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private pain. - 4/2/2010 4:31:29 PM

pahunkboy

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Her life mattered. Does the way one lived matter? Because- I really am down on death. HER LIFE MATTERED!

I don't choose to share the private memories.

I am especially thinking about her this weekend. !!!

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RE: private pain. - 4/2/2010 4:36:11 PM

pahunkboy

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She was nothing but kind to me. Always.

And these old songs make me think of the times with her- as well as the whole family.

Then if some other song comes on. I think about my best friend Jim who passed a year ago.

Does it matter that anyone lived?

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RE: private pain. - 4/2/2010 4:46:11 PM

thornhappy

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I have no idea who you're talking about.

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RE: private pain. - 4/2/2010 4:54:03 PM

pahunkboy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: thornhappy

I have no idea who you're talking about.

I learned a month ago- that a very dear lady to me- passed away back in October. This would have been my sorta mother in law of 7 years. Even after I moved to PA- I kept in touch with my ex and his family. It was amicable. We took trips together and had many nice holidays together. I can not burden him with how I feel - nor my family who also knew his family. So that is the deal. It sucks.

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RE: private pain. - 4/2/2010 5:53:12 PM

beej

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quote:

Does it matter that anyone lived?

yeah. it mattered to her, and it matters to you obviously since you're declaring a private pain in a public forum. i hate that you heard about it so fucking late, way past the point of being able to decide if you could have gone and seen her or participated in her passing. maybe that's what's eating at you. i dunno. i don't really know you. but that it still eats at you now, months later when you could safely not give a shit? is a warm spot in an otherwise cold world.

<insert sympathy, sorry, and "i get it" here>

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RE: private pain. - 4/2/2010 6:09:12 PM

pahunkboy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: beej

quote:

Does it matter that anyone lived?

yeah. it mattered to her, and it matters to you obviously since you're declaring a private pain in a public forum. i hate that you heard about it so fucking late, way past the point of being able to decide if you could have gone and seen her or participated in her passing. maybe that's what's eating at you. i dunno. i don't really know you. but that it still eats at you now, months later when you could safely not give a shit? is a warm spot in an otherwise cold world.

<insert sympathy, sorry, and "i get it" here>

Thanks for the shout.

Life is precious.

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RE: private pain. - 4/2/2010 6:14:27 PM

pahunkboy

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some things- words are not clear. I had a nice chat with a friend who called this evening.

I was able to explain some things- I could never post- even if I had the words to do so.

I also- did try to phone my ex- just to say I was thinking about him this weekend. (an anniversary of the death of his brother)

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RE: private pain. - 4/2/2010 6:23:18 PM

TheBanshee

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pahunkboy -
My very deepest sympathies. Yes, her life mattered - and it still does, case in point that you are missing her. Death ultimately is what make life matters. When someone passes, as much as it hurts, I really try to be grateful that I was given the opportunity to have gotten to know such a wonderful person. It hurts they are taken from us too soon. Life is indeed precious.
May God bless and comfort you at this time.

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RE: private pain. - 4/2/2010 6:40:20 PM

pahunkboy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheBanshee

pahunkboy -
My very deepest sympathies. Yes, her life mattered - and it still does, case in point that you are missing her. Death ultimately is what make life matters. When someone passes, as much as it hurts, I really try to be grateful that I was given the opportunity to have gotten to know such a wonderful person. It hurts they are taken from us too soon. Life is indeed precious.
May God bless and comfort you at this time.

This type of thing is never easy.

Songs on the radio. ...I cant drain others that knew her- nor can I be nosy.   As I did move on---

The other night the dreams started. Well one.   I best not get nosy. Some things maybe it is better if I do not know.

In the mean time- all sorts of memories will pop up.   This time a year- also when I went out there- (Chicago) I would join her at her church. So- the holiday brings it up.   So- one ponders and wonders-

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RE: private pain. - 4/2/2010 6:44:23 PM

angelikaJ

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

quote:

ORIGINAL: thornhappy

I have no idea who you're talking about.

I learned a month ago- that a very dear lady to me- passed away back in October. This would have been my sorta mother in law of 7 years. Even after I moved to PA- I kept in touch with my ex and his family. It was amicable. We took trips together and had many nice holidays together. I can not burden him with how I feel - nor my family who also knew his family. So that is the deal. It sucks.

