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Online Vs. Real Life Persuit of Relationships - 8/27/2010 8:33:40 PM   
EntangledSoul


Posts: 4
Joined: 7/5/2010
Status: offline 		I've become discouraged by sifting through the online communities. Rarely do I find anything but message boards on these sites. So many people are fake on here, I've begun to wonder if there is anyone I want to Dom me online, who isn't just taking a walk through another candy store. There are too many pimps and playboys on here. I won't even get started on the prostitutes and spammers...

I can persue real life relationships. It isn't as though I'm ugly or a liar, and need to hide behind a PC. It is so hard to find someone already into what you are into in real life. I have thought if there was a way to seek someone who COULD be lifestyle, I wonder how to go about mentioning it. I do often wonder if that is even possible.

Just asking anyone who has had success or failures, online or in real life persuit of a mate. Thanks for all replies in advance.

es
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Online Vs. Real Life Persuit of Relationships - 8/27/2010 8:40:37 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline 		Participation in a message board where there are already members that share your kink is a great start, although I would suggest not coming across with such negative comments, lest it make you look like a whiner. Find a thread that interests you and join in the discussion. There are many wonderful Dom's that are regular participants here and its a pleasure to be in their company.  There are also some great opportunities in your very own neighborhood, or close by enough to be convenient. Type in bdsm/your city in google, and find local munches to participate in.
Best of luck!

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to EntangledSoul)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Online Vs. Real Life Persuit of Relationships - 8/27/2010 8:48:57 PM   
EntangledSoul


Posts: 4
Joined: 7/5/2010
Status: offline 		Thank you poise. I appreciate your response. I agree, but I supposed I am frustrated and seeking a positive outlet here, even advice.

Unfortuantely I've looked up local munches, and there isn't much of a BDSM friendly community where I live.

(in reply to poise)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Online Vs. Real Life Persuit of Relationships - 8/27/2010 8:53:36 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		How can you be frustrated after being here only a month? Some are here for years.

Your profile states you are under consideration with someone. Why not see how that is going or are you complaining about that relationship?

And I think there are a number of people in your area online here, so I am sure there is a community you can find if you look.

(in reply to EntangledSoul)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Online Vs. Real Life Persuit of Relationships - 8/27/2010 8:57:57 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		what she said^
.........
Yes, many have found partners online at Collarme.  Go look at the Positive Experiences posts.  I don't get your complaint about all the posers? Seems you have done well in the month you have been here since you are already "under consideration". 

Collarme has some nice features and software but they haven't invented an asshole filter yet.  They aren't gonna' hand you an insta-dom on a silver platter for your online domination.  You got to look for one just like in real life sweetie...  you're plenty cute, you'll do fine.  Plenty of people will tolerate your impatient nature. 

If you imagine that you go to the mall shopping for a partner, how many would qualify as suitable?  1 out of 1,000?  It's no different online.  Have you interacted with a 1,000 Doms at CM already?  You have to weed through a lot of people before you find someone that is a good match.  Collarme is a nice place stuffed with great people and assholes alike...  look around a while.  You may be pleasantly surprised.



< Message edited by ResidentSadist -- 8/27/2010 9:00:21 PM >

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to EntangledSoul)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Online Vs. Real Life Persuit of Relationships - 8/27/2010 9:01:35 PM   
nancygirl34652


Posts: 291
Joined: 3/10/2010
Status: offline 		i post infrequently here but i am constantly lurking and reading...never know what you may learn!

one thing i have learned is on this side of collarme, there are plenty of really nice "real" people of all persuasions...sure there are jerks and scammers but less so in the forums..or at least they make themselves apparent a lot quicker here...lol

so, if you cannot find munches in your area but you really desire a real life relationship, then by all means, join in..even if it is just to lurk....i quite often will send a private message to a poster about something they have said that has touched me or made me laugh or cry, etc. i am sure you will meet some very nice people...i have *smiles*

best of luck to you!

(in reply to EntangledSoul)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Online Vs. Real Life Persuit of Relationships - 8/27/2010 9:05:15 PM   
Chrisincuffs


Posts: 602
Joined: 12/7/2009
Status: offline 		IMHO finding the right partner is difficult no matter how you go about it, vanilla or bdsm...It takes "sifting" either way.
You did ask about how to go about figuring out if someone is into the lifestyle. I find that the best way is by dropping subtle hints about your likes and dislikes and seeing where the conversation(s) takes you.
If you aren't that patient then your best bet is doing some actual research on what's up in your neighborhood. Check different boards and sites and see what suits you best.
There's plenty of ways to skin a cat, but complaining about it until it skins itself isn't going to work.


