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RE: Personal info and phone numbers - 6/16/2010 3:39:00 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		Hahaha. But I blow!

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Personal info and phone numbers - 6/16/2010 3:59:01 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

i just dont see the issue with mobile phones at all.  ive given my mobile out plenty of times and this has never once been abused.

as for details about work and stuff - i just wouldnt do that.  private stuff like home address, real name, mobile phone is ok, you can repel all borders if you have to and call the police, but work details, absolutely not.

personally i dont go in for any of that security stuff anyway.  i spend a long time getting to know a person, chats on the phone and listening between the lines and only after thats gone well do i meet and by then i have their mobile number and name as a matter of course anyway.

people should rely on their gut instincts more than that stuff.  i mean whats to stop a guy giving someone elses name and work place, you can throw a mobile away, if youve murdered someone you can leave youre job, address, country even - instinct and common sense are youre safest tools.

so what are you doing to scare these women so much osf


Ohhhhh Kaaay.....  I'm buggered if I could put this any better. I have a couple of mobile phones one on contract and one on re-charge I make the re-charge number my very accessible public number given to all in sundry including but not limited to Kinksters, everyone my list of suicide attempts, contacts from any number of websites I'm involved with and casual acquaintances. My personal mobile is reserved for friends, close associates and family as well as professional and businesses. (both auto record all incoming and out going phone calls for security reasons). Our home phone is reserved for those who know us better or whop have the intelligence or nouse to check the white pages listings. We and I do mean we as Neets will nearly always be there on at least first meets so who ever understands that Neets and I are a team, is always at a coffee shop in a mall. No one and I do mean no one including family even knows who Neets's child minding/nanny clients are. For myself, no one can touch or harm me in any way which cause me major issues so in that I'm lucky. If I had any worries and there has been one or two, I have a couple of my crew attend the coffee meet at differing tables so they can get licence plates and a nice photo both can be run through data bases and get a complete ID.


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(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Personal info and phone numbers - 6/16/2010 4:06:25 PM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968
Hahaha. But I blow!

Is that with or without an air tight seal?

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Personal info and phone numbers - 6/16/2010 4:14:03 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		where in the fuck is tub girl?

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Personal info and phone numbers - 6/16/2010 8:12:57 PM   
SamanthaQ


Posts: 33
Joined: 6/16/2010
Status: offline 		Usually, before I meet them, I talk with men on the phone so they will already have my phone number. I don't give out or request much other personal information until we meet face to face in a very public place. If I decide I like them and want to enter into a D/s relationship with them then I not only get all their info, but I also run an internet criminal background check on them. It cost $18 and they have to pay. I'm not interested in entering into a D/s relationship with an internet predator or someone with violence against women in their past.

My main profile states this so I'm assuming men wont want to meet me if the background check offends them. I've never had someone ask to check my criminal background. I guess when you're female, 5'4", 115 pounds wet, and cute, guys figure you're not too dangerous. Besides, the guys locked in my basement are there by choice so it's not really a criminal violation.

< Message edited by SamanthaQ -- 6/16/2010 8:25:40 PM >

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Personal info and phone numbers - 6/16/2010 8:18:13 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SamanthaQ

Usually, before I meet them, I talk with men on the phone so they will already have my phone number. I don't give out or request much other personal information until we meet face to face in a very public place. If I decide I like them and want to enter into a D/s relationship with them then I not only get all their info, but I also run an internet criminal background check on them. It cost $18 and they have to pay. I'm not interested in hooking up with an internet predator or someone with violence against women in their past.

My main profile states this so I'm assuming men wont want to meet me if the background check offends them. I've never had someone ask to check my criminal background. I guess when you're female, 5'4", 115 pounds wet, and cute, guys figure you're not too dangerous. Besides, the guys locked in my basement are there by choice so it's not really a criminal violation.


This reminds of The Cabin by the Lake...where the writer makes jokes about all the sick things he's doing to those women and everyone laughs it off, but all the while he really is.

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Personal info and phone numbers - 6/16/2010 8:30:01 PM   
SamanthaQ


Posts: 33
Joined: 6/16/2010
Status: offline
quote:


This reminds of The Cabin by the Lake...where the writer makes jokes about all the sick things he's doing to those women and everyone laughs it off, but all the while he really is.


