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Protecting what is important - 7/21/2010 1:36:18 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I readily admit to being a masochist and a woman who has a submissive lean. In days passed I have taken more than the average share of chances, mostly to my advantage. And today it just clicked on me why I respond to some threads and why other threads might only get a passing glance. It has to do with what I protect.

I really don't get all that cautious about meetings because I am pretty saavy about my surroundings and I generally arrange the meeting place. I don't mind playing casually because none of that ever involves sex, which to me is inserting his parts into mine. There is something about sex which kicks things into relationship status for me and I try to be choosy about who I become intimately involved with. Sex is rare for me unless I am involved with someone. Involvement is rare unless I trust someone. Trust is rare unless I KNOW someone. Knowing someone only comes from getting to know who they are and how they developed emotional security. For me, the thing I protect is not my body, it is my mind.. or heart for those of you who are more romantic.

Love has happened for me twice in my life. Both times I can say there were no regrets, no bad endings other than heartbreak. But it was always heartbreak that I knew I could survive because my endings are rarely bad. I believe in cutting ties while things are still good, or when cutting those ties will be better for the men I love.

I have watched other people with envy because they can fall in love and live happily much more quickly than I do. But when it comes down to it and things end for them I can see how damaging bad can be and I am glad I avoided that. I tend to be logical in my choices even when those choices are bad. Bad things are sometimes chosen to test myself.. a bad habit I have gradually learned to mostly avoid.

Most of the threads I read about relationship issues are almost incomprehensible for me because I am over the top careful about feeling anything for anyone. Because when I do feel something it is a permanant condition.. another bad habit which I have yet to find my way passed.

I am not sure how to change and I don't think I really want to. Protecting my body has always been lower on the scale of importance. What about you all? Heart? Mind? Body? If you could rate it which would you choose to protect first? Does length of time enter into what it takes to develop trust or is it more a communication thing for you? When things go wrong, what is worse, mind or body?

Post #: 1

RE: Protecting what is important - 7/21/2010 2:26:03 PM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I am not sure how to change and I don't think I really want to. Protecting my body has always been lower on the scale of importance. What about you all? Heart? Mind? Body? If you could rate it which would you choose to protect first? Does length of time enter into what it takes to develop trust or is it more a communication thing for you? When things go wrong, what is worse, mind or body?

Missokyst,

I confronted this issue last year when I realized that I was intentionally avoiding prospects that would challenge my areas of discomfort. I went on to discover that the unthinkable was possible and much of it hinged on the person I was interacting with. That was the first step. Encountering someone that compelled me to cast those things aside was precisely what I needed in a partner. Safety was overrated and when given the opportunity I chose the risk instead. It was a major turning point.

In my opinion, intentional sectioning is merely an impediment to the relationship I desire and my slavery as a whole. It is the unbreakable space between that silently hovers and inhibits a deeper form of interaction; one devoid of expectations and makeshift guarantees. My owner gets all. I want him to see every nook and cranny and be keenly aware of what he's taking possession of. Not the pretty or the fearless, but those intimate dark recesses that harbor fears, uncertainty, and weakness. Handing him pieces is akin to having a recipe with missing ingredients. The finished product is far less than it could have been if the items were made available.

And I don't think about what if's either. We can talk ourselves into an array of frightening scenarios that may never come to pass. I refuse to protect or deny him access to the woman he has claimed. Fear is not the culprit. It's the unwillingness to try instead. So you take your time, ask lots of questions, and communicate those not so pleasant feelings while you're at it. You're looking for the person that doesn't run or turn away when he faces your imperfections. And while that hasn't always led to the happy ending I desired, I take comfort in knowing that I made the effort nonetheless.

~porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 2

RE: Protecting what is important - 7/21/2010 3:08:35 PM

Zevar

Posts: 801
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I readily admit to being a masochist and a woman who has a submissive lean. In days passed I have taken more than the average share of chances, mostly to my advantage. And today it just clicked on me why I respond to some threads and why other threads might only get a passing glance. It has to do with what I protect.

