Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Getting it back


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Getting it back Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Getting it back - 8/3/2010 6:43:11 PM   
lenorexx


Posts: 7
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline 		Good evening to all,

A little background: I've been a slave to my Master for five years. M/s is just our regular life. We do live together and have for several years. We don't have a 'romantic' type of partnership: M/s is the foundation of our "togetherness" in that while there is love there, if I hit my head and ceased desiring to live as His slave, the "togetherness" would end. But, since I would have to suffer traumatic brain injury for my entire personality to alter, I don't worry about that too much. I've been in this type of lifestyle for a great part of my adult life. I'm 38 now. Healthy, happy, etc. Generally quite content.I don't know if that is important here but I want to give as clear a picture as I can.

For about two years now, BDSM activities and kinky sex have not been priorities for my Master. While I've adapted
over time, no, it hasn't always been easy. I used to be quite the kinky thing and I'm still pretty highly sexed and,
well, Master is not. Oh, well. Srsly. Overall my drive/desire to be with Him specifically and in this type of relationship (honestly, not the easiest thing to find. some of you know whereof I speak) and in service to Him, supercedes other drives/desires in spades. This is not the problem, just more background. Sex is infrequent and BDSM activities non-existent. I have been physically punished during this time, oh, maybe twice. I'm a good girl and anyway, punishment is not about sex or kink.

Additionally, I do understand the reasons why this happened but it isn't, I don't think, important to tell. It did and that's the way it has been.

My dilemma: Recently, Master has been talking more about BDSM stuff, signaling renewed interest. So, I start paying
attention again too. This should thrill me, no? No. I find, to my surprise and dismay--it scares the living daylights
out of me! Not only that, but I find it...kinda repulsive. Not in general, but to imagine myself doing.

I've picked up old books, perused old sites, things that used to make me squirm, and...nothing. Nothing good, anyway.
I can remember being a really nasty, kinky, little painslut but the feelings are just memories. I remember this stuff
was really important and really HOT! but it's like I remember enjoying certain recreational substances in my life too, but I've no desire to do them now. I look at pics of people doing stuff and cannot imagine someone doing that stuff to me. It looks horrible. I'd cry and I'm afraid I'd get fiercely fucking angry and lash out. And, want to know a secret? Despite being intrisically a really obedient, mindful sort, it does cross my mind now and again that if Master were to need to punish me physically these days, I am deeply afraid I might fight before I could stop myself. I find both the thought of punishment and my own imagined reaction rather horrible to contemplate so I am extra sure to mind my manners.

It's not that I think that I would feel "abused" in mindset, it just really squicks me to think about. It seems that
I just shut it all down since it wasn't necessary, and now can't rev it back up.

I'll tell my Master all this but I do want to have my thoughts coherent and organized. He appreciates that so I'm hoping that writing this out and any feedback I get will be helpful. I'm scared. Scared that I can't get it back, and that if I don't, I won't be the slave he wants. Since, after all, he chose me as I was and even if he didn't avail himself of that part of me for a while, I imagine he still does want the slutty/painslutty part to come out and play when he's ready. And he could certainly find someone else to play with but, dammit, I don't want to be "the domestic". I do want to be hot and kinky and ready when he wants me. I'm scared that I'll react badly. Some tops like that, appreciate a challenge. Not my Master. Nor is he going to enjoy it more because I don't enjoy it. Yes indeed, he would (will) expect to do as he pleases but I don't think a rigid, sobbing in anger slave makes a fun bottom. I no longer have any pleasant--even vicarious pleasure--associations with fear and pain and consentual non-consent. Ye gods, I'm no longer kinky. Really??

So, thanks for reading and I guess there are questions here somewhere. Any suggestions for getting my groove back? Oh,
and yes, I'll add this: Master's not really the type to coddle and seduce and take tons of time to get me back to speed (if it can be done). He won't dive right in with the single-tail. He's NOT an idiot and he's not insensitive, but His patience will be limited. I don't have to be ready to go to 100 but I want to at least be able to not throw a punch, throw-up or disassociate til it's over.

