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Origins Of Real Vs Fake - 12/8/2010 3:07:12 PM

MissAsylum

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Joined: 1/9/2009
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So I was reading through a thread in the Ask A Mistress forum about real and fake mistresses.

I am wondering what really constitutes a genuine member of the BDSM community and what doesn't..

Its a tad bit hard to fake realness when you are in a face to face situation, unless the person admits to what they are acting like, isn't how they feel.

But even then, I feel that makes somebody confused or a liar. Pick your poison.

However, it seems to be among the online community that a person not going along with what you want is considered to be a fake. I've been called fake just because I didn't want to go into explicit detail about what would go on in a session.

Just thinking in a non BDSM manner, if you meet somebody in everyday life, and your personalities don't mesh, does mean they do not exist?

So where does this accusatory nature come from?

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RE: Origins Of Real Vs Fake - 12/8/2010 3:12:03 PM

mnottertail

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I think it was in Beverly Hills, the silicone bags that are now saline.

Dr. FeelGood

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RE: Origins Of Real Vs Fake - 12/8/2010 3:15:33 PM

MissAsylum

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then weren't they fake in the first place?

*confused pouty face*

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RE: Origins Of Real Vs Fake - 12/8/2010 3:17:01 PM

mnottertail

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In all seriousness? Dashed fantasies of the way it 'ought' to be.

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

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Post #: 4

RE: Origins Of Real Vs Fake - 12/8/2010 3:22:37 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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I don't believe in a "bdsm community" and imo one person's fake is another person's real.

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Post #: 5

RE: Origins Of Real Vs Fake - 12/8/2010 3:30:34 PM

LadyRian

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Joined: 9/5/2010
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That's what I'm thinking. Somebody who has the nerve to not live up to somebody's fantasies ends up being called a fake.

I've met my share of confused folks, and liars. And occasionally, someone who is a pyrotechnic combination of the two, but they weren't fake. Well, except for the lies. But they were real lies, which were concealing fake emotions. I think people can "fake" things, but the truth always comes out about that eventually, and then a real person has to deal with the consequences of their actions.

I would think a fake would be someone pretending to be something/someone, with full knowledge that they definitely were not who/what they were pretending to be, for whatever reason.

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RE: Origins Of Real Vs Fake - 12/8/2010 3:46:47 PM

LadyPact

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There's been something of a progression in the whole matter. The label changes, but the theme is the sane, Weekend Warriors was pretty popular for a while from those who were lifestyle folks as opposed to those who just played at the club on the weekend. Wannabe was the most commonly used term there for a bit. These days, it seems to be fake (more internet based) and fantasist (more real world based).

I don't buy into the online "community" bit. I'm more of the mind that it's more just individuals with a common interest using the same site. Just because I'd sign up for a forum that discusses flying, would that make Me a member of the pilot community, even if I had no air time? Nope and it doesn't necessarily equate here, either.

Truthfully, I think you can form opinions about other posters from their posting history. Occasionally, there will be someone who comes across these forums that I may have My doubts about whether they are a competent top or if they have ever bottomed a day in their life. Those who come on preaching about all of their experience but have no evidence will cause Me to raise a brow. I don't tend to call them fake because it isn't worth My time.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 12/8/2010 3:52:32 PM >

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RE: Origins Of Real Vs Fake - 12/8/2010 4:44:02 PM

SimplyMichael

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Its the same as terms like "slut" in HS. It means someone who has sex with anyone but you or who has hotter women than you, or someone who has caught the eye of someone you want to fuck...and the list goes on.

The "lifestyle" is as full of idiots as any chatroom, as any bar, as any dungeon.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 8

RE: Origins Of Real Vs Fake - 12/8/2010 4:50:07 PM

leadership527

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Joined: 6/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum
So where does this accusatory nature come from?

I only have two sources for it. I think in some cases the person is so new that they really don't understand that there is more than one way. For anyone claiming "experience", I attribute it to insecurity... period.

The day that I let other people's insecurities start dictating my reality is the day that I truly am a fake dominant.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to MissAsylum)

Post #: 9

RE: Origins Of Real Vs Fake - 12/8/2010 4:52:40 PM

twonearvancouver

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum
So where does this accusatory nature come from?

Rather than referring to those who aren't a good match for them as "not a good match for me", many newbies (and ignorant non-newbies) prefer the term "fake". These people probably just need some education and gentle reminders that nobody is fake - some people just aren't a suitable match for each other.

