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RE: Help making my boyfriend more experimental - 3/12/2010 9:41:18 PM

jujubeeMB

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
No, hon. It was directed at the original question. It just always surprises Me that people want to change the person they are involved with.

Oh, I'm sorry. It just said "in reply to jujubee." Good going, me

And yeah, I agree with you. It'll never be half as hot with someone who isn't passionately into D/s, either.

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RE: Help making my boyfriend more experimental - 3/13/2010 12:17:31 AM

MasterSlaveLA

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I think some folks here are missing something... it's one thing to be seeking a "Dom" or "Master", it's quite another to be seeking some bedroom play only. From the OP's profile:

"I would like to have a relationship where I can be naughty in the bedroom and normal outside."

As such, this appears to be more about just having some kinky fun between the sheets ONLY. Also, those who think kinksters and 'nillas can't find common ground are quite wrong. I've seen this work... and not just in the bedroom. When given the opportunity, some 'nillas find they're not so 'nilla after all, and quite enjoy this dynamic; even taking it to the D/s (and sometimes M/s) level for some.

As an aside, the whole "vanilla" thing is really quite exaggerated. I've dated both inside and outside the Power Dynamic, and can honestly say I've NEVER met an otherwise termed "vanilla" person that didn't have SOME type of kink to them. More often than not, the difference between 'nillas and BDSMers is in DEGREES of kink and/or control. I've never once met someone with ZERO kink to them... everyone's got some deep, dark secret kink to them; it's simply a matter of creating an environment that allows said kink to be freely explored.

< Message edited by MasterSlaveLA -- 3/13/2010 12:20:53 AM >

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RE: Help making my boyfriend more experimental - 3/13/2010 5:54:45 AM

Kamalii

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Well he has shown potential on the phone he gets forceful and tells me what he's going to do i.e.. "I'm gonna make you choke on my cock" but when it comes down to it, it's like he loses courage and ends up going easy on me.

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RE: Help making my boyfriend more experimental - 3/13/2010 9:23:36 AM

ricken

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Maybe he is having a hard time judging your reaction...like when he stuffs his cock in your mouth, do you gag and back off, or suck it deeper? Do you talk much DURING sex? I mean yeah you should talk about your needs out of the bedroom, but sex talk during is good too.
If you say you want him to be Dom in the bedroom what does that include? What does it leave out? And does he know?
Maybe you could be a little rougher with him when you go down on him?
Or maybe tease him more...get him good and horny...wear a sexy, flimsy little thing, maybe something easy to rip, then tell him "you want to get off ? ...then prove it, take it." and start wrestling a little with him. This might be what they call "topping from the bottom" but maybe he just doesn't understand how much force you can take.
Or maybe this is as rough as he will ever be and if you don't like it you might need to move on, but if you really like him talk and find out if he knows how much you can take, if you guys cant talk about this, then you really need to think about the realationship
Just some thoughts....

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RE: Help making my boyfriend more experimental - 3/13/2010 10:39:23 AM

Nslavu

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kamalii

I love the scene but my boyfriend is new. I love him to pieces but how do I make him more domineering in the bedroom.

Just in the bedroom? FFS.

Maybe the Mailman has balls, and you get your once in while fantasy, try him.

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RE: Help making my boyfriend more experimental - 3/13/2010 11:06:39 AM

PeonForHer

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It simply isn't in every male to be aggressive and demanding in bed, no matter how 'natural' many women seem to think it is for them. Nonetheless even I, a sub, have ended up enjoying 'topping' (being dominant in the bedroom) to some extent after much persuasion by a few different girlfriends.

I'd say: it can work, but if you want him to put any spirit into it (versus just go through the motions, which may well end up miserable and depressing for him), you'll have to let him to do it his way. He may find some things a lot more fun than others. Also, as Lockit and others have said: little by little. Don't try just to sweep away his objections

And, please do give him a lot of encouragement afterwards. He could feel guiltier - indeed, disturbed - than he's saying. I'm guessing that he'll want to know that you don't see him as a total bastard - just a bastard in a lovable way and at the appropriate times only.

