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I am a masochist - 5/22/2010 11:52:31 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		This is a fact of my life that I long ago accepted as part of who I am. I am also intelligent, have been relatively successful in my life, and raised some caring, intelligent, compassionate, non drug, drink, smoking or cussing offspring who see me as mom and also as someone they enjoy hanging out with in social settings.

I neither cuss, nor smoke. I don't drink very often but I don't shun it either. I am agorophobic, but I force myself to face that daily and still move and function in society. In fact, I am considered a leader. If I never told anyone about the agorophobia I am more than positive they would not have a clue I was uncomfortable. I can do this because I am a controlled person who is a masochist and pushing myself to do the stuff out of the box is part of my schema.

I am a masochist because it makes me wet. It turns me on. It settles me and resets my mind into a point of clarity. I would be a masochist even if there was not a partner in my life.
And.. I am a masochist who has been a cutter.

Ahh.. wait. Whats this? OMG I must be sick and in need of counseling! I am a poor pitiful sad excuse for a person who must be fixed so that I do not vent old ills and bring shame upon my family and friends.

I want to know why it is ok for a masochist to enjoy pain. Why is it ok for a masochist to get turned on by extreme stimulation. Why is it acceptable for a masochist to get wet, hard, clear.. as long as they have a a safe partner at their side.. and not if one is a both a masochist and a sadist on themselves for their own sake.

I want to know why for you other dominants, sadists, tops, bottoms, subs and slaves who enjoy pain play find it perfectly wonderful for them to enjoy the feel of a blade against them, or a crop over them.. or anything else that might be considered owie.. why is it ok with a partner, but not on your own.

This has always puzzled me.

I am a masochist regardless of my relationship status. How the hell do the rest of you perfect people only enjoy extreme stimulation if the person besides you says it is ok?

Now.. before you all say, you are sick, you need help, ect. I KNOW my issues. I wonder how well the rest of you know yours.
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RE: I am a masochist - 5/22/2010 11:57:37 AM   
BOUNTYHUNTER


Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		Because you are human and allowed to enjoy what turns you on as long as no one else is feeling the pain but you,I say its no ones business but yours and your pardner, D and I both are very sadistic and enjoy that special connection between our maso pardners,,BH

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RE: I am a masochist - 5/22/2010 11:58:28 AM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline 		Good post, Missokyst.

I'm not sure the people you're talking to will give it the consideration and thought it deserves, though.

I can sometimes be masochistic, and when I get like that I indulge *myself*-that way the itch gets scratched just how I want it. I'm not an edge-player but I can see how the same would apply if I was a more extreme masochist.

I think that from the outside the line between self-hurt and self-harm can be hard to distinguish-that's where the problem lies.


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RE: I am a masochist - 5/22/2010 12:03:27 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		The problem is that some people can't see someone feeding their masochism alone to be different from self harm. They see someone cutting themselves with a knife, for example and believe the outside matches the inside. But of course it doesn't.

Self harm is bad, it also doesn't do anything in the long run to improve your issues which continue to bedevil your ability to form healthy relationships with yourself and others.

Whacking your own thighs with a wooden spoon so you have an incredible orgasm is something else entirely. The fact that they can't see anything except that what you do resembles what someone else does for unhealthy reasons is their problem, not yours.


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RE: I am a masochist - 5/22/2010 12:05:30 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Agreed and well put Des.

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When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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RE: I am a masochist - 5/22/2010 12:07:27 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I'm not sure the people you're talking to will give it the consideration and thought it deserves, though.


Indeed. The people who will appreciate your post already understand this.

- LA

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RE: I am a masochist - 5/22/2010 12:15:30 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		This is the part that puzzles me the most. It is as if, because I have been a cutter in my life, that some how the rest of it should just be crap. No good relationships.. umm.. mine have lasted for years unlike many I see around me. And my relationship with my children is proof that not all cutters are nuts with no ability to handle life in a valid way. That other post in the masters forum just ticked me off because the first things I saw was...
SHE NEEDS A THERAPIST.
Sheesh. talk about misinformation.
I know me better than anyone could. I am a masochist and not so ashamed of it that I have to hide it within a "loving relationship"

Self harm.. and feeding the masochist can be the same deal if that is how you use it. I have used it in that way. I do find it interesting that people can drink, smoke, whore around, engage in extreme sports, ect, and all that is never seen as a way to cope with issues in their lives. All that is acceptable.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Self harm is bad, it also doesn't do anything in the long run to improve your issues which continue to bedevil your ability to form healthy relationships with yourself and others.