(in reply to MissAsylum)

Post #: 10

RE: Origins Of Real Vs Fake - 12/8/2010 5:07:49 PM

MissAsylum

Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
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"BDSM community" was meant in the sense of there isn't one.

similar to "what somebody considers real somebody may consider fake".

sorry if there was any confusion.

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Post #: 11

RE: Origins Of Real Vs Fake - 12/8/2010 5:29:20 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
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There are several different bands of fake.

1. A scam profile. A beautiful woman, not picky in the least, who wants to be relocated.
2. A profile set up by one party to look like another. Say a man setting up a lesbian profile, fishing for wank material.
3. A submissive woman, who refuses to cam/drop to knees, etc. for HNG "Dom" and gets called a fake. It could be from a tantrum, or as a manipulative ploy to coerce compliance.
4. A tribute Domme, who angers a sub male who does not want to pay.
5. A pro Domme who angers a sub male who does not want to pay.
6. A lifestyle Domme who refuses to cater to a sub male's specific fetish.

Feel free to add to the list.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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Post #: 12

RE: Origins Of Real Vs Fake - 12/8/2010 5:31:17 PM

MissAsylum

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Joined: 1/9/2009
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i can't think of any....at least not now.

_____________________________

I hate when I'm wearing my apple bottom jeans, but i can't find my boots with the fur.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 13

RE: Origins Of Real Vs Fake - 12/8/2010 5:35:49 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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feel free to add to the list

7. Jeff & Carol

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 14

RE: Origins Of Real Vs Fake - 12/8/2010 5:57:04 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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In online, fake usually means someone who is trying to con you. A kid on vacation pretending to be an adult. A male pretending to be female. And also someone who doesn't say they're a prodomme, approaches them as if they were real and then demands the sub use a credit card to prove he's of age, and when they get it, they charge it.

In real life, you can't lie about your gender or your weight or height. But you can pretend to experience when you don't have any and you can shave 5 -10 years off in middle age.

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Post #: 15

RE: Origins Of Real Vs Fake - 12/8/2010 7:10:44 PM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
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quote:

However, it seems to be among the online community that a person not going along with what you want is considered to be a fake. I've been called fake just because I didn't want to go into explicit detail about what would go on in a session.

Well, I am sure the reasons vary per person, but in this case, I would guess that you were called a fake because you didn't give some guy a free wanking session online.

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Post #: 16

RE: Origins Of Real Vs Fake - 12/8/2010 7:16:18 PM

LadyRian

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Joined: 9/5/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi

quote:

However, it seems to be among the online community that a person not going along with what you want is considered to be a fake. I've been called fake just because I didn't want to go into explicit detail about what would go on in a session.

Well, I am sure the reasons vary per person, but in this case, I would guess that you were called a fake because you didn't give some guy a free wanking session online.

Wow, no wonder there are so many fakes! That makes me a fake too. A REAL fake! Let's not have any of that fake fake stuff going on around here.

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Post #: 17

RE: Origins Of Real Vs Fake - 12/8/2010 8:05:45 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi

quote:

However, it seems to be among the online community that a person not going along with what you want is considered to be a fake. I've been called fake just because I didn't want to go into explicit detail about what would go on in a session.

Well, I am sure the reasons vary per person, but in this case, I would guess that you were called a fake because you didn't give some guy a free wanking session online.

I still can't quite get my head around this one. A sub calling a Domme a fake in order to try to get in charge... a Domme that would fall for that really WOULD be a fake!

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to thishereboi)

Post #: 18

RE: Origins Of Real Vs Fake - 12/8/2010 8:17:16 PM

anniezz338

Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
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Humans, that's where the accusatory nature comes from. Go figure.

The bots, scammers, cons....well, I call those PITA's. In my case, I am basically inexperienced. I ask stupid questions, do not word things right, hell, I can miss the point even when it's jabbed at my ass. Alot of people can.

Fake does have perception issues. I don't care if you were born with a whip in your hand, nobody is perfect. Would my inexperience and bonehead questions make me not a part of the BDSM community? If so, I'd like to contact the board of directors.

_____________________________

I had become insane, with horrific lapses of sanity. Edgar Allen Poe

(in reply to LadyRian)

Post #: 19

RE: Origins Of Real Vs Fake - 12/8/2010 8:47:39 PM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
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If you're a female sub and you don't instantly drop to your knees and give a cyber-blowjob when ordered to by a random stranger, you'll be called a FAKE. If you're a female dom and you don't immediately want to get naked except for your strap-on and fuck some creepy old guy up the ass until he orgasms, then force him to lick it up off your boots, you're a FAKE. Because a REAL dominant would totally be into that.

Yeah, it's pretty much like that.

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Post #: 20

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