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RE: How to Decide Who To Invite To A Wedding? - 10/16/2010 5:26:07 PM   
girlygurl


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When my son and his long time gf were planning their wedding they were paying for most of it.

He asked me to send him a list of people that I wanted to invite. That list got knocked down to "maybe" half of those I wanted to be there.

Because funds were tight he explained he was inviting those that have touched his life instead of just inviting any and everyone. It made sense to me. Besides, it's their day and if the couple has to pay for everything then they should be calling most if not all the shots.

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RE: How to Decide Who To Invite To A Wedding? - 10/16/2010 5:50:55 PM   
MissAsylum


Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline 		i'm past the point of being driven nuts. i'm just glad i sprung for unlimited calls.

but anyway- what a lovely sentiment.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

It's etiquette for the bride's parents to pay for the wedding.  If that's the case here, let her invite whomever she wants.

If not, then she's being a bitch, but not to you.  So just smile and take it.  Your friend didn't appoint you to look after her best interests.

As far as organizing the guests - get their email addresses and use SurveyMonkey or Zoomerang for them.  Give them a few choices and let them vote.  Taking individual phone calls will drive you nuts.

Good luck.  This too shall pass.  (Like a kidney stone.)





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RE: How to Decide Who To Invite To A Wedding? - 10/16/2010 7:18:43 PM   
purepleasure


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From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline 		personally, i would elope.

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RE: How to Decide Who To Invite To A Wedding? - 10/16/2010 7:42:37 PM   
rulemylife


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum

So since this has to be done rather quickly- how can my friend decided who to invite? 



She can invite me.

I'll be happy to be on the groom's side.

I'll be even happier with the free food and booze.

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RE: How to Decide Who To Invite To A Wedding? - 10/16/2010 8:59:14 PM   
January


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quote:

i can't really judge the relationship


Right. No sense judging your friend and her soon-to-be husband. Because well, you consider yourself non-judgmental, kind, concerned, right?

But it's okay for you to heap contempt on the mother: She's a ball-breaker, she's taking it upon herself to invite 400 people, but she's not paying, yada yada yada.

This couple is allowing this to happen. They aren't victims, any more than you are, MissA. They are just drama hounds. They need to think about their future and tell Mom: we can't afford it. That's what grown-ups do.

January






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RE: How to Decide Who To Invite To A Wedding? - 10/16/2010 9:08:25 PM   
subrob1967


Posts: 4591
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Status: offline 		We invited family and close friends, and had to limit the age of our guests to 16 and up.

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RE: How to Decide Who To Invite To A Wedding? - 10/17/2010 3:07:53 AM   
MissAsylum


Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline 		Fact: the mother is not paying. Fact: the list of people invited has expanded to 400+ people. Fact(according to the bride): she broke the groom's balls. its not contempt in any way. i said earlier, i'm not forming an opinion about the mother until after the wedding, granted if she is around-people do get frantic during a wedding, so this would be the worst time to write her off as any paticular way.

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RE: How to Decide Who To Invite To A Wedding? - 10/17/2010 5:32:36 AM   
ShaharThorne


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Status: offline 		I would be going "Mom, the catering bill is $$$ and the we cannot have that many people who we have not seen who knows how long ago.  We also don't want Uncle Icky because when he gets drunk, he does a bad scene of "Wedding Singer""

Thank goodness my marriages went done by a JP and quite inprov.  The cake was a bundt with gooey stuff in the center.


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RE: How to Decide Who To Invite To A Wedding? - 10/17/2010 7:13:51 AM   
DomImus


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Status: offline 		Sounds like this is the mother's wedding, not the daughter's. Since your friend is apparently an invertebrate she'll just have to suck it up and endure.

Or elope.



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RE: How to Decide Who To Invite To A Wedding? - 10/17/2010 7:23:10 AM   
DarkSteven


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DomImus

Sounds like this is the mother's wedding, not the daughter's. Since your friend is apparently an invertebrate she'll just have to suck it up and endure.

Or elope.



Bolded for emphasis.  Eloping's sounding better all the time.


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RE: How to Decide Who To Invite To A Wedding? - 10/17/2010 7:28:29 AM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		What the bride and groom should do is figure out their budget and that will tell them how many people they can invite.

That max number they can invite is the number you need at this time to start the process of getting an idea of how many people are coming. 

I wonder how much of your frustration is that you don't like things are out of your control and you may inadvertently be trying to gain control and do things your way.

Only you can answer that but if you are, i would be careful that you aren't trying to push the bride into doing what you want while you seem to be accusing the mother of being overbearing and doing what she wants.  It can work both ways you know.  From your posts you seem to have a very forceful personality and your comment about you and the other bridesmaids "don't CARE what the mother wants," is to me very telling.  To me that is utter disrespect, but only you can look at it honestly and see if perhaps YOU are trying to control things in what YOU want.  Which is pretty much what it sounds like the mom is doing as to who she is inviting.

