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Lockit -> RE: PLease HELP wqith a hard choice! (3/31/2010 9:36:05 AM)
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I am sorry you are going through so much and I do understand. Believe me. Been there, got the friggin shirt and have worn it until it is a rag! I was given a death sentence in 2001, with a rare genetic illness. My children and I had gone through my loss of career and everything else and even a time away from one another. The doctor's didn't know shit about my illness as they didn't teach my illness in med school. When I told doctor's what I had they thought I made it up! So they surely didn't know how to treat me and were actually dangerous to me.
I am still here and am not going anywhere! That death sentence meant something when I was afraid of what would happen to my children and made big mistakes in that state. When I decided to take over and not let the illness run me, learn all I could and do all that really mattered in life... I survived it! Oh it might get me, but I don't think that will be any day soon. As awful as I feel at times.
People are what matter most! At the end of the day or life, what mattered? The money you made, the things you collected or the people in your life and how you touched them or they touched you?
Children of the ill often take things in ways we don't see or understand. Those lil toughie's see the world from their stand and although we may understand a lot, there is no way to know exactly what they think and feel until they are older and can better express it. They need you. They may be very afraid that you are going to die or that you will need them. There can be a role reversal in their mind and just as many children think a parents divorce was their fault, they could also feel that they have something to do regarding your illness.
Your mother is losing her husband. Your children their grandfather and you, your father. That is what matter's most here. You cannot leave to go take care of a business and a submissive or whatever and leave the care giving up to your mother who is overly stressed. What will your children think or feel if you do?
They will think that you were healthy enough to go work, but you walked away from what they needed of you with the excuse that you were too ill. It just doesn't make sense darlin. Not to me and I would bet money I don't have, that your children will see it that way too. Believe me, mine are old enough to say it now and they did! I had to let them stay with their step dad for a while... I mean, I was homeless! But my daughter didn't get over it for a long, long, bitter time! I thought she understood, but she didn't. She saw it as me giving her away so that I could go off and do what I really wanted to do. No matter how I explained it to her and what she saw, all she could see was her mother walking away and she must have wanted to.
You cannot think that your mother can replace you or take over for you. If she must, she can fill a wonderful spot in their life, but you are their mother.
Today I am alive and I hurt and I suffer, but I am alive and I am fighting to stay alive. I have too many things I must do and have just been given more and I am terrified that I cannot do it. I was overwhelmed before. I care for a brain damaged son and now... his son is in trouble. A grandson I knew about, saw one time and now must save from his mother and her family and the state. Can I do it? I don't know, but I must. Would I rather be running a business and playing with a submissive? You can bet somebodies sweet ass I would! But... that grandchild has to mean more!
Love your family up... don't run and in some part you may be running... stay and love the people in your life for they are what matter's most. Financial loss is difficult, but family means more. Spend what time you have in loving and preparing your family to face the world if you for some reason will not be there. If you can run a business... you can run a family. Help your mother out and see what can be done after that. Family is your first responsibility.
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