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PLease HELP wqith a hard choice! - 3/31/2010 2:03:56 AM

Lizbetbathory

Posts: 158
Joined: 1/1/2006
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I am going to tell everyone a little about me so I do not have to explain it so much. I am "dying" a long term terminal illness. It causes alot of pain and I am constantly in pain,to night I had to go to the hospital for the 5th time in 5 weeks because I fell in the bathtub I dislocated my shoulder my elbow and gave myself a concussion. Maybe this is why I feel the need to explain I dont really kno, but I need to get it out there. This isnt about pity or me saying woe is me.My condition is called Ehlers Danlos Syndrome I have type 4 vascular.. all the collegen in my body is strechy causing my joint to be hyper mobile. I have had 12 surguries to fix problems wit my joints in the last 7 years, ok well 11 and one for internal bleeding which EDS caused. I am very accpetin gof what I hhave. My daughters have it too, my oldest had a biopsy on a lump in her arm on tuesday and prelim results say it isnt cancer which is great but it is a collection of fat and collegen, so I am happy about that. My girls dont live with me, they live with thier grandma simply because my health is so bad. I also have a terminally Ill dad. he was diagnosed in 1993 with COPD congestive heart failure emphazema and pulmenary adema and asthma. He was given 6 months to live. He is still around but in the last month he has gotten kind of bad and we both feel the end is near for him. and now for te part that makes me so sad.I am moving to kentucky in a week or 2 but I do not want to leave him and my kiddos alone, but I dont really have a choice. My sub and I started a business it was his in everyway but I ran it when he originally moved for an awesome job, I am a registered owner etc... but I dont know the product and dont like humans LOL. I worked 80 hours a week and ended up loving it. But it was either lose him the business and everything I worked for or move. I cant lose all that I worked too hard. But I am very close to my dad and I think it is hurting him for me to leave let alone my kids. so I leave and keep the things I love, I would be coming back home to st louis 2 or 3 times a month. Or I can stay lose him my shop and move in with my dad and take care of him I dont know what to do can anyone just lend an ear? If any of you know me from the chat you know this is not like me in the least.

thank yo for taking the time to read

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Post #: 1

RE: PLease HELP wqith a hard choice! - 3/31/2010 3:12:08 AM

sirsholly

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From: Quietville
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Perhaps this is one of those cases where advice is what you ask for when you already know the answer, but wish you didn't.

You are in a very bad place. My first thought is: with your health issues are you certain moving to a new area is the wise thing to do? Your health care providers and family are close to you now.

I understand your reasons for moving, but have to ask you, in the long run, are those reasons enough to justify leaving your family? It seems you are asking the same, hence your post. Perhaps staying where you are and taking the financial hit may just be a wise choice.

No matter what your choices...i wish you the best of luck.

(((((hug)))))

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RE: PLease HELP wqith a hard choice! - 3/31/2010 3:18:28 AM

Lizbetbathory

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thank you holly, as for health care I cannot find a Doc here to treat me. But where I am moving to is only a few hours away from the mayo clinic that I can get in at so that is a bonus.... I am mainly worried about my family

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Post #: 3

RE: PLease HELP wqith a hard choice! - 3/31/2010 4:03:26 AM

schoengeist

Posts: 8
Joined: 6/5/2008
From: G
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This really a hard choice to make. - I can only talk for myself, but I think I could not forgive myself leaving my family, especially if I didn't know how much time my father has left. Is it not possible for your partner to help you with this?

I hope you will find a solution that will help your mind and heart to find peace.

(in reply to Lizbetbathory)

Post #: 4

RE: PLease HELP wqith a hard choice! - 3/31/2010 4:03:57 AM

DarkSteven

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I have no advice but just wanted to add my sympathies.

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(in reply to Lizbetbathory)

Post #: 5

RE: PLease HELP wqith a hard choice! - 3/31/2010 7:00:35 AM

pahunkboy

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From: Central Pennsylvania
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Man- I thought I was having a bad day.