That vanilla cone is awfully appropriate!

lenore
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Getting it back - 8/3/2010 7:23:37 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		You will get many responses that say "you need to talk to your master about this" and those responses are correct, but I wanted to add some additional thoughts as to why you are not "feeling" it anymore....


Feelings of sexual submissiveness are not like a faucet that one can turn off and on at will (at least they are not to me). I have had the experience of not being used that way in a long term relationship and those feelings just kinda died. What did it take to reinvigorate those feelings? I had to find someone new that flicked that switch. It does not mean I had to act on those feelings, but they are there again. Now I am not saying that this is the case for you, we are all different, and perhaps if the person I was involved with that allowed those feelings to wither on the vine had invested time in reawakening them, that may have happened.,

Your master may need to spend time awakening those feelings in you by using your obedience to trigger them slowly. You will have to confess this to him, he has a right to know, because if he doesn't know he can't do anything to help you.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to lenorexx)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Getting it back - 8/3/2010 8:25:10 PM   
lenorexx


Posts: 7
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

You will get many responses that say "you need to talk to your master about this" and those responses are correct, but I wanted to add some additional thoughts as to why you are not "feeling" it anymore....

Feelings of sexual submissiveness are not like a faucet that one can turn off and on at will (at least they are not to me). I have had the experience of not being used that way in a long term relationship and those feelings just kinda died. What did it take to reinvigorate those feelings? I had to find someone new that flicked that switch. It does not mean I had to act on those feelings, but they are there again. Now I am not saying that this is the case for you, we are all different, and perhaps if the person I was involved with that allowed those feelings to wither on the vine had invested time in reawakening them, that may have happened.,

Your master may need to spend time awakening those feelings in you by using your obedience to trigger them slowly. You will have to confess this to him, he has a right to know, because if he doesn't know he can't do anything to help you.


Thanks , juliaoceania.

Yes, like I said, I will certainly talk to my Master about this, and since he appreciates organized coherent thoughts, I hope to start that process by writing and by reading other's thoughts and experiences. People hereabouts have been known to be quite helpful.

Sexuality, submissiveness I've got coming out of my ears. That's just me. It is the death of any positive response to thoughts and images of BDSM activities (specifically the SM end of the acronym) that has me dismayed and anxious. Withering on the vine, yes. Apt. But I don't want to make this all about "bad master," (no, I don't think you were going there, it's just a...trend I've noticed from time to time) He's wonderful for me and I love him and I want to stay contentedly kept and to stay content I needed to 'wither' just a bit and yes, now I need, and need help, to reawaken. Yes, I acknowledge he will need to be a major player in that effort. I'm torn between just hoping he loses interest again cause I just can't imagine getting there from where I sit now and wanting to be everything he wants and needs from his slave, cause that's just what I do.

I appreciate your time in responding. Have a wonderful evening.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Getting it back - 8/3/2010 8:39:40 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

Withering on the vine, yes. Apt. But I don't want to make this all about "bad master," (no, I don't think you were going there, it's just a...trend I've noticed from time to time) He's wonderful for me and I love him and I want to stay contentedly kept and to stay content I needed to 'wither' just a bit and yes, now I need, and need help, to reawaken. Yes, I acknowledge he will need to be a major player in that effort. I'm torn between just hoping he loses interest again cause I just can't imagine getting there from where I sit now and wanting to be everything he wants and needs from his slave, cause that's just what I do.


In my case I do not think he was "bad"... he had health issues. Health issues led to other issues. He was not a bad person or a bad dominant per se, but it does not matter "why" the interest waned, it just matters that it did.

I understood what you meant about it being S&M related, which was exactly what I was referring to. I wasn't talking about just "sex", I was talking about BDSM.

