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Ok my problem - reaching an orgasm - 8/7/2010 11:40:41 AM

lilmisssubmiss

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Joined: 9/29/2008
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i do have a strong emotional connection with my Master. i really do think the world of Him. i crave to orgasm for Him!!! Yet..............i fucking CAN'T reach an orgasm!!!
-it doesn't help i have been masturbating since i was 5...but i've been doing it on my tummy all my life. i guess i get more pressure on my clit doing it that way.
-when Master found out i do it that way, He said i wasn't allowed i don't want to be doing it on my tummy the rest of my life, i need to learn to do it on my back.
-now i can masturbate when on my back, but it takes like 20-30 minutes for me to reach an orgasm and i gotta REALLY work at it. But, i CAN do it.
-But, yet i still can't orgasm with Him. And, i feel so bad, the way He does it with His hands is AMAZING it feels so good, but i can't.

i know most people say they can't orgasm because they aren't emotionally connecting with their Dom..well i am...and i am so turned on, i'm in HEAVEN when W/we are doing stuff...so i don't understand WHY i can't orgasm..
HELP PLEASE!!

Post #: 1

RE: Ok my problem - reaching an orgasm - 8/7/2010 11:43:54 AM

lilmisssubmiss

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He did mention i was thinking too much...but when W/we were doing anal and i was soooooooooooo turned on i wasn't thinking at all, and He was rubbing my clit and i STILL couldn't.

What's wrong with me?

(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)

Post #: 2

RE: Ok my problem - reaching an orgasm - 8/7/2010 11:48:17 AM

DCWoody

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Grinding on your front like that is a common 'bad' way to get off (or at least, ya shouldn't do it every time). There's some official name for it I can't recall right now....TCP, or something....

But, if ya can get off on your back....you're fine. Just keep practicing, relax...if you can do it, you'll get used to it. Once you're happy doing it on your back (or sitting in a computer chair, or whatever)...start having him in the room...as you become successful, do it closer and closer to him in line with you getting more comfotable with it, then with him touching your foot, holding you in his arms...etc. Ya get the idea. As you have managed to do it other than on your front, you will end up fine with it....just relax, and work on it slowly.

EDIT: After reading your second post the evil side of me doesn't particularly want you to be able to cum

< Message edited by DCWoody -- 8/7/2010 11:50:04 AM >

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Post #: 3

RE: Ok my problem - reaching an orgasm - 8/7/2010 12:17:25 PM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
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There is nothing wrong with you, you are young that's all... now you can do it on your back next you will beable to cum by him or by somebody else... just have some patience

(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)

Post #: 4

RE: Ok my problem - reaching an orgasm - 8/7/2010 12:23:00 PM

tolovetolaugh

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Your not alone. I can't get off except on my belly by myself either. And if I am on my back it takes so much work I don't do it. I am sad to say I have no advice for you, but you wont be the only one watching this thread looking for an answer.

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RE: Ok my problem - reaching an orgasm - 8/7/2010 12:38:15 PM

lilmisssubmiss

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Joined: 9/29/2008
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ok thanks people. i need all the information i can get...

i think it is because i am young so less experience...i just feel bad letting Him down...

(in reply to tolovetolaugh)

Post #: 6

RE: Ok my problem - reaching an orgasm - 8/7/2010 12:42:36 PM

Lordandmaster

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Joined: 6/22/2004
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How about suggesting to your Master that he put you face-down and then see if you can come for him while you're on your belly?

(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)

Post #: 7

RE: Ok my problem - reaching an orgasm - 8/7/2010 2:41:56 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
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From: Newcastle, Australia
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I generally concur with the group; you have the female equivalent of performance anxiety. And just like males who can't get it up, the more you will it to happen, the less likely it will.... Of course you feel bad about it, now imagine how a man feels when it's visually obvious that that "3rd party" won't be partaking in the moment.

Where you may have an individual problem is that doing it one particular way your whole life means it's a long way back to the proverbial drawing board. But you CAN do it, so you have the clay to mould and just need the practise and perseverence. What you really hafta learn is to relax. And if it's just you, have the discipline not to just roll over and get yourself off anyway if the practise isn't working. 'Cause then you're just teaching and reinforcing to yourself that there is only one way.

Focus.

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(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 8

RE: Ok my problem - reaching an orgasm - 8/7/2010 2:49:13 PM

curious1IL

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Joined: 7/27/2008
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I have had similar difficulties, and I've found that the first orgasm is the hardest, and then after that it gets exponentially easier. I know it's not the funnest thing, but what worked for me was orgasm deprivation. The first orgasm caused by someone else took 7 weeks of deprivation, but it's a lot easier now. I still don't orgasm from sex, but it's a work in progress. Now, I also make sure I masturbate in different positions to make sure I don't get too used to my own work lol.

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 9

RE: Ok my problem - reaching an orgasm - 8/7/2010 2:56:59 PM

sweetbiggal

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Wow, I thought I was alone. At least you can achieve orgasm EVENTUALLY on your back.

(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)

Post #: 10

RE: Ok my problem - reaching an orgasm - 8/7/2010 3:04:43 PM

lilmisssubmiss

Posts: 284
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SO i guess i jsut have to keep practicing?

Uggg it's so annoying i want to so badly...

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Post #: 11

RE: Ok my problem - reaching an orgasm - 8/7/2010 3:15:56 PM

aldompdx

Posts: 538
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Perhaps he should try "topping from the bottom," figuratively speaking.

