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RE: ideas for introducing a newcomer - 4/30/2010 4:23:39 PM   
ricken


Posts: 261
Joined: 1/11/2010
Status: offline 		I got to agree with Steven. As I was reading down looking for some ideas, I was thinking, you really don't need to tie her down, you can just hold her down.
BUT, I kind of like this idea too.....
"...plop nipple clamps, whips, and multiple-pronged dildoes on the kitchen counter and you might get a Whoa..."

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: ideas for introducing a newcomer - 4/30/2010 5:08:09 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
1. When you kiss her, simply take both her hands in yours and hold them there.  Firmly, but not enough to hurt.  Then kiss and nibble her.  If you can, hold both of her wrists in one of your hands and let your free hand roam as well.

or

2. When kissing her, get hold of her hair and gently pull her head back, exposing her neck.  Then kiss, lick, and nibble her neck and face, and maybe her breasts.  Add a nip now and then.


Yummy.

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In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: ideas for introducing a newcomer - 4/30/2010 5:54:50 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Ask her if she likes the idea. Talk to her honestly, springing a hidden agenda on someone never works out well.

If you can't say to her "Honey I would really like to try tying you up and making love to you while you're helpless to do anything but enjoy it" then you need to start with improving communication skills.


This.

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: ideas for introducing a newcomer - 4/30/2010 7:55:26 PM   
pegbundy


Posts: 565
Joined: 4/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetsub1957


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
1. When you kiss her, simply take both her hands in yours and hold them there.  Firmly, but not enough to hurt.  Then kiss and nibble her.  If you can, hold both of her wrists in one of your hands and let your free hand roam as well.

or

2. When kissing her, get hold of her hair and gently pull her head back, exposing her neck.  Then kiss, lick, and nibble her neck and face, and maybe her breasts.  Add a nip now and then.



Yummy.




I concur - yummy

(in reply to sweetsub1957)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: ideas for introducing a newcomer - 4/30/2010 9:37:19 PM   
AlexandraLynch


Posts: 778
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline 		The penny game is one that you have all the equipment for and can be played by either side. If you like, you can agree on a penalty that is silly but slightly meaningful... I suggest "We go out to your choice of movie and I don't say a thing and work to find three good things to say about it" if you win.

It is played as follows. One gets the bottom to lie down face up or face down. Place four pennies on backs of hands and tops of feet. Then you start doing things like kissing legs and stroking arms and various other stimuli. They lose when they move enough to make the coins fall.

This is a very good way to see what parts of control each side gets off on, without doing things that can panic someone and ultimately waste money. I don't advocate going straight for binding someone in a way that they genuinely cannot get out of for their first time. Many people haveemotionalland mines about being deprived of that sort of control, and not only do you not always know these even about your spouse, but sometimes you legitimately don't know about them yourself.  It is not sexy fun when that sort of emotional land mine goes off.


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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: ideas for introducing a newcomer - 4/30/2010 9:46:58 PM   
hlen5


Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetsub1957


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
1. When you kiss her, simply take both her hands in yours and hold them there.  Firmly, but not enough to hurt.  Then kiss and nibble her.  If you can, hold both of her wrists in one of your hands and let your free hand roam as well.

or

2. When kissing her, get hold of her hair and gently pull her head back, exposing her neck.  Then kiss, lick, and nibble her neck and face, and maybe her breasts.  Add a nip now and then.


Yummy.

What sweetsub said!!

And  I concur with pegbundy. (<----------edited for this).

< Message edited by hlen5 -- 4/30/2010 9:49:24 PM >

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(in reply to sweetsub1957)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: ideas for introducing a newcomer - 4/30/2010 11:54:47 PM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

1. When you kiss her, simply take both her hands in yours and hold them there.  Firmly, but not enough to hurt.  Then kiss and nibble her.  If you can, hold both of her wrists in one of your hands and let your free hand roam as well.
or
2. When kissing her, get hold of her hair and gently pull her head back, exposing her neck.  Then kiss, lick, and nibble her neck and face, and maybe her breasts.  Add a nip now and then.

VERY hot! I enjoy both rope bondage and cuffs, but my favourite is when my partner is on top and traps my hands in his own while pinning me with his body and exploring with his mouth. My former D liked to do this because he was into biting, and the hand to hand contact made it easier for him to 'read' me and know if he was going too far.... or just far enough.
Yummy stuff!

That said (whew), Des nailed it when she spoke about open and honest communication. Trying to lead your mate down the garden path without cluing her in is not a good idea.


_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: ideas for introducing a newcomer - 5/1/2010 1:03:01 AM   
tigreetsa


Posts: 132
Joined: 4/30/2010
From: SW London
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

That said (whew), Des nailed it when she spoke about open and honest communication. Trying to lead your mate down the garden path without cluing her in is not a good idea.



Quoted for truth, and this is best not just for whoever shares a relationship with you but other people in general.


