it bothers me... (Full Version)

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itsmeinLV -> it bothers me... (10/5/2010 8:42:40 PM)

I don't know why but whenever I find my partner watching porn (jerking off to it, of course), it irritates me.  I know everybody watch porn, hell, I admit I watch porn (well, animation porn, but I won't split hairs).  But tonight, when I saw he had porn opened on my laptop, he says, "Oh, I'm not even watching it, just checking for updates".  Updates?  So...he's apparently on it regularly then?  Why does that irritate me???  It's not like we don't have sex.  We do and regularly.  I never resort to porn (and my battery operated best friend), unless I need to because of the womanly week.  Is it cause he's looking at other women and jerking off to them?  Is it because he's having a good time on his own?  I just don't understand why I feel so irritated when I know he's jerking off to porn! 

Anybody else go through this or am I just being uber weird???  [>:]



tazzygirl -> RE: it bothers me... (10/5/2010 8:58:59 PM)

I certainly cannot speak for all men... but i do know many men are visual creatures.

Sometimes they just want the release without the muss and fuss.

Sometimes they just wanna watch.

Curious, when he is doing this, why dont you just crawl on over and attempt tp take the matter into your own hand... or mouth. [:D]



ResidentSadist -> RE: it bothers me... (10/5/2010 9:05:32 PM)

Porn and poly have been the theme in my house and I always offer to lend a helping hand (or cock) if the girls are sexually engaged with each other or solo.  I don't understand why if you find him having sex, you wouldn't want to join?



Aylee -> RE: it bothers me... (10/5/2010 9:06:37 PM)

Trite, I know, but have you discussed this issue with him?


Ummm. . . porn has updates?  Dayum I am out of touch.



itsmeinLV -> RE: it bothers me... (10/5/2010 9:20:31 PM)

tazzygirl: I'm definitely not a fussy lover, especially in bed.  And I do understand being visual creatures.  Why don't I join having found out he's jerking off?  Well, my hypothetical "penis" goes limp when I find that fact out.  Which is what I don't understand...why?

ResidentSadist: Again, like I answered tazzygirl, my "penis" goes limp whenever I find out he's jerking off to porn.  The irritation kind of overwhelms me and I just kind of ignore the situation.

Aylee: Apparently, porn do updates, haha.  I only watch those animation porn so I don't really care about that stuff.  I don't know if it's an "issue" worth bringing up.  Let's say I approach him about it, then what?  "Honey, I want you to stop watching porn because for some reason it irritates me"?  I don't see how that would help and I think it's pretty unfair to say the least.  I don't even know WHY it irritates me to begin with!  And I guess that's what really, really bothers me the most.  Why am I so annoyed with that small simple fact that my partner jacks off to porn?  I know the simple fact that probably just about every one does that. 

--still confused at my own actions and feelings.  [>:]







tazzygirl -> RE: it bothers me... (10/5/2010 9:24:12 PM)

Maybe because you view it as a form of cheating?

I discovered my ex adored jenna jamison (sorry if i spelled that wrong). I bought him a video of hers. I didnt mind him watching porn at all. Just wished he would have let me join in. But that wasnt what he wanted. I did try though.

I think, once you try, his excitement over the prospect just may be contagious.



MistressRosalyn -> RE: it bothers me... (10/5/2010 9:33:20 PM)

Hmmm...Let's do a hypothetical question...

If my partner and I usually eat together, how would I feel if I walked into the kitchen and found him making a meal...but only for himself? Not only that, but he doesn't even offer to share, and he didn't even let me know he was hungry! I believe I would be a little bit miffed.

I think if your partner had offered sex, and you declined, then he would be in his rights to do what ever he needed to do, but to fly solo without even offering? Hmmm...sounds a little selfish to me.

Another factor to consider is: can he go again if he has one orgasm? My ex could only manage once a night. Once he came, BAM! that was it, and he was sawing logs. So if I wanted some, and he had already gone ahead without me, I'd be a bit hacked. Some guys, the first O just makes the next one better. So which way is your partner, and does that have some bearing on how you may feel about it?



Aylee -> RE: it bothers me... (10/5/2010 9:34:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: itsmeinLV

Aylee: Apparently, porn do updates, haha.  I only watch those animation porn so I don't really care about that stuff.  I don't know if it's an "issue" worth bringing up.  Let's say I approach him about it, then what?  "Honey, I want you to stop watching porn because for some reason it irritates me"?  I don't see how that would help and I think it's pretty unfair to say the least.  I don't even know WHY it irritates me to begin with!  And I guess that's what really, really bothers me the most.  Why am I so annoyed with that small simple fact that my partner jacks off to porn?  I know the simple fact that probably just about every one does that. 

--still confused at my own actions and feelings.  [>:]


Perhaps you are feeling ignored when he is jerking off with out being involved at all. 

I have no idea if your boyfriend has an addiction to porn or not.  However perhaps you two could try making sure to set aside at least one evening a week without internet activity. 

It could be that your computers are getting in the way of you two spending personal time with each other.  If you could ensure that you had this time togeather then perhaps you will  not feel as irritated when he is watching porn with out you.



sexyred1 -> RE: it bothers me... (10/5/2010 9:34:54 PM)

I understand the interest in porn from men, but personally? No guy of mine has ever needed any. We did enough to put porn to shame.

If someone really likes it, they can watch it. I find it boring; since I would rather be participating in the real thing.



tazzygirl -> RE: it bothers me... (10/5/2010 9:37:58 PM)

Oh no doubt i prefer the reality over the fantasy.

Some men arent wired that way all the time.