I really don't get all that cautious about meetings because I am pretty saavy about my surroundings and I generally arrange the meeting place. I don't mind playing casually because none of that ever involves sex, which to me is inserting his parts into mine. There is something about sex which kicks things into relationship status for me and I try to be choosy about who I become intimately involved with. Sex is rare for me unless I am involved with someone. Involvement is rare unless I trust someone. Trust is rare unless I KNOW someone. Knowing someone only comes from getting to know who they are and how they developed emotional security. For me, the thing I protect is not my body, it is my mind.. or heart for those of you who are more romantic.

Love has happened for me twice in my life. Both times I can say there were no regrets, no bad endings other than heartbreak. But it was always heartbreak that I knew I could survive because my endings are rarely bad. I believe in cutting ties while things are still good, or when cutting those ties will be better for the men I love.

I have watched other people with envy because they can fall in love and live happily much more quickly than I do. But when it comes down to it and things end for them I can see how damaging bad can be and I am glad I avoided that. I tend to be logical in my choices even when those choices are bad. Bad things are sometimes chosen to test myself.. a bad habit I have gradually learned to mostly avoid.

Most of the threads I read about relationship issues are almost incomprehensible for me because I am over the top careful about feeling anything for anyone. Because when I do feel something it is a permanant condition.. another bad habit which I have yet to find my way passed.

I am not sure how to change and I don't think I really want to. Protecting my body has always been lower on the scale of importance. What about you all? Heart? Mind? Body? If you could rate it which would you choose to protect first? Does length of time enter into what it takes to develop trust or is it more a communication thing for you? When things go wrong, what is worse, mind or body?

Greetings Missokyst:

Protection in and of itself is instinctually natural for all of humanity. On a subconscious level the choice to protect the internal unseen realm occurs without much thought applied. It is totally sensible to be somewhat guarded when beginning to know someone not known before, thus a stranger. While each person involved in a newly acquainted situation are technically strangers the fact also remains that there are differences in perception regarding the issue of protection between those involved.

I for one do not open quickly to strangers on an intimate level. I am friendly in a cordial manner and gradually become more willing to share more of who I am on an intimate level. It is with accuracy that I am more guarded than not when it involves my allowing a woman to know me intimately in a rushed manner. For myself an issue of trust is imperative to establish prior to even considering to speak person to person or otherwise. Building trust is oft times a different structure for others. There is no judging of others and how they choose to build trust or protect themselves. Still in all for myself, especially these days at present, I must have an inner assurance that there is a healthy bond of mutual trust that is developing prior to any consideration to proceed on an intimate level.

Further I am keenly aware that I consciously proceed with great caution due to personal choices that are related to my having loved in a deep genuine manner with my beloved companion. Since her death, from a long fought battle from cancer that she waged with I by her side through it all, it has been less difficult to feel emotions that would lend toward the forming of a bond of love. It is in part due to grieving the loss of a woman that meant the world to me and secondly due to having no genuine interest at present to duplicate any form of relationship on an intimate level. Unless of course I and a special lady cross paths.

We all makes choice to open to possibilities even though we may still need to feel a sense of inner protection, this I fully understand. In considering the possibilities and also in one of the instances it was a matter of an agreement, I did allow myself to engage in 3 different situations that did include a form of intimate relating by choice. When I speak of a form of intimate relating I do not mean that all instances included sexual intimacy. Even though in the instances where sexual intimacy was shared nonetheless I still concluded that each situation had been what it was to be and gracefully terminated each situation.

I remain unhurried to form a bond of love with a woman. I am content with my decision to live my life fully each day and exchange my life and all of the joy and laughter with my closest friends and family. My reserved nature is something that only 1 woman has ever been able to fully reach beyond thus entering into a place within myself where it is indeed guarded by natural instincts. However once I open I do so until death do we part. I am not the kind of man that can casually commit to anything, let alone my loving a woman that I form a genuine bond of trust and a deep bond of intimate love with.

