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RE: Looking back - personal growth - 6/28/2010 11:26:50 AM

bliss4us09

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Just curious, Michael. What did you do after you read the letter?

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RE: Looking back - personal growth - 6/28/2010 11:33:59 AM

Missokyst

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I had an urge to adopt her.

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RE: Looking back - personal growth - 6/28/2010 2:22:26 PM

kuppykake

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Wow. This is truly touching. It just goes to show that some of the things in life that do not work out, actually do work out...in a way we did not expect. Time and patience has showed you that your relationship with her did work out, because ultimately you did grow and learn from it. I am sure you experience intense emotion when looking back on the past, but it is that emotion that has made your compassion ( not necessarily for her) grow immensely stronger. It's really a beautiful thing.

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RE: Looking back - personal growth - 6/28/2010 2:48:52 PM

ExSteelAgain

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The Ego State, Parent Adult Child model affects us all. She personalized it with feeling while explaining its importance. Smart lady.

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You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

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RE: Looking back - personal growth - 6/29/2010 8:30:37 AM

SimplyMichael

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quote:

ORIGINAL: bliss4us09

Just curious, Michael. What did you do after you read the letter?

It has been too many years to remember what I did when I got the letter, probably started a fight over something stupid. On a longer term, I eventually met another woman who didn't yell and scream like the one who wrote the letter. Because she was quiet and meek, I could see how ugly my behavior was in contrast to hers and I went to counseling for anger management. OMFG! Learning to be more open about my feelings, especially those that made me feel vulnerable (and in defending I responded by attacking) not only improved my relationships tenfold but made me a lot happier in general.

I have learned many lessons from the women I have been with, some directly, some in hindsight but that is why I choose women who are strong and independent and capable of enriching my life with their knowledge, experience, and even their souls. My last major relationship was with someone here and while that relationship is long over, its effects are still provoking growth.

< Message edited by SimplyMichael -- 6/29/2010 9:17:48 AM >

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RE: Looking back - personal growth - 6/29/2010 8:39:01 AM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

.. Because she was quite and meek, I could see how ugly my behavior was in contrast to hers and I went to counseling for anger management. ....

That contrast is a rather humbling experience isn't it? My two girls tend to be much more emotional reserved than I. It's ironic that one can see them as very unemotional and cold which is far from the truth. Be their emotions are full of anger or full of love... sometimes both. They have been very good and expressing them in constructive ways and I dare say much better than I. Learing look ago that emotions can be communicated constructively I worked to do it. But it's not easy... and I suspect never will be.

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RE: Looking back - personal growth - 6/29/2010 12:27:18 PM

HisEvelyn

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This is very touching, very insightful. I also connect with what she said in her letter. And respect you greatly for the growth you have undergone as a man and as a Dominant. Thank you for sharing. To see other's journeys helps me remind myself that maybe it's not so bad that it takes years to move forward sometimes.

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RE: Looking back - personal growth - 6/29/2010 1:26:52 PM

BloodRayvyn

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Thank you for sharing, Michael.

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RE: Looking back - personal growth - 6/30/2010 4:19:22 AM

ItsAProcess

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It's strange to look back, to look at who you were.. and compare it to who you are today.

Years ago, I was a much kinder person. But I was also much more selfish. I lied, but I wanted to help. I was socially dysfunctional, but I cared.

Nowadays, I am not so kind a person, but I am less selfish. I am more honest, but I help others less than I used to. I am less socially dysfunctional, but I care less.

This is, in part, thanks to the Submissives/women over the years. There are two in particular that I have to thank for my personal growth. But for very specific and very separate reasons.

The first? Well. Our relationship was much like the one the OP has spoken about. It was young, it was immature, it was angry and rude and selfish. She was not a submissive, truely, but also a hurt little girl looking for guidance. I offered that, but the less she needed it, the more we fought. That relationship taught me that I cannot always be the knight in shining armor, and that I cannot blame myself for the problems of others.

The second? My current. My best. When I compare the two is when I learn the most lessons. Our relationship is one of adults. Dysfunctional adults, in some fashions. But emotionally mature and generally level headed adults with great passion for each other. To be honest, after my last relationship I had begun to doubt myself. Both as a Dominant, as a Man and just as a Person in general. Comparing my relationship now with the previous one is much like comparing a diamond to a lump of coal. Calm but deliberate patience, has been the most important of these lessons.

This post is not nearly so well articulated as I would like, as it is early in the morning, but here it is.

Good luck, folks.

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