and sundry how he/she tops his/her bottom.

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(in reply to Hillwilliam)

Post #: 19

RE: Ratio of Tops/Bottoms? - 2/6/2011 3:03:52 AM

SourandSweet

Posts: 66
Joined: 1/22/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Based on my observations, postings in CM and personal contact in the local scene, it appears that something like 75% of bottoms proudly comment how they top their Tops (from the bottom). Thus it would stand to reason that a similar number of Tops are in effect unconscious submissives. So if you add that 75% of bottom topping bottoms are added to the remaining Tops who are not being topped from the bottom with perhaps the label for that 75% of bottoms who top their tops, could be referred to as clandestine tops. and those tops who are being topped (unconscious submissives or bottoms) are added to those bottoms who do not top from the bottom. I'd take a guess that many more bottoms than tops.

NOTE: My 75% figure is arbetory based on the small amount of tops and bottoms I know or have listened to here. Someone here may have a more accurate figure.. I'm sorry but I find it most unattractive to see a bottom topping his or her top. I find it disgusting to hear these same bottoms boasting to all and sundry how he/she tops his/her bottom.

I know this is a tad off topic, but as a sub I thought I'd share my thoughts on this (I'll try and be brief!). I'm not sure what experiences of this you've seen so I may be talking tosh here! We're non-scene, so this is probably nothing like what you're referring to. However, in my experience, not just personal, but also communicating with various long-term d/s friends etc, it seems that many subs are (to varying degrees) manipulative by nature. I count myself in that.

One reason I've committed so deeply to my dom is that he knows I'm manipulative. He knows when I'm being manipulative. If I get away with it it's because he allows it - for whatever reason. It may be that it amuses him, it may be that he's feeling indulgent, it may be that it's regarding something he was going to allow anyway. Now, to an outsider who didn't see our day-to-day life, but only saw one of those occasional snippets they could interpret that as me topping from the bottom. I'm not indicating that you're statistics are wrong, merely that unless you know the private dynamic (what goes on behind closed doors sort of thing) you can't be sure that this is the case.

Further, I find, as I'm sure you'll agree, the majority of subs are strong-willed, intelligent women who, if they so chose would be perfectly capable of surving without a dom, and would do so successfully. I actually think that if he didn't give me the illusion of very occasionally getting my own way I would feel quite claustrophobic. It's a bit of an emotional safety valve. We both know it's only because he's allowing it to happen, but it still makes my manipulative side content. However, contrary to this, if my manipulations were succeeding because he didn't recognise them, was blind to them, that would be a very different matter. We're complicated creatures us subs!

:-)

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 20

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