The op indicated they have sex and regularly, and she also admits she wantches porn as well.

Is this a case of double standards?



DomImus -> RE: it bothers me... (10/6/2010 5:49:03 AM)

Would it still bother you if they were less attractive than you?



daddysprop247 -> RE: it bothers me... (10/6/2010 6:40:16 AM)

as someone else said, masturbating to porn is no muss/no fuss. i say leave him be, let him have his alone time. everything is not meant to be a shared sexual experience. sometimes he needs that quick, purely selfish and self-focused release. if you are satisfied with your sex life, and as he clearly does not have some sort of addiction to porn, i really don't understand why it bothers you. if anything i would be somewhat disturbed by a red-blooded guy who didn't watch and jerk off to porn every now and again.





DesFIP -> RE: it bothers me... (10/6/2010 7:36:51 AM)

Don't know about the op,  but it never bothered me that they were surgically enhanced and air brushed. What did bother me was that he preferred the porn to me. Now The Man watches porn but only on nights he can't sleep. If he wants some and I'm around, then I'm his first choice. But the ex made me the second choice, in this and other ways. If I'm not his top priority then I'm not in this relationship. Because being told in all kinds of ways that I'm unwanted isn't any good for my self esteem. And that's what's happening when a man could have a woman but prefers to ignore her.



NuevaVida -> RE: it bothers me... (10/6/2010 7:56:08 AM)

Perhaps it bothers you because you feel left out, or somehow inadequate that he is choosing porn over you at that time.

Sometimes guys just need their guy-time and space.  Try to remember it has nothing to do with you. It's just a quick jerk-off to a fantasy, and then he comes back. It's not a rejection of you, it's just a man enjoying some personal space.  Some men play with tools in the garage; some men play with their own tool in front of porn.  [8D]

When you're enjoying your cartoon-porn, is it an active rejection of him? Do you prefer those characters over him?  Or is it just a fun and temporary entertainment you're engaging in?  Think about it when you're watching, and try to apply your logic for watching, to him when he's watching.  It might help a bit.



AlwaysLisa -> RE: it bothers me... (10/6/2010 3:16:36 PM)

itsmeinLV,

Porn happens.  Do you want to know why it is happening, or why your irritated? 

There are things to be found on the net that are not found in our daily lives..for instance, you like animation porn, it's not easy to find young asian girls with blue hair and DD boobs.   Maybe your other is fulfilling something he can't have in reality?  

As to your irritation, I would say jealousy sums it up.   It's nothing to be ashamed of or worried about, unless you allow it to cloud your judgement.  It's a natural reaction and many, many people experience it at one time in their life :)    

He is finding pleasure for himself, your not involved.  Think of it as a guys fishing or hunting trip, no women allowed.   If he wants this privacy, it doesn't mean your not satisfying, simply that he wants some space :)  Women (your not alone) tend to view this situation as a "whats wrong with me" problem, but it's not.  Remember, men are geared to procreate with as many women as they possibly can...however society tells them it's not "proper", to have more then one mate at a time.   It's in his DNA to seek out these women, even if they are only online.

Lisa



VaguelyCurious -> RE: it bothers me... (10/6/2010 5:15:42 PM)

FR

I've worked out what's weirding me out about this thread. I think of sex and flying solo as two totally separate and only vaguely related activities. I wouldn't ever give one up just because I have access to the other. One's about being totally in tune with someone else, and the other is about being totally in tune with myself. I can't imagine being jealous of a partner getting off on porn, because in my head that has absolutely nothing to do with what we do together.



littlewonder -> RE: it bothers me... (10/6/2010 6:28:31 PM)

I had a problem with it with the ex because he'd spend more time jacking off to porn than us having sex.

Imo he was addicted to porn and couldn't cope with the real thing.

I like to think the man I'm with would rather be more interested in fucking me than his addiction fucking him.



Hippiekinkster -> RE: it bothers me... (10/6/2010 6:51:05 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressRosalyn

My ex could only manage once a night. Once he came, BAM! that was it, and he was sawing logs. So if I wanted some, and he had already gone ahead without me, I'd be a bit hacked. Some guys, the first O just makes the next one better. So which way is your partner, and does that have some bearing on how you may feel about it?

Speaking as a guy, while it is true that there is a tendency to lay back and doze after a good O, that tendency is easy to resist. It's the difference between getting a nut and making love. I don't have sex without making love, and even though my refractory period is longer than it was when I was younger, and indeed it might not even be possible to obtain another erection, it still feels good to play around after the orgasm. Dozing after cumming is, IMO, simply self-centeredness.



Twoshoes -> RE: it bothers me... (10/6/2010 6:58:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
I've worked out what's weirding me out about this thread. I think of sex and flying solo as two totally separate and only vaguely related activities. I wouldn't ever give one up just because I have access to the other. One's about being totally in tune with someone else, and the other is about being totally in tune with myself. I can't imagine being jealous of a partner getting off on porn, because in my head that has absolutely nothing to do with what we do together.


That makes perfect sense to me.

In my mind, the two being completely different is why someone enjoying some unrelated fantasy (or whatever they usually do alone) and sharing that side of themselves even for a brief moment seems rather special.



DesFIP -> RE: it bothers me... (10/6/2010 7:10:41 PM)

It's the time management that makes my spidey sense tingle. If he's doing it when it's my bedtime so that I go to bed alone and we don't have sex, then I feel abandoned. Doing this to avoid intimacy is not uncommon. But I need intimacy in my relationship. So when someone schedules the porn in order to avoid me, that's a major problem.



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