_____________________________

No kind of sensation is keener and more active than pain it's impressions are unmistakable. -Marquis DeSade

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Online Vs. Real Life Persuit of Relationships - 8/27/2010 9:11:01 PM   
Mistletoe


Posts: 288
Joined: 8/16/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Chrisincuffs


There's plenty of ways to skin a cat, but complaining about it until it skins itself isn't going to work.


Great line that I have never heard before. To the OP...welcome to the wonderful world of online hookups. Get a thicker skin and keener senses or you will always find yourself frustrated online.


_____________________________

"I tried self-restraint once, but I couldn't close the forth handcuff."

A closed profile = tired of stupid cmail's.

Member, of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's
Member: Lance's Fag Hags
Member: Bitch With Tits

(in reply to Chrisincuffs)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Online Vs. Real Life Persuit of Relationships - 8/27/2010 9:26:25 PM   
Zevar


Posts: 801
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EntangledSoul

I've become discouraged by sifting through the online communities. Rarely do I find anything but message boards on these sites. So many people are fake on here, I've begun to wonder if there is anyone I want to Dom me online, who isn't just taking a walk through another candy store. There are too many pimps and playboys on here. I won't even get started on the prostitutes and spammers...

I can persue real life relationships. It isn't as though I'm ugly or a liar, and need to hide behind a PC. It is so hard to find someone already into what you are into in real life. I have thought if there was a way to seek someone who COULD be lifestyle, I wonder how to go about mentioning it. I do often wonder if that is even possible.

Just asking anyone who has had success or failures, online or in real life persuit of a mate. Thanks for all replies in advance.

es


Greetings es:

If you choose forbearance & astuteness you will surely discover there are people of great value who frequent these boards & their communities who have treasures worthy to offer. Keep in mind everyone is an individual and will not always connect in a way that one might hope for. On another note, forgive me if my comments lack accuracy toward what you know to be true for you. Please know that I only speak what I do to present a different perspective from another, as we all do when we communicate.

I do agree there are people who do not demonstrate qualities worthy of my time online & in daily living. No judgement on others. Instead simply a discovery of differences one to each other. However this only serves to sharpen my appreciation for the people who I am privileged to know which are a part of my life that are indeed greatly valued! Keep heart even though for a moment you do not see the Light & know I wish you only the best in your journey.

See that wasn’t all that bad, now was it?


Take care!

(in reply to EntangledSoul)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Online Vs. Real Life Persuit of Relationships - 8/27/2010 10:21:49 PM   
Twoshoes


Posts: 1218
Joined: 7/27/2010
Status: offline 		I think all in all your profile is pretty good, because it reflects who you are very well.

Like the other posters, I'm wondering why some dude is monitoring your cmails...

The few things I noticed:
- Negativity is unappealing.
- There is nothing more annoying than someone who repeatedly asks for an "intellictual" partner and then mispells the words "persuit" and "intamacy".
- The use of complicated sentence structures with poor punctuation.
- Highlighting less "Interests" for a clearer overall picture of what you find the most important could be a better strategy.

As for how long you'll have to wait, it's all about probabilities! The longer your list of desired traits, the less likely it is to find a single man who will possess them all!

It's probably even more frustrating for men on this site, since not everyone who is smart, kind and reliable is blessed with the ability to charmingly conjure up intrigue with words.

Anyway, I offer you this song as a peace offering, so that you don't feel the desire to flame me for being slightly patronizing.

< Message edited by Twoshoes -- 8/27/2010 10:59:05 PM >

(in reply to nancygirl34652)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Online Vs. Real Life Persuit of Relationships - 8/27/2010 10:50:31 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Good Luck With That

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to EntangledSoul)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Online Vs. Real Life Persuit of Relationships - 8/27/2010 10:57:54 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5175
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		Congratulations!!!!  I read your profile and it seems you have found what you were seeking.  

(in reply to EntangledSoul)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Online Vs. Real Life Persuit of Relationships - 8/27/2010 11:02:43 PM   
Zevar


Posts: 801
Status: offline
quote:

Zevar. I appreciate your wisdom and your "unique" arrangement of words.


Greetings Twoshoes:

I sent you Cmail with a reply to prevent the risk of my reply derailing this thread,

Take care!

(in reply to Twoshoes)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Online Vs. Real Life Persuit of Relationships - 8/28/2010 4:22:09 AM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		My last stay here on CM was fairly successful.  I posted for several months, maybe even longer than a year until finally someone hit on me that I was interested in.  Unfortunately that opportunity only lasted three years.

