Long Term Relationships and Punishment

Long Term Relationships and Punishment (Full Version)

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RichardEgloff -> Long Term Relationships and Punishment (12/9/2010 3:26:32 PM)
My slave and I have had to recently part company, as we both wish to go to different colleges. We wish to keep our relationship going but now I am in need of advice on how to punish her. She has her own apartment which she lives in by herself so discretion isn't much of a concern. Please, if anyone has any ideas to share any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

littlewonder -> RE: Long Term Relationships and Punishment (12/9/2010 3:36:55 PM)
Are we talking about punishment or "funishment"? If you really do mean punishment then I think the fact that you're both young and you're both going to separate colleges is punishing her more than you'll ever know.

RichardEgloff -> RE: Long Term Relationships and Punishment (12/9/2010 3:42:09 PM)
Punishment. And we already talked about this. I gave her the option of calling it off until we're done with school but she wants to try to make this work and so do I. I do appreciate the thought but I'm going to be frank; if actual advice isn't what you offer then please don't post. We both know how much this is hurting the other. Thank you.

littlewonder -> RE: Long Term Relationships and Punishment (12/9/2010 3:49:26 PM)
heh...good luck to ya then. starts popping the popcorn

anniezz338 -> RE: Long Term Relationships and Punishment (12/9/2010 4:06:08 PM)
What tha...? Fine. Give her cornertime. If she's like me, make her cook.

RCdc -> RE: Long Term Relationships and Punishment (12/9/2010 4:27:38 PM)
What has she done wrong that requires punishment?

DarkSteven -> RE: Long Term Relationships and Punishment (12/9/2010 5:30:45 PM)
On the phone, tell her that you are disappointed in her.

CarpeComa -> RE: Long Term Relationships and Punishment (12/9/2010 5:36:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RichardEgloff My slave and I have had to recently part company, as we both wish to go to different colleges. We wish to keep our relationship going but now I am in need of advice on how to punish her. She has her own apartment which she lives in by herself so discretion isn't much of a concern. Please, if anyone has any ideas to share any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. The problem with this question is that what's punishment for one person may be enjoyable to another. No one here knows what she likes or dislikes. Your best bet is probably to make a list of the things you know she doesn't like and start weeding out the ones that require your direct participation or supervision. Whatever is left is likely to be a good candidate for long distance punishment.

thishereboi -> RE: Long Term Relationships and Punishment (12/9/2010 5:37:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RichardEgloff Punishment. And we already talked about this. I gave her the option of calling it off until we're done with school but she wants to try to make this work and so do I. I do appreciate the thought but I'm going to be frank; if actual advice isn't what you offer then please don't post. We both know how much this is hurting the other. Thank you. Has she actually done anything wrong to warrant punishment? You could just assume she is going to act like an adult and you won't have to punish her. If she does do something wrong, then worry about how to handle it.

hausboy -> RE: Long Term Relationships and Punishment (12/9/2010 6:01:05 PM)
Richard-- I'm not being flip here...I'm being serious. I appreciate that you're 19 and in an BDSM relationship--my first one was at 20, and we were at two different colleges as well. Your freshman year of college is tough enough, let alone now the added burden of worrying about what your sub is up to and how you intend to punish her. I don't want to sound negative here, but it's very hard to keep a relationship going long distance when you're young. Not impossible, but not easy either. A BDSM one takes even more focus. Unless your colleges are close enough that you'll be seeing one another on weekends, consider that the only time you may be spending together is your breaks--Thanksgiving, Christmas, Spring and an occasional long weekend. Do you truly want to spend your limited time with her doing something as unpleasant as punishing her? (as opposed to funishment, which is what I would HOPE people are doing during their vacation/breaks!) My advice is to not concern yourself too much with how to punish her--I would be more focused, if I were in your shoes, on how to REWARD her when you see her. College is a very freeing, liberating time--spend too much emphasis on the punishment part of your dynamic.... and you'll find yourself with much more free time on your hands. And yes. I've been there. Good luck to you both. Be safe....

DMFParadox -> RE: Long Term Relationships and Punishment (12/9/2010 6:15:06 PM)
Punishment, remotely? Have her write "Master is punishing me" on her forehead for the weekend. Make sure she has enough time to scrub it off before class. Also, pics or it didn't happen.

OsideGirl -> RE: Long Term Relationships and Punishment (12/9/2010 6:19:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hausboy Richard-- I'm not being flip here...I'm being serious. I appreciate that you're 19 and in an BDSM relationship--my first one was at 20, and we were at two different colleges as well. Your freshman year of college is tough enough, let alone now the added burden of worrying about what your sub is up to and how you intend to punish her. I don't want to sound negative here, but it's very hard to keep a relationship going long distance when you're young. Not impossible, but not easy either. A BDSM one takes even more focus. Unless your colleges are close enough that you'll be seeing one another on weekends, consider that the only time you may be spending together is your breaks--Thanksgiving, Christmas, Spring and an occasional long weekend. Do you truly want to spend your limited time with her doing something as unpleasant as punishing her? (as opposed to funishment, which is what I would HOPE people are doing during their vacation/breaks!) My advice is to not concern yourself too much with how to punish her--I would be more focused, if I were in your shoes, on how to REWARD her when you see her. College is a very freeing, liberating time--spend too much emphasis on the punishment part of your dynamic.... and you'll find yourself with much more free time on your hands. And yes. I've been there. Good luck to you both. Be safe.... This was fantastic!

