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excepting a collar - 9/11/2010 1:47:19 PM   
lilkoda


Posts: 7
Joined: 3/8/2010
Status: offline 		Ok, I have a real problem. The Mistress that first got me talking and learning about this lifestyle I have been in for the last 12 years has ask me to be her submissive. I wore a safety collar under her before, and that was kind of cool and I learned alot about myself and what I am looking for. I wore the collar for the six monthes thast we discussed. The problem is that I love her very much, but she is engaged to another submissive in her life and she wants me to move in with them and be her non sexual submissive. She says I can find sex with other women if I want to and she has no problem with that. My problem is that I am a little jealous of her relationship and that is what I really want, is a relationship with a Dominant Mistress. I don't know how to tell her that is what I want. It was great being under her safety collar, but I really want more. A relationship with someone.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: excepting a collar - 9/11/2010 2:01:23 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		It seems self explanatory, you both have different relationship goals and you shouldn't continue on with her. You have not been honest about your needs, either, which is tantamount to lying if you accept her collar knowing you want more and knowing you are jealous.

Save everyone a lot of time and pain and anguish... tell her what it is you want and need, and then move on to find it

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to lilkoda)
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RE: excepting a collar - 9/11/2010 2:07:21 PM   
PeanutTigerinBox


Posts: 1624
Status: offline 		what she said, good luck

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RE: excepting a collar - 9/11/2010 2:13:45 PM   
NefertariReborn


Posts: 381
Status: offline 		If you can't spell "accepting" you shouldn't be accepting anything "except" a dictionary. (See how those two words work? Don't mix them up now)

_____________________________

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“How will you become a clear mirror if you resent being polished

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Profile   Post #: 4
RE: excepting a collar - 9/11/2010 2:25:03 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NefertariReborn

If you can't spell "accepting" you shouldn't be accepting anything "except" a dictionary. (See how those two words work? Don't mix them up now)


I am working on my MA and made stupid mistakes like that and then have to go back and edit it.... for you to judge someone's entire life and their fitness as a human being on such a trivial thing is kinda weird

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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Profile   Post #: 5
RE: excepting a collar - 9/11/2010 2:32:25 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		If you want a dynamic that includes all of the things that you are looking for, is it worth settling for less?  It may be and it may not be.  It all depends on how much you value being in a dynamic and the benefits of being in one, even if it isn't everything that you want, rather than none at all.  Some people might compare this to, if you were vanilla, would you agree to marry someone who is romantically in love with someone else?  If you wouldn't, then there is your answer.

On top of the settling, I'd be taking a serious look at the jealousy issue before making a decision.  If you can't let go of that, there is going to be one heck of a mess should you actually move in.  What happens if you move in and the jealousy becomes such an issue that it isn't tolerable for one or all of you?  Then, you have no dynamic (if the other sub is more important to her and pulls the "either he goes or I go" card, you'll lose) and nowhere to live.  Are you prepared to deal with that potential fall out?


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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Profile   Post #: 6
RE: excepting a collar - 9/11/2010 2:34:41 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
I am working on my MA and made stupid mistakes like that and then have to go back and edit it.... for you to judge someone's entire life and their fitness as a human being on such a trivial thing is kinda weird
I've always wondered at this too Julia. For me, it's just that I don't care enough about proper spelling on a forum post. My attitude is that if it is understandable, it's good enough. It's rather amusing some of the judgments that get leveled against posters other than me. If people applied the same logic to me, they would think of me as dumb, uncaring, and incapable of accepting the responsibility of owning Carol.

ROFL - now that I think on it, I'm sure some people do. Happily, that list doesn't include Carol.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: excepting a collar - 9/11/2010 2:46:00 PM   
NefertariReborn


Posts: 381
Status: offline 		oh good god, a treatise on a light hearted comment.... unclench and get over yourselves. I'm judging his ENTIRE life????? How frickin melodramaticc!!!! (and those c's were intentional ... directly proportional to the inaneness of the post. I will leave this topic here as I'm sure some more of the quasi intellectual forum poster crowd will no doubt derail this thread with their take on it.) I feel suitably chastened (Not!)


_____________________________

“Security is mostly a superstition…Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or it is nothing at all.” -Helen Keller

“How will you become a clear mirror if you resent being polished

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: excepting a collar - 9/11/2010 2:58:15 PM   
cajingrl


Posts: 52
Joined: 11/3/2005
Status: offline 		NR, just grow up and get over it....all you did was judge his spelling and didn't even contribute to the thread. why don't you keep the spelling bee to yourself and try to contribute in a positive way.

just my 2 cents worth.

cajin

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Profile   Post #: 9
RE: excepting a collar - 9/11/2010 3:09:56 PM   
LadyRian


Posts: 486
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline 		Hello likoda,
My advice here is that honesty is the best policy. Tell her what you want, and need, and then be ready to move on.



