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RE: how do you know - 1/6/2011 11:06:10 PM

CherryNeko

Posts: 330
Joined: 12/29/2010
From: Mexico City
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heh, don't be sorry... I'm used to it ^_^

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RE: how do you know - 1/6/2011 11:30:46 PM

mummyman321

Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
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quote:

ORIGINAL: freeforfun123
I also have another question about the whole dynamic of dominant, submissive or master, slave if you will. As the dom or the master I feel it is my job to make sure my partner is happy and satisfied. That they are getting what they need as well is this normal. Even though I know they get enjoyment from the role they play. But how do you make sure there happy. Maybe this question comes from not understanding enough of how submissive or slaves feel. If some of the submissive or slaves could explain, so I can have a better understanding.

I have said this in other posts and the same applies here. To me it is communication. Its takes 2 people to make the relationship work whether is be a BDSM relationship or a vanilla one. For the communication to happen you both need to be able to talk and discuss what are your wants and needs in that relationship. One question you might ask your sub is why do they enjoy being a sub? What about being a sub do they enjoy? You should both know what each others passions are. This takes time to find out. It will not happen overnight. But that is the natural progression of a relationship. It will grow as you discover more about it other. So sit down and start talking :) Talk to each other and find out what makes you both tick.

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RE: how do you know - 1/7/2011 6:29:23 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: freeforfun123

Ok im taking a pounding here, I did not meen anything by using the word master, it was a question on the relationship between the two of master/slave.

I know it is called communication as well, what i ment by the statement was nothing more then my own questions on the practice of being a slave itself. Becouse what i understand of how a sub becomes a slave is when there is full trust developed with the dom and safe words and limitations have been given compleatly to the dom, at that point how would you know.

As far as being a noob ( gammer term I see) I already stated the fact that I was. By asking questions we can gain knowlage. I like to know from asking others who have been where I am now, so I can avoid making mistakes. Im sure someone will tell me we all make mistakes. Yes we all do, and if we spent more time listening to people who already knew we might have avoided some of them.

Fella, I apologize. I intended to ask you to NOT use the term Master, before you actually did. I expressed myself poorly enough that you thought I was twitting you for already having done it.

I didn't mean anything by the use of the word noob. I was deliberately being extra slangy and informal to make my writing more readable.

That said, this community by its very nature lives and dies by the written word. Please adopt a writing style that is easier to follow. Your use of pronouns is hard to follow.

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RE: how do you know - 1/7/2011 6:39:55 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
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You never know until you try and then you try it again to just make sure.
And then sometimes... third times a charm.

(OK... so I blame RapierFugue for my metaphor hell)

quote:

But how do you make sure there happy. Maybe this question comes from not understanding enough of how submissive or slaves feel. If some of the submissive or slaves could explain, so I can have a better understanding.

Master makes sure I am happy and comfortable by asking and listening and by allowing me the freedom to express myself. He then makes a decision based on all available information.
For example... if I love tacos, but tacos make me unwell... but I don't want to give up tacos, Master says no more tacos... but have something else instead that you love then I obey. That way I am well and happy and Master is in control. A bit basic example I know... but it's all I got.

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RE: how do you know - 1/7/2011 6:44:05 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: freeforfun123
Because what i understand of how a sub becomes a slave is when there is full trust developed with the dom and safe words and limitations have been given completely to the dom,

Except when you do have full trust but still need safe words and limitations for health reasons; and yes, mental health counts. He isn't a mind reader. He isn't going to know if I feel nauseous or panicky. And sometimes, the easiest way to tell him is to use a safeword to get me out of the situation immediately so I can calm down and talk to him. Or immediately get out and run to the bathroom.

I have limits that will never disappear, not because I don't trust him, but because they make me ill. He isn't ever going to put me in inverted suspension because it will start up my vertigo. He thinks the idea of having a vibrating egg in me while I'm driving is hot. I know that I won't be able to focus on the drive like that and I'm not willing to risk an accident. He's overestimating my ability to focus while distracted. The fact that I won't do this isn't because I don't trust him but because I know myself better than he does. He isn't perfect and he knows it which is why I'm supposed to use a safeword and tell him no, to prevent something going wrong.

And sub to slave isn't a progression, it isn't a higher status to be a slave. Some people aren't wired for slavery but are for submissiveness in exactly the same way that some people aren't wired to be tops but are to be bottoms. Or bisexual and homosexual or heterosexual. One isn't better than the other, just different.

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Post #: 25