Personality trait vs. Sexual orientation

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Personality trait vs. Sexual orientation

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Personality trait vs. Sexual orientation

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Personality trait vs. Sexual orientation - 3/10/2010 4:41:10 PM

Elisabella

Posts: 3939
Status: offline

Inspired by another thread that I don't want to take off topic - I made a comment about "submissive" being a sexual orientation, and someone else said that it was a personality trait, not a sexual orientation. Now I'm aware that there are people who might be into BDSM solely for nonsexual service reasons, but for the majority of people, dominant or submissive, it's sexual.

The main reasons I'd say it's a sexual orientation are:

1. Participating in a romantic relationship that doesn't involve any sort of D/s or BDSM is unfulfilling.
2. Many people have expressed that they wish they weren't into D/s yet were unable to find the same fulfillment in a vanilla relationship even though they had an overwhelming desire to change their sexual preferences
3. Motivations for the majority of BDSM activites are either sexual or sexualized, even without direct sexual contact the person feels a sexual rush or feels turned on.

What do you all think? And obviously sexual orientation *is* a personality trait, but do you feel that D/s or BDSM leanings should be classified in that subcategory or do you think they are better considered a general personality trait separate from sexuality?

Post #: 1

RE: Personality trait vs. Sexual orientation - 3/10/2010 4:48:04 PM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

What if you had a category analogous to asexuality? Would that solve the 'it's not sexual to everyone' issue?

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to Elisabella)

Post #: 2

RE: Personality trait vs. Sexual orientation - 3/10/2010 5:06:09 PM

LdyWintershade

Posts: 41
Joined: 6/9/2009
Status: offline

Well, speaking from an academic perspective; I know that sexual orientation is based who someone is sexually attracted to. However, in this case, we're talking about WHY the person is attracted to that other. Example: The focus of orientation for a gay man is that he is attracted to men. The focus is NOT he is attracted to men because they fulfill him. Do you see what I mean? It's hair-splitting perhaps, but there IS a difference. If a person is not fulfilled because they are not being dominated/not able to dominate (and all that entails as we know it in the BDSM lifestyle), it is due to a primary need that WE have....it's not the other person.
So, I believe it to be a personality trait which leads to our sexual predilections. Just another opinion,

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

Post #: 3

RE: Personality trait vs. Sexual orientation - 3/10/2010 5:07:02 PM

FukinTroll

Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline

My life is far from the norm and for me, a slave, facilitates my life style better than a Nilla girl (in theory anyway), I have yet to stumble across one I really click with that is amiable to my... Hmmm.... there just doesn't seem to be one word to sum it up.

I suppose where ever I go I need her to follow just for the sake of being with me and not the creature comforts of the material world. I don't have attachments to money or social standards and am very agreeable with what it is she chooses to do. As I stated on another thread; I am happy at home and taking care of the home, she is free to work if that is what she wants to do or needs to do.

I am also a very picky bastard that adores a good mind, loves opinions, ideals, and goals... I despise sycophants and value honesty. I need her to be comfortable in that hat and wear the robes of submission regally as well.

SLURP!

_____________________________

I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

(in reply to Elisabella)

Post #: 4

RE: Personality trait vs. Sexual orientation - 3/10/2010 5:30:09 PM

Whiplashsmile4

Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline

My own personal experinces is frayed with two sides that are in contradiction. I'm forever doomed neurotic confict over this matter. Sexual Orientation, Personality Trait or other wise those who souls have been lured and sucked in by the dark side of the force. I would hope and like to think for those none sexual D/s situation sex had nothing to do with else, I'm gonna to start questioning their sexual orientation some. Damn it, I'm waiting for a why does she submit inside the bedroom, but the bitch refuses to listen in 24/7 life thread to start up. Seriously, this is a nightmare of thought that disturbs my inner chia pet immensely.

Well if you're into BDSM for sexual reasons, I would hope there's sexual motivations involved. If you're into BDSM for none sexual reasons as well, I'd hope there's some none sexual Motivations as well. Son of a bitch, my socks did'nt fucking match today so I'm sitting around barefoot at my computer. Sorry, I'm not taking pictures of my feet and posting it to the internet, that just is way too Sacred. Only true worshippers are granted ground zero privileged access for their submission. Smelly Sock Laundry Duty is a true test of anybody's loyality, endurance and depth submission. Frak, did I just crash the sexy sexy hot hot hot... or what. Takes out lighter and proceeds to burn a sock.

_____________________________

Жизнь ума ебет.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0

(in reply to Elisabella)

Post #: 5

RE: Personality trait vs. Sexual orientation - 3/10/2010 5:35:21 PM

Smutmonger

Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline

I'm a classic geek sort. Sort of the mad scientist/artist. Romance is about shared passions and goals-not mushy love stuff.