I know you are going to talk to him, and I can't give advice on what he should or shouldn't do to master you, other than for me, if I were in this situation slowly reintroducing me to this in a sensual way would be helpful. But that is just me, and I am not you

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to lenorexx)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Getting it back - 8/3/2010 8:40:30 PM   
interlocutor


Posts: 68
Joined: 3/1/2007
Status: offline
quote:

I just can't imagine getting there from where I sit now and wanting to be everything he wants and needs from his slave


Then don't try to imagine it. We get everywhere we go, one step at a time. Make a plan, a list of steps. You don't even really have to know more than what the next step is. Between each step ask, "Am I still going in the right direction to reach my goal? If not, what should the next step be?" Of course your master would need to be leading this plan. The plan is not a rigid set of tasks rather, a way to cross unknown territory. You know where you want to be and the direction you need to go to get there. Take small steps and remember to check which direction you're heading.

< Message edited by interlocutor -- 8/3/2010 9:33:23 PM >

(in reply to lenorexx)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Getting it back - 8/3/2010 8:46:21 PM   
interlocutor


Posts: 68
Joined: 3/1/2007
Status: offline
quote:

I imagine he still does want the slutty/painslutty part to come out and play when he's ready.


You may imagine that, but you've changed, maybe he has too. Until you KNOW what he wants why get all worked up about hypotheticals?

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Getting it back - 8/3/2010 9:02:45 PM   
Chrisincuffs


Posts: 602
Joined: 12/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

Then don't try to imagine it. We get everywhere we got, one step at a time. Make a plan, a list of steps. You don't even really have to know more than what the next step is. Between each step ask, "Am I still going in the right direction to reach my goal? If not, what should the next step be?" Of course your master would need to be leading this plan. The plan is not a rigid set of tasks rather, a way to cross unknown territory. You know where you want to be and the direction you need to go to get there. Take small steps and remember to check which direction you're heading.


I agree very much with interlocuter on this. Generally speaking here, BDSM isn't really one of those things we just jump into in the first place. We don't go from a vanilla sex life to being chained to a St. Andrews Cross getting your pussy whipped with a riding crop. I know it was a progressive action for me anyways. Maybe try to look at it as starting over. I know you mentioned looking at some things that used to turn you on. Maybe start with something very light, for example the cute furry cuffs and a bunny mitt and then move on from there. It sounds like if you jumped back to where you left off it could end up being traumatizing for you.

I do hope the best for you and your Master

_____________________________

No kind of sensation is keener and more active than pain it's impressions are unmistakable. -Marquis DeSade

(in reply to interlocutor)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Getting it back - 8/3/2010 9:39:51 PM   
lenorexx


Posts: 7
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline 		Thank you for responding, interlocutor. For both posts, though I'm only responding directly to this one.

quote:

ORIGINAL: interlocutor

quote:

I imagine he still does want the slutty/painslutty part to come out and play when he's ready.


You may imagine that, but you've changed, maybe he has too. Until you KNOW what he wants why get all worked up about hypotheticals?


Yes, this is a fair point. His interest in kinky stuff waned...or at least his interest in doing kinky stuff waned. He didn't change so much as have priorities, life-stuff that made kink take a backseat. Or get stashed in the trunk. Now, time's gone on and he's exhibited signs of renewed interest, which signals to me that my participation can probably be expected. I kind of live my life by anticipating his desires so I can fulfill them. But no, I don't know that he wants to beat me (or whatever), not til he tells me to get in position. On the other hand, I'd rather not wait that long to get a grip on this, so that when I DO tell him "Hey Master, you know that really neat toy you were admiring the other night, well, I've gotta be honest It makes me sick to even think about and if you want to use it on me I am genuinely afraid I will react very badly and not at all like you were once accustomed to!" (Okay, hopefully phrased a little more appropriately but you get the picture), I have a cogent way of expressing my thoughts and fears to him.

He'll listen to anything I have to say but he appreciates attempts on my part to have given real thought to a subject of concern and I kinda like giving him what he finds pleasing :). And yes, if/when he does want to beat me, I think it will be nice to have made some effort at this for myself rather than expect Him alone to "fix it." So, I really appreciate the opportunity here to have others' insights.

Thank you again, and have a good night.

(in reply to interlocutor)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Getting it back - 8/3/2010 10:03:57 PM   
lenorexx


Posts: 7
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline 		Thank you for responding Chrisncuffs.

