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Long Term Relationships and Punishment - 12/9/2010 3:26:32 PM

RichardEgloff

Posts: 2
Joined: 1/23/2009
Status: offline

My slave and I have had to recently part company, as we both wish to go to different colleges. We wish to keep our relationship going but now I am in need of advice on how to punish her. She has her own apartment which she lives in by herself so discretion isn't much of a concern. Please, if anyone has any ideas to share any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Post #: 1

RE: Long Term Relationships and Punishment - 12/9/2010 3:36:55 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Are we talking about punishment or "funishment"?

If you really do mean punishment then I think the fact that you're both young and you're both going to separate colleges is punishing her more than you'll ever know.

(in reply to RichardEgloff)

Post #: 2

RE: Long Term Relationships and Punishment - 12/9/2010 3:42:09 PM

RichardEgloff

Posts: 2
Joined: 1/23/2009
Status: offline

Punishment. And we already talked about this. I gave her the option of calling it off until we're done with school but she wants to try to make this work and so do I. I do appreciate the thought but I'm going to be frank; if actual advice isn't what you offer then please don't post. We both know how much this is hurting the other. Thank you.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 3

RE: Long Term Relationships and Punishment - 12/9/2010 3:49:26 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

heh...good luck to ya then.

starts popping the popcorn

(in reply to RichardEgloff)

Post #: 4

RE: Long Term Relationships and Punishment - 12/9/2010 4:06:08 PM

anniezz338

Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline

What tha...? Fine. Give her cornertime. If she's like me, make her cook.

_____________________________

I had become insane, with horrific lapses of sanity. Edgar Allen Poe

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 5

RE: Long Term Relationships and Punishment - 12/9/2010 4:27:38 PM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

What has she done wrong that requires punishment?

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to RichardEgloff)

Post #: 6

RE: Long Term Relationships and Punishment - 12/9/2010 5:30:45 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

On the phone, tell her that you are disappointed in her.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 7

RE: Long Term Relationships and Punishment - 12/9/2010 5:36:13 PM

CarpeComa

Posts: 194
Joined: 5/12/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RichardEgloff

My slave and I have had to recently part company, as we both wish to go to different colleges. We wish to keep our relationship going but now I am in need of advice on how to punish her. She has her own apartment which she lives in by herself so discretion isn't much of a concern. Please, if anyone has any ideas to share any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

The problem with this question is that what's punishment for one person may be enjoyable to another. No one here knows what she likes or dislikes. Your best bet is probably to make a list of the things you know she doesn't like and start weeding out the ones that require your direct participation or supervision. Whatever is left is likely to be a good candidate for long distance punishment.

(in reply to RichardEgloff)

Post #: 8

RE: Long Term Relationships and Punishment - 12/9/2010 5:37:48 PM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RichardEgloff

Punishment. And we already talked about this. I gave her the option of calling it off until we're done with school but she wants to try to make this work and so do I. I do appreciate the thought but I'm going to be frank; if actual advice isn't what you offer then please don't post. We both know how much this is hurting the other. Thank you.

Has she actually done anything wrong to warrant punishment? You could just assume she is going to act like an adult and you won't have to punish her. If she does do something wrong, then worry about how to handle it.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert

This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to RichardEgloff)

Post #: 9

RE: Long Term Relationships and Punishment - 12/9/2010 6:01:05 PM

hausboy

Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline

Richard--
I'm not being flip here...I'm being serious.
I appreciate that you're 19 and in an BDSM relationship--my first one was at 20, and we were at two different colleges as well. Your freshman year of college is tough enough, let alone now the added burden of worrying about what your sub is up to and how you intend to punish her. I don't want to sound negative here, but it's very hard to keep a relationship going long distance when you're young. Not impossible, but not easy either. A BDSM one takes even more focus.

Unless your colleges are close enough that you'll be seeing one another on weekends, consider that the only time you may be spending together is your breaks--Thanksgiving, Christmas, Spring and an occasional long weekend. Do you truly want to spend your limited time with her doing something as unpleasant as punishing her? (as opposed to funishment, which is what I would HOPE people are doing during their vacation/breaks!)

My advice is to not concern yourself too much with how to punish her--I would be more focused, if I were in your shoes, on how to REWARD her when you see her. College is a very freeing, liberating time--spend too much emphasis on the punishment part of your dynamic.... and you'll find yourself with much more free time on your hands. And yes. I've been there.

Good luck to you both. Be safe....

(in reply to RichardEgloff)

Post #: 10

RE: Long Term Relationships and Punishment - 12/9/2010 6:15:06 PM

DMFParadox

Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline

Punishment, remotely?

Have her write "Master is punishing me" on her forehead for the weekend. Make sure she has enough time to scrub it off before class.

Also, pics or it didn't happen.

_____________________________

bloody hell, get me some aspirin and a whiskey straight

"The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics." - Randall Munroe

(in reply to hausboy)

Post #: 11

RE: Long Term Relationships and Punishment - 12/9/2010 6:19:20 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14449
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hausboy

Richard--
I'm not being flip here...I'm being serious.
I appreciate that you're 19 and in an BDSM relationship--my first one was at 20, and we were at two different colleges as well. Your freshman year of college is tough enough, let alone now the added burden of worrying about what your sub is up to and how you intend to punish her. I don't want to sound negative here, but it's very hard to keep a relationship going long distance when you're young. Not impossible, but not easy either. A BDSM one takes even more focus.

Unless your colleges are close enough that you'll be seeing one another on weekends, consider that the only time you may be spending together is your breaks--Thanksgiving, Christmas, Spring and an occasional long weekend. Do you truly want to spend your limited time with her doing something as unpleasant as punishing her? (as opposed to funishment, which is what I would HOPE people are doing during their vacation/breaks!)

