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how we process emotions? - 8/30/2010 5:51:11 AM   
medievalbdsm


Posts: 6
Joined: 8/13/2010
Status: offline 		hi all,

having a new slave girli've encountered a problem i've never had before. now i have a lot of experience in this lifestyle with all sorts of subs, slaves, etc. but right now the thing with this slave is she's stuck and her emotional barriers keep her from being free - letting go completely. a slap even a very gentle one will make her almost catatonic. we've talked long and hard about this and in short when she was little her mother used to slap her and her father slapped around her mother. anyways a slap makes her lost somehow. i've only done it once before i knew this would happen and since tried everything to release her emotions. i'd like her to get all this crap out because its not healthy to carry it around.

what can i try to help her get over this? we function very well together but i feel she needs to overcome this.
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RE: how we process emotions? - 8/30/2010 5:56:06 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: medievalbdsm

i'd like her to get all this crap out because its not healthy to carry it around.

what can i try to help her get over this? we function very well together but i feel she needs to overcome this.



I disagree.  I'd drop it, definitely for now and likely long term as well.  If it were a fear of dogs or something else she'd encounter in everyday life, your idea of getting her used to it would have merit, but she will likely live the rest of her life without anyone slapping her but you.

If you persist and I suspect you will, then you want her to get used to her face being touched.  Stroke it likely.  When she can take that without flinching, tell her "Good girl".   Make the strokes a little firmer over time.

And for God's sake, take your time in doing this.  Overcoming a trigger is NOT something to be done lightly or for no real reason.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: how we process emotions? - 8/30/2010 6:05:14 AM   
medievalbdsm


Posts: 6
Joined: 8/13/2010
Status: offline 		well there is a good reason. unresolved issues. and another reason is that i really like doing that when having sex. i could drop it but not until assessing it first. its like this if it can be overcome i'll patiently work on it as long as it takes. on the other hand if it would cause her to much stress or harm i'll drop it. maybe slap her boobs instead. that's why i ask about it here to gather info and see where to go from here.

but thanks for advice

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RE: how we process emotions? - 8/30/2010 6:05:26 AM   
jujubeeMB


Posts: 723
Joined: 1/8/2010
Status: offline 		OP -

As much as your heart seems to be in the right place, you are not a professional. If you're really concerned about your slave's emotional health, recommend that she go to a therapist to process what she went through with her parents. And do not slap her. Anything that makes someone catatonic isn't worth the sexual thrill.

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RE: how we process emotions? - 8/30/2010 6:05:26 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline 		Stop slapping her and send her for professional help. You are right, it is not healthy to carry around a lot of emotional crap.

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RE: how we process emotions? - 8/30/2010 6:08:50 AM   
thishereboi


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Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: medievalbdsm

well there is a good reason. unresolved issues. and another reason is that i really like doing that when having sex. i could drop it but not until assessing it first. its like this if it can be overcome i'll patiently work on it as long as it takes. on the other hand if it would cause her to much stress or harm i'll drop it. maybe slap her boobs instead. that's why i ask about it here to gather info and see where to go from here.

but thanks for advice



you state that a "slap even a very gentle one will make her almost catatonic" but you are not going to stop because you like doing it while having sex. Maybe you should ask yourself what is more important to you. Getting a nut or your slave's mental well being.


_____________________________

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This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


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RE: how we process emotions? - 8/30/2010 6:10:20 AM   
medievalbdsm


Posts: 6
Joined: 8/13/2010
Status: offline 		okay people i know you mean well but i'm not slapping her. it was once before i knew this would happen. ok therapy what good could come out of it. she has been doing it for like 5 years and it hasn't done much so far. if anyone knows a good doc it'd be nice to recommend him/her.

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RE: how we process emotions? - 8/30/2010 6:12:29 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		OP, if therapy hasn't done it, why do you think that you can? 

The fact that you like it is a valid reason, but you saying that you want to overcome her issues bothers me a lot.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: how we process emotions? - 8/30/2010 6:15:38 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Let's see...someone has had a trauma regarding slapping that therapy has not been able to overcome in 5 years. Check.

New Dom likes slapping during sex, so he thinks he can make the sub overcome her issues. Check.

New Dom has two choices:

Deal with it, stop bothering her about it and do without it if you care about her that much.

Don't deal with it, if the activity is more important than the person, then get a sub who likes face slapping.

I think I got that covered.

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RE: how we process emotions? - 8/30/2010 6:16:18 AM   
medievalbdsm


Posts: 6
Joined: 8/13/2010
Status: offline 		i'm not saying i can do it. all i'm doing is seeking advice from others who might have encountered this sort of prolem. and isn't it good for her that she overcomes her issues? 

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RE: how we process emotions? - 8/30/2010 6:19:04 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline 		Then why did you say differently in post #3?

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RE: how we process emotions? - 8/30/2010 6:21:25 AM   
SubPet715


Posts: 337
Joined: 8/24/2010
From: Brooklyn, NY
Status: offline 		I would go with dropping it, since I was a kid I have had an insane fear of needles.

The person I am with would understand and respect this, not kick the dirt and think oh boy now I can't stab him.

If you care enough about your sub you won't do it because of how it makes them feel.