Actually, lol, while it wasn't pussy flogging my jumping off point from "vanilla sex" wasn't too far from this. And it was awesome partially because I had spent so long fantasizing about it and anticipating it that the very fact of getting to DO it was almost enough all in itself. But I do know what you mean about taking it progressively. At this time, I have not been fantasizing about or anticipating BDSM or kink for quite a long time. It was a part of myself that had to be surrendered in order to remain content and kept. Simply being His and kept this way is far more meaningful than any discomfort I might experience in the lack of a vigorous sex life. For a while I had to actively suppress the fantasies and desires and then they just...went away. Life was quite good enough. It wasn't something required of me so I stopped even missing it.

Maybe what I will do first is try to reread the fiction with my mind turned to recapturing what it made me feel when I first read it. What turned me on about it, etc. and save the explicit photosites for later. They really make me that uncomfortable. Maybe I should read "When Someone You Love Is Kinky!"

I don't see my Master reverting to fuzzy cuffs *grin* but rationally I don't see needles and hard whippings being the first thing he jumps back to either. Yet it is that fear of a seriously bad trip for both of us, engendered by my response to re-exposure and re-imagining, that jumps at me.

Like I have said, I will confess all this to my Master, but I'm trying to be proactive and to have an eye towards being able to also share with him some positive thoughts and ideas along with the fears.

Thanks so much and have a great night.


quote:

ORIGINAL: Chrisincuffs

I agree very much with interlocuter on this. Generally speaking here, BDSM isn't really one of those things we just jump into in the first place. We don't go from a vanilla sex life to being chained to a St. Andrews Cross getting your pussy whipped with a riding crop. I know it was a progressive action for me anyways. Maybe try to look at it as starting over. I know you mentioned looking at some things that used to turn you on. Maybe start with something very light, for example the cute furry cuffs and a bunny mitt and then move on from there. It sounds like if you jumped back to where you left off it could end up being traumatizing for you.

I do hope the best for you and your Master

(in reply to Chrisincuffs)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Getting it back - 8/3/2010 10:52:23 PM   
Zevar


Posts: 801
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lenorexx
Any suggestions for getting my groove back?
lenore


3 Words come to thought:

1] Safe

2] Sane

3] Consensual


The best to your Master and you!

(in reply to lenorexx)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Getting it back - 8/3/2010 10:58:32 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		1 word: conditioning


(in reply to Zevar)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Getting it back - 8/3/2010 11:02:55 PM   
submissivemale22


Posts: 428
Joined: 3/4/2008
From: CinCity
Status: offline 		you give me a lot of hope lenorexx. thanks for the post.

(in reply to lenorexx)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Getting it back - 8/4/2010 1:39:34 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		if you have shut yourself down for quite a while it is in my opinion rather normal that you should feel scared about getting it on again... and maybe so does he... it seems you have grown apart a bit on this issue... we have been there too...

For yourself to get back into the mood there are so many things you can do... lose some weight maybe, buy a sexy new top or shoes, have your hair done, go dancing or swimming or something
masturbate regularly, read sexy stories and look at sexy pictures
or watch porn

and as you said, it is best to talk to your man as soon as you have your thoughts ordened.

maybe he could get your engine running with a series of spankings building up over a few days to warm you up for your next session?

(in reply to lenorexx)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Getting it back - 8/4/2010 7:25:09 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Whether or not he wants to be patient or coddle you is not the question. He ignored you sexually and playwise for two years and in order to cope with that, you turned off.

You are not a light switch that can be flipped back on. He turned you off, it is his responsibility to turn you back on. And yes, that means starting with light, fluffy, fun, sensation play that you can look forward to.

But basically, he caused this and he needs to solve it.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to ranja)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Getting it back - 8/4/2010 7:52:59 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		You've gotten some great advice here.  Namely, as it appears you already know, your master needs to lead the way back for you.  There's no "bad guy" here, but if he is going to take responsibility for mastering you, then he needs to bring you back to where he left you, if that's where he wants you.  Please don't think it's all on you, to get yourself back into a particular mindset.

Also, I agree with the advice to stop imagining.  You have no idea what he wants or what his plans are, and you're already talking about being relegated to "domestic" while he finds another slave.  Stop that. Do you think that's the kind of man he is? 