(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)

Post #: 12

RE: Ok my problem - reaching an orgasm - 8/7/2010 3:36:17 PM

DefiantFlower

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Joined: 2/15/2007
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I've been dealing with a similar problem. I have never done anything on my tummy, but after so long making myself happy in my own special specific ways, it's very difficult to have an orgasm any other way. I've found it sometimes helps to absolutely overwhelm my senses to distract my mind from over-thinking and ruining the moment. Intense anal has been method number one, as well as pain and breath play, but even then I've had trouble as I imagine the embarrassing O face and how weird I must look.

Sounds like a good idea to practice cumming in different positions and using different methods. I've gotten so used to my amazing vibrating friend, I have preferred to use it every time, setting myself up for more problems in the future

And then also integrate another person into the picture gradually closer and more involved. Let's practice, practice, practice!

(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)

Post #: 13

RE: Ok my problem - reaching an orgasm - 8/7/2010 3:50:54 PM

jujubeeMB

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This thread is such a relief to come across. I've been masturbating face down since I was...well, since I figured out masturbating felt good, and I was absolutely terrified I'd never be able to have an orgasm in any other position, let alone with another person. A few months ago was when I first started doing it on my back, and experimenting with different kinds of pressure, and it takes me quite awhile too. I do have to say, though, the time facing up gets shorter and shorter and I enjoy myself more and more the less I do it face down. I'm sorry to tell you this, but really, seriously don't allow yourself to resort to going back on your tummy. Your body will find its pleasure, and if you're not doing the thing that it knows works, it'll make the other stuff better and better.

As for doing it with your Master, why don't you try masturbating for him? Or try putting his hand on you and masturbating yourself with his hand. As someone mentioned, you really ought to have him do it while you're lying on your tummy, because your body will react very warmly to this, and once you know you can have an orgasm with another person the rest will be oh-so-much easier. It's the first step that's the hardest, and it's just because you've been doing it a certain way your whole life. I promise it'll work out - you just have to play around a bit and take off some pressure.

(in reply to DefiantFlower)

Post #: 14

RE: Ok my problem - reaching an orgasm - 8/7/2010 4:02:26 PM

exploringsiren

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Joined: 6/9/2010
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A few thoughts ...

1. He could use a vibrator on you while you are in any other position but on your belly to help get you to the edge, then have you bring yourself over, or he could take you all the way until you can get there. He would have to be careful that you didn't learn to rely on the vibrator, but exploring with this might help.

2. You need to stop focusing on the orgasm when together and just enjoy being together (which you say you already do, but if you're searching for something elusive, you're concentrating on the end game, not on what's happening between you both). Some women orgasm from anal and vaginal sex, alone, no clit touching needed, and also orgasm from breast and nipple play or spankings or floggings. There are so many ways for a woman to learn her body and understand what brings her pleasure. It's not always connected to the clit. Some women are built that they must have clit stimulation to orgasm, but maybe you're not one of them and just need to relax and let what he is doing feel good in other ways until your body relaxes enough to orgasm.

3. You don't say how experienced your Master is. He may need a little coaching in this also, in not pushing you for an orgasm and also in the other ways he can help you get there.

(in reply to jujubeeMB)

Post #: 15

RE: Ok my problem - reaching an orgasm - 8/7/2010 4:14:54 PM

lilmisssubmiss

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He's VERY experienced. And, lol when i say very i mean very....... so He knows how to make a girl orgasm, how He touches me i feel i want to explode and i can't.

i felt it was getting a bit easier, bit by bit..but it still takes time.

And, i am definitely one of those women who need their clit to be rubbed to orgasm, lol.

(in reply to exploringsiren)

Post #: 16

RE: Ok my problem - reaching an orgasm - 8/7/2010 4:31:29 PM

jujubeeMB

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss
He knows how to make a girl orgasm

A girl is very different than you, specifically. He doesn't know how to make you orgasm, yet. You're both in this together, and learning how to make that happen. Stop putting all of the guilt and pressure on yourself and you'll get a heck of a lot more relaxed, which will lead to the result you want.

(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)

Post #: 17

RE: Ok my problem - reaching an orgasm - 8/7/2010 4:38:27 PM

angelikaJ

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Learning a new/unfamiliar method can take time.

The whole brain-body connection stuff is complex but as you learn that it is possible to have orgasms face up, you will be building new connections and it will get easier.

It will be a similar process for the 2 of you to co-create orgasms while he stimulates you.

You aren't doing anything wrong and it isn't an uncommon challenge.

As frustrating as it is, try not to focus on "it" and instead just focus on the sensations, what he is doing or what you are doing.

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RE: Ok my problem - reaching an orgasm - 8/7/2010 4:45:47 PM

reynardfox

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Don't obsess about it, just relax. Stop trying and start enjoying.

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RE: Ok my problem - reaching an orgasm - 8/7/2010 5:16:13 PM

exploringsiren

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Joined: 6/9/2010
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quote:

And, i am definitely one of those women who need their clit to be rubbed to orgasm, lol.

ok. Then he should get a hitachi wand or whatever vibe he happens to enjoy and have at it. You need to get over the mental hurdle of not being able to orgasm with him, and while the vibe could be used as a crutch, it's a step forward from not being able to cum at all.

What does he think about your anxiety? How does he help you deal with it?

(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)

Post #: 20

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