RE: How to make marriage more appealing to men!

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realwhiteknight -> RE: How to make marriage more appealing to men! (8/6/2010 11:49:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MeenMrMustard This gal is onto something. Ha! I read the article She's just a typical overworked career woman with kids and no libido left, she's burdened by her husband and wants her 'responsibilities' shared.

MadameMarque -> RE: How to make marriage more appealing to men! (8/6/2010 11:59:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance It is hardly a new concept. Although I find the whole way it was presented as ridiculous and offensive. 1) If I'm in a monogomous relationship, then I'm in a fucking monogomous relationship - because that's what my partner and I agreed to. If he cheats, he's a cheater and i'm not going to let any whore masquerading as a psychologist put the blame on me for his infidelities. He can damn well own his own lack of integrity. 2) I'm not going to give someone permission to cheat, simply because I'm sure they are going to cheat anyway. That's not the kind of relationship I want. If I am that insecure in the relationship and that insecure about my partner - I'm OUT. 3) If I'm in an OPEN RELATIONSHIP - it is because my partner and I WANT that for our MUTUAL happiness. Not because I'm afraid to lose him, or fear he can't be faithful. That kind of thinking is FUCKED THE HELL UP. Preach it, Sister! Too right. "Maria made a list of things she would never do. She would never: walk through the Sands or Caesar’s alone after midnight. She would never: ball at a party, do S-M unless she wanted to, borrow furs from Abe Lipsey, deal. She would never: carry a Yorkshire in Beverly Hills." - from Play It As It Lays, by Joan Didion

WyldHrt -> RE: How to make marriage more appealing to men! (8/7/2010 12:05:25 AM)
quote: Ha! I read the article She's just a typical overworked career woman with kids and no libido left, she's burdened by her husband and wants her 'responsibilities' shared. Ummm.... say what? You read the article? She isn't married, the article says nothing about if she has kids, and her 'career' thus far seems to have been as a 'sugarbabe' prostitute (something she took up after her married lover dumped her) who got a degree and wrote a book or three about her 'theories'. Color me confused.

WyldHrt -> RE: How to make marriage more appealing to men! (8/7/2010 12:08:58 AM)
I also wonder what the guys who are all for this think of this little gem: quote: You mention that young women nowadays should be comfortable using their bodies to get jobs. In what way, and do you believe this will gain them respect once they actually have the job? Men use their biceps, models use their beauty, massage therapist use their hands, so why on Earth should young women not use their vaginas? Men desire sex more than anything in the world. Do you think the woman whose husband is sleeping with everything that moves is respected? And why does the "office slut" get all the promotions?

DomImus -> RE: How to make marriage more appealing to men! (8/7/2010 4:33:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LanceHughes I'd like to point out that MeenMrMustard and EbonyWood and I are the only men to have posted.... You're not the only men reading the thread, just the only ones involved because: quote: ...ALL other posters are women, just slamming the idea as hard as they can. The ability to pick your battles is worthy skill.

Lordandmaster -> RE: How to make marriage more appealing to men! (8/7/2010 4:47:44 AM)
What the hell? Why can't the wife pay for her OWN superstud? I find it cute that even in an imaginary world where everyone can afford a sugar baby on the side, the husband is still expected to cover the wife's expenses. quote: ORIGINAL: WyldHrt Really? Ready to spend $1000 a week from the household account for a piece on the side, OP? If so, I hope you are ready to pony up the same $1000 for the wife's hot young sugarstud. $104,000 a year to guarantee a 'happy marriage' instead of concentrating on sexually pleasing your spouse.

Twoshoes -> RE: How to make marriage more appealing to men! (8/7/2010 5:08:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DomImus You're not the only men reading the thread, just the only ones involved because: The ability to pick your battles is worthy skill. Run, run, run they want someone to flame! But on a serious note, there technically are "sugar mommas" who are basically rich women financially supporting younger men they enter relationships with. So you're not forgotten, you just have to be a female millionaire. ;) Now don't go running off trying to marry someone rich so you can divorce him and get yourself a pretty boy toy!

juliaoceania -> RE: How to make marriage more appealing to men! (8/7/2010 9:46:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Twoshoes quote: ORIGINAL: DomImus You're not the only men reading the thread, just the only ones involved because: The ability to pick your battles is worthy skill. Run, run, run they want someone to flame! But on a serious note, there technically are "sugar mommas" who are basically rich women financially supporting younger men they enter relationships with. So you're not forgotten, you just have to be a female millionaire. ;) Now don't go running off trying to marry someone rich so you can divorce him and get yourself a pretty boy toy! you wait for the old codger you marry to kick the bucket, and then you buy the boy toys.... don't know anything? Why get only half when you can get it all?