Finally, starting slowly may just be the key and you have no idea if he's willing to do that or not until you talk to him.  You'd be surprised.  In my last relationship, BDSM was extremely rough (and difficult) play, and the residual effect was a changed mindset about it all.  My owner now has taken the slow boat to china approach with me, with BDSM.  His concern is that something may trigger a negative emotional reaction, and he wants to be very careful about it.  As he says, there is no hurry - we'll get to where we want to go, in due time.  To give you an idea of how slow he's taken it, this past weekend is the first time he has actually bruised me, in a year and a half.

It took you this long to get to where you are.  You're not going to get it all back overnight.  Be patient.  Trust yourself and your master, and work on this with him together.  I wish you the best.


_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to lenorexx)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Getting it back - 8/4/2010 8:19:33 AM   
UniqueRaven


Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline 		You've had some great advice here.

i went through something similar a few years ago. i completely turned from BDSM and my slavery, pushed it all away, dismissed it as a "passing fetish," and then went on my merry way.

So what "fixed" it for me? It was this: getting back in connection with my body and mind, and making my submission and slavery about myself, and my journey in life - not just sex and kinky play. Physical sensations can be transitory - it's connecting them to the mind with intent and purpose that can make them be enduring.

Find a physical exercise or practice (tai chi, meditation, yoga) - most here know that i do yoga to connect with my "submissive self." Spend time writing, sitting still, and focusing on just being present. Lie in bed nude, with your legs spread wide, and experience the sensations in your body. Get massages. Take long baths. Read authors like Victoria Moran. Find what works for you - simply anything that makes you re-connect with the emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical creature that is you.

Submission can go much deeper than "kinky sex." My favorite quote (author unknown) is this:

"The most dedicated and enduring submissives and slaves are the ones who approach their submission as a healthy furthering of their own self-exploration and personal development, and who remain in touch with, aware of, and maintain responsibility for their own mind-space and the thoughts that happen there (including any choices made that are based on those thoughts)."


There's a lot said there. Contemplating on that quote literally has changed my life, over the years.

Good luck to you.

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to lenorexx)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Getting it back - 8/4/2010 10:58:55 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		A bit of a different angle but it might be a worthwhile contribution.

During the time that clip has been collared to Me, there was a period of time where he was deployed.  For that time frame that he was overseas, he was not playing at all.  Being someone who has always had multiple play partners, I was still engaging in S/m.  That means that his endurance dropped while Mine stayed the same.  As a reasonable person, I understood that we would have to get him back up to My level.  The best decision in this was not to go full throttle and instead work him back up in his pain tolerance.  I certainly couldn't expect him to pick up right where he left off.  It took a little while, but he's more the masochist that he used to be than when he first returned.

Now for the part that's going to make Me look like the bad guy.  Part of what makes clip and I so compatible is much of our play tastes are much the same.  Most of the time, it's not a case of Me wanting to do things that he either doesn't like or can not accept.  (Not all play is fun for him, but he knows that is part of the deal.)  Before I ever put My collar on him, I was very up front about My feelings on the situation.  If he has a hard limit that is an activity that I want to engage in, I will simply find someone else who wants to engage in that kind of play.  I won't force him to break a hard limit, but he won't force Me in abstaining from that activity with someone else.  If it is not a hard limit of his, I own him and that means he will submit if I get a taste for something whether he likes it or not.  That's the way this dynamic works.

I'm sure this will be worked out when you discuss this with your Master.  If he is a reasonable person, I'm sure you can work through it.




< Message edited by LadyPact -- 8/4/2010 11:00:24 AM >

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to UniqueRaven)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Getting it back - 8/4/2010 11:43:02 AM   
texangael


Posts: 167
Joined: 12/14/2009
Status: offline
quote:

My dilemma: Recently, Master has been talking more about BDSM stuff, signaling renewed interest. So, I start paying attention again too. This should thrill me, no? No. I find, to my surprise and dismay--it scares the living daylights out of me! Not only that, but I find it...kinda repulsive. Not in general, but to imagine myself doing.
I used to have a townhouse that I was quite fond of; I moved out of the complex when I got married. A couple of years ago, I found myself again looking for living quarters, and went back to that complex--and found it not as nearly as attractive a living space as I recalled.