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RE: I am a masochist - 5/22/2010 12:17:59 PM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		The same thought crossed my mind yesterday when I read the self-harm thread.

The question in my mind is why is it acceptable to allow your partner to carve a design into your skin, but if you cut yourself, you belong in a psyche ward.

I think it all comes down to "motivation" in either case.

I think if one likes it, and they do it because it feels good to them on some level, it's really no different than allowing a partner to do the same thing to them.

If on the other hand, you do it to yourself because you hate yourself and think you should suffer, and/or you allow someone else to beat you or cut you or stick needles in you for that reason, then you might have a problem.

Otherwise, as squicky as the idea may seem, I really can't see any real difference between whether a person's own hand holds the blade, or their partner's hand holds the blade.

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RE: I am a masochist - 5/22/2010 12:18:03 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		I am not a masochist, yet I totally aprove of this post!


Go figure..:)

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RE: I am a masochist - 5/22/2010 12:57:56 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Self cutting is rarely about "oh gee it makes me hot when I masterbate" and is more often about someone who feels powerless harming themselves to gain some feeling of control.

Being a masochist is no different from being a mother or a policeman, all are fine things if you are doing them for healthy reasons.

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RE: I am a masochist - 5/22/2010 1:02:11 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Cutting to have great orgasms is one thing. But doing it to be able to feel when you are otherwise a zombie is different. If you are able to have healthy relationships, healthy boundaries and can access your emotions then I wouldn't define it as self harm.

Of course you know, all that masturbation, you could wind up with hairy palms. Just saying.


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RE: I am a masochist - 5/22/2010 1:11:25 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst
I want to know why it is ok for a masochist to enjoy pain. Why is it ok for a masochist to get turned on by extreme stimulation. Why is it acceptable for a masochist to get wet, hard, clear.. as long as they have a a safe partner at their side.. and not if one is a both a masochist and a sadist on themselves for their own sake.
I want to know why for you other dominants, sadists, tops, bottoms, subs and slaves who enjoy pain play find it perfectly wonderful for them to enjoy the feel of a blade against them, or a crop over them.. or anything else that might be considered owie.. why is it ok with a partner, but not on your own.

I don't know. I think it IS ok on your own. I think that no matter what you enjoy, it's fine to engage in it as long as you're not doing something to a non-consenting entity. No matter what you want someone else to do to you, it's OK and no matter what you want to do to yourself, it's OK. I don't think there's any difference and I don't feel either way is wrong...........luci

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RE: I am a masochist - 5/22/2010 1:40:25 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I have cut both ways. One, so I could feel something after knowing it had to have an outlet. And also because it made me hot. Just so happens after that first time.. well.. ok, during that first time, I was horny as hell. Lucky hapenstance or.. redirection? I can't be sure.

I do know that people point figures at things they do not understand. Get therapy. A buddy of mine smokes 4 packs of cigarettes a day. I see that as sick. Another one I know has a six pack a day. I see that as sick. I used to know a girl who had to go home from the bar with a guy every night. In her head each one of those guys was her boyfriend.. and anyone who poached after she laid them was tresspassing. I see that as sick. But no part of me would declare that those people needed therapy to cope with their issues. I assume that knowing them as people who were just as well off as the next (ie no one was living in the street), they were ok with who they were. And if they were not, it was not my business.

Most of us choose our own poison. I have been happy and content in my choice. And the only scar I have on my body was due to surgery. I cut. I cut impecably. I should have been a surgeon.
And I am not afraid to be the masochist I am.

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RE: I am a masochist - 5/22/2010 1:50:44 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		My very honest response is this: Haha I would tell all those people to get therapy...and man I know that girl (not really in theory) that sleeps with everyone and thinks she owns them all. I have to say in all seriousness, I don't think telling someone to get therapy is a negative thing. I wish that I had the health insurance to be in therapy...I would never stop going. Therapy in my mind is having a neutral third person with some credentials to hear you out and help you figure things out. I'm not sure everyone else means the same when they say it. There's a huge negative connotation to mental health treatment in the US, but it's definitely not what I mean when I say it. I adored therapy, it was the single most important decision I ever made in my life to commit to it and stick with it. If I could do maintenance therapy without the cost, I would gladly have that shoulder and second thought process again. Then again, I had a fantastic therapist and I don't know how common that is either.


