RE: Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation

RE: Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation (Full Version)

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slavekal -> RE: Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation (2/6/2010 8:46:46 AM)
Only when necessary. It is not at all unusual, however, for a dominant woman to share with a girlfriend. I have found that to be the norm. They have to tell at least one woman what it is they are doing. Sometimes they try to show their friends all the advantages of having slaves.

S1L1 -> RE: Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation (2/6/2010 4:08:17 PM)
One of two of my very good friends know - and only because we somehow got on the topic and they are interested in it as well. One is fascinated with escapology the other one is gay and has a more "open" attitude about these things. That said, the remaining handful of friends (outside the lifestyle) that I have do not have a clue and I won't tell them - not really any of their business.

Shekicromaster -> RE: Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation (2/6/2010 4:25:02 PM)
I'm never hiding it. Most people think it's a joke though (well not that I'm not to blame for that a little). Closer friends, male or female, all know it. It's just about the way we present it. Make it look like just a little easygoing bedroom fun and not some deranged psycho seance ending in ritual cannibalism and there are no problems. And a significant percentage f people will express some kind of interests ( either directly or through casual comments and jokes ).

LadyOddsworth -> RE: Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation (2/6/2010 5:10:01 PM)
I've told my sister and 2 of my closest friends.. they are all supportive. My one friend is a bit kinky herself, the other is a socialworker who is just coming to terms with her bi-sexuality so she is completely supportive. My sister is happy for me.

juliaoceania -> RE: Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation (2/6/2010 6:24:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyOddsworth I've told my sister and 2 of my closest friends.. they are all supportive. My one friend is a bit kinky herself, the other is a socialworker who is just coming to terms with her bi-sexuality so she is completely supportive. My sister is happy for me. I told my sister and she does not quite know how to deal with it... when I have been single she has asked "How does someone like you find dates?"[:D]

S1L1 -> RE: Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation (2/6/2010 7:56:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania quote: ORIGINAL: LadyOddsworth I've told my sister and 2 of my closest friends.. they are all supportive. My one friend is a bit kinky herself, the other is a socialworker who is just coming to terms with her bi-sexuality so she is completely supportive. My sister is happy for me. I told my sister and she does not quite know how to deal with it... when I have been single she has asked "How does someone like you find dates?"[:D] Tell her you look on craigslist - that will really put a knot in her brain.

juliaoceania -> RE: Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation (2/6/2010 9:21:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: S1L1 quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania quote: ORIGINAL: LadyOddsworth I've told my sister and 2 of my closest friends.. they are all supportive. My one friend is a bit kinky herself, the other is a socialworker who is just coming to terms with her bi-sexuality so she is completely supportive. My sister is happy for me. I told my sister and she does not quite know how to deal with it... when I have been single she has asked "How does someone like you find dates?"[:D] Tell her you look on craigslist - that will really put a knot in her brain. lmao.... she would want to have me committed... I told her I find doms on match.com.. and she said "how do you know they are like you?" and I said "You would not believe how many kinky people there are in this world, its you that is out of step"[:D]

Hawkwindblues -> RE: Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation (2/6/2010 10:52:13 PM)
Always an interesting topic. I am not into secrets, but i am not into informing other people about my SM&sex life without a reason. One example is my 71 years old neighbour, who has become a kind of an adoptive grandfather. He is very openminded and had a eventful life. Because we spent a lot time together and meet on most days for a coffee, every spring and summer i got the same problem: I had to cover up in an uncomfortable way. I had to use other clothes than i wanted because you could see something on my arms or shoulders or legs and on M. too, because we love to fight. After the second summer i decided to do the following, I said: Gerd, M. and me like to have our sex a bit harder, if you see something like a bruise on me or on him, you do not have to get into heavy thoughts, everything is ok. He thought a moment about it and said: It is good that you let me know, because i noticed somet bruises from time to time. Me, i like it more soft and friendly. And that was the end of the topic. It is a total exception. Normally as long as vanilla friends do not ask me something, i will not search the topic. And M. outed us to family only 2 months ago. My father visited us with his new woman, and she needed to send some emails urgently. So M. and me set up our notebook for her and he gave it to her. She openened Opera and what is the starting site? Yes collarcom. Because she is a painter and my father is making movies for a living, you could be sure that they saw all that is necessary in a short time. But polite as they are, it was not a topic.

Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation (2/6/2010 11:39:12 PM)
Some do and some don't, the level of disclosure varies, all for a number of reasons.

specialk2611 -> RE: Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation (2/12/2010 9:12:21 AM)
I only have acquintences, so luckily I don't have this dilemma, but have heard of complexities from a few other people who are involved in D/s and don't envy their forced seperation of worlds etc... Why do friends have to know everything, friendship is functional (things in common, mutual enjoyment, practical activity/conversation) if it is dysfunctional to tell them, don't do it. Same as telling stories about how you poop everyday.