ThundersCry -> RE: Long Term Relationships and Punishment (12/9/2010 6:21:23 PM)
Why not try lovin` on her at first...pffffft.

DesFIP -> RE: Long Term Relationships and Punishment (12/9/2010 7:22:59 PM)
If you need to punish frequently, then you're failing as a dominant. Inspire her. Teach her to succeed. If she is willfully disobedient, then she just doesn't care. At which point the relationship is doomed anyway. If she's acting out, find out why. Talk to her. Is she lonely? Help her find clubs to join, activities to go to. Make plans to talk to her regularly. Don't miss your nightly chat because you want to go drinking with friends. If you want her to keep her word, then you need to keep yours. And you have to make allowances for stress. Distracting someone with fears of punishment and making them fail because they're too worried to study is wrong. Basically, you need a lot of contact to keep the relationship strong, you need to know each others schedule, to feel like you're still part of each others lives. It isn't that you get to know all about her but she doesn't get to know about you, try it that way and she will withdraw. You either love each other or you don't. If you do, act in a loving manner.

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: Long Term Relationships and Punishment (12/9/2010 7:30:15 PM)
If you're so un imaganative and uncreative as to come up with on your own, idea's to punish your own partner, give up you failed already. You know her, we don't. What does she like, love, hate, what trips her buttons, what pushes her to succeed. Use what you know about them and use it to come up with something. For example me I am a complete, and utter computer time hound, if I did something to warrent a punishment all he'd have to do is take away my computer time for a while, Where as for some people, they're not computer hounds, and that wouldn't do a darn thing to correct their behavior. Personally I feel if talking it out and trying to correct a problem by using your words, and your communication s/kills isn't effective, than neither will punishing be effective.

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: Long Term Relationships and Punishment (12/9/2010 7:32:17 PM)
And you didn't say punish for what either, it does make somewhat of a difference. And play punishment or real punishment. Either way I stand by my original thought that you must not be very creative if you need to ask a bunch of strangers about how to disipline your girl. I'm not a Dominant, We don't have punishment dynamics, and even I can come up with a shitload of ways to punish Daddy if the situation was ever reversed and we had a punishment dynamic.

Kana -> RE: Long Term Relationships and Punishment (12/10/2010 5:10:35 AM)
Manufacture your own evil, Son-don't be trying to cop a feel off of mine.

LadyPact -> RE: Long Term Relationships and Punishment (12/10/2010 9:22:48 AM)
I'm not especially one to make suggestions about anticipatory punishments. It comes across as though you are expecting her to fail. If that's the case, why haven't you corrected it before the two of you are going to be in separate locations? Lacking that ability isn't something we're going to be able to instruct you on how to do through a message board. The first thing you need to do is look at your own methods, determine if they were successful or not, and base your future endeavors on your answers.

DarkSteven -> RE: Long Term Relationships and Punishment (12/10/2010 9:47:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: hausboy Richard-- I'm not being flip here...I'm being serious. I appreciate that you're 19 and in an BDSM relationship--my first one was at 20, and we were at two different colleges as well. Your freshman year of college is tough enough, let alone now the added burden of worrying about what your sub is up to and how you intend to punish her. I don't want to sound negative here, but it's very hard to keep a relationship going long distance when you're young. Not impossible, but not easy either. A BDSM one takes even more focus. Unless your colleges are close enough that you'll be seeing one another on weekends, consider that the only time you may be spending together is your breaks--Thanksgiving, Christmas, Spring and an occasional long weekend. Do you truly want to spend your limited time with her doing something as unpleasant as punishing her? (as opposed to funishment, which is what I would HOPE people are doing during their vacation/breaks!) My advice is to not concern yourself too much with how to punish her--I would be more focused, if I were in your shoes, on how to REWARD her when you see her. College is a very freeing, liberating time--spend too much emphasis on the punishment part of your dynamic.... and you'll find yourself with much more free time on your hands. And yes. I've been there. Good luck to you both. Be safe.... This was fantastic! [sm=agree.gif]

windchymes -> RE: Long Term Relationships and Punishment (12/10/2010 10:47:14 AM)
I'm wondering what you think you have to punish her for? Leaving home for (I'm assuming) is the first time in her life, adjusting to living alone for (I'm also assuming) the first time in her life, away from her family. Then, there is campus life, and studying, tests, papers, finals..... I do hope you're cutting her some slack and not assigning her silly tasks and then nit-picking the results so you can "punish". A D/s relationship isn't all about you-do-this-I-punish; you-don't-do-that-I-punish;you-didn't-text-when-I-wanted-you-to-I-punish; you-flunked-the-quiz-I-punish, and so on. "What can I do to help make her (and myself) a better person as we start this new phase in our lives?"

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