My point is this: Situations change, people adapt.

Which is what you acknowledge you did.

Now Master is seeking to return (with you) to an earlier phase of your relationship--for reasons known only to him. It is not uncommon, but neither is it a foregone conclusion. The BDSM he remembers may not be the BDSM the two of you might experience. It might be better--or perhaps it would be worse.

Fundamentally he is proposing a course change that you are not (yet) prepared to make. Whether this means the two of you have grown irreparably apart is something only the two of you can analyze.

_____________________________

"Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no Try."
Corny movie cliche that just happens to be true.

(in reply to lenorexx)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Getting it back - 8/4/2010 11:55:19 AM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Whether or not he wants to be patient or coddle you is not the question. He ignored you sexually and playwise for two years and in order to cope with that, you turned off.

You are not a light switch that can be flipped back on. He turned you off, it is his responsibility to turn you back on. And yes, that means starting with light, fluffy, fun, sensation play that you can look forward to.

But basically, he caused this and he needs to solve it.



I'm in utter agreement with this.

OP: You said before you were a painslut and very kinky, and he expected you to turn that off, it doesn't matter if you said "Oh please please keep me I'm okay with no kink" he accepted it, knowing what you were and who you were. Now he suddenly wants that changed again? Maybe he doesn't want a sudden change, maybe that's a few steps ahead in assuming, but regardless, being with him caused this anxiety and lack of drive, he needs to take responsibility for you as his relationship partner and not just tell you to 'deal with it' but deal with it together, as partners.

Have him read you kinky stories? He doused that fire he should be skilled enough to light it again, if he can't... or won't? Well cross that bridge when you get to it.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Getting it back - 8/4/2010 12:56:06 PM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		in reading all of that the bit that jumped at me was the phrase 'get into position' 'whether he'll say that and expect you to go right back to how it was OR youre just remembering how it used to be and thinking EEK is maybe in some part where the road block is stemming from.  the fear of failing to deliver, after all of this time and losing what you have is making all of this much scarier.

also, dont forget you guys have five years together.  when you first kicked off you were both new to each other and it was all hot, new and exciting.  so youre coming at this from a whole other angle.

like UniqueRaven ive had periods when there has been no bdsm going on in my life and i just switched off.  to the point of just not wanting it, but that was when i was out of a relationship.  i would imagine though that its just as possible in a relationship that hasnt been active in that way.  you get used to being present in youre own body and i would imagine the thought of dealing with the levels of pain you used to enjoy is now really daunting and almost  an assult on the equilibrium you have reached within youreself.  the whole idea of taking a beating after a long period of abstinance IS daunting, dealing with pain now isnt how youve come to express youre submission to youre Master and it now feels alien and maybe even intrusive.

learning to deal with pain and submit to it willingly is in a way what you signed up for though - albeit a while ago.

entering a new relationship, i have to admit, i dont go into it looking forward to the BDSM - i am youre basic sub/slave type.  i am service orientated, my zen is to please.  but BDSM is part of the whole deal and thougth i may start out in a relationship a little 'blank' about the BDSM, i go in because its the submission i want and the BDSM will follow.

you have the submission - in a way, you have what you really want.  a strong, resonant Ms relationship and now you have to rebuild BDSM into that submission.  youd rather not, but that isnt the point  - and maybe itll help you to think of it that way.

when you started it was all hot and sexy - thats changed.  i dont get all hot and sexy with pain play and i dont expect to.  im not the type of masso that gets floaty on pain or orgasms from it, hell, i dont even get wet.

with all of the other advice youve had i just wanted to add this little thought really.  youre premis is to please youre Master, maybe if you concentrate on that, ask for him to ease in a little gently to start with and just remind youreself of why youre with him.

if the prospect isnt hot and sexy then join my club  - but its the process of submitting to my D that gets me there every time - i submit to HIM, not to the play per se.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to ProlificNeeds)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Getting it back Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

1.688