My Sister- spat w bro- and now the baby

My Sister- spat w bro- and now the baby (Full Version)

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pahunkboy -> My Sister- spat w bro- and now the baby (12/14/2010 9:06:21 AM)
So anyhow- my brother wont talk to my sister over a year now. She has cried herself to sleep over this. He needs to get over it. Life is too short. So she is expecting- and we now know the baby will be a boy. You may recall a thread I did asking for names. Well she has one picked out (for now) Ready for this? The middle name to be named after our brother. The one who wont talk to her. LOL. This could get interesting.... They are pretty much out of manes due to his side- having used up the good ones- and their 2 boys. "Trace Edward" as of now- tho May is a ways off... so we shall see. I like the name Trace. Edward at the moment- denotes a stubborn meanie head..so at the moment- jaw dropping on that name.

subinlife -> RE: My Sister- spat w bro- and now the baby (12/14/2010 9:13:12 AM)
Hope she has a healthy baby, and that they patch things up.

pahunkboy -> RE: My Sister- spat w bro- and now the baby (12/14/2010 9:18:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subinlife Hope she has a healthy baby, and that they patch things up. Thank you. :-)

popeye1250 -> RE: My Sister- spat w bro- and now the baby (12/14/2010 11:18:36 AM)
PaHunk, have a talk with the brother and tell him all the pain he's causing for the family. Tell him to Knock it the fuck off! That he's acting like a fucking child and you'll be wondering who the real baby is when your sister's child is born. And don't try to be nice to him, be firm and stand your ground! After a day or two he should come around. If he doesn't get a can of pepper spray and a baseball bat!

pahunkboy -> RE: My Sister- spat w bro- and now the baby (12/14/2010 11:52:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: popeye1250 PaHunk, have a talk with the brother and tell him all the pain he's causing for the family. Tell him to Knock it the fuck off! That he's acting like a fucking child and you'll be wondering who the real baby is when your sister's child is born. And don't try to be nice to him, be firm and stand your ground! After a day or two he should come around. If he doesn't get a can of pepper spray and a baseball bat! Hi Popeye. I have had 3 talks with my brother- to no avail. I understand he was mad- a few months fine. But this is out of hand. My sister has asked me to not try again as I would risk being cut off. With that situation, why would I want to drive 12 hours to be there at Christmas? Or any time of the year. At some point- tho-- I might blow up with me - I just - have not figured it out yet. He is so missing out. He could be involved with her kids and so forth- .... He has no kids- and this is his chance to be a role model. But said 'role model" at the moment - needs a kick in the rump.

hlen5 -> RE: My Sister- spat w bro- and now the baby (12/14/2010 12:01:53 PM)
The baby (when it gets here) might change his attitude. If not leave him alone, maybe he's being stubborn because of all familial pressure. You really can't make him change his mind, one way or the other.

Phoenixpower -> RE: My Sister- spat w bro- and now the baby (12/14/2010 12:04:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subinlife Hope she has a healthy baby, and that they patch things up. this. And i actually dont see it that as surprise. If i would have a boy his middle name would be from grandpa and i know all from my family would shake their heads,inclusive grandpas sisters,who were surprised that i did bother to fly home to attend his funeral...as he was a pain in the arse...but despite his evil character i did recognise his caring side, too as well as the values he passed onto me in my life...maybe she doesnt ignore the good parts she saw in him in her life and if in contact or not at present,after all he is his uncle...also my brother and i arent really in touch with each other,so needless to say i was rather surprised when i received from him my very first birthday congratulations this year...seems the birth of his son last year made him also more aware now of my existence [:D]

pahunkboy -> RE: My Sister- spat w bro- and now the baby (12/14/2010 12:08:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hlen5 The baby (when it gets here) might change his attitude. If not leave him alone, maybe he's being stubborn because of all familial pressure. You really can't make him change his mind, one way or the other. You could be right. The fight was at the hospital- when my sister had her 2nd baby. Same day-- he went to hold the new born and BIL lashed out - well insisted that he wash his hands. He had washed his hands- but then ran a $1 to the soda machine to get my sister a Coke. So he touched money. The fight was entirely stupid- considering my sister had just given birth and it was her day. She is the one in that room whos word should have been law. The BIL is a germ fanatic- so over the years- there were many instances of germ phobia. My brother could have just quietly re-washed his hands- and that would have been in. He gave her away at her wedding- and he found and remodeled their house for them. He was re-embursed... the BILs people paid the wedding- as they wanted a big one- our side helped get them into a good neighborhood- to own a house. They were married in 2000. In a way- he is saying to her- pick your husband or me. and that is not fair- as the BIL is a good bread winner- and soon there is 3 children.

