WyldHrt
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Joined: 6/5/2008
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Wow Lance, just wow. So many assumptions/ stereotypes there. Is this couple from the 1950s? While it is true that some women dislike sex and marry for security or to have kids, I would guess they are a very small minority these days, vanilla or not. Most women like good sex, good being the operative word here. I always love the guys who say that they aren't getting any because of their wife's lagging libido or because women don't enjoy sex as much as men. I'll bet most of them think that the buzzing they sometimes hear coming from the bathroom is an electric toothbrush, too.  Ask the wives of these men why the legs are crossed. The answers are guaranteed to be enlightening.
The myth that most women don't really enjoy sex is actually the root cause of a lot of these so-called 'libido' problems, along with the fact that many men change when their hot girlfriend becomes their wife, and worse, the mother of their children. The beginning of the end is often when he starts treating her the way he thinks a 'wife and mother' should be treated. How many men who come here to looking to cheat and are asked, "Have you discussed what you want with your wife?" answer with "Oh no, she would never be into that! They don't actually know whether she would or not, but in their minds a wife shouldn't like or want things like that. This is that vanilla equivalent of male Doms who fall in love with their masochistic submissives, then no longer want to hurt them.
Other men are just plain selfish in the bedroom. They apparently believe the 'women don't like sex' BS and make no effort to find out what gets her motor running, or to do those things that were so hot for her when they were dating. Most women will only take "1...2...3....roll over...snore" type sex for so long before deciding that is just isn't worth the effort. Amusingly enough, many men will do sexual things for their mistress that they won't for their wife... and even if they don't, at $1000 a week I doubt that a 'sugarbabe' is going to tell him that he sucks in bed.
On the females' side, if more of them would come clean and tell hubby that sex with him has become as exciting as watching paint dry, he might make a bit more effort in the bedroom and she might be spending less on batteries. Unlike men, women who go unsatisfied for too long will redirect that energy (and usually start collecting cats), at which point the old 'libido' argument becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. All too often, it is a viscous cycle where the woman, not getting her needs met, plays 'tit for tat' by stopping the BJs he loves and crossing her legs. Hey, she isn't getting off, so why should he?
While it's true that some women lose interest in sex after they get married or have kids, I'm betting that the numbers are very small compared to the situations I described above. The issue is often not that 'people change over the years', it is that communication has been stunted (if it was ever there to begin with) to the point where neither spouse will tell the other that their sexual needs are not being met. Instead of dealing with the problem, they both ignore it and get more and more frustrated. The next step is usually that one or both start cheating. On that note, if most women really abhor sex so much, why do so many cheat?
I also think it's very funny that the 2 men so far who think that this is a good idea seem to have skipped over the part where it goes both ways, and the woman will also be allowed to take on a lover or lovers. I wonder how MrMustard up there would react if his wife were to say, "Sorry hon, you'll have to get your own dinner tonight. I'm horny, so I'm going over to John's place so he can rock my world". I'm betting that most men who think this is a great idea only think it's great for men, because women really don't like sex that much anyway. 
Whew! All that said, I think that if a couple has good enough communication to 'negotiate' infidelity, they really shouldn't have to unless one or the other truly has no interest in sex. In that case, for me, the marriage would be over anyway. Having lived
in a sexless marriage (his idea, not mine) for several years, it is not a road that I would ever take again. Which leads me to this:
quote:
To that end, here is (IMHO) a better question for this thread: Do you think Sugarbabe's ideas ideas will make for better marriages and thereby lower the diviorice rate? (YOU get to define "better marriages" - LOL!)
Depends on how you define marriage. I could not be married to someone without a heavy sexual component to the relationship. It would feel like having a roommate instead of a spouse to me.
< Message edited by WyldHrt -- 8/6/2010 11:36:12 PM >
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