Anyhow- which choice is closer to following your dream?

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Post #: 6

RE: PLease HELP wqith a hard choice! - 3/31/2010 7:12:41 AM

pahunkboy

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From: Central Pennsylvania
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I re-read it.

You have to go.

You being there is not going to solve the illness on dad or your kids.

When one is in pain- one wants to get comfy. Often this is best alone. It is not like having coffee and visiting. Hard pain is BED.

--you are moving out of the area. Not out of the country. There are cards, letters, phone calls... and of course you can visit.

If you stay- you wont be happy. You will have lost - that which makes you happy.

The assumption is that you are obligated to stay 6 more months.

But even if you did- would you really be over there every day?

You might even feel healthier at the new place.

My family is out of state- in some ways we are closer this way... because when we do visit we spend quality time together.

....it could tho be a choice of where the bed is most comfy.

(in reply to pahunkboy)

Post #: 7

RE: PLease HELP wqith a hard choice! - 3/31/2010 7:47:51 AM

calamitysandra

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How old are the kids? I think that would be a large deciding factor for me.
If you are sure the end is near for your father, might delaying the move be an option?

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Post #: 8

RE: PLease HELP wqith a hard choice! - 3/31/2010 8:23:25 AM

pahunkboy

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Lets suppose she delays- 6 mos then turns into another 3 months- followed by another 3 months followed by more. meanwhile her opportunity to move passes.

(in reply to calamitysandra)

Post #: 9

RE: PLease HELP wqith a hard choice! - 3/31/2010 8:57:26 AM

VirginPotty

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There's one thing that I don't understand in your post, Lizbetbathory....you say the kid's are w/your parents because of your failing health but in the next sentence you say that your dad has a terminal illness also. Can the kid's go with you?

I'm sure your dad wants what is best for your health & if it means moving closer to healthcare then by all means take care of yourself if only for your kid's sake.

((((HUGS)))) Sending good thoughts & prayers your way.

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RE: PLease HELP wqith a hard choice! - 3/31/2010 9:36:05 AM

Lockit

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I am sorry you are going through so much and I do understand. Believe me. Been there, got the friggin shirt and have worn it until it is a rag! I was given a death sentence in 2001, with a rare genetic illness. My children and I had gone through my loss of career and everything else and even a time away from one another. The doctor's didn't know shit about my illness as they didn't teach my illness in med school. When I told doctor's what I had they thought I made it up! So they surely didn't know how to treat me and were actually dangerous to me.

I am still here and am not going anywhere! That death sentence meant something when I was afraid of what would happen to my children and made big mistakes in that state. When I decided to take over and not let the illness run me, learn all I could and do all that really mattered in life... I survived it! Oh it might get me, but I don't think that will be any day soon. As awful as I feel at times.

People are what matter most! At the end of the day or life, what mattered? The money you made, the things you collected or the people in your life and how you touched them or they touched you?

Children of the ill often take things in ways we don't see or understand. Those lil toughie's see the world from their stand and although we may understand a lot, there is no way to know exactly what they think and feel until they are older and can better express it. They need you. They may be very afraid that you are going to die or that you will need them. There can be a role reversal in their mind and just as many children think a parents divorce was their fault, they could also feel that they have something to do regarding your illness.

Your mother is losing her husband. Your children their grandfather and you, your father. That is what matter's most here. You cannot leave to go take care of a business and a submissive or whatever and leave the care giving up to your mother who is overly stressed. What will your children think or feel if you do?

They will think that you were healthy enough to go work, but you walked away from what they needed of you with the excuse that you were too ill. It just doesn't make sense darlin. Not to me and I would bet money I don't have, that your children will see it that way too. Believe me, mine are old enough to say it now and they did! I had to let them stay with their step dad for a while... I mean, I was homeless! But my daughter didn't get over it for a long, long, bitter time! I thought she understood, but she didn't. She saw it as me giving her away so that I could go off and do what I really wanted to do. No matter how I explained it to her and what she saw, all she could see was her mother walking away and she must have wanted to.

