Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

it bothers me...


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> it bothers me... Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
it bothers me... - 10/5/2010 8:42:40 PM   
itsmeinLV


Posts: 207
Joined: 12/23/2009
Status: offline 		I don't know why but whenever I find my partner watching porn (jerking off to it, of course), it irritates me.  I know everybody watch porn, hell, I admit I watch porn (well, animation porn, but I won't split hairs).  But tonight, when I saw he had porn opened on my laptop, he says, "Oh, I'm not even watching it, just checking for updates".  Updates?  So...he's apparently on it regularly then?  Why does that irritate me???  It's not like we don't have sex.  We do and regularly.  I never resort to porn (and my battery operated best friend), unless I need to because of the womanly week.  Is it cause he's looking at other women and jerking off to them?  Is it because he's having a good time on his own?  I just don't understand why I feel so irritated when I know he's jerking off to porn! 

Anybody else go through this or am I just being uber weird??? 
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: it bothers me... - 10/5/2010 8:58:59 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		I certainly cannot speak for all men... but i do know many men are visual creatures.

Sometimes they just want the release without the muss and fuss.

Sometimes they just wanna watch.

Curious, when he is doing this, why dont you just crawl on over and attempt tp take the matter into your own hand... or mouth.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to itsmeinLV)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: it bothers me... - 10/5/2010 9:05:32 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		Porn and poly have been the theme in my house and I always offer to lend a helping hand (or cock) if the girls are sexually engaged with each other or solo.  I don't understand why if you find him having sex, you wouldn't want to join?

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: it bothers me... - 10/5/2010 9:06:37 PM   
Aylee


Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline 		Trite, I know, but have you discussed this issue with him?


Ummm. . . porn has updates?  Dayum I am out of touch.

_____________________________

Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam

I don’t always wgah’nagl fhtagn. But when I do, I ph’nglui mglw’nafh R’lyeh.

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: it bothers me... - 10/5/2010 9:20:31 PM   
itsmeinLV


Posts: 207
Joined: 12/23/2009
Status: offline 		tazzygirl: I'm definitely not a fussy lover, especially in bed.  And I do understand being visual creatures.  Why don't I join having found out he's jerking off?  Well, my hypothetical "penis" goes limp when I find that fact out.  Which is what I don't understand...why?

ResidentSadist: Again, like I answered tazzygirl, my "penis" goes limp whenever I find out he's jerking off to porn.  The irritation kind of overwhelms me and I just kind of ignore the situation.

Aylee: Apparently, porn do updates, haha.  I only watch those animation porn so I don't really care about that stuff.  I don't know if it's an "issue" worth bringing up.  Let's say I approach him about it, then what?  "Honey, I want you to stop watching porn because for some reason it irritates me"?  I don't see how that would help and I think it's pretty unfair to say the least.  I don't even know WHY it irritates me to begin with!  And I guess that's what really, really bothers me the most.  Why am I so annoyed with that small simple fact that my partner jacks off to porn?  I know the simple fact that probably just about every one does that. 

--still confused at my own actions and feelings. 





(in reply to Aylee)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: it bothers me... - 10/5/2010 9:24:12 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		Maybe because you view it as a form of cheating?

I discovered my ex adored jenna jamison (sorry if i spelled that wrong). I bought him a video of hers. I didnt mind him watching porn at all. Just wished he would have let me join in. But that wasnt what he wanted. I did try though.

I think, once you try, his excitement over the prospect just may be contagious.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to itsmeinLV)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: it bothers me... - 10/5/2010 9:33:20 PM   
MistressRosalyn


Posts: 908
Joined: 8/16/2009
Status: offline 		Hmmm...Let's do a hypothetical question...

If my partner and I usually eat together, how would I feel if I walked into the kitchen and found him making a meal...but only for himself? Not only that, but he doesn't even offer to share, and he didn't even let me know he was hungry! I believe I would be a little bit miffed.

I think if your partner had offered sex, and you declined, then he would be in his rights to do what ever he needed to do, but to fly solo without even offering? Hmmm...sounds a little selfish to me.

