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Guilt - 10/5/2010 11:48:42 PM   
gungadin09


Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline 		i've noticed that i often feel guilty, without having a reason. For me, being disciplined helps to relieve this guilt, like letting off steam. It also reinforcing the idea that the world is a fair place instead of a place governed by chaos. It relieves my mind to know that rules are enforced and justice is served. i guess that helps me to feel more "in control" in a world where i might otherwise feel powerless. The arbitrary-ness of real life bothers me. i keep wanting life to be "fair". The more rules there are, the more control i have. Right?

Is there anyone else out there who feels this kind of free floating guilt? What do you do to relieve the guilt? Does BDSM increase or decrease these feelings?

pam
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RE: Guilt - 10/6/2010 12:07:33 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		Your post struck a chord with me, although I don't have the 'guilt' thing.

For me, I get feelings of intense frustration and almost helplessness because I'm surrounded by what seems to be a tornado of overwhelming chaos. When I'm in a D/s relationship with rules and structure, it feels like a little protective cage in the middle of this chaos, and I feel calm, relaxed and much happier.

So it sounds like the same kind of thing, although the negative emotions express themselves in a different form

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RE: Guilt - 10/6/2010 12:09:44 AM   
gungadin09


Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline 		*smiles*

pam

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RE: Guilt - 10/6/2010 1:15:01 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		yes, i relate to this guilt thing too and indeed discipline, punishment or pain relieves it for me too
i have been told that religion can have something to do with it and i was brought up sort of Catholic.... but as i personally never really bought any of it much i do not see how Catholicism has anything to do with my feeling guilty... i think it has more to do with the general sense of guilty pleasures... guilty secrets... forbidden fruit...
like all the nice things are wrong so if you want them you must be bad...
luckily i like the nice things but i like getting punished for wanting them too.

< Message edited by ranja -- 10/6/2010 1:16:00 AM >

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RE: Guilt - 10/6/2010 1:30:11 AM   
Bravado


Posts: 87
Joined: 6/15/2010
Status: offline 		Sometimes I feel guilty because I can always get what I want.

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RE: Guilt - 10/6/2010 4:20:59 AM   
usemetopleaseyou


Posts: 39
Joined: 5/16/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself
it feels like a little protective cage in the middle of this chaos, and I feel calm, relaxed and much happier.


Me too!

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RE: Guilt - 10/6/2010 7:37:53 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		I can relate to this guilt thingie too although it doesn't manifest quite the same way. usually when shit happens my first thought is to ask myself how much of this am I responsible for and what can i do to sort things out without going over the top and declaring war or capitulating to someone else.

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RE: Guilt - 10/6/2010 8:59:28 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

Does BDSM increase or decrease these feelings?

Only if you do it right.  Then a flood of guilt should rush in.  You can have a whole variety of guilt to choose from. 
The "I'm going to hell for sinning" catholic guilt for violating the laws of the church
The "I never new it was possible to that with one of those" guilt for violating the laws of nature

. . . and the "morning after guilt" you feel as you slowly clean up all the feathers, fur and wipe up the blood only to discover the tiny elevator shoes the midget left behind are laying on top of a dead baby eel. 

< Message edited by ResidentSadist -- 10/6/2010 9:00:34 AM >

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RE: Guilt - 10/6/2010 9:14:40 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		woody allen said, sex is only dirty when performed properly.  I think if you aint doing a guilt trip you aint having good fuckin and suckin goin on...........

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RE: Guilt - 10/6/2010 9:19:02 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		i dont do guilt -  - at least i try not to.  when you actually look hard at a thing there are always a myriad of reasons why RIGHT then it was the best choice, looking back and regretting having done that thing is something else of course - i do plenty of that.

as for the chaos diminishing in Ds or Ms, i totally relate to that.  someone asked me about that quite recently, or something along those lines and what i came up with was, when because my life is so full on and all over the place, having a Master in control of me, puts my focus on him and somehow the chaos gets under control - you cant be chaotic in a Ds or Ms relationship, it just wont work when you need to be at least a little bit organised to fit in someone as demanding as a Dom (lol) - having a focal point is how you sort out the chaos - why i cant do that without a Dom escapes me -

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RE: Guilt - 10/6/2010 9:49:33 AM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09
Is there anyone else out there who feels this kind of free floating guilt? What do you do to relieve the guilt? Does BDSM increase or decrease these feelings?

I used to, when I was Catholic, and I'd go to confession as often as possible and it still didn't relieve it. Now I don't feel guilty like that anymore. Now, if I've done something that I perceive as wrong or that He says is wrong, I do still feel incredibly guilty and it's hard to shake it even after chastising and forgiveness and/or punishment.

