RE: it bothers me... (Full Version)

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Kana -> RE: it bothers me... (10/6/2010 8:37:44 PM)

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm, porn



NuevaVida -> RE: it bothers me... (10/6/2010 8:42:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Doing this to avoid intimacy is not uncommon. But I need intimacy in my relationship.


This is a really good point.  I know someone who has been married for about 20 years now.  Over time he has become  overweight, to the point where he feels too self conscious to have sex with his wife.  So far, attempts to lose weight have been sporadically successful, but that's a different issue.  The end result is he checks out porn to satisfy himself while avoiding the major issue of feeling humiliated in front of his wife (his own self image issues - she hasn't done anything that I know of to actually humiliate him).  It's avoidance. 

Meanwhile, she complains how much it hurts her to be left in bed alone while he's checking out porn in the other room.  For them, anyway, it's a bigger issue than what's on the computer. 



Kaliko -> RE: it bothers me... (10/6/2010 9:08:49 PM)

I don't mind one bit. If I find him doing that I will climb under the desk and increase his pleasure for him.



Voodali -> RE: it bothers me... (10/6/2010 9:26:55 PM)

I know I would find it cheap and tawdry and lacking in class if I had a boy who watched anything other than porn I had specifically ordered him to watch, which would most likely be gay, and then I'd make him lap up his own semen after spanking to it. But then I guess I'm controlling like that.

But seriously, if I were in a vanilla relationship, and my significant other watched a lot of porn, I would lose interest in him quickly, and try to find someone who cared more for my feelings and had more class. You're not alone, but bear in mind that I am a lot less tolerant of boyish mischief that many women allow, and that perhaps because of that, I am very single. I just have this damnable desire to be treated right or not be in a relationship at all, and I wouldn't consider a porn addiction being treated right.  Mind you, there's a difference between occasional porn and a porn addiction. You may have to compromise to be in a relationship with most males.

And something I have pondered for a while...if men are such visual creatures, how come its the women who have the fashion and decorative sense ?



Twoshoes -> RE: it bothers me... (10/6/2010 9:30:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Voodali
And something I have pondered for a while...if men are such visual creatures, how come its the women who have the fashion and decorative sense ?


Cause we're too busy perfecting the silhouettes of cars. [;)]
Or you may have not met enough metrosexual guys.



VaguelyCurious -> RE: it bothers me... (10/7/2010 4:20:26 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

If he's doing it when it's my bedtime so that I go to bed alone and we don't have sex, then I feel abandoned.

I can absolutely understand that-under those circumstances I would be distressed too. But unless I've misread the OP's posts then that's not what she's talking about-this isn't porn getting in the way of her time with him, it's porn during odd moments of the day.

Or have I just had a reading comprehension fail?



Kana -> RE: it bothers me... (10/7/2010 4:26:30 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko

I don't mind one bit. If I find him doing that I will climb under the desk and increase his pleasure for him.


Ding, Ding. We have a winner



...And an unselfish one at that :-)



DesFIP -> RE: it bothers me... (10/7/2010 5:34:48 AM)

That presumes he wants and would welcome her involvement. Which is not my experience. I was not wanted, I was specifically disinvited.



daddysprop247 -> RE: it bothers me... (10/7/2010 9:08:16 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

That presumes he wants and would welcome her involvement. Which is not my experience. I was not wanted, I was specifically disinvited.


i don't understand why one would feel the need to be included. every man, heck, every person, needs their personal space, their private time. when a husband ignores his wife during the course of a televised professional football game, does that indicate he is not attracted to her or is choosing football over their relationship?? i view occasional masturbation to porn the same way. just let the man have his "me" time.



VaguelyCurious -> RE: it bothers me... (10/7/2010 9:12:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

i view occasional masturbation to porn the same way.

I'm with you in part, but it does depend how occasional 'occasional masturbation' is. To take the football metaphor-if my partner spent our entire time together watching sports I would be pissed off, but if they only watch for the same length of time I want to curl up in bed and read a book then there's no issue. The two possibilities aren't the same at all.



Twoshoes -> RE: it bothers me... (10/7/2010 9:24:03 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
That presumes he wants and would welcome her involvement. Which is not my experience. I was not wanted, I was specifically disinvited.