_____________________________

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But you and I we've been through that
And that is not our fate
So let us not talk falsely now, the hour is getting late.'
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(in reply to WyldHrt)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: ideas for introducing a newcomer - 5/1/2010 4:02:28 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

quote:

1. When you kiss her, simply take both her hands in yours and hold them there.  Firmly, but not enough to hurt.  Then kiss and nibble her.  If you can, hold both of her wrists in one of your hands and let your free hand roam as well.
or
2. When kissing her, get hold of her hair and gently pull her head back, exposing her neck.  Then kiss, lick, and nibble her neck and face, and maybe her breasts.  Add a nip now and then.

VERY hot! I enjoy both rope bondage and cuffs, but my favourite is when my partner is on top and traps my hands in his own while pinning me with his body and exploring with his mouth. My former D liked to do this because he was into biting, and the hand to hand contact made it easier for him to 'read' me and know if he was going too far.... or just far enough.
Yummy stuff!

That said (whew), Des nailed it when she spoke about open and honest communication. Trying to lead your mate down the garden path without cluing her in is not a good idea.

Now 'smaht kewkie', let me adjust my bush-lawyer's hat here while pointing out a teensy problem with your post....

While I wholeheartedly agree with *this*:
"Trying to lead your mate down the garden path without cluing her in is not a good idea", and said as much in my own post, it does tend to contradict your endorsement of DarkSteven's post. Yours and all the other (presumably) fem/subs who quoted it.

And therein lies the problem; DarkSteven's post. Intentionally or not, he's not openly advocating honesty so much as domination by stealth. And while I can see the average fem/sub relating, none of you seem to be endeavouring to consider it from a largely ignorant vanilla wife's perspective.

In the vanilla world, it's us fellas who get accused of letting "down south" do our thinking. Lol, seems it's the fem/subs in bdsm....

Thoughts?

Focus.

_____________________________

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(in reply to WyldHrt)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: ideas for introducing a newcomer - 5/1/2010 5:12:16 AM   
jbcurious


Posts: 717
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		This whole thread is yummy... I'm feeling all girly just reading it.

I think talk can be over rated...of course if you're going to jump into something extreme, you should discuss it...but the type of thing Steven is talking about...that would be like a guy asking if he could kiss you. Many things sound scarey when talked about but the reality of them can be a very pleasant surprise.

Sometimes it's nice to get led down the garden path

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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: ideas for introducing a newcomer - 5/1/2010 5:22:14 AM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Now 'smaht kewkie', let me adjust my bush-lawyer's hat here while pointing out a teensy problem with your post....

Admit it, you just like picking on me
quote:

While I wholeheartedly agree with *this*:
"Trying to lead your mate down the garden path without cluing her in is not a good idea", and said as much in my own post, it does tend to contradict your endorsement of DarkSteven's post. Yours and all the other (presumably) fem/subs who quoted it.

Not really. The juicy stuff posted was bedroom games, which many vanillas engage in. You will note that none of the posters suggested anything beyond kindergarten play.
quote:

And therein lies the problem; DarkSteven's post. Intentionally or not, he's not openly advocating honesty so much as domination by stealth. And while I can see the average fem/sub relating, none of you seem to be endeavouring to consider it from a largely ignorant vanilla wife's perspective.

Steven's post really didn't have much if anything to do with domination, it was just about technique and seeing if a bit of kink turns the OP's girl on or not. That said, I actually was ignorant, vanilla, and a wife until rather recently, so I think you might have erred on that one. Been there, done that.... single, kinky, and much happier now
quote:

In the vanilla world, it's us fellas who get accused of letting "down south" do our thinking. Lol, seems it's the fem/subs in bdsm....

My EMT instructor (older and male) once told me that the scariest thing he had endured in all his years as a paramedic wasn't horrific car accidents, wasn't 'bad save' heart attacks, wasn't gang shootings.... it was listening to the ER nurses talk about guys in the wee hours of the morning. Make of that what you will



_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: ideas for introducing a newcomer - 5/1/2010 6:11:57 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

And therein lies the problem; DarkSteven's post. Intentionally or not, he's not openly advocating honesty so much as domination by stealth. And while I can see the average fem/sub relating, none of you seem to be endeavouring to consider it from a largely ignorant vanilla wife's perspective.

Focus.


That's the point exactly.  If you say "Honey, I'd like to try tying you up," she will think of the Dominatrix porn and leather clad stereotypes, etc.  Which is what you want to avoid.

You want to let her take it out for a spin, so to speak, and see if she likes the mental space it puts her in.  (All right, I also threw in some positive association as well, by tying sensuality in with helplessness.)

The average vanilla wife may or may not be susceptible to Domination by stealth, as you put it.  But there's a greater chance that she'll like it than if you simply play to her preconceived notions.


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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: ideas for introducing a newcomer - 5/1/2010 6:53:43 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

That's the point exactly.  If you say "Honey, I'd like to try tying you up," she will think of the Dominatrix porn and leather clad stereotypes, etc.  Which is what you want to avoid.

You want to let her take it out for a spin, so to speak, and see if she likes the mental space it puts her in.  (All right, I also threw in some positive association as well, by tying sensuality in with helplessness.)