My advice is to not concern yourself too much with how to punish her--I would be more focused, if I were in your shoes, on how to REWARD her when you see her. College is a very freeing, liberating time--spend too much emphasis on the punishment part of your dynamic.... and you'll find yourself with much more free time on your hands. And yes. I've been there.

Good luck to you both. Be safe....

This was fantastic!

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to hausboy)

Post #: 12

RE: Long Term Relationships and Punishment - 12/9/2010 6:21:23 PM

ThundersCry

Posts: 892
Status: offline

Why not try lovin` on her at first...pffffft.

(in reply to RichardEgloff)

Post #: 13

RE: Long Term Relationships and Punishment - 12/9/2010 7:22:59 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

If you need to punish frequently, then you're failing as a dominant. Inspire her. Teach her to succeed.

If she is willfully disobedient, then she just doesn't care. At which point the relationship is doomed anyway.

If she's acting out, find out why. Talk to her. Is she lonely? Help her find clubs to join, activities to go to. Make plans to talk to her regularly. Don't miss your nightly chat because you want to go drinking with friends.

If you want her to keep her word, then you need to keep yours. And you have to make allowances for stress. Distracting someone with fears of punishment and making them fail because they're too worried to study is wrong.

Basically, you need a lot of contact to keep the relationship strong, you need to know each others schedule, to feel like you're still part of each others lives. It isn't that you get to know all about her but she doesn't get to know about you, try it that way and she will withdraw. You either love each other or you don't. If you do, act in a loving manner.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to ThundersCry)

Post #: 14

RE: Long Term Relationships and Punishment - 12/9/2010 7:30:15 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline

If you're so un imaganative and uncreative as to come up with on your own, idea's to punish your own partner, give up you failed already. You know her, we don't. What does she like, love, hate, what trips her buttons, what pushes her to succeed. Use what you know about them and use it to come up with something.

For example me I am a complete, and utter computer time hound, if I did something to warrent a punishment all he'd have to do is take away my computer time for a while, Where as for some people, they're not computer hounds, and that wouldn't do a darn thing to correct their behavior.

Personally I feel if talking it out and trying to correct a problem by using your words, and your communication s/kills isn't effective, than neither will punishing be effective.

< Message edited by Toppingfrmbottom -- 12/9/2010 7:44:46 PM >

_____________________________

One world under lube with vibrators and dildo's for all! quote from the sex toy 101 book

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 15

RE: Long Term Relationships and Punishment - 12/9/2010 7:32:17 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline

And you didn't say punish for what either, it does make somewhat of a difference. And play punishment or real punishment. Either way I stand by my original thought that you must not be very creative if you need to ask a bunch of strangers about how to disipline your girl.

I'm not a Dominant, We don't have punishment dynamics, and even I can come up with a shitload of ways to punish Daddy if the situation was ever reversed and we had a punishment dynamic.

_____________________________

One world under lube with vibrators and dildo's for all! quote from the sex toy 101 book

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

Post #: 16

RE: Long Term Relationships and Punishment - 12/10/2010 5:10:35 AM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

Manufacture your own evil, Son-don't be trying to cop a feel off of mine.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

Post #: 17

RE: Long Term Relationships and Punishment - 12/10/2010 9:22:48 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I'm not especially one to make suggestions about anticipatory punishments. It comes across as though you are expecting her to fail. If that's the case, why haven't you corrected it before the two of you are going to be in separate locations? Lacking that ability isn't something we're going to be able to instruct you on how to do through a message board. The first thing you need to do is look at your own methods, determine if they were successful or not, and base your future endeavors on your answers.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 18

RE: Long Term Relationships and Punishment - 12/10/2010 9:47:29 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: hausboy

Richard--
I'm not being flip here...I'm being serious.
I appreciate that you're 19 and in an BDSM relationship--my first one was at 20, and we were at two different colleges as well. Your freshman year of college is tough enough, let alone now the added burden of worrying about what your sub is up to and how you intend to punish her. I don't want to sound negative here, but it's very hard to keep a relationship going long distance when you're young. Not impossible, but not easy either. A BDSM one takes even more focus.

Unless your colleges are close enough that you'll be seeing one another on weekends, consider that the only time you may be spending together is your breaks--Thanksgiving, Christmas, Spring and an occasional long weekend. Do you truly want to spend your limited time with her doing something as unpleasant as punishing her? (as opposed to funishment, which is what I would HOPE people are doing during their vacation/breaks!)

My advice is to not concern yourself too much with how to punish her--I would be more focused, if I were in your shoes, on how to REWARD her when you see her. College is a very freeing, liberating time--spend too much emphasis on the punishment part of your dynamic.... and you'll find yourself with much more free time on your hands. And yes. I've been there.

Good luck to you both. Be safe....

This was fantastic!

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 19

RE: Long Term Relationships and Punishment - 12/10/2010 10:47:14 AM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

I'm wondering what you think you have to punish her for? Leaving home for (I'm assuming) is the first time in her life, adjusting to living alone for (I'm also assuming) the first time in her life, away from her family. Then, there is campus life, and studying, tests, papers, finals.....

I do hope you're cutting her some slack and not assigning her silly tasks and then nit-picking the results so you can "punish". A D/s relationship isn't all about you-do-this-I-punish; you-don't-do-that-I-punish;you-didn't-text-when-I-wanted-you-to-I-punish; you-flunked-the-quiz-I-punish, and so on.

"What can I do to help make her (and myself) a better person as we start this new phase in our lives?"

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 20

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