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Personal info and phone numbers - 6/16/2010 7:26:21 AM

osf

Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline

I just read this in a profile

1. Before an off line meeting, get the Dom/mes real life information, name, addresses, phone numbers, place of employment, etc…and CHECK THEM OUT. Call the Dom/me at their office; make sure they actually work there. Call them at home; make sure that all phone numbers are real, and that you aren’t just calling a cell phone. Many married people that are cheating will just provide a cell number.

I have gone through that several times and given the info and the thing never showed up, now there are a few aot there that have my numbers and address

So now I other than cell phone I with hold and more info till imediately before meeting which doesn't always work either as I gave one my address and the next day the day of the meeting she didn't show

Any others have these experiences and how do men protect themselves from the poor threatened dears?

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

Post #: 1

RE: Personal info and phone numbers - 6/16/2010 7:28:41 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

Any others have these experiences and how do men protect themselves from the poor threatened dears?

Do what seems right to you at the time and forget the rest...

If you don't want to give the info, don't... simple as that, really

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to osf)

Post #: 2

RE: Personal info and phone numbers - 6/16/2010 7:29:54 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Maybe just take things a bit more slow and don't share with everyone. Only share with people you've come to know and trust.

But...what exactly are you looking for protection from?

Have you tried the subbie mafia? I have a friend who has a cousin who knows one of them. Hit me up.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to osf)

Post #: 3

RE: Personal info and phone numbers - 6/16/2010 7:39:07 AM

Meliai

Posts: 55
Joined: 1/3/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

I just read this in a profile

1. Before an off line meeting, get the Dom/mes real life information, name, addresses, phone numbers, place of employment, etc…and CHECK THEM OUT. Call the Dom/me at their office; make sure they actually work there. Call them at home; make sure that all phone numbers are real, and that you aren’t just calling a cell phone. Many married people that are cheating will just provide a cell number.

<snip>

Any others have these experiences and how do men protect themselves from the poor threatened dears?

It isn't just men that need to protect themselves..I personally wouldn't give out my home phone number, address, or place of employment before having met someone face to face. In turn, I wouldn't expect anyone to give me that information before meeting either.

(in reply to osf)

Post #: 4

RE: Personal info and phone numbers - 6/16/2010 7:46:06 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I find it inappropriate to give that to someone you've had one short chat with. However if you have been talking for a month, it could be very appropriate to give that out. It all depends.

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Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Meliai)

Post #: 5

RE: Personal info and phone numbers - 6/16/2010 7:46:10 AM

Whiplashsmile4

Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline

I keep baseball bats stashed all over the joint, including one right next to the toilet bowl brush.

< Message edited by Whiplashsmile4 -- 6/16/2010 7:47:04 AM >

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Жизнь ума ебет.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0

(in reply to osf)

Post #: 6

RE: Personal info and phone numbers - 6/16/2010 8:09:07 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

[Start hijack]

Why do people use this cowardly MO? "I read such and such in a profile, so how about I bring it to the forums and start a thread." Why not just ask the person who wrote it in their profile, rather than do the electronic equivalent of talking behind a person's back about something they said? Couldn't you leave a third party's profile out of it and just discuss the topic?

[/hijack]

On the actual topic of the OP:

One of the very few things that I ever say about people using the site is this: If you can't meet people from here, you're doing it wrong.

My general standard works something like this. If I'm meeting someone for the first time, I let them know what event I'm attending next that is related to BDSM. I'll be happy to meet them there. I do not feel under any obligation to give out My work or home information under those circumstances. We can exchange cell numbers in the event that one of us can't make it.

In cases where it is someone from the forums where I have read their posts for years, I'm more willing to meet them at a restaurant for lunch or some such thing. It still has nothing to do with My work and I really don't think anybody who is just meeting Me for the first time really needs to know My professional information. If we progress enough after that first meeting to where we are actually going to play, I have no problem verifying My name, home number, and address in exchange for theirs. I honestly don't give it out before that.

Truthfully, it sounds like you got played. I have to wonder if some folks are jerking your chain.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to osf)

Post #: 7

RE: Personal info and phone numbers - 6/16/2010 8:15:27 AM

sublizzie

Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline

I can understand giving someone your cell phone number, in case something comes up and you'll be late to a first meeting. IMO it's rude to just not show. But the rest of it isn't necessary. When I first got involved in all of this my friends said I should have all of that information plus a copy of the person's driver's license. I never did get that copy from anyone.

As I've become more comfortable with meeting people, I'm not as demanding of information right away. I figure that if the friendship progresses I'll get the information I need. If it doesn't, who needs lots of extraneous information floating around in their head? I don't need information on people I don't "click" with. The "click" tends to become apparent at that first meeting. If there is one, then I'll end up with the information soon enough. If I don't get it in a reasonable amount of time, I'll ask. If it's not forthcoming then that "click" will just have to go unexplored.

_____________________________

"cooking is my kink"

Collared June 19, 2008
(uncollared 12/21/09 with his death. RIP my Santa)

(in reply to Whiplashsmile4)

Post #: 8

RE: Personal info and phone numbers - 6/16/2010 8:21:49 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

No way am I giving out my work info. If she turns out to be a wacko, she could out me to my employment. She gets my personal info and no more.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to sublizzie)

Post #: 9

RE: Personal info and phone numbers - 6/16/2010 8:24:14 AM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

i just dont see the issue with mobile phones at all. ive given my mobile out plenty of times and this has never once been abused.

as for details about work and stuff - i just wouldnt do that. private stuff like home address, real name, mobile phone is ok, you can repel all borders if you have to and call the police, but work details, absolutely not.

personally i dont go in for any of that security stuff anyway. i spend a long time getting to know a person, chats on the phone and listening between the lines and only after thats gone well do i meet and by then i have their mobile number and name as a matter of course anyway.

people should rely on their gut instincts more than that stuff. i mean whats to stop a guy giving someone elses name and work place, you can throw a mobile away, if youve murdered someone you can leave youre job, address, country even - instinct and common sense are youre safest tools.

so what are you doing to scare these women so much osf

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to Whiplashsmile4)

Post #: 10

RE: Personal info and phone numbers - 6/16/2010 8:29:37 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

No way am I giving out my work info. If she turns out to be a wacko, she could out me to my employment. She gets my personal info and no more.