There is a difference in building walls that prevent intimacy as opposed to simply recognizing that the guardedness that is evident is formed from a natural instinctual way and that does open in the right timing with the right individual. Therein remain imprints and silhouettes of a genuine expression of a legitimate exchange within a bond of genuine trust and love that will forever remain. Protection for myself tends to begin with my intellect and ends somewhere closer to an inner realm that is solely undisturbed by the clamor of hurriedness. Once entered though therein are waters that run deep with all I openly share in an unconditional manner with the special lady that I love fully and unreservedly.

Thank you for this thread as it is of great interest for a discussion…

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 3

RE: Protecting what is important - 7/21/2010 3:56:57 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

Flying in the face of danger (the danger of ridicule in this response), I'm going to approach what I believe to be the subject with a little number game.

Take the first number in your age. In this case it's a 4 (for the moment, till next time around). Then, try to determine how many 'serious' relationships you have had in your life. You can define 'serious' any way you like. For argument's sake, I'll count for myself people I've loved and/or loved me back, those I thought enough of to live together, things of that ilk. At any rate, the number is higher than 4.

I'm going to go WAAAAYYYYY out on a limb here and say that if that 'relationship' number is higher than the first number in your age, you're probably not all that risk averse and it gets a little easier to pick and choose who you can throw in with. If your number is lower, you are probably an extraordinarily conservative person, who might or might not have all that much life experience (I'm adjusting for those who might be in their 20's and haven't really started exploring meaningful relationships).

Please don't get me wrong. Being 49, I don't want to have 'practice' relationships any longer any more than the next guy (or gal, man, woman, little, something else, or however you want to define yourself). I want my next 'grand adventure' to be my last.

Then again, when I started my last grand adventure 3 years ago I was certain that one WOULD be my last. See what I mean?

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to Zevar)

Post #: 4

RE: Protecting what is important - 7/21/2010 4:38:59 PM

CynthiaWVirginia

Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline

This is part of the reason why I love to come to these message boards, to think life over from maybe a different point of view...and get to know myself better.

quote:

I readily admit to being a masochist and a woman who has a submissive lean.

I am female, never have been a masochist...and my window of opportunity to explore that closed, along with exploring any submissive side. Good thing that I have another side to my nature.

quote:

I don't mind playing casually because none of that ever involves sex, which to me is inserting his parts into mine.

I hadn't minded either, but soon found that my joy comes not from the kink, but the mental emotional power exchange. Having that while flogging...there's just nothing like it. I am almost getting incoherent just thinking about it. I haven't gotten this mental/emotional power exchange from friendly bottoms, but from subs who were mine. I do not have *sex* as you describe it, nor do I indulge in oral unless I am in an LTR where we are both in love. (Since I made that decision, it hasn't happened yet, so yes...I am celibate.) It's a decision I made, as I cannot enjoy sex without love.

quote:

There is something about sex which kicks things into relationship status for me and I try to be choosy about who I become intimately involved with. Sex is rare for me unless I am involved with someone. Involvement is rare unless I trust someone. Trust is rare unless I KNOW someone. Knowing someone only comes from getting to know who they are and how they developed emotional security. For me, the thing I protect is not my body, it is my mind.. or heart for those of you who are more romantic.

I have to develop friendship with someone first. That was my problem in the past, letting my heart jump feet first into a relationship and then discovering that we can never be friends. I tend to fall in love fast and hard, so I try to slow things down. If I feel that I am the only one falling, then I shut down the budding relationship. Yep, I make a clean break.

As for protecting my body, this is a high priority from a vanilla and human female point of view. I have been attacked in the past, both as a child and as an adult and I will do whatever I have to to protect myself from feeling trapped. I've even had to *coughs* remove a glove to answer one of my safe calls. If at any time my spider senses tingle, that's it, it's game over and I will not meet that person again. Logic has nothing to do with it.

quote:

Love has happened for me twice in my life. Both times I can say there were no regrets, no bad endings other than heartbreak. But it was always heartbreak that I knew I could survive because my endings are rarely bad. I believe in cutting ties while things are still good, or when cutting those ties will be better for the men I love.