HisEvelyn -> RE: Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation (2/12/2010 9:50:57 AM)
For the time being, I am pretty private about my forays into this lifestyle. My closest friend of ten years knows, and he is very supportive. Mostly because when I told him about it, he admitted ot me that he's in a similar type of relationship! Imagine our surprise when we discovered that about each other! Me: Yeah, sooo... guess what? I got myself a Master... I'm kind of exploring the dominant/submissive dynamic these days... are you shocked? Him: Really? A little surprised, but not as much as you'd think. You know my girl? She and I are both switches and we take turns domming each other! Been living the lifestyle for two years now. Me: !!!!!! Otherwise, I keep things to myself. Master and I are pretty discreet around my people. Not so much because I am worried that they wouldn't accept me and love me anyway. But because I do have a history of abuse in my life, and most of them (not understanding how loving the D/s dynamic can really be) would be extremely concerned for me, thinking I was in another abusive situation. They'd probably try to get me back into therapy, or think I was being manipulated and hurt. So until I personally get enough of a grasp on what I'm doing, and learn more for myself, it's something I choose to keep private. When I'm secure enough in my knowledge of how to properly explain how wonderfully and respectfully Master treats me even when I'm his dirty little slut sometimes? I will probably be more forthcoming with those close to me.

MasterSlaveLA -> RE: Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation (2/12/2010 12:30:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation I tell them the following about my "orientation": Vertical = 50% of the time Horizontal = 50% of the time [;)]

dreamerdreaming -> RE: Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation (2/12/2010 1:45:06 PM)
A lot of people work in professions that make discretion absolutely necessary. For example if they're working with children, or in politics or something like that, they may need to be very tight lipped about WIITWD. Otherwise, any asshole who gets wind of it might find the opportunity to create havoc, to tempting to pass up. Why make it easy for the next random asshole that comes along, to fuck things up for you, and the people who depend on you? People's private lives are private for good reasons. We all need a degree of privacy. Some more, some less. Those who have more to lose are being smart, to guard their privacy closely.

lexey -> RE: Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation (2/12/2010 2:43:36 PM)
I have one non-BDSM friend who knows. And the only reason she does know is because of a well-placed bruise and a too-small swimsuit top. Long-story short, she was pretty freaked, but over time she's mostly decided that my kink is just that...mine. We don't discuss it. But then again, we don't spend much time discussing her sex-life either. I did know someone who was at risk of losing child-custody because of what was done in the bedroom/dungeon. My leaning is to be discreet. TMI is rarely a good thing, even among friends. (And nothing against dreamerdreaming's post, but my reply was in response to juliaoceania's original query.)

Delphinus -> RE: Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation (2/12/2010 6:27:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pompeii If my immediate family, Catholics and feminists all, were to know how I "treated" a woman behind closed bedroom doors, they'd crucify me. Likewise, my friends are all "professional" friends, and, well, probably only one or two could I ever trust with my "secret" ... and even then, I had to pull my picture because I was recognized by a wafer. You never know, I don't think, no matter how well you know somebody, even family. My Master's family, including him, are very Catholic and VERY conservative (until the door closes behind him) and my life is stereotypical of a feminist and a professional (until the door closes behind me.) His family would probably crucify him to know how he "treats" me, but then again, I'm sure they believe that he, too, would be intolerable of this type of relationship.

Delphinus -> RE: Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation (2/12/2010 6:35:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SailingBum You are right this topic is like beating a maso. No one in their right thinking mind cares that the generic you like getting pissed on as part of your foreplay. Unless your a jerry springer fan what would possess you to tell ppl that in your off time you like screwing dogs??? Help me out here it makes zero sense BadOne In my experience, women talk with each other about their sex lives quite often. If it's just about sex, I don't mind talking about it (in an appropriate forum - not at work) and have found that women I tell are generally interested and question me a bit about it. I have much more trouble with the idea of sharing my submissive nature beyond the bedroom. I don't know that I would want to share my everyday submissive life because that, for me, is more private and meaningful. But yes, I will talk about sex with my friends,..because they talk about it with me.

chicagoswitch -> RE: Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation (2/16/2010 2:26:18 PM)
I don't post a picture because, professionally, no one can know. I did tell a couple vanilla friends. They still think it is all about "On your knees, bitch". If you aren't wired this way, I think it is very difficult to understand the mental and emotional stimulation, as well as the sexual freedom, being submissive to the right man provides.

FetishRose -> RE: Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation (2/16/2010 2:32:39 PM)
Fortunately, most of my friends are kinky in some fashion, or at least very open-minded, so they are familiar with, and comfortable, with all sorts of sexual and romantic attachments. We have lesbians, gender queer, polyamorous, vast age difference, etc etc. So what do they think when they know I am owned by my boyfriend? If anything, they jest about how they can't imagine me on a leash, and will pretend to dominate me to be silly. We all tend to be open about our sexualities within our group, so my bruises, marks, etc are seen by a few people on a regular basis. Now, when making new friends, I won't jump straight in and tell them about my life. But if we are discussing sex, I'll simply claim myself as kinky. They get to know me better, especially around my sir, and they will probably realize it on their own.

sodsta -> RE: Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation (2/16/2010 2:54:02 PM)
I'm honestly not sure I have any friends who don't know. But I am friends mostly with geeks and self-confessed bohemian-types, so they're very much used to "the alternative". My kink doesn't shock, horrify or surprise them at all, really. In fact, a few of my vanilla friends found out about and actually got into BDSM by talking to me about it. Most of the kinky people I know I met through vanilla avenues, such as Uni or online fan/geek forums, so vanilla and kink are very much intertwined when it comes to my life and my various social groups.

CelticNightmare -> RE: Telling Vanilla Friends About Your Orientation (2/16/2010 2:56:37 PM)
I'm not really in a position I feel comfortable with telling a lot of people about it. Some of us have to worry about things like day jobs-and very vanilla employers.

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