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RE: Help making my boyfriend more experimental - 3/13/2010 9:27:14 PM

MasterSlaveLA

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kamalii

...he gets forceful and tells me what he's going to do i.e.. "I'm gonna make you choke on my cock" but when it comes down to it, it's like he loses courage and ends up going easy on me.

Next time he shove's his cock in your mouth, start incessantly humming, "Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream... merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream"; he'll HAVE to throat-fuck you... HARD... just to shut you up!!!

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RE: Help making my boyfriend more experimental - 3/13/2010 9:32:05 PM

jujubeeMB

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

Next time he shove's his cock in your mouth, start incessantly humming, "Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream... merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream"; he'll HAVE to throat-fuck you... HARD... just to shut you up!!!

You keep giving me all these great topping from the bottom ideas...

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RE: Help making my boyfriend more experimental - 3/13/2010 9:39:58 PM

MasterSlaveLA

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

Next time he shove's his cock in your mouth, start incessantly humming, "Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream... merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream"; he'll HAVE to throat-fuck you... HARD... just to shut you up!!!

You keep giving me all these great topping from the bottom ideas...

That'll be $29.95.

<smears Icy Hot in jujubee's panties when she's not looking... waits for the volcano to erupt ! ! !)

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RE: Help making my boyfriend more experimental - 3/13/2010 10:33:14 PM

jujubeeMB

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Ok, that's it, MSLA...

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RE: Help making my boyfriend more experimental - 3/14/2010 1:38:22 AM

MasterSlaveLA

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB

Ok, that's it, MSLA...

Hey, I was gonna let you take a peek at the infamous BDSM MANUAL... but not now, missy!!!

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RE: Help making my boyfriend more experimental - 3/14/2010 5:44:41 PM

takemeforyourown

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Oh, how I feel you. My husband is vanilla and I would love to 'turn' him. That isn't going to happen. Good luck.

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RE: Help making my boyfriend more experimental - 3/15/2010 3:02:26 AM

aldompdx

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You can take a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

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RE: Help making my boyfriend more experimental - 3/15/2010 3:17:17 AM

ranja

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kamalii

Well he has shown potential on the phone he gets forceful and tells me what he's going to do i.e.. "I'm gonna make you choke on my cock" but when it comes down to it, it's like he loses courage and ends up going easy on me.

You have only been together for a few months... can you deep throat? has he seen you do it with say a dildo or banana... does he know you can take a cock that deep?
If you show him what you can do, how you push it down and how you control your breathing, then he might be interested to try it with his cock too.

When you start a relationship you have to build things up steadily it is best to walk before you run.

Whatever you do and however you try to manipulate him... do not give him the impression you are not satisfied with him, or that he does things wrong... most men are not very good at taking critisism, especially not about their sexual skills... you have to be very clever about this.

Learn how to please him and how to make him understand you.... most men would do anything for the woman they love.

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RE: Help making my boyfriend more experimental - 3/15/2010 7:44:50 AM

ThundersCry

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~beat~ him a few times...
THAT does NOT mean wank him off!

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kamalii

I love the scene but my boyfriend is new. I love him to pieces but how do I make him more domineering in the bedroom.

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RE: Help making my boyfriend more experimental - 3/15/2010 7:55:52 AM

NihilusZero

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

If it were Me, I'd probably resent the hell out of someone trying to make Me something that I'm not.

Echo.

OP,

How about asking him what fantasies he has or would want to try and then isolate the ones which have a dom-ish element that you can get into.

And if none of his fantasies include that facet...you may want to make an active reflection as to how you feel about being in what is sure to be a quid pro quo sexual relationship going forward.

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RE: Help making my boyfriend more experimental - 3/15/2010 2:56:02 PM

MsMillgrove

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Fast reply

As a young woman, when the times were not risky as far as screwing about.. I enjoyed the pleasure of screwing anyone I felt like doing. So I screwed a lot of men. And I discovered that Males are all different, hugely different. In the way they approach the sex acts, how they do it, what they want. They have a basic inner core, a style... yes yes.. they can learn, they can expand their knowledge, they can get better at doing it, try new things.