I was in love twice, that I can remember. I haven't had any contact with either in over twenty years so maybe I would not feel a connection with them if I saw them again. The part of my heart I gave away seems to be something that remains in their possession. It's strange, because the one who closed my book as anyone's potential sub/slave...left part of himself behind in me. This was over four years ago, and I loved him so much in a D/s way but wasn't in love with him. It's an inner child thing; my inner child had a daddy for a while and nobody can ever take his place.

For many years I cut all ties with any man trying to get close to me...for their own good. I had cancer issues. Then some married girlfriends at a forum I was mod at ganged up on me, after having a talk with their hubbies, and informed me that their hubbies all agreed that I didn't have the right to make "a unilateral decision" like that. Men are big boys, and as long as I tell them what's up, it's their decision to make if knowing me will be worth any pain they may or may not have to endure later. I gave in and started dating.

quote:

I have watched other people with envy because they can fall in love and live happily much more quickly than I do.

I have seen many people who fell in love quick and married... and it sickened my stomach when I saw their hubbies cheating. I have seen married women using visiting girlfriends (who cover for them) to go out and "get some strange." Some of the women in my family have married and divorced 3 and 4 times...so I am not envious of them.

quote:

Most of the threads I read about relationship issues are almost incomprehensible for me because I am over the top careful about feeling anything for anyone. Because when I do feel something it is a permanant condition.. another bad habit which I have yet to find my way passed.

In my own way, this happens with me too. I know what I want and do not want to settle for less.

quote:

I am not sure how to change and I don't think I really want to. Protecting my body has always been lower on the scale of importance. What about you all? Heart? Mind? Body? If you could rate it which would you choose to protect first?

I would protect my body first, because the body is the gateway to the heart and soul and mind. I'm a survivor, but I don't want to push it. I am human and can only take so much, and I really am sick and tired of counseling and spending years repairing damage.

quote:

Does length of time enter into what it takes to develop trust or is it more a communication thing for you?

It takes time, communication, and...proving to me that I can depend on them. Does someone need my company, does he seek me out...does he miss during his day, and at some time while he is at work does he think of me. Without attachment, and without him proving to me that he thinks I am valuable, worth the effort...the "relationship" is going nowhere.

It's funny how easy I am to begin attachment with. I have an achilles heel a mile wide when it comes to courtship behavior.

The problem is that I live in a tiny town, have no plans to relocate and do not wish to have someone else relocate. Most people my age have dependent children, adult children, elderly parents they have to keep an eye on, own a house and have a job that is not transferable. By the time I eliminate the marrieds, the smokers, drinkers, and drug users, there are very little choices left. If I hope for someone submissive as well...lol, yeah, right. I need a genie in a bottle to help me pull that rabbit out of my hat. I don't enjoy bar hopping, nor attending churches to look for prospective mates, as is the usual here.

All in all, whenever I do find someone who might be suitable I cut him a lot more slack than I should. I require daily communication of some sort, and if it is too much of an effort to make on his part then internally I start setting limits, putting up walls. If I cannot trust someone to do this small thing for me, I cannot trust him enough want him to be mine. Instead he is lucky if I decide to allow him to bottom for me occasionally.

quote:

When things go wrong, what is worse, mind or body?

Mind. When something goes wrong, the body can heal in a matter of days or weeks.

The heart can take over ten years (speaking from my own experience) to heal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
edited to fix spelling blooper

< Message edited by CynthiaWVirginia -- 7/21/2010 4:46:05 PM >

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 5

RE: Protecting what is important - 7/21/2010 5:15:53 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

You can easily protect the body.

You might be able to protect the mind.

You cannot protect your heart unless you never love anyone ever.

What is worse? Well, scars and wounds of the body heal. Your mind never forgets. Your heart simply aches until it stops aching.

Some people are so afraid of the above, they never fully engage in life.

Others who took the leap, succeeded in attaining the heights of life.

Others took the leap and fell into an abyss.

Life is just one big roll of the dice.