Well, this may have little to do with porn; much bigger problem there.

Others will simply spend their entire day at work and come home at 8 PM, then (as noted) watch sports for a couple of hours to avoid you.



LaTigresse -> RE: it bothers me... (10/7/2010 9:37:18 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

as someone else said, masturbating to porn is no muss/no fuss. i say leave him be, let him have his alone time. everything is not meant to be a shared sexual experience. sometimes he needs that quick, purely selfish and self-focused release. if you are satisfied with your sex life, and as he clearly does not have some sort of addiction to porn, i really don't understand why it bothers you. if anything i would be somewhat disturbed by a red-blooded guy who didn't watch and jerk off to porn every now and again.



This.

I totally 'get' a person that has moments of not wanting to involve their partner/s. Sometimes a flight of imagination and orgasm is all that is wanted. Without all of the extra stuff that sex with another person entails.



juliaoceania -> RE: it bothers me... (10/7/2010 11:12:14 AM)

I like watching porn with my man, I know I am unusual, but that is just how I fly



DesFIP -> RE: it bothers me... (10/7/2010 11:19:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Twoshoes
Well, this may have little to do with porn; much bigger problem there.

Others will simply spend their entire day at work and come home at 8 PM, then (as noted) watch sports for a couple of hours to avoid you.


Right and then followed by porn so he could not then become intimate with me. Having had that in the past, it would be something I would be extremely upset by in the present.

Plus there is no absolute definition of occasional masturbation. A man's refractory period being what it is, once a day in their 50's means there will be no shared sex at all.



VaguelyCurious -> RE: it bothers me... (10/7/2010 1:12:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Plus there is no absolute definition of occasional masturbation. A man's refractory period being what it is, once a day in their 50's means there will be no shared sex at all.

Only if you regard sex as necessarily involving climax for *both* of you...



DesFIP -> RE: it bothers me... (10/7/2010 1:34:48 PM)

Shared interest for both of us certainly, both having orgasms is never a certainty. But if you had just finished dinner, would you really be interested in then cooking for him and watching him eat while you were totally uninterested? And even if you would do so occasionally, would you prefer this to dining together nightly? My experience appears to differ markedly from yours.



VaguelyCurious -> RE: it bothers me... (10/7/2010 2:55:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Shared interest for both of us certainly, both having orgasms is never a certainty. But if you had just finished dinner, would you really be interested in then cooking for him and watching him eat while you were totally uninterested?

You're talking to a lesbian, remember-I'd gladly cook all night long [;)]

quote:


And even if you would do so occasionally, would you prefer this to dining together nightly?

No, I wouldn't. But we were talking about occasionally, here. You said there was no definition of occasional because an occasional wank would mean you couldn't have sex that night. I was disagreeing. At no point have I said I would be happy in a situation like the one you were in where this was the norm.

quote:


My experience appears to differ markedly from yours.

And you're only noticing this now? [8D]



Twoshoes -> RE: it bothers me... (10/7/2010 3:13:24 PM)

Hey, sperm might not contain a lot of calories, but its production involves the use of high-grade nutrients at a higher priority than things vital for growth and cell renewal like HGH.
(That's my rationalization for why climaxing as much as possible isn't that desirable.)

And since I'm being more forward than usual, I am A-OK with not climaxing as long as I'm the person who decides. [:)]

Disclaimer: I have no experience with 50-year-old men.

Finally, this whole topic is like dancing. Dancing alone feels completely different than dancing with someone else, which in turn is different depending on who your partner is and how well you know them.



littlewonder -> RE: it bothers me... (10/7/2010 4:13:12 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko

I don't mind one bit. If I find him doing that I will climb under the desk and increase his pleasure for him.


that only works if he doesn't lock the door to keep you out.



MrKicia -> RE: it bothers me... (10/7/2010 6:26:45 PM)

No porn and no masturbation in our house.  It really annoys the wife.  She used to throw a fit when she found out i had masturbated or looked at porn.  Her reason is that she is always willing to have sex and i have no need to look at porn or satisfy myself.  She doesnt like to masturbate or look at porn, she just wants to have sex all the time.  So I dont look at porn or jerk off.  I dont know why she is so adverse to femdom, she already has one of the main cornerstones in place.  LOL!



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