But I truly do not believe they change that core which involves agressiveness. They are on a spectrum, some the layback and do me, others the "I will overpower you".. and most.. somewhere in between. I truly do Not believe you can take a man and help him become more aggressive. Changing someone at the core--and I feel that the aggressive meter is at the core of a male.. is nearly impossible. Why do women want to change men, i don't get it. Find one who suits you and improve him, don't try this "changing" idea.

I am using the word aggressive here slightly inappropriately, what i want to convey is that "take charge" attitude--that quality of calling the shots. Leadership. That is what you cannot change. You cannot make a follower into a leader--or take someone who likes a give and take dynamic.. and make him be the take charge person. I see it in men as linked to aggressiveness. I am not sure that every dom will describe himself as aggressive, but I think most are going to say "yes, I like to take charge"

< Message edited by MsMillgrove -- 3/15/2010 3:06:24 PM >

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RE: Help making my boyfriend more experimental - 3/15/2010 3:09:57 PM

DesFIP

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Firstly, remember he's spent his whole life being told never to hit girls. Telling him once to do so will not undo that kind of conditioning. That's like telling a two pack a day smoker he shouldn't smoke and expecting him to quit cold turkey that minute. Ain't gonna happen, chicky.

Come out naked, drape yourself over his knee and ask him for a spanking. Expect it to be barely felt with him worried about having hurt you. Then jump his bones. And then over the next week leave him messages, text him, tell him when you're out and about how you can't stop thinking about it and how hot it made you. Tell him in detail about how you had to run in to the bathroom and have a screaming orgasm because just the memory of it made you on fire. Then ask him to do it again please, but maybe even longer and harder. Rinse and repeat for about six months before you can expect a good, hard spanking.

Beyond that, ask him for games that don't involve pain. Because he will find it a lot easier to tie you down with scarves, tease you till you're begging him to cum, promising him to deep throat him for a week or your best effort. And then again, tell him over and over how hot it was, and please could he do it again soon only longer.

And so on.

He may never be dominant but he should be able to occasionally top you if the results are that spectacular.

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RE: Help making my boyfriend more experimental - 3/16/2010 3:27:22 AM

ranja

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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

I would be bummed about someone trying to manipulate me into this shit. I would also be kind of pissed at someone that wasn't up front with me about their interests. It kind of sucks to be him.

people are manipulated all the time in all sorts of ways...

I don't have to be ridiculously upfront all the time and ask if He will please pull my hair, sometimes just swinging it at exactly the right time will result in a very nice pull indeed... i will have manipulated him

The trick is to seduce rather than manipulate...as the word manipulation has a bad reputation whereas seduction is considered quite desirable....
but seduction is just a form of manipulation...

It is right that a woman should be clear though... men can be extremely slow in understanding a woman... hints generally do not work very well, but a woman has to be careful not to sound like she is giving instructions either... men with a bit of dominance in them do certainly not respond well if they feel like they are ordered about.

Asking very politely... even a bit childishly works absolutely wonders i have found...
that way a woman can be very clear... and things might be deliciously embarrassing depending on what she is asking for... and in my experience most men are likely to try and oblige if they are called upon by a woman in need for their special attention.

Also people can change... but indeed usually the desire for some things has to be there in the first place. Most men want to be the knight in shining armour for the woman they love... if the woman goes about it right she can get a man to do almost anything for her... in comparison i think it is much more difficult for men to get women to do what they want.

OP i would also suggest watching porn together
i think if you build his confidence and he feels like he can be nice and dirty with you he is very likely to come up with some ideas of his own and be more adventurous eventually... though be prepared for him to come up with some ideas that you might not find too appealing... haha

good luck

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RE: Help making my boyfriend more experimental - 3/16/2010 7:15:16 PM

Andalusite

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero
How about asking him what fantasies he has or would want to try and then isolate the ones which have a dom-ish element that you can get into. And if none of his fantasies include that facet...you may want to make an active reflection as to how you feel about being in what is sure to be a quid pro quo sexual relationship going forward.

I don't think there's necessarily much correlation between fantasies and what people actually enjoy. I know a lot of people who fantasise about fairly heavy masochistic activity, or engage in it online, but can barely handle *any* pain in reality. Personally, I've never had a submissive fantasy, and my dominant fantasies are very different from my real life dynamics/style. I feel very fulfilled by the reality of serving my Master, but I don't fantasise about it.

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