~sweetsub~

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RE: Guilt - 10/6/2010 11:50:57 AM   
odysseyIndeed


Posts: 121
Joined: 9/30/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

Your post struck a chord with me, although I don't have the 'guilt' thing.

For me, I get feelings of intense frustration and almost helplessness because I'm surrounded by what seems to be a tornado of overwhelming chaos. When I'm in a D/s relationship with rules and structure, it feels like a little protective cage in the middle of this chaos, and I feel calm, relaxed and much happier.

So it sounds like the same kind of thing, although the negative emotions express themselves in a different form


This is what I feel as well. And when I am in the relationship and things do not happen that remind me of my "place" or I am not really given boundaries and structure, I feel extremely unsettled. I usually think of it as needing to be in my invisible little box where I can feel the boundaries and His dominance surrounding me.

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RE: Guilt - 10/6/2010 12:11:04 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09

Is there anyone else out there who feels this kind of free floating guilt? What do you do to relieve the guilt? Does BDSM increase or decrease these feelings?


Greetings pam,

I don't have a constant state of unidentified guilt. I believe it's a negative state that creates an internal stasis that's imbalanced and usually reflective of a situation that I've failed to reconcile, release, or forgive. Whether that involves another party or is simply a conscious recognition of my personal failings doesn't matter. The burden of carrying those feelings within is a weight I'm unwilling to endure. Though I have in the past.

I sought cathartic experiences that allowed me to release what I couldn't expel on my own. Sometimes that involved pain and other times intercourse. Thankfully I've found a better remedy that allows me to face what hurts and disturbs without depending on an outside entity to bring it forth. This doesn't suggest that I've eliminated everything, but I've found the process and self-policing often leads to unintentional volcanic eruptions that purge the unsettling elements and force me to address them head on. It isn't always pretty and there are moments when I'd prefer to be oblivious, but in the long run I'm far better for them.

However, there are benefits on the BDSM end but they aren't relegated to guilt or other emotions of that nature. It's actually the opposite. I feel freer and more self aware. I'm able to give of myself without fear and experience a paring down that rebuilds itself in a different fashion. Rather than tightening the nooses I've loosened them dramatically and found that by removing the safety of the controls mentioned I was able to glimpse what's real without the embellishments interfering with the picture. Guilt much like other emotions serves a purpose. When we discover what we're getting from it we can determine if it's presence is benevolent or harmful. I'm certain the answer will differ for everyone.

Namaste,

~porcelaine


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RE: Guilt - 10/6/2010 12:59:07 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		Guilt naaa guilty sometimes depends on the mood

BadOne


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RE: Guilt - 10/6/2010 3:17:33 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Being a Virgo I am ever innocent even when proven guilty. Paraphrasing an old Occult adage:

  • Let your Evil be my Good!
  • Let your Hell be my Heaven!
  • Let your Guilt be my Righteousness
  • Let your Pain be my Estacy


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

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RE: Guilt - 10/6/2010 4:56:00 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I've never felt any kind of general guilt over everyday life. Seems like wasted energy to me and would only make my life even more depressing. If I felt that way I don't think I'd be able to go on with life.

The only times I feel guilty are when I fuck up with Master or someone I care about but even that is fixed quickly and goes away.

I don't waste my time on useless endeavors.

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RE: Guilt - 10/6/2010 8:10:26 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		pam, be careful.  Feelings of guilt can be manipulated easily by someone unscrupulous.

There is a catharsis to getting hit with impact play.  I believe that's what you're talking about - a release of emotions that cleanses out your spirit.


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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: Guilt - 10/6/2010 8:24:27 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I never feel guilt. Why would I? I don't do things to hurt people purposefully.

I feel frustration at some things in life, but not guilt. That would imply I did something wrong and perhaps I did in another life, but so far, not this one.

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RE: Guilt - 10/6/2010 8:32:27 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		i can relate to the feeling guilty aspect of your post. You are fortunate that discipline relieves it for you.

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RE: Guilt - 10/6/2010 9:10:27 PM   
Zevar


Posts: 801
Status: offline 		Greetings Pam:

Guilt as in owning responsibility for a wrongdoing committed is a healthier way to consider the term guilt. As opposed to guilt that is never able to be cleansed from ones inner being, thus needs to be perpetually punished when feelings of guilt surface. Whatever the root of this unfounded guilt is surely you deserve to be totally free of it, IMO!

Take care!

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