I find a few scattered individuals amoung you who are actually alternative-rather than just vanilla glossed over with a beat and fuck.

I'm about as submissive overall as a mack truck-the D/s physchology interests me from that pov.

Someone with a like bent may turn up one day-I am not holding my breath waiting.

_____________________________

I didn't get into an alternative lifestyle to explore new frontiers in conformity.

(in reply to Elisabella)

Post #: 6

RE: Personality trait vs. Sexual orientation - 3/10/2010 6:04:01 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

my personality is submissive...it's who I am with or without sex. I am not dominant in any way. I don't have any desire to be a leader in life or to lead others. I am not what one would classify as dominating in any way. I follow people..whether it be my Owner or anyone else for that matter. Given the choice when I'm with others of making a decision about something I'm likely to sit back and wait for someone else to decide.

My sexual orientation is straight and kinky...self explanatory I think.

< Message edited by littlewonder -- 3/10/2010 6:06:54 PM >

(in reply to Smutmonger)

Post #: 7

RE: Personality trait vs. Sexual orientation - 3/10/2010 6:16:36 PM

jj292

Posts: 100
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

Personality traits are something we are typically born with. They can be somewhat influenced by the environment and events in our lives, but for the most part they are the foundation of our beliefs, morals, and behaviors that do not change much over time.

There are lots of theories out there. But the most accepted theory of personality is the "5-factor" model or sometimes called the OCEAN model. This states that there are 5 basic traits that make up personality:
Openness - Open to a variety of experience
Conscientiousness - Self-dicipline and aim for achievement
Extroversion - Focus attention inward or outward. Self-judgement or judgement of others. Confidence. etc..
Agreeableness - Show compassion, be cooperative
Neuroticism - Measure of one's ability to handle negative emotions

Now there are tests out there that try to measure an individual's levels of these 5 traits. It would be interesting if someone did a study on doms and subs and find out if there is a correlation. You can sort of see that anyone in the BDSM realm would likely have high levels of openness. A dominant would likely have a strong level of extroversion and conscientiousness. A sub would tend to be more introverted and higher scores in agreeableness. A switch would tend to have mixed scores. That would be my hypothesis.

Now sexual orientation is who we are attracted to in a purely sexual way. So that is on a different level. Because there is heterosexuality, bisexuality, and homosexuality all throughout the BDSM lifestyle. And that is based on what gender we are attracted to. Not based on who we are or what our character is like.

< Message edited by jj292 -- 3/10/2010 6:18:30 PM >

(in reply to Elisabella)

Post #: 8

RE: Personality trait vs. Sexual orientation - 3/10/2010 6:52:00 PM

DWCskitten

Posts: 199
Joined: 3/2/2010
Status: offline

~Fast Reply~
i always thought sexual orientation was described by who you are attracted to, so i consider my sexual orientation to be bisexual and kinky, but my personality to be very submissive. Or as some people say, "Aaww you're just a pervert!" lol

kitten

_____________________________

formerly sweetsub1957.

New beginnings...my first poly relationship.

Proudly Owned property of MasterDWC.

(in reply to jj292)

Post #: 9

RE: Personality trait vs. Sexual orientation - 3/10/2010 7:06:16 PM

beej

Posts: 145
Joined: 1/24/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

my personality is submissive...it's who I am with or without sex. I am not dominant in any way.

My sexual orientation is straight and kinky...self explanatory I think.

i agree with this. i'm a switch and the sex (and what appeals to me about it) isn't going be much different whether i'm in charge or not. what i or my lover mean by it will be different, but that's about the interplay of personalities.

(in reply to DWCskitten)

Post #: 10

RE: Personality trait vs. Sexual orientation - 3/10/2010 7:18:32 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

And obviously sexual orientation *is* a personality trait, but do you feel that D/s or BDSM leanings should be classified in that subcategory or do you think they are better considered a general personality trait separate from sexuality?

this slave doesn't see it as an either/or proposition.

one can be both or either and still identify as "submissive".

(in reply to Elisabella)

Post #: 11

RE: Personality trait vs. Sexual orientation - 3/10/2010 7:40:36 PM

Aynne88

Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline

Elisabella great question. I am absolutely dominant in my day to day life, with everyone. I am only submissive sexually. Even then, it takes the right person to bring that out.

_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 12

RE: Personality trait vs. Sexual orientation - 3/11/2010 4:34:04 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

Again, I might also be hair-splitting but sexual orientation is who one is attracted to... same sex, opposite sex, either sex. Now what you could be saying is Top or Bottom could be a part of sexual orientation. Pitcher or catcher kind of thing. I totally disagree that sexual orientation is obviously a personality trait. I'm not sure how obvious that is since I can't say my being straight is tied to my personality or that my personality is a result of my being straight.