I am probably joking. If I am not the men are there of their own free will. I promise you they went into the cages willingly and they are happy to be in them.

I just don't understand why the bald guy keeps yelling "red light" "red light"

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Personal info and phone numbers - 6/16/2010 8:42:06 PM   
Glasgow


Posts: 248
Joined: 6/7/2010
Status: offline 		The first time I met someone from CM, I was very careful.

We met in a public place and only exchanged cell phone numbers.

The first time I got in a car with him was a different matter. I got a hold of his home address and license number as well, and included all that - along with as many personal identifying details as I could possibly remember - on a note I left at home entitled 'this is the guy I am leaving with, call the cops if I disappear'.

I'm not sure the poor fellow knew what he was getting in to, but I suppose I looked harmless enough.

In any case, you can't blame women for taking too much trouble trying to be safe. Better safe then dead in a ditch, that's what I always say.


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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Personal info and phone numbers - 6/16/2010 8:43:58 PM   
DaddysInkedSlut


Posts: 1837
Joined: 5/14/2010
Status: offline 		For me the progression is simple. We talk online via email / IM then we exchange cell numbers. My home number is given out when we have meet face to face and decide we want to continue getting to know each other. At that point I may give out my adress so they can pick me up ect for dates or things of that nature. However, unless we are in a relationship I dont want your work information and I wouldn't be giving out mine. My uncle used to tell me "dont shit where you eat" which to me means keep your personal life outside of work. I personally dislike giving out my work number for anything other than professional references.

IMO if you don't trust someone enough to meet without a background check, credit check ect then you probably shouldn't be meeting them anyways.

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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Personal info and phone numbers - 6/16/2010 8:54:30 PM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		Prior to meeting, they know my first name, and usually my cell number. Sometimes my outside email.

If it's someone that I feel is safe, they get my home number, since reception is better than talking on my cell.

I've never demanded to know someone's home phone, last name, profession etc before meeting. but most will share at least SOME of that, without even being asked.

If after meeting and deciding to see each other again, the person still doesn't want to give his last name, and where he lives etc, it would be a deal breaker for me because it indicates the person has something to hide.


(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Personal info and phone numbers - 6/16/2010 9:21:55 PM   
LadyNTrainer


Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

No way am I giving out my work info. If she turns out to be a wacko, she could out me to my employment. She gets my personal info and no more.


Ditto.  No personal information gets given out on my end until I know someone a lot better than that.  I'll be glad to meet someone socially at a Munch or a community event, but strangers who might turn out to be stalkers or wack jobs do not get anything that might be used against me.

I made the mistake, once, of telling someone who seemed nice where I worked.  We were planning to meet up and chat in a friendly way about the local scene since I'd just moved to the area.  Without further warning, the stupid motherfucker SHOWED UP AT MY WORKPLACE AND ASKED FOR ME BY MY SCENE NAME.  He then gave further identifying details about me when the lady up front said that nobody worked there by that name, and I had to come up with an explanation later why some drooling idiot showed up asking for me by a weird name.   I wasn't expecting him, he just showed up and blathered to the receptionist about wanting to meet me.

This happy redheaded asshole is still here on CM, and as far as I know, still active in the Wilmington NC scene.  Later I found out he's also married and cheating, just to add to the fun.  Not that I was planning to do anything with him except get a social introduction to the scene, but still.  Ugh and double ugh.

So, yeah, no.  Not disclosing jack and shit to anyone I haven't already met in person and spent extensive face time with.  I don't advise anyone else do it either.  There are way too many idiots, stalkers, assholes and flat out dangerous people out there. 


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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Personal info and phone numbers - 6/17/2010 4:47:32 PM   
AlexandraLynch


Posts: 778
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline 		When I meet people I either do so through the local scene or through the net. If I meet someone at a scene party, well, I have people to talk to about him. I have a rule that I don't play with anyone on our first meeting; he can come back next month and we can talk in the intervening time and get to know each other a little (which makes for WAY better play). If I meet him on the net, he meets my husband and I for lunch or dinner or coffee, something like that. Both of us. I make it clear that my husband is ex-law enforcement and WILL be sizing him up, and that if my husband says, "This guy is hinky", that I'm going to respect his intuition.