Another factor to consider is: can he go again if he has one orgasm? My ex could only manage once a night. Once he came, BAM! that was it, and he was sawing logs. So if I wanted some, and he had already gone ahead without me, I'd be a bit hacked. Some guys, the first O just makes the next one better. So which way is your partner, and does that have some bearing on how you may feel about it?


_____________________________

Member of Lance's Fag Hags.

I have 20 Fluffy Points and you don't!

I went to the Dark Side...now where are the cookies?

When did my life become a Jerry Springer/Jeremy Kyle episode?

(in reply to itsmeinLV)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: it bothers me... - 10/5/2010 9:34:16 PM   
Aylee


Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: itsmeinLV

Aylee: Apparently, porn do updates, haha.  I only watch those animation porn so I don't really care about that stuff.  I don't know if it's an "issue" worth bringing up.  Let's say I approach him about it, then what?  "Honey, I want you to stop watching porn because for some reason it irritates me"?  I don't see how that would help and I think it's pretty unfair to say the least.  I don't even know WHY it irritates me to begin with!  And I guess that's what really, really bothers me the most.  Why am I so annoyed with that small simple fact that my partner jacks off to porn?  I know the simple fact that probably just about every one does that. 

--still confused at my own actions and feelings. 


Perhaps you are feeling ignored when he is jerking off with out being involved at all. 

I have no idea if your boyfriend has an addiction to porn or not.  However perhaps you two could try making sure to set aside at least one evening a week without internet activity. 

It could be that your computers are getting in the way of you two spending personal time with each other.  If you could ensure that you had this time togeather then perhaps you will  not feel as irritated when he is watching porn with out you.

_____________________________

Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam

I don’t always wgah’nagl fhtagn. But when I do, I ph’nglui mglw’nafh R’lyeh.

(in reply to itsmeinLV)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: it bothers me... - 10/5/2010 9:34:54 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I understand the interest in porn from men, but personally? No guy of mine has ever needed any. We did enough to put porn to shame.

If someone really likes it, they can watch it. I find it boring; since I would rather be participating in the real thing.

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: it bothers me... - 10/5/2010 9:37:58 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		Oh no doubt i prefer the reality over the fantasy.

Some men arent wired that way all the time.

The op indicated they have sex and regularly, and she also admits she wantches porn as well.

Is this a case of double standards?

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: it bothers me... - 10/6/2010 5:49:03 AM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline 		Would it still bother you if they were less attractive than you?

(in reply to itsmeinLV)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: it bothers me... - 10/6/2010 6:40:16 AM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline 		as someone else said, masturbating to porn is no muss/no fuss. i say leave him be, let him have his alone time. everything is not meant to be a shared sexual experience. sometimes he needs that quick, purely selfish and self-focused release. if you are satisfied with your sex life, and as he clearly does not have some sort of addiction to porn, i really don't understand why it bothers you. if anything i would be somewhat disturbed by a red-blooded guy who didn't watch and jerk off to porn every now and again.



(in reply to DomImus)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: it bothers me... - 10/6/2010 7:36:51 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Don't know about the op,  but it never bothered me that they were surgically enhanced and air brushed. What did bother me was that he preferred the porn to me. Now The Man watches porn but only on nights he can't sleep. If he wants some and I'm around, then I'm his first choice. But the ex made me the second choice, in this and other ways. If I'm not his top priority then I'm not in this relationship. Because being told in all kinds of ways that I'm unwanted isn't any good for my self esteem. And that's what's happening when a man could have a woman but prefers to ignore her.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to DomImus)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: it bothers me... - 10/6/2010 7:56:08 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		Perhaps it bothers you because you feel left out, or somehow inadequate that he is choosing porn over you at that time.

Sometimes guys just need their guy-time and space.  Try to remember it has nothing to do with you. It's just a quick jerk-off to a fantasy, and then he comes back. It's not a rejection of you, it's just a man enjoying some personal space.  Some men play with tools in the garage; some men play with their own tool in front of porn. 

When you're enjoying your cartoon-porn, is it an active rejection of him? Do you prefer those characters over him?  Or is it just a fun and temporary entertainment you're engaging in?  Think about it when you're watching, and try to apply your logic for watching, to him when he's watching.  It might help a bit.


