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ideas for introducing a newcomer - 4/30/2010 6:05:48 AM   
discoveringme


Posts: 2
Joined: 1/10/2006
Status: offline 		Hi... I would like to introduce my wife to Bondage... any suggestions on where to start and any experiences that have gone well or poorly?
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RE: ideas for introducing a newcomer - 4/30/2010 6:10:40 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		If you have Midoris book, or go see Esinem on this site, for instance....check for links and stuff with the good ones like him, see HungryTiger and Rope----------

Hell, look up rope, bondage, shibari, kinbaku, hemp, jute and things like that on this site, and check the posters who are more than your average joes links at the bottom of the page, show her some of those photos, she wont be able to help herself when she sees how beautiful it is------or she will divorce you and have you killed as a pervert.

But I ain't seen one woman yet that don't think that looks stunning, and would like to wear that sort of outfit.

Ron

(jesus, I called B Eminem, much to my chagrin. fixed.)

< Message edited by mnottertail -- 4/30/2010 6:48:41 AM >

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RE: ideas for introducing a newcomer - 4/30/2010 6:13:34 AM   
jbcurious


Posts: 717
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		I would start with the old "silk scarves to the bedposts" loosely attached to give her a little freedom of movement. It's something that doesn't seem weird and many vanilla couples try, it's not threatening and quite sensual...see how she likes the feeling of helplessness and go from there.

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RE: ideas for introducing a newcomer - 4/30/2010 6:25:25 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		I rather like the silk ropes and scarves in the bedroom (preferably with a four poster bed). However I'd also get onto you-tube and look up Naughty Boys where they demonstrate some great bondage techniques as well as a goodly amount of knots. A good intro is for both of you to learn some of their techniques together as an ice breaker. For my part, I'd probably empty a bag full of hand made chains and cuffs as well as a collar or three on the floor and grin at her...


< Message edited by IronBear -- 4/30/2010 6:26:49 AM >

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RE: ideas for introducing a newcomer - 4/30/2010 6:38:01 AM   
DesFIP


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Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Ask her if she likes the idea. Talk to her honestly, springing a hidden agenda on someone never works out well.

If you can't say to her "Honey I would really like to try tying you up and making love to you while you're helpless to do anything but enjoy it" then you need to start with improving communication skills.

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RE: ideas for introducing a newcomer - 4/30/2010 8:44:55 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		Did you say bonadage ideas? Here are some nice instructional rope videos.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-=Twisted Monk Instructional Videos=-
http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=TwistedMonk&aq=f (youtube list)

-=Two Knotty Boys Videos=-
http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=Two+Knotty+Boys+&aq=f (youtube list)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-=Buying Rope=-
You can buy preconditioned hemp rope but it’s a lot cheaper to do it yourself. Get Midori’s book.
http://twistedmonk.com/ TwistedMonk.com - preconditioned hemp
http://rainbowrope.com/all.html RainbowRope.com
http://www.us-rope-cable.com/ US Rope & Cable
https://www.knotandrope.com/ Knot & Rope Supply (cut & whipping available)
http://www.rawganique.com/HArope.htm Organic Hemp Ropes - Rawganique
http://www.downbound.com/Hemp_Rope_s/522.htm Organic Hemp Ropes - downBound
http://hempbasics.com/store.php?crn=200 Romanian Natural Hemp Rope - Hemp Basics
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-=Knots=-
http://www.animatedknots.com/ Animated Knots by Grog
http://www.animatedknots.com/indexropecare.php?LogoImage=LogoGrog.jpg&Website=www.animatedknots.com Rope Care – Whipping The Ends (by Grog)



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RE: ideas for introducing a newcomer - 4/30/2010 9:13:24 AM   
pompeii


Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline 		I've introduced a few to it and, I must say, don't get your hopes too high. Almost all will try the aforementioned silk scarves and airplane blindfolds, and most will actually enjoy the sensations, but, move too fast and plop nipple clamps, whips, and multiple-pronged dildoes on the kitchen counter and you might get a Whoa out of her.

