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Mental block - 6/29/2010 5:45:51 PM

ladycaralaw

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Hopefully this will make sense to someone because I'm having a hard time with it myself. I seem to overthink things and it leads to mental blocks which make it practically impossible to relax into things I know I like doing. It interferes with almost every aspect of the relationship I'm trying to maintain with my Sir. I have a hard time just not thinking about things when we are involved in things. How the hell do I just let it all go and feel not think?

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RE: Mental block - 6/29/2010 6:46:01 PM

hereyesruponyou

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some music perhaps? i find myself distracted by thoughts when i am on both sides at times, but if i put on the enigma, i get caught up in it without even trying

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RE: Mental block - 6/29/2010 6:55:31 PM

swt14uca

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perhaps trying focusing on every sensation you are feeling if it is during physical play. that should make you intensely aware of Him as well as how your body is responding, which includes your mind.
i'm not sure if this helps you or not, it has me in the past.

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Post #: 3

RE: Mental block - 6/29/2010 8:38:52 PM

dreamerdreaming

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Ask HIM.

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RE: Mental block - 6/29/2010 8:42:45 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ladycaralaw

Hopefully this will make sense to someone because I'm having a hard time with it myself. I seem to overthink things and it leads to mental blocks which make it practically impossible to relax into things I know I like doing. It interferes with almost every aspect of the relationship I'm trying to maintain with my Sir. I have a hard time just not thinking about things when we are involved in things. How the hell do I just let it all go and feel not think?

Well since you say in your profile that you are still getting your feet wet in this lifestyle, I'm not sure a healthy dose of self-reflection and thinking is not a good thing. If it is interferring with your ability to enjoy yourself, I have found for me personally that much of that goes away with trust which usually develops as time goes on. That process might be furthered by talking to him about the question you just posed.

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RE: Mental block - 6/29/2010 8:55:21 PM

ladycaralaw

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He's already mentioned it to me. Says he can feel when I'm not connected to the feelings and sensations and am thinking too much to let go.

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Post #: 6

RE: Mental block - 6/29/2010 8:59:09 PM

laurell3

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Have you talked to him about WHY it happens, not just that it happens. Do you know why?

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RE: Mental block - 6/29/2010 9:43:04 PM

Zevar

Posts: 801
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ladycaralaw

Hopefully this will make sense to someone because I'm having a hard time with it myself. I seem to overthink things and it leads to mental blocks which make it practically impossible to relax into things I know I like doing. It interferes with almost every aspect of the relationship I'm trying to maintain with my Sir. I have a hard time just not thinking about things when we are involved in things. How the hell do I just let it all go and feel not think?

Greetings ladycaralaw:

I disagree that you are dealing with what is considered to be mental blocks. IMO what it sounds like is that you are somewhat disassociated from your emotions. We all have walls. Some are healthful if the purpose is related to a personal boundary and some are destructive when they serve to keep a distance from others on an emotional level in a genuine manner. Thus in reality any building of walls to wall out others only serves to not allow others close. Therefore you then remain at a distance from the inner most deepest desires from being fulfilled. This can happen for a number of reasons.

What is important though is focusing on a solution and not the problem. Sounds like you might begin shifting your focus from the problem to the solution thereby beginning the dismantling of this concern of yours by discussing what makes you feel fearful of losing control. A most healthful place to begin this discussion is within yourself and of course with your partner present. You hold the key to unlocking your doorway within.

However keep in mind that you do claim to be relating with someone therefore you will at some time have to make the decision, even if for a moment, to allow him to know your inner most deep fear of letting go lest you may stay captive when not necessary AND even worse miss out on perhaps that which you would have rather embraced and experienced fully.

Do not hear me wrongly. I acknowledge that letting go can bring about much resistance. I say purpose to determine to not allow that which is negative to take over not even for a moment lest it will then become a deep rooted personal problem that serves to produce that which is less likely to manifest any good in your life.

Or rather…Thoughts held in mind produce those of their kind!

< Message edited by Zevar -- 6/29/2010 9:48:04 PM >

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Post #: 8

RE: Mental block - 6/29/2010 10:56:04 PM

WinsomeDefiance

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It can be hard to still the mind. As an overthinker, I know how that is.

There's no easy answer or quick fix.

Sensory deprivation during sensation play can be helpful. Earplugs/muffs, blindfold and bonds and music (for those sounds that aren't completely blocked out by the ear muffs. When you aren't trying to guage his expression, or second guess his moves, it is sometimes easier to surrender to the sensations. Bonds help, because they can relieve you of the need to respond, or worry of how you are supposed to respond.

Those are tips for how to learn to surrender and focus your thoughts during play. How to discipine your thoughts day to day, that's an entirely differnt situation. This takes communication, because before you can focus on those things that are important to the relationship, you have to know what they are.

I hope this helps a little. Take what you can use, leave the rest.

