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ORIGINAL: Aynne88

Elisabella great question. I am absolutely dominant in my day to day life, with everyone. I am only submissive sexually. Even then, it takes the right person to bring that out.

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ORIGINAL: Elisabella

Inspired by another thread that I don't want to take off topic - I made a comment about "submissive" being a sexual orientation, and someone else said that it was a personality trait, not a sexual orientation. Now I'm aware that there are people who might be into BDSM solely for nonsexual service reasons, but for the majority of people, dominant or submissive, it's sexual.

The main reasons I'd say it's a sexual orientation are:

1. Participating in a romantic relationship that doesn't involve any sort of D/s or BDSM is unfulfilling. Absolutely not true in my case. The sex in my vanilla marriage was over the edge, without BDSM.
2. Many people have expressed that they wish they weren't into D/s yet were unable to find the same fulfillment in a vanilla relationship even though they had an overwhelming desire to change their sexual preferences  I do believe I am not like most people then, for this has not been my experience either.
3. Motivations for the majority of BDSM activites are either sexual or sexualized, even without direct sexual contact the person feels a sexual rush or feels turned on.

What do you all think? And obviously sexual orientation *is* a personality trait, but do you feel that D/s or BDSM leanings should be classified in that subcategory or do you think they are better considered a general personality trait separate from sexuality? I really don't look this as this or that,but I would guess for me more a personality trait. I don't feel it has much to do with my sexual drive.

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ORIGINAL: Missokyst

For submissive to be a sexual orientation one would have to submit to male or female if they took on a dominant role.
I am submissive. To me it is a personality trait that is cued by someone who exhibits a dominant persona. For me personally, I have met more than a few dominant females.. heck I am one myself, but I find no iota of attraction or the need to submit.
My sexuality is hetrosexual.

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ORIGINAL: Missokyst

For submissive to be a sexual orientation one would have to submit to male or female if they took on a dominant role.

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ORIGINAL: RCdc

I agree that it can be an orientation, but I don't dig the 'sexual' ad on.  I don't find it a personality trait, because traits are changable.  People can be an orientation without having an act like BDSM to carry it out.  I don't really get why you added 'sexual' onto it to be honest - maybe I am missing something?

the.dark.

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ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

Sexuality isn't a personality trait. I am heterosexual. It isn't part of my personality, I was born heterosexual. Someone who is homosexual didn't "develop" homosexual feelings, they were born that way.

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There are all kinds of different things to enjoy sexually, that doesn't make them personality traits. Someone who enjoys giving blow jobs, you don't classify their sexual orientation that way. It is just something they enjoy doing sexually. I enjoy anal sex, but I'm not classified as "anally oriented." There are black people who only date whites, and vice versa or people that only date people who share their race, ethnic or religious background. That isn't their sexual orientation though, is it?

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It's not that they require a specific sex act (and what specific sex act is required to be hetero or homosexual?)

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While I agree that a great deal of BDSM can be sexual in nature, more often than not it is the power dynamic of their whole relationship that is dominant or submissive. The way the couple relates to each other on the whole is dominant or submissive, not simply who is in charge during sex.

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ORIGINAL: Elisabella

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ORIGINAL: Missokyst

For submissive to be a sexual orientation one would have to submit to male or female if they took on a dominant role.

Sexual orientation doesn't mean that you're open to anyone who comes along...otherwise being heterosexual would mean you would *have* to have sex with any man if they approached you.

I don't think that people are limited to a single sexual orientation, it's possible to be a monogamous straight vanilla or a polyamorous bisexual switch.

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ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

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And obviously sexual orientation *is* a personality trait, but do you feel that D/s or BDSM leanings should be classified in that subcategory or do you think they are better considered a general personality trait separate from sexuality?

this slave doesn't see it as an either/or proposition.

one can be both or either and still identify as "submissive".

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ORIGINAL: RCdc
I do find that a bit of a sweeping statement though Elisabella and I guess I just don't equate submission as a sexual act and I know lots of people who would regard themselves as being submissive not because it gives them sexual gratification but it's the way their mind orientates - if that makes any sense?  I mean, taking out the bin, or pulling carrots isn't particularly sexual and I wouldn't gain anything sexual from it.  Pulling the carrots whilst naked might swing the sexual route mind!Master would dig it!

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ORIGINAL: Missokyst
I see a lot of people who say "I don't enjoy sex without bdsm" and I wonder why they ever continued to have sex before they discovered bdsm. If I discovered that my lovers were "ho-hum", they would not have stayed in my life. Quite honestly I think most people enjoy regular sex, until they decide they have found something better. Having seen too many people drop back into regular sex after trying bdsm (and proclaiming it to be better), I think it is the newness and not the orientation that they enjoyed.

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ORIGINAL: Elisabella

I think that people are mixing up D/s sexuality with D/s lifestyle here...I was trying to focus on D/s sexuality. I mean really, 'straight' is a lifestyle in the sense that marriage is more than just sex, and that being straight influences how you interact with other people who aren't your partner. People say "there's never a time when I'm not dominant" but I wonder then if there's ever a time they're not straight?

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ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

No, being "straight" is another term for being heterosexual. It means that they have sex with the opposite gender. I'm not sure exactly what you mean when you talk about being "straight" influencing how you interact with other people who aren't your partner. I interact with people as....people. Do I flirt with other men? Sometimes? Do I flirt with women? Nope.

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Being submissive sexually or dominant sexually dictates the types of activities you enjoy. Just like if you enjoy vibrators, blow jobs, covering your partner in chocolate sauce and licking it off. It describes a "style" of having sex.

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ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

submissive (noun) - sexual orientation; consciously chosen
submissive (adjective) - personality trait; inherent

The two don't need to be active in a person at once. Judging from various reflections of talks on the boards (which I have discussed with friends) it would seem, strangely, that many D-types favor a (n.) submissive who is actually not (adj.) submissive.

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ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

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ORIGINAL: Aynne88

Elisabella great question. I am absolutely dominant in my day to day life, with everyone. I am only submissive sexually. Even then, it takes the right person to bring that out.

I'm just curious Aynne88....Are you saying you are only submissive in the sexual aspects of your relationship? Or are you submissive in all areas of your relationship with your significant other? Because in my day to day life, I also am completely dominant, but in my relationship with my partner, I'm completely submissive, both in and out of the "bedroom."