I suggest, as others have, you work slowly. One or two new "toys" a week. Stay away from the leathery stuff at first. Interestingly, you'll be almost completely leather by the time she's fully trained, but, it doesn't start that way. If she enjoys modeling, have her model some sexy lingerie at the same time you're introducing bondage.

You can show, as was mentioned, her some adult videos, but, as noted, don't move to the "Mood Pictures" before you've done the "Slaves in Love" kindergarten class!

Good luck ... I've been there ... some I've "converted" ... others are hopelessly not into it ... and there's nothing you can do about that ...
Ciao,
Pompeii

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RE: ideas for introducing a newcomer - 4/30/2010 9:55:37 AM   
subjim2010


Posts: 26
Joined: 2/12/2010
Status: offline 		hi there

before my wife left me because of my fettishes for transsexual male dominance i had tried some light acts.

one of the best things i did was install a caravan battery by her bedside table. this meant that my existing jump leads could be used in place of steel rope. she was relectunt at first. but i had a manual and it outlined progression throughout the act. keep some distillled water near by for top ups. i cant say it was the best thing ive ever done.
.if you want me to email you a diagram get in touch. im a bit busy at the moment building my latest contraption. on that note where can i cheaply buy bear traps?

Yours
Subjim

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RE: ideas for introducing a newcomer - 4/30/2010 10:03:03 AM   
domiguy


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Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		I am not sure where you can buy one....SubJim2010 can you imagine one of these fuckers wrapped around your nuts?




Why are your bowel movements so frail?....I am very concerned.

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RE: ideas for introducing a newcomer - 4/30/2010 10:17:16 AM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		Communicating with her directly might be a good first move. 

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RE: ideas for introducing a newcomer - 4/30/2010 10:41:37 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

I am not sure where you can buy one....SubJim2010 can you imagine one of these fuckers wrapped around your nuts?




Why are your bowel movements so frail?....I am very concerned.

Hey Domi... why would he put that nipple clamp on his nuts?


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I give good thread.

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RE: ideas for introducing a newcomer - 4/30/2010 10:43:17 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		so he could also be humiliated by the material difference in size of that cockring attached to it and his junk?   Just a guess, don't kill the messenger.

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RE: ideas for introducing a newcomer - 4/30/2010 11:08:12 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pompeii
I suggest, as others have, you work slowly. One or two new "toys" a week. Stay away from the leathery stuff at first. Interestingly, you'll be almost completely leather by the time she's fully trained, but, it doesn't start that way.


I'd think one or two new things a week would get her back up. That he was focusing on his kink more than her.

And I'm curious as to why you say he'll be completely leather before long. Some of us really do prefer rope.


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RE: ideas for introducing a newcomer - 4/30/2010 11:32:52 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pompeii

I've introduced a few to it and, I must say, don't get your hopes too high. Almost all will try the aforementioned silk scarves and airplane blindfolds, and most will actually enjoy the sensations, but, move too fast and plop nipple clamps, whips, and multiple-pronged dildoes on the kitchen counter and you might get a Whoa out of her.

I suggest, as others have, you work slowly. One or two new "toys" a week. Stay away from the leathery stuff at first. Interestingly, you'll be almost completely leather by the time she's fully trained, but, it doesn't start that way. If she enjoys modeling, have her model some sexy lingerie at the same time you're introducing bondage.

You can show, as was mentioned, her some adult videos, but, as noted, don't move to the "Mood Pictures" before you've done the "Slaves in Love" kindergarten class!

Good luck ... I've been there ... some I've "converted" ... others are hopelessly not into it ... and there's nothing you can do about that ...
Ciao,
Pompeii



That line made me laff out loud

BadOne


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RE: ideas for introducing a newcomer - 4/30/2010 1:05:11 PM   
January


Posts: 891
Joined: 4/17/2004
Status: offline 		Hi discovering,

Leading a vanilla woman into kinky territory can be hard. You have to be sensitive, and take baby steps.