(in reply to Zevar)

Post #: 9

RE: Mental block - 6/30/2010 2:23:29 AM

ranja

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Joined: 11/1/2007
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i always think it is best to work the body until you are too tired to think, for me dancing works best as i find it so much fun, but some people go swimming or to a gym or running.

some people meditate, but that usually puts me to sleep

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Post #: 10

RE: Mental block - 6/30/2010 5:18:47 AM

ladycaralaw

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Thanks for all the replies. I've noticed it's not just with him that this happens...did a lot of self-reflection last night. I seem to be cut off from a lot of emotion for lack of a better word. I feel numb...and I'm pretty sure a lot of it is the stress I've been dealing with in my home life. You see, I'm also married to a wonderful man that knows about Sir. But he's deployed for the 3rd time in 3 years and I think it's taking its toll on me. It's hard to tell ppl behind a screen everything that's going on to get advice from them. Maybe it's time to see my counselor just for some talk sessions.

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Post #: 11

RE: Mental block - 6/30/2010 8:15:45 AM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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Good idea. Sounds like you've bottled up a lot of fears. But I would also suggest meditation on a daily basis to get you better at relaxing and living in the moment.

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Post #: 12

RE: Mental block - 7/9/2010 6:29:02 PM

joey46

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Yes . . . some form of mindfulness practice (pick one that feels right to you) could make a big difference if you are willing to commit to doing it every day. I have gotten a great deal from "The Presence Process", a book and meditation program by Michael Brown. I know people have done very well with Benson's Meditation (Herbert Benson, MD). There are lots of good ones. Of course, in the end it all comes back to doing it.

When it comes to this kind of stuff I have found that understanding is the booby prize. So, if your counselor can help you get out of your head and into your body and feelings, then go for it.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 13

RE: Mental block - 7/9/2010 7:21:16 PM

LPslittleclip

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it may be adhd and not a mental block. the inability to stop thinking is a possible sign. there are some quizes that a dr can have you try. adhd in femaled does not always have the clasic presentation one diffrence is excessive talking and inability to stop thinking. if you have realy tried and nothing has helped it could be adhd. me and all my kids have it but it presents difrently for each.

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LadyPact

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RE: Mental block - 7/9/2010 7:26:35 PM

LanceHughes

Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LPslittleclip
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there are some quizes that a dr can have you try.
<snipped>

I am not a Dr., but here's my easy to self-administer ADHD test.
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How many ADHD kids does it take to change a light-bulb?
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Look! There's a bunny!
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The more you laugh, the more you have ADHD. When my sister "tested" me, I laughed for three days straight and I'm not kidding.

< Message edited by LanceHughes -- 7/9/2010 7:30:31 PM >

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RE: Mental block - 7/9/2010 7:29:35 PM

LanceHughes

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Joined: 2/12/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ladycaralaw

Thanks for all the replies. I've noticed it's not just with him that this happens...did a lot of self-reflection last night. I seem to be cut off from a lot of emotion for lack of a better word. I feel numb...and I'm pretty sure a lot of it is the stress I've been dealing with in my home life. You see, I'm also married to a wonderful man that knows about Sir. But he's deployed for the 3rd time in 3 years and I think it's taking its toll on me. It's hard to tell ppl behind a screen everything that's going on to get advice from them. Maybe it's time to see my counselor just for some talk sessions.

Suggest bi-polar. Often, counselors see only the depression, not the hypomania (little mania.) There are meds that really, really help. I speak from experience.

_____________________________

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"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Erica Jong

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Post #: 16

RE: Mental block - 7/9/2010 7:29:48 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LPslittleclip

it may be adhd and not a mental block. the inability to stop thinking is a possible sign. there are some quizes that a dr can have you try. adhd in femaled does not always have the clasic presentation one diffrence is excessive talking and inability to stop thinking. if you have realy tried and nothing has helped it could be adhd. me and all my kids have it but it presents difrently for each.

Oddly enough, after play, he becomes quiet, relaxed, and very calm. Might be something to think about.

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Post #: 17

RE: Mental block - 7/9/2010 7:32:38 PM

LanceHughes

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Joined: 2/12/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: LPslittleclip
it may be adhd and not a mental block. the inability to stop thinking is a possible sign. there are some quizes that a dr can have you try. adhd in femaled does not always have the clasic presentation one diffrence is excessive talking and inability to stop thinking. if you have realy tried and nothing has helped it could be adhd. me and all my kids have it but it presents difrently for each.

Oddly enough, after play, he becomes quiet, relaxed, and very calm. Might be something to think about.

LP, I'll wager the focus you and he create for him yields those results.

_____________________________

"Train 'em the right way - my way." Lance Hughes
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Erica Jong

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RE: Mental block - 7/9/2010 7:50:12 PM

Missokyst

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Count me confused. How is he supposed to know how to change the way her mind works? Especially since there is an implication that they are new together. Dominants are not all knowing.
OP. Try doing things small bits at a time. If you are having problems you need to mention it WHILE they are happening so he can stop and let you adjust small bits at a time.

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

Ask HIM.

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Post #: 19

RE: Mental block - 7/10/2010 12:23:06 AM

Malkinius

Posts: 1814
Joined: 1/9/2004
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Greetings Missokyst....

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Count me confused. How is he supposed to know how to change the way her mind works? Especially since there is an implication that they are new together. Dominants are not all knowing.
OP. Try doing things small bits at a time. If you are having problems you need to mention it WHILE they are happening so he can stop and let you adjust small bits at a time.

If he knows and is experienced in doing what he is doing he knows how to change people in general. Changing a specific person's thinking really comes down to the details of how and mostly being very observant when you do the more generic things to see what works, what doesn't work and what things work the best.

Be well....

Malkinius

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