The average vanilla wife may or may not be susceptible to Domination by stealth, as you put it.  But there's a greater chance that she'll like it than if you simply play to her preconceived notions.

Yeah, I see where you're comin' from (and jbcurious, too) and can't disagree (dammit) with the logic. But we are talking about his *wife* and she's bound to notice a shift in his behaviour and general relationship dynamic. So I guess it's a matter of where to draw the line between trying something new and having a pre-discussion of it....

Ok, the OP asked of bondage so your post was largely about foreplay and setting/exploring a mood. Let's say she likes it.... What then, see if she notices getting her hands tied behind? And what if they have done that before as part of kinky sex - we just let her find out through more subtle experimentation that the OP isn't so keen to release her straight after? Because she really is gonna notice something's up if he just leaves her there and she reacts badly (and predictably for a vanilla). He's still gotta release her eventually and now the "sick bastard's" got a heap of 'splainin' to do, esp for not telling her of his *preconceived* intentions....

So I think the middle ground is best. Yep, as you and jbcurious suggest, it can be fun to try something different so he can keep the specifics to himself, but she still should have some form of fore warning he intends to tweak their intimate dynamic. And if it does get to applying bondage, I think the OP really orta bone-up on safewords and explain that to her, too....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: ideas for introducing a newcomer - 5/1/2010 7:45:35 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		I can see the logic and sense in both the arguments of DS and F50. I've never really needed or had to follow the covert path. Since I pretty open about my lifestyle and areas I'm interested in as well as my Pagan life, people usually have a pretty good idea where I'm coming from. With Neets I sat her down and told her what I was into well before we were engaged let alone married. I work on the basis that if someone is opposed to or not interested, we can still have a friendly relationship and at least I know what areas not to discuss or suggest. Anyone who doesn't want a bar of me when they find out what interests me is unworthy of my company in any case and the loss is theirs. Not arrogance but rather me being both honest and pragmatic. Because I have no interest in seeking a female for a permanent relationship with a possible marriage, it does simplify things as I'd rather have empty collars then ones filled with unsuitable people. I find that even non kink friends and acquaintances ask me about some things or they see some of my gear and ask about it and so we have a discussion over several coffees in a clinical manner in a Q & A format. They are the ones broaching the subject so I have no issues with opening up to them and even showing them some of my photos of rope and chain bondage as needle play. In the odd case they may get turned on or show further interest. In such cases I can introduce them to my local group of if they are a couple, help them experiment with some basic things to add to their bedroom sexual romps. It is a numbers game and sooner or later suitable folk will cross my path and perhaps we may see them ending up in one of my collars. If not nothing is lost except the pleasure of having a slave sitting or kneeling at my feet ideally wearing naught but a shirik. Whilst I admittedly I do miss this, I loose no sleep over not having this at this time. By and large, I do find like in so many other areas of our journey through life, there is no "One Way" but with each new person you encounter there is the "Right Way" for that person at that time and place. Much like picking up a casual sex partner. Some times you need to woo and at other times telling the person you want to fuck then silly is best. 

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(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: ideas for introducing a newcomer - 5/1/2010 9:15:28 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I can see the logic of both sides. In Steven's defense, he did advocate trying it and see if she liked it. In either case, you then have an opening for that honest discussion afterward.

It does allow her to try it without the preconceived notions. Of course you could always say you want to do this ahead of time and see how she reacts. Hopefully she would agree to try it. Leaving out any buzz words about slave or domination or such. Just harmless bedroom games like holding her down or tying her wrists. Words that won't scare her.


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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: ideas for introducing a newcomer - 5/1/2010 10:12:18 AM   
discoveringme


Posts: 2
Joined: 1/10/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you everyone for the suggestions... much appreciated

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: ideas for introducing a newcomer - 5/1/2010 4:28:40 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

Admit it, you just like picking on me

Of course! Am mighty Dom, it's what we do....

quote:

Steven's post really didn't have much if anything to do with domination.... <snip>

Whoa - no, no, no.... All domination begins somewhere and if I can dominate my girl across a crowded room with just a look, then...?

quote:

My EMT instructor (older and male) once told me that the scariest thing he had endured in all his years as a paramedic wasn't horrific car accidents, wasn't 'bad save' heart attacks, wasn't gang shootings.... it was listening to the ER nurses talk about guys in the wee hours of the morning. Make of that what you will

Lol yeah, I'm thinking of the public face of female sex a few decades back, where the typical house-wife allegedly did her duty and endured with teeth clenched and lights out for her filthy-minded, lustful man rather than enjoyed. Of course the individual reality was largely bullshit - but to hear *two* women openly trading experiences! And esp the not so good...!!!! Lmao, twas the stuff that sent shivers up the male spine....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to WyldHrt)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: ideas for introducing a newcomer - 5/1/2010 4:36:45 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

I can see the logic and sense in both the arguments of DS and F50.

Ahhhh IronBear, you ol sea-dog; long time no read...!

Where ya been - not crook or somethin'?

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 38
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