pahunkboy -> RE: My Sister- spat w bro- and now the baby (12/14/2010 12:11:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Phoenixpower quote: ORIGINAL: subinlife Hope she has a healthy baby, and that they patch things up. this. And i actually dont see it that as surprise. If i would have a boy his middle name would be from grandpa and i know all from my family would shake their heads,inclusive grandpas sisters,who were surprised that i did bother to fly home to attend his funeral...as he was a pain in the arse...but despite his evil character i did recognise his caring side, too as well as the values he passed onto me in my life...maybe she doesnt ignore the good parts she saw in him in her life and if in contact or not at present,after all he is his uncle...also my brother and i arent really in touch with each other,so needless to say i was rather surprised when i received from him my very first birthday congratulations this year...seems the birth of his son last year made him also more aware now of my existence [:D] He could view it as a stunt to control him to make peace with her. ...and maybe it is??

pahunkboy -> RE: My Sister- spat w bro- and now the baby (12/14/2010 12:19:47 PM)
My BIL was correct to ask Ed to wash his hands. Ed claims BIL cheated on my sister. (he travels for work) The BIL has had some drunken silliness over the years-- but that is on my sister - not me - to tell her he is no good. They were out for Thanksgiving- and BIL was awesome. A perfect gentleman. He went beyond duty- -

angelikaJ -> RE: My Sister- spat w bro- and now the baby (12/14/2010 12:35:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pahunkboy quote: ORIGINAL: hlen5 The baby (when it gets here) might change his attitude. If not leave him alone, maybe he's being stubborn because of all familial pressure. You really can't make him change his mind, one way or the other. You could be right. The fight was at the hospital- when my sister had her 2nd baby. Same day-- he went to hold the new born and BIL lashed out - well insisted that he wash his hands. He had washed his hands- but then ran a $1 to the soda machine to get my sister a Coke. So he touched money. The fight was entirely stupid- considering my sister had just given birth and it was her day. She is the one in that room whos word should have been law. The BIL is a germ fanatic- so over the years- there were many instances of germ phobia. My brother could have just quietly re-washed his hands- and that would have been in. He gave her away at her wedding- and he found and remodeled their house for them. He was re-embursed... the BILs people paid the wedding- as they wanted a big one- our side helped get them into a good neighborhood- to own a house. They were married in 2000. In a way- he is saying to her- pick your husband or me. and that is not fair- as the BIL is a good bread winner- and soon there is 3 children. It is very sad that something seemingly small turned a happy day into a very contentious one with deep ramifications. However, it wasn't small to your germaphobic BIL who was understandably trying to be protective of the newborn nor was it small to your brother who was unable to see 'what the big deal was' and your sister got caught in the cross-fire. What is your brother wanting to resolve this? Why is he unwilling to move past it? You are right: he is missing out on time with the kids and time with his sister and her family. He is missing out on moments where he can be a role model and moment of just watching them grow and being a part of their lives. Those moments are priceless. There is a saying: Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy? Your brother, it seems would rather be right.

pahunkboy -> RE: My Sister- spat w bro- and now the baby (12/14/2010 1:02:34 PM)
Hi Ang., My brother is mad at a lot of people these days- and wrote alot of people off. This can be alarming- as the logical conclusion of self isolation is bleak. he got mad and stormed off of facebook a few weeks ago.. over comments on the fight- he did not take moms call or reply to my text- this week-- but he could be working or out of the country. He is not happy with his love life- he is not generally a happy person at all these days. ...he is caught up in materialism and glitter- and it is catching up with him... I mean all of that can only be empty after a while.

angelikaJ -> RE: My Sister- spat w bro- and now the baby (12/14/2010 1:11:23 PM)
PA You know, mood disorders can cause people to be irritable and unreasonable and you are probably are aware of this: often do run in families. It may just be a part of your brother's make-up, and like many people until he wants his circumstance to change (usually do to enough pain, alienation or whatever his emotional bottom may be) he will be unwilling to take actions to change. Sadly, if that if the case he may not even know what the problem is. He seems unable or unwilling to see anything beyond his rage point. Sometimes the only thing you can do is choose to love 'em where they're at.