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: How to make marriage more appealing to men! (8/7/2010 10:23:55 AM)
I wasn't bashing open relationships. I'm all for individuals communicating their desire for poly(anything) and /or need for an open relationship. I'm against people who want to use crappy rationalization to abdicate responsibility for their own choices or to justify the choices others make, so they can make a few (or lotsa) bucks. The woman obviously chose to present her "views" in a controversial manner. Controversy sells. As far as a business woman goes, I think she's briliant. As a psychologist, she's a quack and a scammer. Personally, I'm monogomous and have always been happy enough to never really desire anyone else outside of the one I was with, but if my guy genuinely wants some strange - I'm happy to oblige. I won't pay his bills for him, and I'd damn well better not go without while he is off humping his heffas.[:D]

juliaoceania -> RE: How to make marriage more appealing to men! (8/7/2010 10:36:29 AM)
No woman in her right mind would allow her hubby to take resources away from the family unit to buy a little tail on the side that is a sure thing. Any man who would spend so much on a woman that isn't bringing his heirs into this world need his head examined. Marriage is about having kids in my book. It is about building something to leave those children, and no lil girl on the side is taking my kid's college fund or wedding money so she can get her boobs done... Now, why not treat this entire article with the seriousness and the merit it deserves and make fun of it

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: How to make marriage more appealing to men! (8/7/2010 11:31:44 AM)
Definitely! I'd treat it with the seriousness it is worth, but first I'd have to find Holly's bouncing pile of shit graphic!

Lockit -> RE: How to make marriage more appealing to men! (8/7/2010 12:07:12 PM)
http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/living/2010/08/03/cook.holly.hill.sugarbabe.cnn?iref=allsearch But psychology professor Lawrence Josephs believes it is more personality type than gender that indicates whether a person might cheat. FYI

Lockit -> RE: How to make marriage more appealing to men! (8/7/2010 12:30:37 PM)
My first husband taught me about sex. He had an older woman that trained him when he first got out there. We had sex constantly because it was good and in fact was how I came to call him 'my heroin'. I was addicted. We had an open marriage and were swingers. It wasn't healthy for a couple of reasons and we broke up when I became ill. He is ever so sorry now and tried last summer to right that well after 25 years. My second husband cheated. Oh I got pretty gold and jewels when he did, I was that lady/hostess/mother/business partner and unfulfilled wife. I called him 'three strokes and your out' and it was the truth. He degraded me because I was smart and would often comment that 'the lights were on and nobody was home' because I was independent, popular with the business contacts and wouldn't spread my legs when he wanted me to because he was cruel and worthless in bed. I would have left long before I did, but he had this funny little aspect about him... he owned me, controlled me and threatened others to control me. My third husband was faithful for three years and may have remained faithful had I not gotten sick again. He didn't want to discuss sex because he was afraid I would be insecure about the beautiful women he had been with, who he eventually had contact with again. Soon the calls came all hours of the day and night. Rude women insisting I get him on the phone right now. He didn't play, but was attempting to. I tried to make things better in all ways, but he wouldn't talk. So sex was run of the mill, unsatisfying to me... he got his, I laid there wondering how to stop the crazy need I had to be beastly and satisfied while he snored beside me. I finally broke up with him and he begged to come back. I gave him my terms. He agreed. I then taught him sex, my way. The man was addicted. It took seven years to get over me when he finally could no longer handle the medical community and what was happening to our lives. People cheat for many reasons and it isn't simply because of male hormones or make up. I find that it is those weak in character or personal strength that cheat or those who really suck in bed. To claim that it is the nature of the beast is ignoring a lot of things, physical and physiological, prior to cheating and after and is a solution that only someone not addressing something else would come to. To think that women are not a beast as well is denial of many things as well. We love to get beastly... we just need a beast that actually can perform in a beastly fashion without failing to meet the beastly needs as well as those outside of the beastly sex we wish to have. It may be okay for some to rut without conversation or communication or being a decent partner outside of bed... but not okay for those of us who want it all. I could have been a bird in a golden cage and had all sorts of riches... but I wanted more. Justification of poor relationship skills and greed are not the answer.

Twoshoes -> RE: How to make marriage more appealing to men! (8/7/2010 1:24:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit My first husband taught me about sex. He had an older woman that trained him when he first got out there. We had sex constantly because it was good and in fact was how I came to call him 'my heroin'. I was addicted. We had an open marriage and were swingers. It wasn't healthy for a couple of reasons and we broke up when I became ill. He is ever so sorry now and tried last summer to right that well after 25 years. Can you please elaborate why you found your open marriage unhealthy.

