RE: Mental block

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Mental block

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Mental block

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Mental block - 7/10/2010 9:30:56 AM

Frankseas

Posts: 61
Joined: 1/16/2010
Status: offline

How do you tell some one to stop thinking? Well you dont because then.....They wonder Gee how can I stop thinking. It is usually better to teach by example.

Take them on a quiet picnic some where away from people traffic and the all intrusive cell phone. Have a nice time eat talk about general things lay back on a blanket together and look for the funny shaped clouds over head.

Most of all just cuddle hold each other and enjoy a long quiet time together. Soon relaxing will come easier each time after simple nice times together.

(in reply to Malkinius)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: Mental block - 7/10/2010 12:04:07 PM

came4U

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline

I would suggest doing the same things you would do when one has insomnia or has a hard time falling asleep.

Do the most mundane things around the house to bring brain function downnnn. Lower the lights, no tv, radio etc (only causes the brain more zipping around in circles), wash dishes, iron, try to read the most ridiculously boring magazine.

Once you are calmer (mentally), remember that feeling and how you got there and practice the journey it took to get there (eventually you won't need to do the chores lol).

_____________________________

It hurts.....that you call me a masochist

(in reply to Frankseas)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: Mental block - 7/10/2010 1:08:53 PM

bamboozledbylove

Posts: 10
Joined: 7/9/2010
Status: offline

Recite a mantra. What is a mantra? It is a word or phrase that you repeat over and over again. Brains can't normally just shut down their words so the next best way to stop your problematic thoughts is to displace them with a deliberate phrase. It's like putting your hands to your ears and saying, "lalalalalalalalalalalala" when there is someone talking and you want to block out what they are saying. Just repeat your mantra, it can be anything, and as long as that phrase is taking up your brain's bandwidth the pesky thoughts won't have a chance.

If you are busy trying to "figure something out", that is another story. That can happen when you put way too much trust in your ability to make sense of things, or when you mistakenly assume that by making sense of things you can control events or avoid problems. To escape that false assumption, just remind yourself that the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Love is not a chew toy.

(in reply to ladycaralaw)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: Mental block - 7/10/2010 2:09:52 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

Sounds like you disassociated from your emotions as a way to cope with day to day stresses. And now that coping mechanism isn't working for you. Better let the nasty feelings out before they hurt your relationships. I find screaming and hitting the wall with my pillow very helpful and it doesn't even have to be directed at anything specific.

One other thing that worked for me was hypnosis. The practisioner made me a tape directing me into relaxing my body, and while thinking of that , my mind relaxed as well. I listened to it every night and practised relaxation , and now, i can physically relax very quickly, and my mind goes right along with it.

(in reply to bamboozledbylove)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: Mental block - 7/10/2010 7:13:54 PM

ladycaralaw

Posts: 7
Joined: 2/15/2010
Status: offline

More great replies. I guess I did forget to mention that I do have ADHD (diagnosed as a child) and I am on an antidepressant. While I'm not terribly unhappy/depressed...I don't get excited about things either...I just am. And while most ppl would be happy with that, I am not. I haven't even cried over my husband deploying for the 3rd time. I feel the grief/anger/sorrow in my head...but the emotional isn't forthcoming. I miss him like crazy. And the Dom I'm with, we've been together for over a year. Maybe I just need to take a step back and deal with the deployment and my family first, and explore the rest of this with my husband when he gets home.

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: Mental block - 7/10/2010 7:23:45 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

If you're interested, the subject of folks having ADHD and involved in BDSM has been discussed in threads on the board prior. I would sincerely encourage you to search some of those past conversations. It may help and give you some more information.

Also, don't feel alone on the deployment issue. I'm a military wife, too. There really are folks out there who have these things in common with you.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to ladycaralaw)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: Mental block - 7/10/2010 9:22:18 PM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

Focusing only on the issue of thinking too much during play (the rest has been very well dealt with by others): I knew a male sub who had this problem severely! He just couldn't keep from analysing every little thing as it was happening (and generally commenting on it too). Many Dommes despaired and gave up. They had tried sensory deprivation but that only sent him further into his head. I tried the opposite and it worked.

I usually get subs to count spanks and say "thank You Ma'am". For him I extended it to "(count). Thank You Ma'am, that felt wonderful, may i have another one even harder please?" Having to focus on the counting AND remembering the extended sentence kept him focused on that and after a while he was focusing on the spanks ... and eventually went quiet and drifted off into his first ever space experience. Everyone else at the play party was gobsmacked LOL! (I admit I was chuffed that it worked so well!). So that's something you and your Dom might try.