This a time where you should encourage topping from the bottom. Why does your first kink have to be bondage? Why should she cater to your fantasy that first time? Talk to her, presenting various relatively tame ideas (blindfold, bondage, gag, spanking, hot outfits, role-play, dog-collars, etc), and see what excites her. Let her choose the toys, the scene, the clothing, the location and time...

If that first experience makes you both happy, move on...

January

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RE: ideas for introducing a newcomer - 4/30/2010 2:05:56 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Ask her if she likes the idea. Talk to her honestly, springing a hidden agenda on someone never works out well. If you can't say to her "Honey I would really like to try tying you up and making love to you while you're helpless to do anything but enjoy it" then you need to start with improving communication skills.

Yeah this. (and I also agree with all the "go slow" responses).

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RE: ideas for introducing a newcomer - 4/30/2010 2:32:26 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: discoveringme

Hi... I would like to introduce my wife to Bondage... any suggestions on where to start and any experiences that have gone well or poorly?


As far as bondage is concerned, I think you need to get on the same page with your wife as to what motivates *you* to wanna try it....

In my experience, most vanillas will toy with bondage if there's a sexual reward or end in the experience. But when I tie my girl up, it's a physical expression of my need to control, dominate and generally assert my will over her. So there may well be sexual reward for her (if I decide) but I might also just wanna spend a few hours soaking up her profound helplessness and dependence on me.

Can't see too many vanillas enjoying the latter, most especially when they can't slip into sub-space and have the "boredom" of hours of confinement seemingly slip by in seconds. So that's the first question you answer for her, even if she doesn't know to ask - why do *YOU* really wanna tie her up?

Focus.

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RE: ideas for introducing a newcomer - 4/30/2010 2:43:09 PM   
pompeii


Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
he was focusing on his kink more than her.


I agree. Also the problem is that if they're married, and she doesn't already know about his kink and/or hasn't asked to participate ... his chances of being successful w/o going very slowly are slim to none, in my humble estimate. Even if he goes slowly, his chances, since he's married, presumably for a while (year or more?), that she isn't into it (she probably is away of his kink in some fashion).

I do very much wish him all the luck though. I envy his positive conversion attitude. I know all about what it's like to be stuck to vanilla. I really do. And, well, sometimes, there's nothing you can do but get your kinks somewhere else.

quote:

Some of us really do prefer rope.

I just assumed rope. Leather and rope (which I call "line" as there are no "ropes" in BDSM ... just different types of line for various purposes, IMHO). So yes, "rope" is a staple. In the end, he'll ditch the silk scarves is what I was getting at. He'll have special-purpose equipment. Dog collars and leashes. Ball gags, soft lined leather quick-connect blindfolds, fur-lined leather cuffs with D rings and latches, clover clamps with the cute little chain attached, leather harnesses for her bit gag, etc., and, well, rope rope rope and lots and lots of it. There'll be line for tying her tits, line for lashing her to the bed, line for lifting her nipples, and line that runs through her crotch to give her a sensation as he reads porn in bed with her all bound up spooned behind him. (OK ... ok. ... that's MY fetish .. not his).


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RE: ideas for introducing a newcomer - 4/30/2010 2:53:44 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Got it! I thought you meant leather instead of rope. And honestly a well made leather cuff won't tighten up as she struggles, but scarves will.

Of course, if he wants to be the one to be tied up, then I think his odds are even less. Didn't check his profile.


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RE: ideas for introducing a newcomer - 4/30/2010 4:07:32 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I would suggest not even doing bondage itself as a first move.  Instead:

1. When you kiss her, simply take both her hands in yours and hold them there.  Firmly, but not enough to hurt.  Then kiss and nibble her.  If you can, hold both of her wrists in one of your hands and let your free hand roam as well.

or

2. When kissing her, get hold of her hair and gently pull her head back, exposing her neck.  Then kiss, lick, and nibble her neck and face, and maybe her breasts.  Add a nip now and then.


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