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Help making my boyfriend more experimental - 3/12/2010 10:38:02 AM

Kamalii

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I love the scene but my boyfriend is new. I love him to pieces but how do I make him more domineering in the bedroom.

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RE: Help making my boyfriend more experimental - 3/12/2010 11:32:50 AM

MasterSlaveLA

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kamalii

I love the scene but my boyfriend is new. I love him to pieces but how do I make him more domineering in the bedroom.

Try telling him, "Please... try as hard as you can to forget everything you've learned about how to 'treat' a woman. THIS WOMAN wants to please you... whenever and however you like. If you feel like fucking me, just stick it in... if you want a blow job, just shove your cock in my mouth and force me to suck it and PLEASE YOU. It's not about me anymore... it's all about YOU. Pleasing you is what pleases me... let me say that again, pleasing you is what pleases me. That's how THIS WOMAN will be the happiest."

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RE: Help making my boyfriend more experimental - 3/12/2010 11:51:22 AM

Kamalii

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Wow.. thank you. I will try that this weekend. Yea, he's all about not "abusing" women because of how he was raised. I try to reasure him that he will not hurt me and if he does I will let him know when it crosses the line but so far it's been very vanilla.. not even french vanilla just good old missionary vanilla. and boring.

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RE: Help making my boyfriend more experimental - 3/12/2010 12:23:59 PM

Madame4a

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Be prepared.. its not all that easy to "make" someone into something they may not be. If he hasn't shown signs of it so far (how long have you been together?) he may never get there. I think this is akin to trying to fundamentally change someone and no good usually comes of that unless they are VERY motivated to change.

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RE: Help making my boyfriend more experimental - 3/12/2010 12:32:42 PM

domiguy

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You are fucked...and apparently not well.

Oh well. You probably have a better chance turning him gay.

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RE: Help making my boyfriend more experimental - 3/12/2010 12:48:20 PM

Kamalii

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We've been together a few months, I just don't know how long this take to get him into it.. I've already headed for his anus and he seemed to enjoy it for a first timer. He's gotten use to grabbing my throat but theres not strength behind it.

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RE: Help making my boyfriend more experimental - 3/12/2010 12:53:39 PM

Drifa

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BDSM and power exchange relies VERY heavily on communication. You need to NOT hint around. Sit down at a non-sexual, quiet moment when you won't get interruptions and explain to him what you are wanting and why. Explain in detail the kinds of fantasies you are having, and how you want him to help you experiment with them.

There are a number of "beginner" books out there (use the search function to find them, most have been reviewed on the forums here) that may help the two of you explore this area together.

One thing you should both be very clear on as you begin experimenting is that you both need a list of what you are willing to try and also what you do not agree to do under any circumstances.

If he's uncomfortable with taking his belt and whalloping you with it, have him work up to starting with a bare hand, or generalized rough handling. Take it gradually and see what you both enjoy.

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RE: Help making my boyfriend more experimental - 3/12/2010 1:17:37 PM

Kamalii

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Thanks For the Advice. I will take it slow on him.

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RE: Help making my boyfriend more experimental - 3/12/2010 1:33:21 PM

Lockit

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In the movie Legends of the Fall, Brat Pitt is talking to a younger brother and has asked if he is a virgin and if he and his wife to be are going to wait. The brother gets a bit of attitude and says that they don't plan to wait and they will be 'together'. Brad Pitt says... I recommend fucking. There is a lot of truth to that! lol

I don't know how old your bf is, but often times when people are younger they are inhibited by many things, especially if they have been raised to believe certain things are just not done. You can't really push someone who isn't ready to open the doors to what they might think are wrong. But you can gently address many topic's outside of sex and find ways to show that things don't have to be so black and white or in the box. It's important not to insult their belief or make them feel defensive. So I wouldn't drop the whole wild bdsm or sexual change on him real quick. That can get ugly quick. Sometimes you just need time.

Without knowing more, I hesitate to say much else, but you might look at what he thinks about other things and if he feels very strongly about a right and wrong way, pay attention to that and try to find ways to ease into some subtle changes. I've often used regular movies to bring something up. Set up, but not obviously set up! lol

Good luck!