(in reply to CynthiaWVirginia)

Post #: 6

RE: Protecting what is important - 7/21/2010 5:29:18 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

Well.. I am in my 50's and I can count two. Three if you count my marriage, but I don't count that as I had no loving feelings for the man. Both loving relationships were relatively long term. I still do love them both. When gentleman number 1 calls me (we are still in touch), I feel that same surge of love I felt back when I was 24. When we meet up, it is very much like the first time. With the 2nd... my struggle with overcoming the need to submit is daily, but has finally settled into the reality of life. I love him but don't expect anything to come of it. I look forward to Mr 3rd should he gain access to my heart, but it won't stop me from the feelings I had and have for the other two. I am not sure I do "practice" relationships. I have had other lovers but those were not love they were passion. In terms of experience I have had my share, I just have chosen to minimize the exteraneous love connections. Relationships for fun and companionship have been rewarding and everyone parts on good terms.
It would be nice to think of anyone being my last grand adventure but lol first they have to get to that point. In the interim I enjoy just being happy.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

Please don't get me wrong. Being 49, I don't want to have 'practice' relationships any longer any more than the next guy (or gal, man, woman, little, something else, or however you want to define yourself). I want my next 'grand adventure' to be my last.

Jeff

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 7

RE: Protecting what is important - 7/21/2010 5:34:50 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

Ahh yes, slavery is a different mindset to be sure. Slavery is more akin to what I had in my marriage and I will not walk that road again. I found that the damage was not worth the reward. But the mindset is probably still what drives me and keeps me on the path I willingly choose.. avoiding that other at all costs.
Oddly, I am very open about myself, who I am and what I am feeling. People talk about emotional transparency but really very few people are comfy in their own skin enough to reveal their flaws and weaknesses. I find doing so is cathartic and have no problem opening up. lol it is letting someone IN where the blockage surfaces.

(in reply to porcelaine)

Post #: 8

RE: Protecting what is important - 7/21/2010 5:36:49 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

Your thoughts are similar to my own.

(in reply to Zevar)

Post #: 9

RE: Protecting what is important - 7/21/2010 6:15:26 PM

gungadin09

Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline

My first BDSM relationship started last January, and lasted 2 months. It had been 9 years since my last relationship. i had multiple crushes during that time, but the guys never knew about it. Except for one, and that was a disaster, which ended in my quitting my job without notice.

During that same 9 year period, i was living in my car for 2 years, even though i didn't have to, and i basically stopped speaking to people. i still avoid people, and have few close friends. Often i just don't like people, but even if i do i rarely talk to them or try to get to know them. i've never felt "love"; instead i feel obsession, devotion, attachment, and pain. i'd say i protect my heart first.

pam

P.S.- i wonder if Plasticine will have to start a new thread "Why are there so many love threads?" Just kidding.

< Message edited by gungadin09 -- 7/21/2010 6:17:15 PM >

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 10

RE: Protecting what is important - 7/21/2010 6:18:58 PM

Chrisincuffs

Posts: 602
Joined: 12/7/2009
Status: offline

I like to say that I envy people who can just put themselves out there and fall in love. I don't really mean that. I know I have some HUGE walls. I will admit it once, here, and then never again. I purposely enter into relationships that are never going to last. I purposely become involved with men that I know will leave me or at the very least let me down in a big way. this way I can keep my walls. One of those being the fact that while I love to endure physical pain, I can't stand to endure my mind being fucked with.
There have been plenty of men willing to give me that kind of love, being totally open with me and putting themselves out there. I push them as far away as possible. The last thing guys like that deserve is to get involved with a girl that loves being tied down and her pussy clipped

_____________________________

No kind of sensation is keener and more active than pain it's impressions are unmistakable. -Marquis DeSade

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 11

RE: Protecting what is important - 7/21/2010 6:22:40 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

This time around I was extremely protective of heart and mind. It was important to me to mitigate risk by moving at a snails pace with him and really getting to know him as a man - his character - before engaging the heart and body. Too often I have given myself over too quickly, and for reasons that were not so good for me.

This time around, giving myself over was very gradual and careful. I listened to the inner voice in me that I had spent almost a lifetime ignoring. I asked questions. I challenged some of the answers. I spoke up when things didn't feel right. I loved myself and acted like it.

This didn't mean there were walls around me, or that I was combative or resistant. It just meant I looked out for myself in the process. I would not compromise myself this time.