I do ask what people do during that initial interview. What kind of schedule do you work? (Too busy means you won't have the time to spend talking to me and scening with me and just hanging out.)  Are you in a job where you do physical work? (where showing up to work with heavy marks would make you slower and wince and give you problems)  If I collar you, do we have to work around uniform requirements?  That kind of thing. I don't need to know where exactly someone works.

Further, the first time I play with someone, my husband and sometimes my roommate are there, and so that keeps me pretty safe. If he makes it to in-home play, and we discover incompatibility, he's generally going to be okay with just acknowledging it and me introducing him, perhaps, to the area community where he can find someone more his speed.


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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Personal info and phone numbers - 6/17/2010 5:50:16 PM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline 		My policy was always that I would exchange any basic information that the other party was also willing to share in return. I've spoken with several submissives who felt that because I was the dominant and they were the submissive that only I was the potential bad guy and they balked at the notion of reciprocity. 

If someone was so suspicious (excuse me... "cautious") that they needed extensive personal data and needed to make a battery of calls to a variety of numbers before meeting me then I would not have been interested in them. I feel the same way about oppressive safe call scenarios. If you really feel that you may be in jeopardy then you should not be meeting me in the first place (and you are foolish to do so) and I do not wish for you to meet me.





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(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Personal info and phone numbers - 6/18/2010 9:44:04 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomImus

If someone was so suspicious (excuse me... "cautious") that they needed extensive personal data and needed to make a battery of calls to a variety of numbers before meeting me then I would not have been interested in them. I feel the same way about oppressive safe call scenarios. If you really feel that you may be in jeopardy then you should not be meeting me in the first place (and you are foolish to do so) and I do not wish for you to meet me.



Whilst I tend to not use safe calls nor obtain much information from someone prior to meeting them I feel there is nothing wrong with wanting to have this extra information (within reason, so maybe a last name...not their work details etc) or to set up a safe call. 

When I first started meeting people from the net I used safe calls not because I felt worried or unsafe, it was more that I felt a little more comfortable knowing that a friend was at the end of the phone if I needed them.  And the best thing was that if the meeting wasn't going well I would use the call as an excuse to leave. (yes I know, I will go to hell....or would if I believed in it)

If someone said to me that they did not want to meet me because I wanted to set up a safe call it would make me I would wonder how interested they actually are in my feeling comfortable at this first meeting..... so I guess it would be mutual, I also would not want to meet them if they were uncomfortable with me wanting a safe call.


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(in reply to DomImus)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Personal info and phone numbers - 6/18/2010 12:39:23 PM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wandersalone

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomImus

If someone was so suspicious (excuse me... "cautious") that they needed extensive personal data and needed to make a battery of calls to a variety of numbers before meeting me then I would not have been interested in them. I feel the same way about oppressive safe call scenarios. If you really feel that you may be in jeopardy then you should not be meeting me in the first place (and you are foolish to do so) and I do not wish for you to meet me.



Whilst I tend to not use safe calls nor obtain much information from someone prior to meeting them I feel there is nothing wrong with wanting to have this extra information (within reason, so maybe a last name...not their work details etc) or to set up a safe call. 

When I first started meeting people from the net I used safe calls not because I felt worried or unsafe, it was more that I felt a little more comfortable knowing that a friend was at the end of the phone if I needed them.  And the best thing was that if the meeting wasn't going well I would use the call as an excuse to leave. (yes I know, I will go to hell....or would if I believed in it)

If someone said to me that they did not want to meet me because I wanted to set up a safe call it would make me I would wonder how interested they actually are in my feeling comfortable at this first meeting..... so I guess it would be mutual, I also would not want to meet them if they were uncomfortable with me wanting a safe call.



I find it worth reiterating that I said "oppressive safe call scenarios". I have no problem with safe calls. Sometimes people set up an onerous obstacle course of safe calls and fail safes. If either party is driven to that extent then they should not be meeting people in this fashion.




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"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Sidney J. harris

(in reply to wandersalone)
Profile   Post #: 35
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