RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (Full Version)

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LadyEllen -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/22/2006 1:12:38 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde
sometimes i imagine that i have something intelligent to say, but reality teaches otherwise; why can't i get my ferret to stop gnawing at the electrical cords?


First you must realise emptiness my Chylde. There is no ferret and no electrical cord. It is not the ferret which is chewing the cord which needs to be prevented, but your own perception which must change.

I think I attained enlightenment. Others think I do too much drugs. How can I tell which is more accurate?

E



darchChylde -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/22/2006 1:15:52 AM)

stronger drugs in higher doses are bound to bring clarity

i can't remember my parental control code on my tv, and now i can't watch spongebob squarepants... do you have any tips to aid memorization

***good to see you again Lady Ellen



LadyEllen -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/22/2006 1:27:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

i can't remember my parental control code on my tv, and now i can't watch spongebob squarepants... do you have any tips to aid memorization

***good to see you again Lady Ellen - aww! Thanks!


In the old days, boys were driven around the parish boundary being whipped all the way, known as beating the bounds. The idea was that the whipping would aid their memorisation of where the parish started and finished. I suggest doing something similar in this case, with the TV remote, so that it remembers the code for you.

Given the hype about the Da Vinci code, I went searching for descendants of Jesus in my home town, along with coded references to them living here. Get this - we have a street called Sion xxxx, and a Trinity Court housing development, and several churches with patterned tile floors.How do I best make a few million off the back of this ridiculous load of nonsense?

E



Fitznicely -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/22/2006 1:57:06 AM)

Write an insipid, uninspired novel that's bulky enough to appeal to people who like to spend their holidays on the beach, but which is in all reality just a rewrite of your previous novel.

We have two kids who constantly get in the way of our play sessions, can anyone suggest kid-friendly excuses for why I'm requiring their mum to eat out of a bowl with her knickers down and her hands cuffed behind her?



RubberWitch -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/22/2006 3:56:39 AM)

tell them she lost a bet about whether Blastoise could beet charizard or not.

I've taken my attitudes as a pokemon trainer into the world of BDSM, is this a good thing?



Fitznicely -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/22/2006 5:22:18 AM)

ROFL! That answer is perfect for our kids, too!

Yes, I thnk there's room for a Pokemon niche in the BDSM world, for sure! Keeping your slaves in little red & white balls, though...

OK, my living room is really dark and my webcam sessions can best be described as "Atmospheric". Any tips?



Lorelei115 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/22/2006 9:08:45 AM)

Call yourself a Goth vampire and rake in the moolah.

I lost my favorite pair of handcuffs... any ideas?



Fitznicely -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/22/2006 9:28:30 AM)

Do something illegal outside a Police Station. When you're released, ask them for the pair they used on you.

I've just discovered a fleet of flying saucers poised to swoop down to earth and enslave all of our womenfolk. What do I do??



Lorelei115 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/22/2006 9:32:23 AM)

Well if you can't beat 'em.. join 'em.

My apartment has a "no pets" rule. How do I get around this?



Fitznicely -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/22/2006 9:38:20 AM)

Persuade the residents committe she's actually your girlfriend.

I've caught myself leaving the cartoon channels on when the kids leave the room. Is there any hope for me?



SohCahToa -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/23/2006 6:38:57 AM)

There is always hope but you need to enrol in a strict course of cartoon aversion therapy. The course would involve such cartoon elements as: jumping off a canyon, shoving sticks of dynamite in various orifices, painting black doorways on the side of mountains and running into them head first and getting run over by them things they use to compact tarmac with. It’s a two week course I’m told.

In order to move on with my life I need to win the lottery how can I shorten the astronomical odds of winning?



darchChylde -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/23/2006 7:28:16 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SohCahToa
In order to move on with my life I need to win the lottery how can I shorten the astronomical odds of winning?


i believe i would recommend you go and reconstruct Ben Franklin's kite and key experiment... after beating the odds of getting hit by lightning a dozen or so times, you're bound to pick the right numbers

this morning i am unsure of direction, what do you think?



RubberWitch -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/23/2006 8:46:05 AM)

North

I can't decide whether I feel more drawn to the cult of cthulu or thor. any helpful advice?



SohCahToa -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/23/2006 10:40:16 AM)

I would read the pamphlets that each offer so that you can make an informed choice. On the one hand you have the hammer on the other some green slimy thing. Now if each tentacle held a hammer you could create a new cult i.e. ‘The cult of cthorulu’.

I seem to have no direction in life apart from backwards what should I do?



LadySeraphina -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/23/2006 1:12:29 PM)

Turn around.

I want to be the Avatar, but I can't seem to do more than break wind, what do I do?



darchChylde -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/23/2006 1:58:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadySeraphina
I want to be the Avatar, but I can't seem to do more than break wind, what do I do?


find a crowded elevator and enjoy

if it weren't for the fact i'm submissive, i think i'd make a great Dom... is being dominant really important to being a good Dom?



Fitznicely -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/23/2006 3:45:23 PM)

No, being a good Dom is just about how big your whip is.

Is there such a thing as a TV that's too big?



LadySeraphina -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/23/2006 5:05:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitznicely

Is there such a thing as a TV that's too big?



When you start to see what's causing that jock itch, your TV is too big.

Is it hubris to create your own coat of arms?



Fitznicely -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/23/2006 6:20:07 PM)

No, it's Heraldry.

Does my bum look big in this?



darchChylde -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/23/2006 6:41:21 PM)

well it does manage to hide an entire sun... draw your own conclusions

sooo PBM, do you find it presumptuous when somebody uses a suggestive picture of themselves as an avatar in these boards? *edit - i must be metabolizing gray matter*

errr.. wrong game... i really want to cut my hair, but Ma'am says no, but i really wanna cut it, but Ma'am says no what should i do?



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