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CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Is marriage (6/29/2010 2:08:55 PM)
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quote:
When children arrive, it appears that the d/s has to go into the bedroom or be an "outside" evening at a club. D/s is not something that you want to put away.. to put into a drawer, take in and out.
I have to say that this hasn't been my experience, having raised a number of children within an active authority-based household, and also being somewhat atypically qualified by having been on both the authority-yielding and the authority-wielding ends of the authority-structure in that household while raising said saplings.
The authority structures of our household don't go "into the closet" for the 'saplings', and never have. At the same time, our saplings have learned valuable lessons about how servants are properly managed, and about caring for those who serve. They have also learned about shared responsibility for the well-being of a household, and about not taking advantage of those who yield authority (and not being -taken- advantage of, if you're the one doing the yielding).
Always, there is the understanding among our saplings in the house that
1. The adults are the ones to make and/or enforce the rules, and that this is regardless of whether those adults tend to yield authority or wield authority;
2. Certain of the adults have the final word in what happens or does not happen in our household, and if there are any questions, those adults who yield authority will obtain clarification and a final decision from those who wield authority -- however, in NO case will a sapling be allowed to defy or badger ANY adult to try to get around a rule or restriction or to try to manipulate an adult into giving them permission -- the authority-wielders in the household have the final word.
(one thing I'd like to add to this is that when I was in training, and was yielding authority, every single one of our Keepers came to me when a decision was to be made about one of the saplings I gave birth to, to find out what my thoughts were about the situation, and that was considered when the decision was laid down. In this sense, its easier, in a way, when it's a married couple, as they already share parenting responsibilities, and usually, one parent or the other will already -be- the "final word" parent);
3. "Saplings" will treat all members of the household with respect for their years of life experience, and will abide by the house rules regarding chores (our household has requirements for contributing to the overall welfare of the household); entertainment/guests; and who may or may not give permission for activities, etc. Discipline may be meted out by any adult(s) in the household agreed on by the most responsible party for that child (understanding that we often have saplings who are genetically related to only one adult in our household, but that all of the adults share some measure of parenting for all of our saplings).
I will agree that the blatantly sexual or easily misunderstood aspects of running an authority-based relationship certainly go into hiding in front of the saplings. This may include some "disciplinary tools" that would not be used in front of saplings, but that's less of an issue for us, because those disciplinary methods aren't really used with anyone in our household -saplings included. As an example, we wouldn't do a flogging, whether disciplinary or sensual, in front of the saplings... but neither would we do so in front of, say, a sensitive non-participating ADULT member of our household. Since flogging is a luxury pastime for us, and is, typically, more recreational than disciplinary anyway (since it has been our experience that "punishment" is a really ineffective way of managing people), it's a no-brainer that that goes in the "not around the saplings" pile.
OTOH, we have found that there is -absolutely nothing- wrong with having a defined hierarchy/authority-based structure in our household, and, in fact, it has given us the opportunity to raise amazing saplings who are, in general, strong, resilient, and socially adept people.
I think that the thing that throws so many people off is that the authority-based relationships that they are either involved in or seeking are, at least in part, based on sexual or "dating/mating" foundations. That is not always the case, and in a marriage, it is both possible and practical to retain an authority dynamic that does not intrude on the smooth flow of the household, nor would it draw inappropriate attention from either saplings or protective-authority individuals. Unless one is prancing around the house in a vinyl French-maid's outfit or smacking the servants with a riding crop or the like, there is nothing inherently comprised within an authority-based dynamic that would prevent its full functionality even with saplings in the household.
Calla
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