Devilwoman2774
Posts: 4
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Brisbane QLD AUSTRALIA
Status: offline
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heya guys, thanks for the imput! moremoremore please.
I am writing from the teaching perspective that includes all styles, including individual style. I am trying to find a universal language that will help ppl communicate better what they actually realistically want/to try, with less flattery, suggestion and passive aggression etc etc BEFORE the negotiation can take place. The SIZING-UP period (lol - I might just use that) when you first choose to initiate<or NOT> visual AND vocal connection.
for ex:
When I see someone wearing a collar, and I want to talk to them because:
a. I like the collar <manufacture>
b. I think they are unique looking <and want to commend>
c. I think they are hot and want to find out if they are owned to SIZE UP my chances <non-gambler LOL>
d. They are new <publicly> and I am fucking nosy and wanna intro/expose them to the scene <I like talkin to the wierd quiet corner dwellers and post holders - hey there! Are you holding up that post? interesting kink! I haven't seen you before, where you been hiding out?>
e. Any or all of the above...
In a SM venue, I simply say "nice collar, are you owned" In a vanilla setting, " are you into BDSM"
YES= "which one is your dominant" and go and intro myself to their owner, and SAY you like the collar for said reason/s. Ask if you can speak with their slv/sub to tell them such, despite what the slv/sub says is ok. It's human nature, and therefore natural and sometimes reflexive to see someone shadowing/staring/talking to your collared slv/sub<and Top in the opposite scenario of un-collared sub approaching the master> as a possible predatory threat, to own/be owned is to protect... so do try to form a relationship through the dominant of a collared slv/sub. This may also help in the opposite scenario. Many a poly household has jealousies between slv/subs, and for the new bottom, if known, talk to the collared bottom <if allowed - jeez it's gettin tricky> about their master, and ask which way is a good way to approach them. may be better received - especially if a successful long-term relationship is to be developed with that bottom lol.
NEVER ever touch another person without asking if you are allowed to touch FIRST <this does not mean positioning your grabbing hands 2 inches above the proposed area at the same time!!!>. If you see outward, real-life discomfort in the face of the slv/sub/dominant at any proposal you make, discontinue promptly and do not tease that it may become a possibility in future. Their owner may well be a sadist and happy to continue or let you continue - but the ethical dilema sets in - just because you have been given permission, DOES NOT mean you need to take it <sadists, please dis-regard>...the same goes for new dominants - just because an experienced, well known blah blah dominant asks you to touch/display/play/whatever - DOES NOT mean that you must say yes. When a slv/sub is owned you must ask permission of the owner to touch ANYTHING - if they say YES, this may not mean that you have been given permission to touch the collar - wait - or even better, ask if the dominant would mind/rather showing it to you. You might want to consider if the owner is poly before ASKING to touch anything, and if you are stupid enough to step on toes even when you can tread more lightly - ASK THE BLOODY INDIVIDUAL you are considering touching first before you go ahead and do it... and if you go ahead and just do it, because you think that's what dominants do - then you really, really DO need a kick up the butt with this shit-arse boring subject on basic communication...go read up on body language before you open your mouth - your odds will improve. If you find yourself 'acting' too much when communicating, then get some pro advice. Try asking the D/slv/sub if they are into any specific style of BDSM, old guard, gorean, and admit you are ignorant <if you are> and if you are really keen <or just wanting to be more intelligent/understanding for free> do some bloody RESEARCH on the subject before expecting a stranger to give you a complete rundown of the history up to this date, whilst at a play party where they are most probably on an agenda other than yours<though you may get lucky and grab some immediate time - just don't monopolize their night unless you are all on fire like long lost friends & lovers, otherwise you can close yourself off from other interactions that may be just as stimulating - ... no research shows extreme laziness <the opposite of good relationships>, so educate yourself before expecting others to educate you - it may mean the difference between play and wanking home alone<not saying that's not fun in itself lol>
blah blah blah THAT"S ENOUGH!!! pain in the fucking arse just took me better half of an hour to write <but I am sure as hell copy and pasting the bugger!!!> I am sure there are typos etc blah and NO IT's NOT the final - just off the top of my head - so no editing yet please JUST MORE IMPUT PRETTY PLEASE
THATS IT! I am calling this workshop:
"the IMPOSSIBLE workshop" lol
a.k.a. "the evolution of ego"
how about:
"how to pick up if you are an antisocial arsehole"
damn...this workshop is sure gonna be different I CAN SEE IT! It's going to be a 3-piece stand up comedy, walking through every stupid scenario we can think of to do - and NOT to do...that is the question...
yup, that's the platform - it's gunna be easier to SHOW ppl this topic thaan speak on it, any yay for hecklers! So heckle away please
LOL A slave enters a bar, and the Dom @ the bar says: ?
at least it's gunna be fun!
xx thanks guys!
_____________________________
RED - It's not just a colour, it's an attitude
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