You cannot think that your mother can replace you or take over for you. If she must, she can fill a wonderful spot in their life, but you are their mother.

Today I am alive and I hurt and I suffer, but I am alive and I am fighting to stay alive. I have too many things I must do and have just been given more and I am terrified that I cannot do it. I was overwhelmed before. I care for a brain damaged son and now... his son is in trouble. A grandson I knew about, saw one time and now must save from his mother and her family and the state. Can I do it? I don't know, but I must. Would I rather be running a business and playing with a submissive? You can bet somebodies sweet ass I would! But... that grandchild has to mean more!

Love your family up... don't run and in some part you may be running... stay and love the people in your life for they are what matter's most. Financial loss is difficult, but family means more. Spend what time you have in loving and preparing your family to face the world if you for some reason will not be there. If you can run a business... you can run a family. Help your mother out and see what can be done after that. Family is your first responsibility.

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Post #: 11

RE: PLease HELP wqith a hard choice! - 3/31/2010 10:10:53 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
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From: Quietville
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quote:

A grandson I knew about, saw one time and now must save from his mother and her family and the state. Can I do it? I don't know, but I must.

You can. You are one of the strongest women i know.

(((((hug)))))

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RE: PLease HELP wqith a hard choice! - 3/31/2010 2:19:03 PM

subfever

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There's a good chance your family will see things this way:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lizbetbathory

...My girls dont live with me, they live with thier grandma simply because my health is so bad...

...I worked 80 hours a week and ended up loving it...

Now you're considering relocating.

How will your children process this?

How will you process this, after your father is gone?

You have a tough choice to make, and it's your life. However, these are the questions I'd like to think I'd be asking myself, if faced with a similar situation.

Best of luck, regardless of your decision.

(in reply to Lizbetbathory)

Post #: 13

RE: PLease HELP wqith a hard choice! - 3/31/2010 4:43:24 PM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
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...ut oh.

Well- now - consider that with a parent- one can have the feeling that they never did enough.

I don't envy the plight here.

But with chronic pain tho- the dynamic has changed.

None of the people are at full capacity.

...which does not make sense- with your ailments I am trying to picture 80 hour weeks.

I can see where this would be a hard choice.

For a man- I myself would not leave.

Family is a strong pull.

I am spoiled in that I do things for ME.

Then there is the no matter what I do it is wrong trap.
At the moment a coin toss might be best.

I seen the reply above. It sure makes one think.

(in reply to subfever)

Post #: 14

RE: PLease HELP wqith a hard choice! - 3/31/2010 4:51:19 PM

takemeforyourown

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If my children were minors, I wouldn't leave them. I don't know how old yours are.

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RE: PLease HELP wqith a hard choice! - 3/31/2010 5:28:31 PM

sophia37

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Now wait a minute here. I'm going to pick your posting apart. Somethings not right here. You say, "My sub and I started a business it was his in everyway but I ran it when he originally moved for an awesome job" And so? You ran it where you live obviously.

"I am a registered owner" Ok. Then its yours.

"I dont know the product and dont like humans" This makes no sense if then you say, "I worked 80 hours a week and ended up loving it." You must know the product and do well with humans. Otherwise if you don't, then obviously, give up the Biz.

So why would YOU, lose the Biz? Because your health is so bad? Then give up the Biz!

I don't get this either. "so I leave and keep the things I love" It sounds like you love the Dad and the kids from your post. So ??

And then this. "Or I can stay lose him my shop and move in with my dad and take care of him" Hello! You just said you gave your Mom the kids because you're too sick to take care of them! Now you're grieving and wondering if you should take care of your Dad? WTF?

I'm not sure why everyone's being so kind to you and this post. Nothing you say makes any sense to me. Just because you have a vascular illness doesnt mean its ok for you to make no sense. You say "I dont really have a choice". Um sure. Right. Everything's being done to you, you have no choice in the matter, whatever the matter is. And whatever the matter is, I cant figure it our from what you wrote.