So here I am back.  I'm reasonably certain that similar circumstances will arise with patience, because someone in the neighborhood will notice that nasty pile of goo in the street and scrape me right back up, if only so nobody has to see that unsightly mess any more.

Welcome to this side of CM. 

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to Zevar)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Online Vs. Real Life Persuit of Relationships - 8/28/2010 5:58:05 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Your profile states you are under consideration with someone. Why not see how that is going or are you complaining about that relationship?


Well according to the profile of the one she is under consideration for, he and her protector are busy deciding if this will work. I have to wonder where she found this protector, just what the fuck he is protecting her from and why she can't find her own partner?

"I am seriously persuing a potential submissive for training, entangledsoul. If her Protector and I can agree her submission to me is best for all then I will be no longer searching for a live-in slave."

Now I could be real bitchy at this point and say they must be a match made in heaven because they both misspell pursuing the same way, but it could just be the same person typing.

All in all the situation sounds very odd to me.


_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Online Vs. Real Life Persuit of Relationships - 8/28/2010 6:00:16 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline 		I forgot to ask in my previous response....

How long have you known your "protector" in real life?

What is he protecting you from?




_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to EntangledSoul)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Online Vs. Real Life Persuit of Relationships - 8/28/2010 6:02:55 AM   
phoenixmoonn13


Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EntangledSoul


I can persue real life relationships. It isn't as though I'm ugly or a liar, and need to hide behind a PC. It is so hard to find someone already into what you are into in real life. I have thought if there was a way to seek someone who COULD be lifestyle, I wonder how to go about mentioning it. I do often wonder if that is even possible.

Just asking anyone who has had success or failures, online or in real life persuit of a mate. Thanks for all replies in advance.

es


i dont think i could ever have found a master in rl only. i didnt use message boards but did find him online in secondlife and we became rl i am now living with him. however there are a lo tof players fakes etc you ahve to get very astute very fast and rely on your gut insitncts they are often right. i had one master only online when i started in secondlife this only ended when his wife had a nasty ilness in the ned she died form it but he stopped all online when she first got ill we talked occasionally till she died. then had a couple of others but nothing serious till i met my master . so yes its possible we offer help to subs in sl and there are so so so many that have been hurt by fake doms, there are masters and doms who have also had real problems with fake and toxic (for wnat of a better word) subs. but use you rinsitnct and it is a wonderful place and can give opportunities to talk to others and meet others who you dont get a chance to rl.

(in reply to EntangledSoul)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Online Vs. Real Life Persuit of Relationships - 8/28/2010 7:38:51 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Just a curiosity, OP.  When you say there isn't much of a lifestyle that is "local" to you, what are you considering local and how far are you willing to go for what you want?  Not everybody lives in places where a munch is just around the corner.  In the last two weeks, I've driven two and half hours each way to go to two different munches Myself.

Also, keep in mind that if you are saying in your profile that you are under consideration or protection, there are going to be those who aren't going to contact you because they prefer to follow protocol on such matters.  There will be some folks who will abide by the idea that it isn't proper to be contacting you if there is already another Dom who is considering you for a dynamic.  I feel the same way about it with My own boy.  The fact that he lists on his profile that he is collared should be enough for folks to know that he is owned and they need to speak to Me if they want to contact him.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to phoenixmoonn13)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Online Vs. Real Life Persuit of Relationships - 8/28/2010 9:26:17 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		The internet is a giant sifter that allows you to narrow things down. When about half of all marriages in the U.S. end in divorce, don't expect CM or any website to be a magic bullet solution. What it can do is let you find people similar to you. Finding and staying in a relationship is a complex undertaking that comes from within you.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to EntangledSoul)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Online Vs. Real Life Persuit of Relationships - 8/28/2010 9:38:39 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi

quote:

Your profile states you are under consideration with someone. Why not see how that is going or are you complaining about that relationship?


Well according to the profile of the one she is under consideration for, he and her protector are busy deciding if this will work. I have to wonder where she found this protector, just what the fuck he is protecting her from and why she can't find her own partner?

"I am seriously persuing a potential submissive for training, entangledsoul. If her Protector and I can agree her submission to me is best for all then I will be no longer searching for a live-in slave."

Now I could be real bitchy at this point and say they must be a match made in heaven because they both misspell pursuing the same way, but it could just be the same person typing.

All in all the situation sounds very odd to me.



I agree with you. I never understood the "protector" or "under consideration" thing after a month of being on a site. If you need protection or consideration and have to post about it and then complain, then you  are most likely not ready for what it is you think you are seeking.


(in reply to thishereboi)
Profile   Post #: 20
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