But Dominance or submissiveness are personality traits. In a group of straight men, there will still be a pecking order, leaders and followers. Same in a herd of cattle. There will be a lead cow and the others including the bull will follow her but it has nothing whatsoever to do with sex. Wolf packs are an excellent study in dominance and submission that is not sexual orientation.

Bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism don't necessarily have anything to do with sexual orientation nor personality but rather has to do with sexual arousal and/or sexual energy.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to Elisabella)

Post #: 13

RE: Personality trait vs. Sexual orientation - 3/11/2010 4:57:04 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

I agree that it can be an orientation, but I don't dig the 'sexual' ad on. I don't find it a personality trait, because traits are changable. People can be an orientation without having an act like BDSM to carry it out. I don't really get why you added 'sexual' onto it to be honest - maybe I am missing something?

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Elisabella)

Post #: 14

RE: Personality trait vs. Sexual orientation - 3/11/2010 5:20:38 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

To build on what RCdc wrote, I sort of see it this way:

Sexual orientation: I'm physically attracted to all genders but only certain individuals

Relationship orientantion: I'm really only interested in being in monogamous relationships with men with an LTR focus

D/s orientation: I'm dominant

S&M orientation: I'm primarily a sensual sadist with some masochism mixed in

- LA

< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 3/11/2010 5:22:14 AM >

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 15

RE: Personality trait vs. Sexual orientation - 3/11/2010 6:32:13 AM

osf

Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline

I see it as first we are human then we are second male or female.

Then we have personality traits built on the first two, our humanity and our sexuality.

I can't really see the world through a womans eyes, all I can do is guess. When i look at a child do i see the same thing as the average woman, I doubt it. Hell I may not see the same thing as the average human, lol.

Now some of us I admit have sexualities that differ from the average of others of our sex but it's still our sexuality.

< Message edited by osf -- 3/11/2010 6:34:01 AM >

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 16

RE: Personality trait vs. Sexual orientation - 3/11/2010 6:34:54 AM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

Yeah, I'm pretty much dominant everywhere in my life.
For me domination is far less a sexual orientation (mine would be straight) than an extension of who I am, as a man, as a sexual partner, as a way I approach life.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 17

RE: Personality trait vs. Sexual orientation - 3/11/2010 7:51:51 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

Elisabella asked:
What do you all think? And obviously sexual orientation *is* a personality trait, but do you feel that D/s or BDSM leanings should be classified in that subcategory or do you think they are better considered a general personality trait separate from sexuality?

I can't speak to what it IS or IS NOT. I see both usages used and, judging from what I read, it is more commonly linked to sexuality than personality. I can tell you that for Carol & I, it is a personality trait. When I look at a person and they register as "submissive" to me, I'm seeing a personality trait. When I use that word in regards someone else, I am referring to that thing which, in it's extreme form, is called "doormat". People who are sexually submissive get classified in the category "kinky" in my head, not "submissive". But that's just how my brain works.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Elisabella)

Post #: 18

RE: Personality trait vs. Sexual orientation - 3/11/2010 9:13:57 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

For submissive to be a sexual orientation one would have to submit to male or female if they took on a dominant role.
I am submissive. To me it is a personality trait that is cued by someone who exhibits a dominant persona. For me personally, I have met more than a few dominant females.. heck I am one myself, but I find no iota of attraction or the need to submit.
My sexuality is hetrosexual.

(in reply to Elisabella)

Post #: 19

RE: Personality trait vs. Sexual orientation - 3/11/2010 9:18:22 AM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

Inspired by another thread that I don't want to take off topic - I made a comment about "submissive" being a sexual orientation, and someone else said that it was a personality trait, not a sexual orientation. Now I'm aware that there are people who might be into BDSM solely for nonsexual service reasons, but for the majority of people, dominant or submissive, it's sexual.

While I agree that a great deal of BDSM can be sexual in nature, more often than not it is the power dynamic of their whole relationship that is dominant or submissive. The way the couple relates to each other on the whole is dominant or submissive, not simply who is in charge during sex.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

What do you all think? And obviously sexual orientation *is* a personality trait, but do you feel that D/s or BDSM leanings should be classified in that subcategory or do you think they are better considered a general personality trait separate from sexuality?

Sexuality isn't a personality trait. I am heterosexual. It isn't part of my personality, I was born heterosexual. Someone who is homosexual didn't "develop" homosexual feelings, they were born that way.

There are all kinds of different things to enjoy sexually, that doesn't make them personality traits. Someone who enjoys giving blow jobs, you don't classify their sexual orientation that way. It is just something they enjoy doing sexually. I enjoy anal sex, but I'm not classified as "anally oriented." There are black people who only date whites, and vice versa or people that only date people who share their race, ethnic or religious background. That isn't their sexual orientation though, is it?

(in reply to Elisabella)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Personality trait vs. Sexual orientation

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.172