pahunkboy -> RE: My Sister- spat w bro- and now the baby (12/14/2010 1:23:54 PM)
Sometimes the only thing you can do is choose to love 'em where they're at./snip That is a good point. Tho if this turns into 10 years-- then.... ARGH

angelikaJ -> RE: My Sister- spat w bro- and now the baby (12/14/2010 1:40:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pahunkboy Sometimes the only thing you can do is choose to love 'em where they're at./snip That is a good point. Tho if this turns into 10 years-- then.... ARGH PA, Your family is in turmoil over this. We all want for our families' happiness but really unless your brother is willing to discuss what is making him so unhappy in his life (hint: this probably isn't it) and is willing to accept help and make changes, this is where he is at. So, should the rest of the family be held hostage by this issue? Or can [the rest of] you all love and support one another and get on with your lives despite it. As long as your brother is not forcing you to choose between the rest of the family and him, then love him where he's at and maybe you can suggest that the rest of the family should not be held hostage to this issue and by him. You have a new baby coming into the family...yay! Holidays with children... yay! Happy things to look forward to. Focus on happy. There is always happy, we just have to look for it sometimes... (sometimes really really hard [;)] ).

popeye1250 -> RE: My Sister- spat w bro- and now the baby (12/14/2010 1:49:34 PM)
PaHunk, the BIL is a germ fanatic? Oh God. I'd have a blast with him! "Hey BILLY did you read that article about the EBOLA virus being found on car seats now?" lol Two months later; "Hey BILLY, you look like you've lost a lot of weight!" "Yeah, I've been doing a lot of walking lately."

kinkbound -> RE: My Sister- spat w bro- and now the baby (12/14/2010 2:17:53 PM)
Seems to me that your brother should have respected your BIL's wishes, especially being aware of BIL's germ phobia. If this is really the whole picture of the problem, then your brother still has a lot of growing up to do. Unfortunately, you or any of your family members will have very little influence upon your brother's future emotional maturity. I know people like your brother. Two to three-year lapses in friendship, due to seemingly insignificant events (like this hand-washing request) have been common. I've noticed that people like this also tend to be control-freaks, but the numbers I've observed are relatively small, so this could just be "the luck of the draw." I'm curious though, is your brother a control-freak?

pahunkboy -> RE: My Sister- spat w bro- and now the baby (12/14/2010 3:03:18 PM)
Yeah- perfect house-perfect car. I get nervous there and spill things. He always wants perfection- and it is elusive.

Phoenixpower -> RE: My Sister- spat w bro- and now the baby (12/14/2010 3:07:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pahunkboy quote: ORIGINAL: Phoenixpower quote: ORIGINAL: subinlife Hope she has a healthy baby, and that they patch things up. this. And i actually dont see it that as surprise. If i would have a boy his middle name would be from grandpa and i know all from my family would shake their heads,inclusive grandpas sisters,who were surprised that i did bother to fly home to attend his funeral...as he was a pain in the arse...but despite his evil character i did recognise his caring side, too as well as the values he passed onto me in my life...maybe she doesnt ignore the good parts she saw in him in her life and if in contact or not at present,after all he is his uncle...also my brother and i arent really in touch with each other,so needless to say i was rather surprised when i received from him my very first birthday congratulations this year...seems the birth of his son last year made him also more aware now of my existence [:D] He could view it as a stunt to control him to make peace with her. ...and maybe it is?? if he wants to see something manipulative in every action then it is his choice to do so, however his behaviour and your sisters potential second name for her son doesnt link for me. Just because he "might" disregard her doesnt mean that she has to do the same with his name.

sirsholly -> RE: My Sister- spat w bro- and now the baby (12/14/2010 3:16:18 PM)
Hunky...There is a brewing anger in your brother that has little to do with proper hand washing. I would venture as far as saying he has a NEED for anger, as well as a need for the resulting isolation. How sad this is. He has removed himself from those that love him, leaving them with a sense of guilt even though little, if any of the issues are their fault. My advice...leave him alone for now. Anything that could be said has already been said, and it made no difference. Stop frustrating yourself by trying to break down the concrete wall he has built. Treasure your sister and those precious babies, but keep your heart open to your brother. One day he will want to reconnect, but will be extremely hesitant due to the fear of what will be said to him. When that day comes...say nothing, but open your arms to him. That gesture will speak more strongly than any words ever could.

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