So...risky? Sure, I suppose there is always risk in loving someone. But being fully aware - of myself, of his actions, of the bigger picture as well as the smaller one - that was my way of protecting myself this time. This time, there were men I said no to. This time, I had boundaries in place. This time, I was willing to walk away if it wasn't going to work. This time, I came into the relationship a fulfilled and happy person, so I figured if it didn't work out, I could go back to that fulfilled and happy place where I started.

Yes, sometimes - almost a year and half into it now - I still have twinges of fear. But I speak up and he addresses it and we resolve it and move on. And when I feel it's not really resolved yet, I speak up again, and so on. And if he hadn't been someone I could feel emotionally safe with, then it wouldn't have worked out.

This time, I used the lessons learned from the last times, and went into the relationship with a different level of awareness. I reduced the risk by looking out for myself.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 12

RE: Protecting what is important - 7/21/2010 7:05:13 PM

Zevar

Posts: 801
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Your thoughts are similar to my own.

Greetings Missokyst:

I would be interested in hearing more about how you perceive my thoughts to be similar to your own. That is if you are comfortable saying more to further a discussion. If not I understand. Either way continue to take care.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 13

RE: Protecting what is important - 7/21/2010 7:09:55 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

Quoted for truth to my own situation below.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Zevar

There is a difference in building walls that prevent intimacy as opposed to simply recognizing that the guardedness that is evident is formed from a natural instinctual way and that does open in the right timing with the right individual. Therein remain imprints and silhouettes of a genuine expression of a legitimate exchange within a bond of genuine trust and love that will forever remain. Protection for myself tends to begin with my intellect and ends somewhere closer to an inner realm that is solely undisturbed by the clamor of hurriedness. Once entered though therein are waters that run deep with all I openly share in an unconditional manner with the special lady that I love fully and unreservedly.

Thank you for this thread as it is of great interest for a discussion…

(in reply to Zevar)

Post #: 14

RE: Protecting what is important - 7/21/2010 8:50:16 PM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Ahh yes, slavery is a different mindset to be sure. Slavery is more akin to what I had in my marriage and I will not walk that road again. I found that the damage was not worth the reward. But the mindset is probably still what drives me and keeps me on the path I willingly choose.. avoiding that other at all costs.
Oddly, I am very open about myself, who I am and what I am feeling. People talk about emotional transparency but really very few people are comfy in their own skin enough to reveal their flaws and weaknesses. I find doing so is cathartic and have no problem opening up. lol it is letting someone IN where the blockage surfaces.

Missokyst,

I didn't come to the kneel in bondage and tied up in internal knots. I addressed those things before it occurred. I'm not hoping to find myself through a relationship, but enter them with a clear knowledge of who I am and what I bring to the table. The empowerment is amazing and when appropriately paired I vibrate much higher. Because that's what it's about. I don't tiptoe through life hoping to join its ranks. And I'm not a cliff clinger either. The liberation I find with my partner is possible because I don't stand in its way. I do everything I can to assist him. Which means bearing myself and relishing the beauty of my nakedness. And I love the imperfections. I see them as opportunities for enhancement. I work tirelessly on me because a better me means I'll attract a better man in return.

Letting him in is the icing on the cake. The collective sharing and self-discovery is an amazing experience. But I keep my precious jewel out of bumbling hands. Knowing my worth makes me keenly aware who is and is not deserving of the right to call me his. But to cheat him out of that and deny him the wonderment that is me? Not a chance. I most certainly would never wish for the same in return. But for the right one I will leap. There is no maybe. If he's my complement and desires my hand he'll have it. I don't complicate the simple.

The best way to prevent that is to discard anything that threatens to impede that path. But there's something else. I must be worth possessing and that means a woman he desires from her crown to her soles. That's what I work on. And I smile a lot. Joy is such a wonderful thing to witness in a woman. And I never forsake my softness. He deserves the lady and the slave, not one or the other.

~porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 15

RE: Protecting what is important - 7/21/2010 9:07:36 PM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

Missokyst,

You addressed something regarding slavery that I wanted to respond to separately. I believe you're correct and the idea of transparency and its reality are often world's apart. For most it is acceptable as long as the individual receives validation in the guise he's seeking. The truth filter can leave one fitfully confused when the real definition is revealed. This is one of the things I pay close attention to when making an assessment. If he's unable to be honest with himself, how will he handle hearing that from yours truly?

But more than this I think your words cut to the heart of a subject NuevaVida and I have discussed most recently. And that relates to granting access to the other party. I recognize we each have challenges, but that doesn't mean guardedness is the best response. I see access as a bilateral issue and something both should be willing to address from their respective positions. I'm seeking an owner that interacts, not one buried behind a fortress. And while that would be unappealing to me and an impediment to my kneel, it may be exactly what another woman needs that has a similar condition.

~porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to porcelaine)

Post #: 16

RE: Protecting what is important - 7/21/2010 9:56:05 PM

Zevar

Posts: 801
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Quoted for truth to my own situation below.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Zevar

There is a difference in building walls that prevent intimacy as opposed to simply recognizing that the guardedness that is evident is formed from a natural instinctual way and that does open in the right timing with the right individual. Therein remain imprints and silhouettes of a genuine expression of a legitimate exchange within a bond of genuine trust and love that will forever remain. Protection for myself tends to begin with my intellect and ends somewhere closer to an inner realm that is solely undisturbed by the clamor of hurriedness. Once entered though therein are waters that run deep with all I openly share in an unconditional manner with the special lady that I love fully and unreservedly.

Thank you for this thread as it is of great interest for a discussion…

Greetings Missokyst:

In considering guardedness from a longitudinal position it is likened to preserving what is of value in a way that is characteristically categorized as personal riches worth waiting for to share and share alike. In the midst of opening one to the other there is a process of self discovery that can be shared with a motive of enhancing the exchange of vulnerability to become strengthened on an internal level. While guardedness is natural from an instinctive level it is also natural to chose to lift the gate allowing entrance when there is a certainty to do so.

Truly deep waters run deep. Since this is true for myself I have come to realize and accept that I am not a man that does anything from a shallow viewpoint. To do so would merely be done so in a deficient manner. I want nothing to do with shallow inadequacies. I know that I am not a man that would compromise my integrity for anything or anyone. Also it is noted that my intensity is not something that has been handed to me. Instead I have fought hell to become the man that I am. A man that does not fear my ability to feel coupled with a balanced ability to practice critical thinking in all of my interactions.

In essence the concept of protection does play a role in that when I make a conscious chose to become vulnerable it is solely related to an internal dialogue that has taken place prior to my choosing to allow the deep waters to flow. In terms of loving fully and unreservedly there is no other way that I am capable of loving. Characteristics that are evident of enriching my life and others are not negotiable. Fully loving another is solely related to my intensity that I offer when I have committed myself to a purpose or otherwise.

Therefore this quality naturally flows within the deep waters when I open myself to a lady that is companioned heart to heart, mind, body and soul with myself. All I do is done with an element of passion yet balanced by patience steering the ship. For myself, to live is to do so in a way that allows for possibilities to be explored in a way that respects my internal guarded deep waters. Patience at the helm surely calms the waters yet does not exclude the possibilities of one day perhaps crossing paths with a special lady that naturally stirs my unrelenting deep waters once again. If not then Life surely remains an adventure which I continue to embrace intensely yet patiently and naturally guarding that which is worthy to be protected.

Take care!

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 17

RE: Protecting what is important - 7/21/2010 10:06:07 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I am not sure if when we begin to do this has anything to do with my issues with slavery. But for me, having begun this at a very young age has made me excrutiatingly aware of my inability to harm another emotionally. I have no problems being physical but when it comes to causing someone emotional pain I don't have that ability. So I stay long passed the time when it would be wiser for me to leave. As long as I don't allow myself to reach that state of slavery I have done well and been happy.
I think we have to be aware of things that are beyond what makes us wet and think of what it takes to make us thrive. Slavery is a root killer for me, though it can make many people grow it is not the best fit for me. It all comes down to knowing who you are and what drives you.
I also believe that we come to things in our own time. I did not mean to fall in love either time, but it happened. I did not seek it, nor want it, but it was there. The parts of me I keep in reserve are held away because .. hmm... maybe because I am not looking. I was not looking then and I am not looking now. But if things happen that way and I should want that closeness again, it will happen because I have no way to shut it off if the other criteria have been met. It takes me longer than most, but since I am pretty happy as is, I don't mind keeping my self safe.
People think that doing that is lonely or dull but I have had a very nice life and spent some time with very remarkable men who still make me smile long after they have gone.