Isn't this the entire point? You take responsibility for keeping the information you want away from those who could harm you with it. They have no power to make you hand it over just because they refuse to meet you without it.

I mean, I could demand men emailing me hand over their credit card numbers, if they give em over, they are responsible for what happens after the fact. Perhaps they wouldn't care if they have lots of money. Perhaps some men are out about what they do. Perhaps they don't need to keep any info private... they would feel comfortable handing over whatever info.

I suppose it comes down to what makes individuals comfortable with meeting, and if they can't compromise on that basic thing, they weren't meant to meet anyways

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 11

RE: Personal info and phone numbers - 6/16/2010 8:40:53 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I don't give out any info, nor do I demand it. I arrange to meet in public places or at group events. I don't step foot out of anywhere unless I feel it is safe enough to get back in my car. For me, that personal sort of data is for people I plan to date. No one I chat with online gets in that catagory of closeness until I meet them, socialize with them, and know that I can stand to be around them for longer than a brief chat. Hell, I have dated guys that never even got into my living room. It takes me a long time to welcome someone into my home.
I sure wouldn't be giving out work numbers, ect. until they become special to me.
OP, you may be rushing things. Why not just approach people as possible casual acquaintences and nothing more. If something develops from there, great. If not, not a huge loss, imo.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 12

RE: Personal info and phone numbers - 6/16/2010 8:47:50 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

I don't understand how anyone could even consider giving out all that personal info prior to meeting.

It is rather simple for me: I only give out my cell if I already have a number for them and I have spoken to them on the phone. Then if all goes well, we meet at a public place.

Neither party needs any more info than that just to meet. I also make sure to be in touch right up to meeting time. If someone does not answer when I call to confirm, I don't go.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 13

RE: Personal info and phone numbers - 6/16/2010 9:31:43 AM

EclipseAbove

Posts: 220
Joined: 8/11/2005
Status: offline

I insist on getting credit card numbers, bank account numbers, SSN, passwords, and keys to safety deposit boxes before a first meet with anyone....Oh wait...this is about giving out information...

Seriously, a cell phone number should be plenty sufficient for a meet. Giving any more than that to someone you've never met in person before is just asking for trouble.

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 14

RE: Personal info and phone numbers - 6/16/2010 9:40:06 AM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

I don't mind giving out my mobile number. It really isn't a big deal and I'm not conversing with that many people from the Internet. The people I exchange personal information with are those I'm willing to meet outside of this realm who's company I enjoy.

~porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to EclipseAbove)

Post #: 15

RE: Personal info and phone numbers - 6/16/2010 10:49:40 AM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline

~FR~
i see nothing wrong with giving out a name and cell#. i don't think anything else needs to be given out unless things are moving forward & there's going to be a meeting at your place, for safety's sake in case something goes wrong. As for giving out my place of employment and the phone# there, oh HELL NO! The last thing i need is some freako causing me to be fired by outting me.

~sweetsub~

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to porcelaine)

Post #: 16

RE: Personal info and phone numbers - 6/16/2010 11:00:38 AM

dwedeking

Posts: 13
Joined: 6/28/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I don't give out any info, nor do I demand it. I arrange to meet in public places or at group events. I don't step foot out of anywhere unless I feel it is safe enough to get back in my car. For me, that personal sort of data is for people I plan to date. No one I chat with online gets in that catagory of closeness until I meet them, socialize with them, and know that I can stand to be around them for longer than a brief chat. Hell, I have dated guys that never even got into my living room. It takes me a long time to welcome someone into my home.
I sure wouldn't be giving out work numbers, ect. until they become special to me.
OP, you may be rushing things. Why not just approach people as possible casual acquaintences and nothing more. If something develops from there, great. If not, not a huge loss, imo.

Quoted for truth. There are risks on both sides of the spectrum. Public meetings until you feel comfortable with the person, just like when you meet a vanilla person online (or anytime for the first go round). For the record, I've found more whackos in the vanilla world than I've met through online BDSM sites. It may be a small sample size or possibly just that they're more hidden in the vanilla world so suprise you easier.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 17

RE: Personal info and phone numbers - 6/16/2010 3:35:50 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

those rules would soooo not work with me when I was searching.

1. I don't even own a home phone. My home phone is my cell phone. I haven't had a landline in over 10 years.

2. I would never have told someone I was just getting to know where I worked and my work number. for all I know they're a lunatic who would stalk me at work and I would get fired for them calling me all the time there.

Why not just meet them in a public place and just take the time to get to know them in person??? You would think people never meet in real life the old fashioned way anymore.

(in reply to dwedeking)

Post #: 18

RE: Personal info and phone numbers - 6/16/2010 3:36:57 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

I still don't know Shorey's name and number.

_____________________________

(in reply to osf)

Post #: 19

RE: Personal info and phone numbers - 6/16/2010 3:38:00 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

I wouldnt be giving that out to tubgirls neither, myself. and we certainly wouldnt go out locally.

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(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 20

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