_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to itsmeinLV)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: it bothers me... - 10/6/2010 3:16:36 PM   
AlwaysLisa


Posts: 1088
Joined: 10/6/2006
From: Washington State
Status: offline 		itsmeinLV,

Porn happens.  Do you want to know why it is happening, or why your irritated? 

There are things to be found on the net that are not found in our daily lives..for instance, you like animation porn, it's not easy to find young asian girls with blue hair and DD boobs.   Maybe your other is fulfilling something he can't have in reality?  

As to your irritation, I would say jealousy sums it up.   It's nothing to be ashamed of or worried about, unless you allow it to cloud your judgement.  It's a natural reaction and many, many people experience it at one time in their life :)    

He is finding pleasure for himself, your not involved.  Think of it as a guys fishing or hunting trip, no women allowed.   If he wants this privacy, it doesn't mean your not satisfying, simply that he wants some space :)  Women (your not alone) tend to view this situation as a "whats wrong with me" problem, but it's not.  Remember, men are geared to procreate with as many women as they possibly can...however society tells them it's not "proper", to have more then one mate at a time.   It's in his DNA to seek out these women, even if they are only online.

Lisa

_____________________________

Just an old flower child, trying to survive in today's chaos and confusion.

(in reply to itsmeinLV)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: it bothers me... - 10/6/2010 5:15:42 PM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline 		FR

I've worked out what's weirding me out about this thread. I think of sex and flying solo as two totally separate and only vaguely related activities. I wouldn't ever give one up just because I have access to the other. One's about being totally in tune with someone else, and the other is about being totally in tune with myself. I can't imagine being jealous of a partner getting off on porn, because in my head that has absolutely nothing to do with what we do together.


_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.




(in reply to AlwaysLisa)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: it bothers me... - 10/6/2010 6:28:31 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I had a problem with it with the ex because he'd spend more time jacking off to porn than us having sex.

Imo he was addicted to porn and couldn't cope with the real thing.

I like to think the man I'm with would rather be more interested in fucking me than his addiction fucking him.

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: it bothers me... - 10/6/2010 6:51:05 PM   
Hippiekinkster


Posts: 5512
Joined: 11/20/2007
From: Liechtenstein
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressRosalyn

My ex could only manage once a night. Once he came, BAM! that was it, and he was sawing logs. So if I wanted some, and he had already gone ahead without me, I'd be a bit hacked. Some guys, the first O just makes the next one better. So which way is your partner, and does that have some bearing on how you may feel about it?

Speaking as a guy, while it is true that there is a tendency to lay back and doze after a good O, that tendency is easy to resist. It's the difference between getting a nut and making love. I don't have sex without making love, and even though my refractory period is longer than it was when I was younger, and indeed it might not even be possible to obtain another erection, it still feels good to play around after the orgasm. Dozing after cumming is, IMO, simply self-centeredness.


_____________________________

"We are convinced that freedom w/o Socialism is privilege and injustice, and that Socialism w/o freedom is slavery and brutality." Bakunin

“Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone; therefore we are saved by love.” Reinhold Ne

(in reply to MistressRosalyn)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: it bothers me... - 10/6/2010 6:58:52 PM   
Twoshoes


Posts: 1218
Joined: 7/27/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
I've worked out what's weirding me out about this thread. I think of sex and flying solo as two totally separate and only vaguely related activities. I wouldn't ever give one up just because I have access to the other. One's about being totally in tune with someone else, and the other is about being totally in tune with myself. I can't imagine being jealous of a partner getting off on porn, because in my head that has absolutely nothing to do with what we do together.


That makes perfect sense to me.

In my mind, the two being completely different is why someone enjoying some unrelated fantasy (or whatever they usually do alone) and sharing that side of themselves even for a brief moment seems rather special.

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: it bothers me... - 10/6/2010 7:10:41 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		It's the time management that makes my spidey sense tingle. If he's doing it when it's my bedtime so that I go to bed alone and we don't have sex, then I feel abandoned. Doing this to avoid intimacy is not uncommon. But I need intimacy in my relationship. So when someone schedules the porn in order to avoid me, that's a major problem.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Twoshoes)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> it bothers me... Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094