(in reply to takemeforyourown)

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RE: PLease HELP wqith a hard choice! - 3/31/2010 5:48:16 PM

angelikaJ

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If you stay for your dad, there is a chance the business will still be ok.
If you leave there is a 100% chance that eventually your dad won't be.
If you stay you can be there for your mom and kids.
If you leave, without the expense of travel, you really won't be...and you don't know if frequent travel is recommended with your condition.

Can you transition some of the business to on-line until you know better what is going on with your dad.
If your dad rallies then it becomes a different situation.

If your dad is dying might your mom and he choose to use a hospice service?
If so, is there a possibility that because of the better medical care you will have that your mom and dad might consider finding one near where you will be living or is that going to hinder support from other family members?

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(in reply to Lizbetbathory)

Post #: 17

RE: PLease HELP wqith a hard choice! - 3/31/2010 5:49:47 PM

flcouple2009

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Am I the only one that this doesn't make sense to.

How can you be to ill to take care of your children, but able to devote 80's a week to running a business?

< Message edited by flcouple2009 -- 3/31/2010 5:50:11 PM >

(in reply to sophia37)

Post #: 18

RE: PLease HELP wqith a hard choice! - 3/31/2010 6:29:30 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lizbetbathory

I am going to tell everyone a little about me so I do not have to explain it so much. I am "dying" a long term terminal illness. It causes alot of pain and I am constantly in pain,to night I had to go to the hospital for the 5th time in 5 weeks because I fell in the bathtub I dislocated my shoulder my elbow and gave myself a concussion. Maybe this is why I feel the need to explain I dont really kno, but I need to get it out there. This isnt about pity or me saying woe is me.My condition is called Ehlers Danlos Syndrome I have type 4 vascular.. all the collegen in my body is strechy causing my joint to be hyper mobile. I have had 12 surguries to fix problems wit my joints in the last 7 years, ok well 11 and one for internal bleeding which EDS caused. I am very accpetin gof what I hhave. My daughters have it too, my oldest had a biopsy on a lump in her arm on tuesday and prelim results say it isnt cancer which is great but it is a collection of fat and collegen, so I am happy about that. My girls dont live with me, they live with thier grandma simply because my health is so bad. I also have a terminally Ill dad. he was diagnosed in 1993 with COPD congestive heart failure emphazema and pulmenary adema and asthma. He was given 6 months to live. He is still around but in the last month he has gotten kind of bad and we both feel the end is near for him. and now for te part that makes me so sad.I am moving to kentucky in a week or 2 but I do not want to leave him and my kiddos alone, but I dont really have a choice. My sub and I started a business it was his in everyway but I ran it when he originally moved for an awesome job, I am a registered owner etc... but I dont know the product and dont like humans LOL. I worked 80 hours a week and ended up loving it. But it was either lose him the business and everything I worked for or move. I cant lose all that I worked too hard. But I am very close to my dad and I think it is hurting him for me to leave let alone my kids. so I leave and keep the things I love, I would be coming back home to st louis 2 or 3 times a month. Or I can stay lose him my shop and move in with my dad and take care of him I dont know what to do can anyone just lend an ear? If any of you know me from the chat you know this is not like me in the least.

thank yo for taking the time to read

One word:

Paragraphs.

(in reply to Lizbetbathory)

Post #: 19

RE: PLease HELP wqith a hard choice! - 3/31/2010 6:35:10 PM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

I'm not sure why everyone's being so kind to you and this post. Nothing you say makes any sense to me. Just because you have a vascular illness doesnt mean its ok for you to make no sense.

Sophia, did you miss this part?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lizbetbathory

I am constantly in pain,to night I had to go to the hospital for the 5th time in 5 weeks because I fell in the bathtub I dislocated my shoulder my elbow and gave myself a concussion.

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
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Post #: 20

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