RE: Ok my problem - reaching an orgasm

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RE: Ok my problem - reaching an orgasm - 8/7/2010 6:31:31 PM

BentUnit

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I have to say it has never occurred to me to masturbate while laying on my tummy...esp. when I've masturbated in almost every other position.

I know that wasn't a help to the OP though.
Sorry, Sweetheart.
If it's any consolation to you I can't get off by myself either and Lord knows I've tried.

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RE: Ok my problem - reaching an orgasm - 8/8/2010 9:23:40 AM

tolovetolaugh

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One thing that has worked for me that you might like to try is having him in you from behind while you are on your tummy and play with yourself. I've actually managed to get myself off that way and there is still some participation from him involved in it- though the guy I did it with always had to remain still til I got myself off- so you need someone with good self control in that area. It's still not quite the guy getting you off, but the sex after with your clit all freshly sensitized is yummy, and I can see it as a stepping stone.

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RE: Ok my problem - reaching an orgasm - 8/8/2010 2:09:51 PM

Mesmerist

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I am sorry you are having this issue and that you feel you are letting him down. By being there, submitting to him, giving youreself to his control you are serving him well and I am certain bringing him joy.

As the lovely ladies above have shown - you are not alone in this issue. I assume he is not forcing orgasm control / ordering you to climax? If so that is not positive as anything leading to more performance anxiety should be avoided.

You've gotten excellent advice already so the only thing I can really add is to focus on the journey, not the destination. Focus on the here and now, what he does to you, how it makes you feel - not what is to come.
As previously mentioned, the Hitachi is a fun tool to force orgasm quickly. Adam and Eve make a knock of that works well if you can't find the orignal. I'm sure it is possible for a woman to not orgasm with one but I've not seen it.
Hypnosis is a valuable tool with some women to quiet those pesky inner voices and deepen the sense of submission.

If it is of interest to you both you may want to start looking at a more eastern approach to orgasm. Our culture (thank you Masters and Johnson) views sexual pleasure as simply a means to an end. Tension builds until it finally breaks in contractions lasting from 6 to 12 seconds for both men and women. Of course these are the same people that said men needed to replay their favorite baseball game during sex - it's no wonder they aren't married anymore. Eastern philosphy is about sustained pleasure. Let me know if you want sources on materials for this approach.

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RE: Ok my problem - reaching an orgasm - 8/8/2010 2:19:32 PM

angelikaJ

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Another fun way to enjoy stimulation would be a shower massager in your shower/bath.

Another thought is shifting your thinking about self-pleasuring as a means to an end instead to something to enjoy in and of itself, whether or not you cum.

Change your focus and give yourself permission to just feel good... to just feel your fingers... to feel sensation; pleasure.

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RE: Ok my problem - reaching an orgasm - 8/8/2010 2:23:19 PM

sexyred1

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To the OP: you are lucky you know how to cum in any position. Some women cannot do it at all.

I think it is fine you can get off on your stomach; I have been doing that with a vibrator since age 16.

Yet, I can still get off in other positions with other people.

The most important thing for you to remember is that you are fine the way you are, and you need to be with someone who works with the individual way YOU get off, not try to force you into the way they think you should get off.

We are women first and submissive second.

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RE: Ok my problem - reaching an orgasm - 8/9/2010 7:45:04 PM

SBJames1

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I can't tell you how happy I am to have found this post! I am involved with someone who is just like you in this regard and I've never been in this situation before.

However, I have to say, as respectfully as I can, that I am disappointed to hear so many replies that put it down to 'performance anxiety' even though your post says you're "in heaven" when you are together with your Dom.

I would like to pose a few questions:

- Is the face down position something you gravitated to naturally on your own when you first started masturbating? Your initial post indicates it was, so I'd be inclined to think it is to a great extent the way you're wired physically. We humans tend to gravitate naturally to the things that work for us when pleasing ourselves. For example: No one ever had to tell me that it is more comfortable and more effective for me to masturbate with my left hand. It just came naturally. I eventually learned that I could do it with my right hand, but it is so much more natural left-handed that I almost always do it that way and I did it that way from the start.

- If this was the most comfortable and effective position for you in the beginning, were you 'anxious' then? My guess - and this is only a guess - is that you were not any more anxious than the rest of us, and that the position was simply very natural and comfortable for you.

- Was there ever a time when you could climax comfortably in other positions? If so, when did it change back to the face down preference, and what was going on in your life at the time?

- If this has been natural for you from the start, I would encourage you to accept yourself as you are, even while you try to branch out and find new ways to play, and to stop thinking that there is something 'wrong' with you.

I need to tell you I have a real problem with any explanations that make it your 'fault' for being the way you are. That would be like blaming you for being right or left handed. You said that your Dom has told you that you are thinking too much. I say that is an opinion based in intolerance and disrespect, and it reflects his frustration with himself for not being able to handle it. If you're not "thinking too much" when you're face down, why does he assume you're "thinking too much" when you're face up? What is his explanation for that?