Lockit -> RE: How to make marriage more appealing to men! (8/7/2010 1:38:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Twoshoes quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit My first husband taught me about sex. He had an older woman that trained him when he first got out there. We had sex constantly because it was good and in fact was how I came to call him 'my heroin'. I was addicted. We had an open marriage and were swingers. It wasn't healthy for a couple of reasons and we broke up when I became ill. He is ever so sorry now and tried last summer to right that well after 25 years. Can you please elaborate why you found your open marriage unhealthy. I didn't mean to imply my open marriage was unhealthy because of being an open marriage or our being swingers. I just didn't give a reason or detail that left it unclear because I didn't want to give more detail because of how it might make me look. I worded it poorly. So now I get to fix it. lol God... I became the ticket into swinger activities because of things being what they were, more single men. Therefore he had to have me to take part, for the most part. I was asked to do movies that I didn't want to do and he wanted to do them. He wanted to be a star! lol That was the only problem there and didn't cause our break up. It was when I became very ill that things became unhealthy in our relationship because he thought I was faking illness or making it worse and couldn't stand sick people. They reminded him of his mother. The unhealthy was found in all that. Damn it... lol... I'm doing it again! Rough day here! The one thing followed the other, thus my connection to the two.

WyldHrt -> RE: How to make marriage more appealing to men! (8/7/2010 1:40:45 PM)
quote: What the hell? Why can't the wife pay for her OWN superstud? I find it cute that even in an imaginary world where everyone can afford a sugar baby on the side, the husband is still expected to cover the wife's expenses. Household account, L&M, as in joint bank account that both spouse's paychecks go into and bills are paid out of. Nowhere did I say that the husband alone would be paying for it, I was merely pointing out the size of the drain on the household income and that it isn't just a matter of paying for his bit on the side.

UniqueRaven -> RE: How to make marriage more appealing to men! (8/7/2010 2:34:28 PM)
i have a lot of thoughts about this after reading both the article and the thread. Hm, first, i find the author self-serving and annoying and even a bit raunchy - but she's doing it on purpose to create an air of controversy around herself and to sell books. So i can forgive some of it. The premise of a man having a woman "on the side" on it's own i am in support of - perhaps it is the slave in me. If a couple simply isn't able to reconcile their sexual needs, then this is one option that i see as acceptable. However i think it absolutely needs to be honest and open and out in the air that he is doing so (not public, just between the parties involved). i do appreciate the author's assertion that it's best if the wife meets the "sugarbaby" - the more information, the better. Just like any poly situation - the only way it works is for everyone to be in support of the arrangement, and happy with each other and accepting of the risks (disease, etc.) The author is also really only addressing one niche of men - the super-wealthy. i have known several of these who do this sort of thing via my experience with my previous Master in NY. It is often seen by wealthy men as a "perk" for working so hard and accumulating all that wealth - for them, having a sugarbaby is just like buying the new Mercedes, or the house in Westchester, or the yacht, and so on. It's meaningless - simply another benefit of the career. And for those speaking about how him spending $52,000 a year on a sugarbaby is draining the kids' trust fund, college fund, wedding fund, etc., realize that most of these men could pay for all of those things ten times over and still have money for a sugarbaby. Some of them don't have kids at all. Also, the wealthy man's wife is often simply expected to look the other way about this sort of behavior - and she quite often does - it simply comes with the position. It is a different life from what most of us know, and a different mindset - one which i understand, but never was able to really integrate into myself. But, i also think the author tends to assume that most men think with their crotches and are incapable of keeping a commitment. That's not ok by me. i've known many men who have been in sexless, miserable marriages that have not strayed because his integrity was greater than his need for physical release. Commitment and monogomy is possible and real for both men and women. How many men have we seen broken-hearted because the wife was the one that strayed outside the marriage? It happens. So the attitude in general of "men need release and they should be allowed to seek strange on the side" that the author conveys is just wrong, in my opinion. Really, this whole sort of thing just makes me tired in a way. Again, probably just the slave in me. But the human being in me definitely believes that everyone deserves to be treated with respect, and have their needs met - especially and particularly in a committed long-term relationship. If i weren't a slave, and my spouse of 20+ years came to me one day and said his sexual needs weren't being met, you bet like all get out i would work with him to figure out how to meet them - and anything and everything would be up for discussion. So if this is the way it works for some? No harm, no foul in my book. i just wish the author wouldn't try to be so darn smug about it all. [;)]

Twoshoes -> RE: How to make marriage more appealing to men! (8/7/2010 3:08:53 PM)
Lockit: It just always seems sad to me when two people with enough trust in eachother to openly share their sexual experiences with other people end up divorced. If I trusted someone that much, I wouldn't want to lose them. So thank you for explaining. I do personally know some really nice cheerful (young) people who cannot handle emotionally dealing with someone physically sick or depressed. They can't manage it. Back on topic, my mind just realized that with that amount of money you can get this Audi R8. Edit: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ap0LBYx3ZCg&feature=channel

reynardfox -> RE: How to make marriage more appealing to men! (8/7/2010 4:57:38 PM)
If you love someone, they are enough for you. That's marriage. We play with others, but we only do that together.

kinkbound -> RE: How to make marriage more appealing to men! (8/8/2010 12:12:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MeenMrMustard This gal is onto something. I have a friend who has a sugarbabe. She is a stunning woman, and charges $2000 a month. This entitles my friend to 10 meetings per month, with no clock running. This woman also has 2 other sugardaddies, which doesn't seem to bother my friend.

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