_____________________________

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Profile   Post #: 10
RE: excepting a collar - 9/11/2010 3:10:45 PM   
Zevar


Posts: 801
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilkoda

Ok, I have a real problem. The Mistress that first got me talking and learning about this lifestyle I have been in for the last 12 years has ask me to be her submissive. I wore a safety collar under her before, and that was kind of cool and I learned alot about myself and what I am looking for. I wore the collar for the six monthes thast we discussed. The problem is that I love her very much, but she is engaged to another submissive in her life and she wants me to move in with them and be her non sexual submissive. She says I can find sex with other women if I want to and she has no problem with that. My problem is that I am a little jealous of her relationship and that is what I really want, is a relationship with a Dominant Mistress. I don't know how to tell her that is what I want. It was great being under her safety collar, but I really want more. A relationship with someone.


The underlying issue appears to be a root of jealousy. It sounds like this woman was honest and clear with you. Yet it seems as though you are fixated on your unresolved issue of jealousy. This is the issue to address within your own self. To project an unresolved issue of jealousy upon this woman who appears to have been honest with you would be altogether inappropriate. I encourage you to respect what the boundaries are and do not manipulate them due to your chosen inability to deal with the situation in an objective realistic manner. 2+2 = 4. Some things are unchangeable for a good principled reason. Be honest with yourself first and then with others. In doing so you will find that you save yourself and others any further added issues to resolve. Finally, real problems deserve real solutions. Determine the best interest for everyone involved and purpose to accomplish what is best for all.

Take care!

< Message edited by Zevar -- 9/11/2010 3:12:13 PM >

(in reply to lilkoda)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: excepting a collar - 9/11/2010 3:48:29 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NefertariReborn

oh good god, a treatise on a light hearted comment.... unclench and get over yourselves. I'm judging his ENTIRE life????? How frickin melodramaticc!!!! (and those c's were intentional ... directly proportional to the inaneness of the post. I will leave this topic here as I'm sure some more of the quasi intellectual forum poster crowd will no doubt derail this thread with their take on it.) I feel suitably chastened (Not!)



My post was far from "treatise" length.

The question from the OP was sincere. If you think it is appropriate to dismiss their question because they screwed up with what is almost a homophone... I just don't agree with you...

As far as melodramatic.... your exit from this thread beats me for drama hands down.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to NefertariReborn)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: excepting a collar - 9/11/2010 4:40:16 PM   
MistressTonya2u


Posts: 140
Joined: 12/20/2009
Status: offline 		I think you need to take some time to weigh the pros and cons of the relationship.
The fact that you love her is bound to blind you in certain ways.
I absolutely suggest that if you do decide to move in, I would do it under a set amount of time, 3 or 6 months to determine if this is what you really want.
Seeing someone you love be tender and sexual with someone else is bound to make your jealousy even worse.
You said you don't know how to tell her this, tell her just as you did us.
Tell her you want a relationship and explain exactly what that entails for you, love and sex, ect.
Just be prepared that she may decide not to have ou move in.
If that happens, do not dwell as this as a great loss, rather look at it as a beginning for finding what it is that you truly want.
All best wishes in your decision.


(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: excepting a collar - 9/11/2010 5:00:57 PM   
lilkoda


Posts: 7
Joined: 3/8/2010
Status: offline 		just a quick update, I guess my spelling in not very good and I'm sorry about that. and the other thing is I didn't mean I was jealous of her or him, but jealous of the relationship they have and really want to have that type of relationship myself.

Thank you all for answering my question, it gives me some things to think about.

ps: I don't believe I saw a spell check where you write these posts....LOL

(in reply to MistressTonya2u)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: excepting a collar - 9/11/2010 5:07:34 PM   
LadyRian


Posts: 486
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline 		Hello likoda,

The way I see it is this; If you're looking for a committed relationship, and you accept moving in as the non sexual submissive, it's possible that a sense of obligation to her might preclude your need for the type of relationship you truly need.
A conflict of needs and desires can really cause things to go off the rails.