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RE: how we process emotions? - 8/30/2010 6:21:53 AM   
medievalbdsm


Posts: 6
Joined: 8/13/2010
Status: offline 		its strange how a person looking for advice is suddenly a bad guy. since when is seeking advice bad???

i like it, pretty much anyone i had a meaningful realtionship with enjoyed it as well and if possible it would be great if i could enjoy it with my new slave - if both could enjoy it.

and just for the record i made a good career out of succeeding where others failed. so who knows maybe the doc she's been seeing knows jack shit. and yeah maybe i can help her.

i'm just tired of people taking a piss on others for no good reason.

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RE: how we process emotions? - 8/30/2010 6:23:44 AM   
medievalbdsm


Posts: 6
Joined: 8/13/2010
Status: offline 		i said i like slapping a slave when having sex. i do. doesn't mean her. i've had others before her.  good lord.

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RE: how we process emotions? - 8/30/2010 6:26:15 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: medievalbdsm

i'm not saying i can do it. all i'm doing is seeking advice from others who might have encountered this sort of prolem. and isn't it good for her that she overcomes her issues? 


It is good for her to overcome her issues. But you need to realize this simple but cold, hard fact:

Not every issue can be gotten over.

If she's spent five years in therapy and hasn't gotten anywhere - don't expect a quick fix or even for one to happen at all. My Mother is still in therapy at 60 for things that happened to her when she was about eight.

Work with her, having saintly patience, be happy for any progress made and set your expectations low (As in: Never being able to slap during sex) and hope for the best.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: how we process emotions? - 8/30/2010 6:31:56 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: medievalbdsm

its strange how a person looking for advice is suddenly a bad guy. since when is seeking advice bad???

i like it, pretty much anyone i had a meaningful realtionship with enjoyed it as well and if possible it would be great if i could enjoy it with my new slave - if both could enjoy it.

and just for the record i made a good career out of succeeding where others failed. so who knows maybe the doc she's been seeing knows jack shit. and yeah maybe i can help her.

i'm just tired of people taking a piss on others for no good reason.



And the collective WE here are tired of people posting a thread asking for advice and then, when not receiving exactly what they want to hear, they immediately have a hissy fit and say people are taking a piss on them.

Good job on the maturity level.

The way questions are presented here are all anyone can go on; no one is a mind reader about what your situation is indidvidually, we respond to what you have written.

Your perception that a person asking for advice is called BAD is again, your misperception.

(in reply to medievalbdsm)
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RE: how we process emotions? - 8/30/2010 6:36:36 AM   
SubPet715


Posts: 337
Joined: 8/24/2010
From: Brooklyn, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: medievalbdsm

its strange how a person looking for advice is suddenly a bad guy. since when is seeking advice bad???

i like it, pretty much anyone i had a meaningful realtionship with enjoyed it as well and if possible it would be great if i could enjoy it with my new slave - if both could enjoy it.

and just for the record i made a good career out of succeeding where others failed. so who knows maybe the doc she's been seeing knows jack shit. and yeah maybe i can help her.

i'm just tired of people taking a piss on others for no good reason.



I just don't see where anyone called you bad and I don't construe anything anyone wrote as bad.

It was all advice, it seems as if you're getting defensive because you aren't getting the answer you seek. Some are saying respect the boundary, others are saying have her seek help, but you are taking things being said out of context, perhaps its because you personally feel bad so any inkling towards contrary thoughts you may have on the subject compound the feeling.

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RE: how we process emotions? - 8/30/2010 6:36:50 AM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline 		~FR~

I'm someone who enjoys emotional edgeplay. I get off on getting into a sub's head and poking around. I have trained a partner to enjoy activities xie once found uncomfortable because of their associations with past trauma. Yet, I wouldn't touch this one with a 10-foot pole.

OP, you have 2 choices: give up on the idea of slapping this particular slave - EVER, or find a new slave who doesn't have this issue.

You already know she's in therapy and has been for 5 years. You now also know that a slap will send her into a near catatonic state because it's an emotional landmine for her. Yet you think you can do what a trained professional has not? Please. Just forget it. Put slapping on her list of hard limits and don't ever go there again. If you want to slap someone, then man up, find someone else, and let this slave go find someone who is compatible with her. Do not subject your poor slave to your selfishness and disregard for her emotional safety.

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RE: how we process emotions? - 8/30/2010 6:37:46 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: medievalbdsm
isn't it good for her that she overcomes her issues? 


Absolutely.  If it would be a painless process, I would be in favor of it.  But the process will hurt her and damage the relationship you have. 


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to medievalbdsm)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: how we process emotions? - 8/30/2010 6:46:36 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		if she doesn't like slapping i suggest you find another way to enjoy yourselves

it sure is no good to carry lots of baggage around all the time, it drags you down...
i personally have not much faith in therapy although it seems to work for some...
i think time is the best healer, but some people actually like to keep their issues alive nomatter how much time passes and anybody who tries to help them or change them finds themselves losing interest after a while as lost cases often are emotionally draining or boring... so, she might move on... but maybe she won't, no matter what you or the shrink does.

if you get on well as you state, can't you just live without the slapping?

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