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RE: Help making my boyfriend more experimental - 3/12/2010 2:35:25 PM

Acer49

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kamalii

I love the scene but my boyfriend is new. I love him to pieces but how do I make him more domineering in the bedroom.

Some will say that while you can teach the mechanics involved, personality is what it is I suppose you can show or tell him things that will make him appear more domineering

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RE: Help making my boyfriend more experimental - 3/12/2010 2:37:19 PM

ricken

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I have to agree with everyone here, talk to him, let him know what you want....Tell him he doesn't have to be so "nice" tell him you like it rough, you want to be thrown down and taken hard, or whatever.
And don't forget to give him encouragment in bed...maybe when he puts his hand around your neck..stretch it out a little, offer it up to him enough so he KNOWS you like it...
You can't really change anyone, but if he sees you getting hotter, because of something he's doing he probably will get more turned on, and keep going in that direction.

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RE: Help making my boyfriend more experimental - 3/12/2010 4:52:27 PM

DarkSteven

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Be patient. You knew you wouldn't make him an InstaDom when you started, now accept that.

You might want to try watching BDSM clips and seeing if they inspire him.

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RE: Help making my boyfriend more experimental - 3/12/2010 5:45:47 PM

MasterSlaveLA

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kamalii

He's gotten use to grabbing my throat but theres not strength behind it.

Make a video tape of yourself flushing his beer down the toilet, hiding his TV remote, and calling his cable company to cancel his "Sports" Channel subscription. Leave the tape in VCR for him to watch, then walk out holding a crop and call him a PUSSY! That should do it!!!

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RE: Help making my boyfriend more experimental - 3/12/2010 7:07:08 PM

jujubeeMB

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kamalii

He's gotten use to grabbing my throat but theres not strength behind it.

Make a video tape of yourself flushing his beer down the toilet, hiding his TV remote, and calling his cable company to cancel his "Sports" Channel subscription. Leave the tape in VCR for him to watch, then walk out holding a crop and call him a PUSSY! That should do it!!!

Yeah, do THAT! And then come back and tell us about it

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RE: Help making my boyfriend more experimental - 3/12/2010 7:29:41 PM

slavekal

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There are ways to gauge a person's kink/dom potential. Games can be manipulated that call for the loser to be the winner's slave for twenty-four hours.

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RE: Help making my boyfriend more experimental - 3/12/2010 7:43:01 PM

LadyPact

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If it were Me, I'd probably resent the hell out of someone trying to make Me something that I'm not.

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RE: Help making my boyfriend more experimental - 3/12/2010 8:27:03 PM

Lashra

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You can't make him into a Dom if he isn't wired that way. You can talk to him about it and see where his interests are. He maybe a Dom, he maybe a sub, he maybe neither, or perhaps a switch, be prepared to accept him for whoever he is.

~Lashra

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RE: Help making my boyfriend more experimental - 3/12/2010 8:29:18 PM

domiguy

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I would be bummed about someone trying to manipulate me into this shit. I would also be kind of pissed at someone that wasn't up front with me about their interests. It kind of sucks to be him.

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RE: Help making my boyfriend more experimental - 3/12/2010 8:59:36 PM

jujubeeMB

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

If it were Me, I'd probably resent the hell out of someone trying to make Me something that I'm not.

Why is that directed at me? I didn't say it. And I think MSLA was kidding... I know I was being silly.

Besides, of course you'd resent someone trying to "make you" anything. You're like the Domme-iest Domme around

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RE: Help making my boyfriend more experimental - 3/12/2010 9:06:14 PM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

If it were Me, I'd probably resent the hell out of someone trying to make Me something that I'm not.

Why is that directed at me? I didn't say it. And I think MSLA was kidding... I know I was being silly.

Besides, of course you'd resent someone trying to "make you" anything. You're like the Domme-iest Domme around

No, hon. It was directed at the original question. It just always surprises Me that people want to change the person they are involved with.

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