cassandria
Posts: 86
Joined: 6/6/2010
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quote:
Most of the threads I read about relationship issues are almost incomprehensible for me because I am over the top careful about feeling anything for anyone. Because when I do feel something it is a permanant condition.. another bad habit which I have yet to find my way passed.
I am not sure how to change and I don't think I really want to. Protecting my body has always been lower on the scale of importance. What about you all? Heart? Mind? Body? If you could rate it which would you choose to protect first? Does length of time enter into what it takes to develop trust or is it more a communication thing for you? When things go wrong, what is worse, mind or body?
Wow...that's a question that requires me to do some serious thinking. Before I continue writing, please let me say this...the comments on this thread are perhaps some of the best I've ever seen, in any thread, and have had me in serious thought for the past hour or so...and probably will for the rest of the evening. Thank you, everyone who has been writing here.
~~~
"Do you want me to tell you something subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more." - Erica Jong
I think for me, that quote (it's one of my favorites) sums it up. You must risk, in order to gain. I've known fulfillment, happiness, pure joy...and I want to know it again. And there is so much that I haven't known yet, that I've dreamed about, that I yearn for, that I can see easily happening...and I know that I risk getting hurt by opening to someone...but without that, I risk not ever knowing what life can be.
I don't think I know how to really protect my mind, my body, my heart. I think they're all intricately connected. All I can do is watch, listen, be open...and in my honesty, sometimes that's used and abused. It happens. I can't change the heart of me, I can try to learn the concept of "boundaries", within my mind, and my body is meant to be used so that doesn't bother me...but since I don't know how to "play" (much less, casually) I wouldn't know how to separate the three.
I admire women who are bitchy, who are strongly demanding of what they want, who seem to get what they seek and don't seem to get hurt much....but I concluded that my very nature is what is the difference...that softness in me, the lady who doesn't understand bad manners, much less exhibit them...doesn't know how to engage like that. I guess I hope that those qualities will attract what I need, and will be considered an asset...if I developed a bitchy streak, or became more demanding, I doubt I'd attract what I really need.
I have thought about it though, because every woman has within her the ability to develop these qualities (well, I believe that) and for sure...when struggling through the hurt I've experienced, it *really* hits hard that I wonder if I should develop a tougher skin...but then I realize, I kinda have, over time. I don't expect perfection. I'm delighted with a positive outcome, because I know the odds.
I can only try, be myself, and be as careful as I know how to be...at least, initially.
For me, how much I give of myself initially is often a key component to how much I may become hurt. How much trust did I put forward, and was it treated with value? If not, that's when I begin to hurt.
The hurt I can feel is most definitely more mental, in my mind, than my body. My body heals gradually. My mind takes longer.
But there is one thing I have learned over time...and that's my capacity to love, and to heal. Both are endless. I've experienced enough at this time in my life to truly delight in someone wonderful, and to shy away from someone who exhibits less-than-wonderful, to me. And I may get hurt in the future. But at least I live life.
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RE: Protecting what is important - 
Profile
) i can now go that extra bit and submit my heart. if i fall on my face then i have the strength and power to pull myself back. 
Such a simple statement but so hard to do sometimes. I'm so happy for how things have worked out for you....luci
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