That's just an aside obviously, but I do see your point about the fine line people draw and call foul. I've thought of it many times. My immediate response though when someone says they cut out of self-loathing is oh damn I'm worried for them (get therapy), my immediate response to someone saying I cut to cum and it's not serious injury is shudder, not for me, but, yeah I'm not much different. I cause self-harm when I masturbate, not in the cutting form, but I use pain to orgasm, alone. I'm not pointing fingers at anyone's kink. I guess I see the cutting/self-loathing, need to feel thing as much more alarming and different than kink. I'm not you though and only you really know where you are in your own head and no one else.

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I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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RE: I am a masochist - 5/22/2010 2:11:15 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I have no bias against therapy per`se. It is a valuable tool for getting into ones inner headspace in my experience. In fact, one of my (5) majors is in psychology. My issues are with the condemnation I observed. I would say that most cutters have an element of masochism to them, whether or not they recognize it. More likely they do have issues with coping methods. But most people have their own way of dealing with issues and not all of them are healthy.
What I do not understand the mentality of being able to accept that it is ok to want your mate to beat you because you are upset and in need of pain play to reset.. and that of doing it onesself.
To proclaim that someone needs therapy because their idea of what works is not their own, when in this forum many of us ARE masochists or sadists, seems hypocritical at best.
As someone who has been a cutter in my life and has used this both as a coping method AND as a device to reach orgasm I can tell you that coping is coping. Whether it is done with a cigarette, or sex, or being a jackass on a bad day, we all pick our own poison.

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RE: I am a masochist - 5/22/2010 2:44:58 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I'm not on the other thread that you are referring to.  I will probably read it after posting here.

I have known a few people who identified as cutters at various points in My life.  The first one I met darn near twenty years ago.  I probably wouldn't have know at all about this had she not called Me one night, scared as hell because she had thought she had done more damage to herself than she thought she could handle.  I dressed her wounds and calmed her down.  We talked for a bit about what she had done and, being naive about it as I was at the time, I asked her why she had done it.  Due to her emotional stress (I won't get into that) she had done it so that the physical pain would relieve her emotional pain.  I'm not going to say that I found that particularly healthy, but I understood the concept.

The variation of this came from another friend of Mine a few years down the road.  She was overwhelmed emotionally, to the point that she felt numb.  She had started cutting so she would feel something.  To her, it was better than feeling nothing at all.  I'm not going to say that I found that to be a terribly healthy expression, either.

The last case really was a safe hatred thing.  I have to say that I found that very sad.

Anyway, even though it's the same act, Missokyst, I don't see them in the same way.  Why you are doing it simply doesn't sound as it springs from the same place.  Hey.  I feel the same way about folks who engage in other activities under wiitwd when consent has never been established.  Want to beat someone because they want to be beaten?  Great!  Raise your hand to someone who is not accepting it and doesn't want that in the relationship?  Good luck.  You won't catch Me crying if someone gets what they deserved.

I think the subject has a lot more to do with the why of something, rather than the what.


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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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RE: I am a masochist - 5/22/2010 3:48:42 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I used to be a slut for the wrong reasons.

Now I'm a slut for the right ones.

It's not the act, it's the motivation, whether it comes from a place of security or insecurity, whether it's acknowledge and leads to a greater sense of self.

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RE: I am a masochist - 5/22/2010 3:50:40 PM   
ShoreBound149


Posts: 622
Joined: 7/2/2009
Status: offline 		There's no bad reason.

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RE: I am a masochist - 5/22/2010 4:17:34 PM   
FetishRose


Posts: 212
Joined: 8/7/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael



Being a masochist is no different from being a mother or a policeman, all are fine things if you are doing them for healthy reasons.


Pretty much exactly what I was going to say.  It's very dependent on one's reasoning, whether with a partner or by oneself.  Many of the kinky activities we engage in could be seen as abuse, but because they are consensual and enjoyed, we do not perceive them as so.  If you enjoy cutting to feed your masochism out of pleasure, you are perceiving it as positive.  Someone who cuts out of a severe depression, on the other hand, is a harmer.
I too have masochistic tendencies that I indulge in, whether single or partnered, that others may see as harmful.  For me, however, they are a sexual, or sensual, expression, rather than a desire to do myself harm.


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RE: I am a masochist - 5/22/2010 4:57:07 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		In moments of passion, I've occasionally bitten myself or dug my nails into myself when my partner didn't want me doing that to him. I don't think that people who engage in masochistic activities solo automatically have mental health issues. To me, it depends on the mindset. Hurting yourself as masturbation, or as part of getting comfortable with using a new toy on someone else, seems like it can be done with a very healthy headspace. If you are hurting yourself to try to cope with emotional pain, if you feel worse afterward, then you might want to consider talking with a kink-aware professional about your activities, and possibly redirect them into a different channel.

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