Again, an example of my own: I've had insomnia all my adult life. People - doctors included - told me for years that I was thinking too much and that I should just relax! Well, it turned out that I have metabolic issues that cause my insomnia and no amount of relaxing is going to make me sleep better.

When people can't solve a problem that is inconvenient to them, they look for someone to blame - the person with the problem. The last resort is always to blame the person who is going through the situation or problem. This relieves the other party of any responsibility, and gives them someone to be angry with - in this case, you - so they can vent their frustration at you.

It could very well be that you will learn to be more comfortable in other positions. If your Dom is into you as much as it seems you are into him, he will do what I am doing with my partner: accepting you as you are, then slowly starting to shape you toward something that works for him, too. I look at the situation with my girl as our own unique starting point; I build our scenes and lovemaking around what we have and I am branching out from there. In time I am sure that we will be able to do much more, and we're both enjoying the discovery along the way.

But never - ever - do I trivialize what my girl is going through, or act as if something is wrong with her, or blame her, or make her feel like she is anything less than absolutely wonderful. The ironic thing is that what has started to happen is that we are finding all kinds of amazing ways to play and make love that we would never have found if it weren't for the two of us being exactly who we are, the way we are.

I look forward to more replies on this, yours especially.

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RE: Ok my problem - reaching an orgasm - 8/9/2010 7:53:07 PM

LPslittleclip

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relaxing is the key to achieve a orgasam for females. my wife has found a self hypnosis tape on audible.com thathas been a great help to all that have listened to it. it is titled hypnography for women. it about 45 min long and best done after a good hot bath lying naked in bed. it guides you to relax and focus on the mental enjoyment. this helps to make the physical enjoyment more intense. happy orgasams

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RE: Ok my problem - reaching an orgasm - 8/9/2010 8:13:52 PM

poise

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Your girl is blessed to have you looking after her.

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RE: Ok my problem - reaching an orgasm - 8/9/2010 11:17:02 PM

allyC

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Hiya!

Not sure if this will help but perhaps it might.

When women lie on their belly to masturbate, the muscles of the thighs have a tendency to pull downward.

I have a good friend who had the same problem. She found that if she masturbated on her back and while doing so, tensed her thigh muscles downward that she achieved orgasm much more quickly and intensely than without doing such.

Also, if you have access to a Hitachi magic wand (mentioned earlier) you may wish to try placing it on the mons itself and then slowly pushing it downward so that the stimulation is not direct and the pressure is firm and downward. My owner had success with this with a submissive friend of ours who (up until then) had never reached orgasm except on her belly.

Hope this helps!

-Cav's ally

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RE: Ok my problem - reaching an orgasm - 8/10/2010 5:34:55 AM

81song

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I would have to agree with some here. They say half the fun is getting there, so I would not be so focus on having an organism but enjoy with your master what he is doing at the time to you and relax, that might be the key. But female organism or the lack of is from what I understand more common then one would think. At times no matter how I try and no matter how much I try I cannot cum for some reason and there could be many factors, the time of day,what is going on in ones life and so on. So the point is you are not alone in this and like I have said enjoy the ride along the way and relax that might be the key.
That being said this is from a male point of view and I am sure many women might have some better ideas.

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RE: Ok my problem - reaching an orgasm - 8/10/2010 2:32:52 PM

Focus50

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quote:

ORIGINAL: 81song

I would have to agree with some here. They say half the fun is getting there, so I would not be so focus on having an organism but enjoy with your master what he is doing at the time to you and relax, that might be the key. But female organism or the lack of is from what I understand more common then one would think. At times no matter how I try and no matter how much I try I cannot cum for some reason and there could be many factors, the time of day,what is going on in ones life and so on. So the point is you are not alone in this and like I have said enjoy the ride along the way and relax that might be the key.
That being said this is from a male point of view and I am sure many women might have some better ideas.

If Freud was still about, he'd enjoy the slip about female "organism" but I'm not sure the ladies would be so keen on having.... "it"....

Focus.

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RE: Ok my problem - reaching an orgasm - 8/11/2010 6:38:24 PM

Andalusite

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I don't think it sounds like performance anxiety or lack of trust, more that it's hard to get used to a new position. Here's a thread a while back on a similar subject, though that particular Dom wanted her to stand rather than on her back. It might have some ideas that you may find helpful.

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RE: Ok my problem - reaching an orgasm - 8/12/2010 9:14:31 AM

yellowroses

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Topics like this are why I LOVE the messages boards!!!!

When I first became sexually active I was only able to climax in certain positions. Mostly on my back. As I got more experence, new positions were discovered. Sometimes I would regress because of the partner I was with. He either did not have experience or patience. Since being in my current relationship my climax positions have increased and I have hope that someday I will be able to climax with vaginal stimulation only. However I gave up pressuring myself to make it happen.

Patience and time and trust are what work for me.

kim

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