Good luck and also do try to find ways to help with the other emotional release issues too!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to LadyPact)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: Mental block - 7/11/2010 2:12:51 AM

aldompdx

Posts: 538
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline

In a word -- MEDITATION

"Yoga is stilling the nature of the mind." v.2, Patanjali Yoga Sutras, 500 CE.
Focusing the mind (dharana) is a precursor to stilling the mind (dhyana).

Ashtanga or Raja Yoga sets forth an 8-step approach to achieving mental stillness and presence at any time by free choice from self will. Likewise, the choice to surrender that which masks the heart requires the awareness of a still and present mind.

Also, another excellent repsonse by Zevar.

(in reply to ladycaralaw)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: Mental block - 7/11/2010 5:22:51 AM

MOMistress

Posts: 18
Joined: 5/5/2010
Status: offline

I also overthink /over analyse things myself, so I can't offer any suggestions other than try to relax your mind and trust in yourself.

The thing you mentioned about blunted emotions, could possibly be a side effect of the antidepressant. Some can have that type of effect on you. It would be a good idea to talk to the doctor who prescribes it and let them know. The problem with the "just being" could possibly be taken care of with a simple med adjustment. Speaking from experience here. Just my 2cents worth. I wish you all the best.

(in reply to ladycaralaw)

Profile

Post #: 29

RE: Mental block - 7/11/2010 11:05:46 AM

kitastrophe33

Posts: 85
Joined: 9/3/2007
Status: offline

Was going to post something quite similar. Mindfulness training would be great for you. You can read on your own or there are cds/dvds etc, but a good therapist trained in mindfulness might really help you, especially since you've got legitimate things to stress about.

I also agree with whoever posted about dancing or swimming. Both have a meditative quality in that they get you out of your head and all you think about is that activity. I do a dance aerobics class (Zumba) pretty religiously. The music is good, the moves are fun and I just sort of get lost in the moment. Helps me stop thinking (worrying) so much about everything.

quote:

ORIGINAL: joey46

Yes . . . some form of mindfulness practice (pick one that feels right to you) could make a big difference if you are willing to commit to doing it every day. I have gotten a great deal from "The Presence Process", a book and meditation program by Michael Brown. I know people have done very well with Benson's Meditation (Herbert Benson, MD). There are lots of good ones. Of course, in the end it all comes back to doing it.

When it comes to this kind of stuff I have found that understanding is the booby prize. So, if your counselor can help you get out of your head and into your body and feelings, then go for it.

(in reply to joey46)

Profile

Post #: 30

RE: Mental block - 7/11/2010 11:19:59 AM

kitastrophe33

Posts: 85
Joined: 9/3/2007
Status: offline

Oops, posted before I saw this one.

It sounds like you're not on the optimal antidepressant for you. Call your psychiatrist *tomorrow* and set up an appointment. It can take awhile to get in. Emotional blunting can be a side effect of some medications, it can also be a residual symptom of depression that needs to be addressed. The ruminating can be depression or a focus issue from ADHD. Antidepressants (other than maybe Wellbutrin, which can be marginally helpful in ADHD) will not address the cognitive crap that comes with ADHD, so talk to him/her about that as well.

And if your prescriber is a general practitioner rather than a psychiatrist or psychiatric nurse practitioner, then please, for the love of all things holy, get a referral to one that is. Between ADHD, depression, and legitimate situational stressors, your case is too complicated for a general practitioner. (Not saying you're dysfunctional or anything! I'm just saying that fleshing out which issue is behind the discomfort your feeling is something best left to those of us who specialize in that sort of thing.)

And you're right, it's not enough to simply not feel sad. Any prescriber worth your time (and copay) will see it that way.

Hang in there!

quote:

ORIGINAL: ladycaralaw

More great replies. I guess I did forget to mention that I do have ADHD (diagnosed as a child) and I am on an antidepressant. While I'm not terribly unhappy/depressed...I don't get excited about things either...I just am. And while most ppl would be happy with that, I am not. I haven't even cried over my husband deploying for the 3rd time. I feel the grief/anger/sorrow in my head...but the emotional isn't forthcoming. I miss him like crazy. And the Dom I'm with, we've been together for over a year. Maybe I just need to take a step back and deal with the deployment and my family first, and explore the rest of this with my husband when he gets home.

(in reply to ladycaralaw)

Profile

Post #: 31