But you can express your sympathies to him.
You can express how much she meant to you.
That would not be a burden.

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RE: private pain. - 4/2/2010 6:47:09 PM

pahunkboy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ
But you can express your sympathies to him.
You can express how much she meant to you.
That would not be a burden.

She helped me out- during some very dark hours. I never felt that I repaid her for it. She did not have to help me like she did.

It helps to listen to music.

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RE: private pain. - 4/2/2010 7:01:29 PM

pahunkboy

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I at times would visit her and we would listen to music. She always let me pick the music. lol. I tried to pick music she liked. When they would go out of town- I was the house watcher. That was a huge vote of confidence.

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RE: private pain. - 4/2/2010 8:36:03 PM

takemeforyourown

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I was thinking about this today at work. These people I care for, sometimes I only know them as an unconscious body in the bed. But I know their lives mattered because they are surrounded by people who love them.

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RE: private pain. - 4/2/2010 10:08:45 PM

kdsub

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pahunkboy...I am not preaching to you so please don't take it that way...I believe from your past posts that you have little faith in God...if I am wrong I am sorry. But look at it this way there may... and I say may be a soul. There is that small chance that there is despite what your mind tells you. Why not use that small possibility to hold out hope that life means something in the end?

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RE: private pain. - 4/3/2010 12:13:29 AM

JonnieBoy

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Sorry to hear of your grief.

Sometimes there is no magic wand or any intervention, whether "divine" or not that will take away the pain. Time itself and time to reflect may help, but it is not bad to grieve, it's natural and you are brave to express it.

Pirate

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RE: private pain. - 4/3/2010 3:56:17 AM

Rule

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I am sorry for your loss.

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RE: private pain. - 4/3/2010 4:24:23 AM

sirsholly

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

Her life mattered. Does the way one lived matter? Because- I really am down on death. HER LIFE MATTERED!

every life matters, Hunky.

quote:

learned a month ago- that a very dear lady to me- passed away back in October. This would have been my sorta mother in law of 7 years. Even after I moved to PA- I kept in touch with my ex and his family. It was amicable. We took trips together and had many nice holidays together. I can not burden him with how I feel - nor my family who also knew his family. So that is the deal. It sucks.

Burden him? Nononono! It is not a burden to talk about one you have lost and my guess is he will welcome the chance to do so. I would suggest you call him, tell him you just heard about his mom, and allow the conversation to go from there.
Do not keep your memories from him, Hunky. My guess is he will appreciate your call more than you will ever know.

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RE: private pain. - 4/3/2010 4:51:50 AM

tropicalhoney

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I agree with sirsholly. My mom passed away in November, and an old friend just called last week - it meant so much that she took the time to do so.

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RE: private pain. - 4/3/2010 6:05:48 AM

pahunkboy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

Her life mattered. Does the way one lived matter? Because- I really am down on death. HER LIFE MATTERED!

every life matters, Hunky.

quote:

learned a month ago- that a very dear lady to me- passed away back in October. This would have been my sorta mother in law of 7 years. Even after I moved to PA- I kept in touch with my ex and his family. It was amicable. We took trips together and had many nice holidays together. I can not burden him with how I feel - nor my family who also knew his family. So that is the deal. It sucks.

Burden him? Nononono! It is not a burden to talk about one you have lost and my guess is he will welcome the chance to do so. I would suggest you call him, tell him you just heard about his mom, and allow the conversation to go from there.
Do not keep your memories from him, Hunky. My guess is he will appreciate your call more than you will ever know.

I don't want to be pushy at all. He is a recovering drug addict. His brother accidentally fatal overdosed- on Easter. So I always kept in touch.

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RE: private pain. - 4/3/2010 6:07:18 AM

pahunkboy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JonnieBoy

Sorry to hear of your grief.

Sometimes there is no magic wand or any intervention, whether "divine" or not that will take away the pain. Time itself and time to reflect may help, but it is not bad to grieve, it's natural and you are brave to express it.

Pirate

I want to go thru the feelings tho. I held in my dads death and that was very destructive.

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