This all needs to be the brides decision, not the bride saying yes to you and no to her mother because that's what you want because you don't like what the mother is doing.  If she is that much of a pushover be careful you yourself aren't pushing her over.

angel

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RE: How to Decide Who To Invite To A Wedding? - 10/17/2010 8:41:44 AM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
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Status: offline 		Invite everyone and ask them to 1. Bring their own food and drink, and 2. Not to congratulate the bride and groom (as shaking 400 plus hands is exhausting).

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RE: How to Decide Who To Invite To A Wedding? - 10/17/2010 10:14:01 AM   
January


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Joined: 4/17/2004
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quote:

Fact: the mother is not paying. Fact: the list of people invited has expanded to 400+ people. Fact(according to the bride): she broke the groom's balls. its not contempt in any way.


Fact: this list of 400 invited people is a preliminary suggestion list. Nobody is invited until the formal invites are mailed.

Fact: Describing anyone as having broken balls is never a fact. It is an opinion. Unless a doctor makes that diagnosis. In which case the mom would be in prison.

Opinion: A little less emotion, and a little more self-awareness is a good thing, MissA.

January


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RE: How to Decide Who To Invite To A Wedding? - 10/17/2010 12:30:07 PM   
MissAsylum


Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline 		i'm not emotional at all actually, sorry if it came off that way. but since invites are soon to be sent to the printers next month( wedding is january 1st at midnight) and have yet to be pared down at all yet, i have to take it as "yes, all these people are coming." and of course, if the ball breaking was literal, you'd be absolutely correct.

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RE: How to Decide Who To Invite To A Wedding? - 10/17/2010 6:57:08 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
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From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Unless she knows the best way to handle her mother is just yes her to death while doing what she wants. Some people prefer this to having face to face showdowns.

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RE: How to Decide Who To Invite To A Wedding? - 10/17/2010 8:32:40 PM   
takemeforyourown


Posts: 430
Joined: 2/24/2007
Status: offline 		Wash your hands of it before it's too late! Be part of her wedding, but don't take on any responsibility. Sorry, but if they can't stand up to Mom, that's their problem. Your involvement could bite you back in the end!

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RE: How to Decide Who To Invite To A Wedding? - 10/17/2010 8:57:27 PM   
KMsAngel


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Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline 		is there some etiquette reason i'm not aware of that all the invited guests also have to be invited guests to the dinner (which is where the bulk of the cost is going to be)?

coffee and cake for after the ceremony while waiting for the pics to be finished, kiss and shake then on to home. then a much smaller and more intimate gathering after? although, what you'd be eating at midnight .....

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RE: How to Decide Who To Invite To A Wedding? - 10/18/2010 2:14:23 AM   
allthatjaz


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Status: offline 		The first time we tried to plan our wedding, it was taken over by certain relatives. We wanted something quiet, they wanted something large. We wanted something that wasn't going to cost an arm and a leg and they wanted something to portray the family wealth We called it off and planned in secret. Our wedding ended up being just what we wanted it to be and for those that felt let down and disappointed I only have one message.

It was our day, not yours and why spend £15,000 on one day when we can use that money to spend the next six months in the Caribbean!

< Message edited by allthatjaz -- 10/18/2010 2:17:57 AM >

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RE: How to Decide Who To Invite To A Wedding? - 10/18/2010 3:17:20 AM   
MissAsylum


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i've been wondering that for the longest time. even though its not in my plans to get married for the longest time, i had wondered if all the guests have to be invited to the reception.

quote:

ORIGINAL: KMsAngel

is there some etiquette reason i'm not aware of that all the invited guests also have to be invited guests to the dinner (which is where the bulk of the cost is going to be)?

coffee and cake for after the ceremony while waiting for the pics to be finished, kiss and shake then on to home. then a much smaller and more intimate gathering after? although, what you'd be eating at midnight .....


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I hate when I'm wearing my apple bottom jeans, but i can't find my boots with the fur.

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: How to Decide Who To Invite To A Wedding? - 10/18/2010 3:19:11 AM   
MissAsylum


Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline 		6 months in the Caribbean? i'm positive you had a grand time, sounds lovely.

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

The first time we tried to plan our wedding, it was taken over by certain relatives. We wanted something quiet, they wanted something large. We wanted something that wasn't going to cost an arm and a leg and they wanted something to portray the family wealth We called it off and planned in secret. Our wedding ended up being just what we wanted it to be and for those that felt let down and disappointed I only have one message.

It was our day, not yours and why spend £15,000 on one day when we can use that money to spend the next six months in the Caribbean!


_____________________________

I hate when I'm wearing my apple bottom jeans, but i can't find my boots with the fur.

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Profile   Post #: 40
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