(in reply to porcelaine)

Post #: 18

RE: Protecting what is important - 7/21/2010 10:29:04 PM

fitv27

Posts: 5
Joined: 7/20/2010
Status: offline

Being trans I had to face the scary prospect of the first few times in public, dressed somewhat slutty/femme/sub. With some tgirl clubs/pubs being in some pretty interesting parts of london - getting past that, (initially with the help of a domme and others like me, then alone) really taught me about breaking down walls... then getting over the part about it being ok to adopt the persona of a female sexually and in other ways and then on to a world where i am also submissive to both males and females... and love to demonstrate publically... quite a few times i had to push my boundaries and run the risk of being very vunerable to people.. and (maybe i am lucky) to date with a couple of minor exceptions all has been good.
With regard to the emotional part, i had one long relationship with a lovely guy, a real dom player on londons scene a few years ago who took me on a journey and really made me love him. part of the relationship was that i was expected to be monogomous unless bidden by him, and yet he would do as he chose - often with my assistance. I became not only his slave - most weekends living with him and talking every day and really getting involved heavily, Anyway the outcome was one day he replaced me with another and whilst he took some time to let me down the event really threw my whole world and has left me finding it hard to love so complteely again - even though i would love to totally devote myself to one.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 19

RE: Protecting what is important - 7/21/2010 10:42:33 PM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

So I stay long passed the time when it would be wiser for me to leave. As long as I don't allow myself to reach that state of slavery I have done well and been happy.

I think this is a common issue for many and one I have to remind myself of. On the one hand I know how to get out of dodge, but then another voice asks if I would do so if I'm enslaved and I know the answer isn't that cut and dried. But I still have to lean on my belief that slavery should never become my undoing. My best protection against that is choosing wisely and I'm very particular. And I can understand your hesitation because once I'm there that's it. I'm very docile on the kneel and I don't want that part of myself exploited inappropriately.

quote:

I think we have to be aware of things that are beyond what makes us wet and think of what it takes to make us thrive. Slavery is a root killer for me, though it can make many people grow it is not the best fit for me. It all comes down to knowing who you are and what drives you.

I agree. I know it's an avocation for me but it isn't that for everyone else and I acknowledge their right to choose differently. In many respects it would be far easier if I didn't want this. Many of the people I decline would be viable prospects outside of ownership. If you asked me this one year ago my answer would have been different. The bar is high and I make no bones about that.

quote:

I did not mean to fall in love either time, but it happened. I did not seek it, nor want it, but it was there.

Most of the time situations like these lead to people I never forget. They usually have an impact on me and leave an imprint.

quote:

The parts of me I keep in reserve are held away because .. hmm... maybe because I am not looking. I was not looking then and I am not looking now. But if things happen that way and I should want that closeness again, it will happen because I have no way to shut it off if the other criteria have been met. It takes me longer than most, but since I am pretty happy as is, I don't mind keeping my self safe.

I think it is simpler because I don't partner easily. I'm very selective and when I've settled on an individual it means I'm pretty darned confident that he's what I want and need in a companion. I'm not one for maybe's or crazy compromises. I recognize what I can live with and what I won't bend on.

But there is one quality that really gets to me. I used to go running in the opposite direction when I encountered it. That didn't last for long and the magnet brought me back. I've got to admit that is hard to ignore. But for some reason I crave it and delight in being in the company of someone that is seemingly hard to resist. It must be some kooky mental masochistic thing that I'm doing. It's torturous and he drives me insane but I like it all the same!

~porcelaine

< Message edited by porcelaine -- 7/21/2010 10:45:40 PM >

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 20

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