Edited for spelling


< Message edited by LadyRian -- 9/11/2010 5:08:36 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 15
RE: excepting a collar - 9/11/2010 5:48:23 PM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		when i was still being considered for my Mistress collar i was privileged to see Her play with another person in a public dungeon and i was surprised to find that i was jealous of the other person who was playing with Her. i was completely taken aback by it and had to reevaluate my relationship. the person was just a bottom who wanted to play and my Mistress accepted. it didn't take me long to determine that the important person to be happy in all tis was my Mistress. now when i see Her play it makes me happy as i know She will be happier when She gets to me, plus i will be there for a long while to come where as the other's will be just enjoying a brief time with Her. for you this issue needs to be dealt with as you may not want to be  a poly relationship or just one of the subs. this is something that only those in the dynamic with you can decide find a way place time to respectfully let your thoughts and feelings be known so that they can be considered. i did not start out to be a poly family but now i wouldn't trade it for anything in the world

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proud to serve the awsome
LadyPact

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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: excepting a collar - 9/11/2010 7:46:50 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilkoda

just a quick update, I guess my spelling in not very good and I'm sorry about that. and the other thing is I didn't mean I was jealous of her or him, but jealous of the relationship they have and really want to have that type of relationship myself.

Thank you all for answering my question, it gives me some things to think about.

ps: I don't believe I saw a spell check where you write these posts....LOL

I went and got the definition of the word so we'd both be on the same page.
jeal·ous  AC_FL_RunContent = 0;var interfaceflash = new LEXICOFlashObject ( "http://sp.dictionary.com/dictstatic/d/g/speaker.swf", "speaker", "17", "15", "", "6");interfaceflash.addParam("loop", "false");interfaceflash.addParam("quality", "high");interfaceflash.addParam("menu", "false");interfaceflash.addParam("salign", "t");interfaceflash.addParam("FlashVars", "soundUrl=http%3A%2F%2Fsp.dictionary.com%2Fdictstatic%2Fdictionary%2Faudio%2Fluna%2FJ00%2FJ0037500.mp3&clkLogProxyUrl=http%3A%2F%2Fdictionary.reference.com%2Fwhatzup.html&t=a&d=d&s=di&c=a&ti=1&ai=51359&l=dir&o=0&sv=00000000&ip=18cde346&u=audio"); interfaceflash.addParam('wmode','transparent');interfaceflash.write(); /ˈdʒɛləs/ Show Spelled[jel-uhs] Show IPA –adjective 1. feeling resentment against someone because of that person's rivalry, success, or advantages (often fol. by of ): He was jealous of his rich brother. 2. feeling resentment because of another's success, advantage, etc. (often fol. by of ): He was jealous of his brother's wealth. 3. characterized by or proceeding from suspicious fears or envious resentment: a jealous rage; jealous intrigues. 4. inclined to or troubled by suspicions or fears of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims: a jealous husband. 5. solicitous or vigilant in maintaining or guarding something: The American people are jealous of their freedom. 6. Bible . intolerant of unfaithfulness or rivalry: The Lord is a jealous god.

From what you wrote, this is exactly the impression that I got.  You may not be jealous of him specifically, but it sounds as though you would be jealous of what they have together.  That's not an easy situation.  As opposed to what clip was saying above, where he is Mine and other folks are the ones that I'm just playing with, that's not going to help you if what they have is a dynamic that is the primary one of the home.  You have to figure out if that is something that you can deal with or not.  I can promise you that not everybody can and it can be very painful to be in the situation if you can not.

I'm not trying to talk you out of the situation.  Instead, I think you need to do some self examination.  Also, it may be wise not to do this in such a big leap.  Are you spending time in the home to see how you react to the two of them together while you are there?  It seems to Me that would be the best way to see how you feel and react before just jumping to moving in with them.




_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to lilkoda)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: excepting a collar - 9/12/2010 1:36:23 AM   
slavelynn95008


Posts: 35
Joined: 12/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilkoda
I wore a safety collar under her before


What is a "safety collar"?

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: excepting a collar - 9/12/2010 4:45:39 AM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilkoda

what I really want, is a relationship with a Dominant Mistress. I don't know how to tell her that is what I want. It was great being under her safety collar, but I really want more. A relationship with someone.


Show her this ^

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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: excepting a collar - 9/12/2010 6:13:55 AM   
lilkoda


Posts: 7
Joined: 3/8/2010
Status: offline 		slavelynne,

A safety collar is like a training collar, in that you learn and serve a Dominant with alot of the same types of rules that you both sit down and discuss. also it is to introduce you to the community and helps you stay safe, because anyone interested would have to talk to the Dominant to be able to have any interaction with the submissive.

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)
Profile   Post #: 20
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