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Long distance...smart ass... - 1/31/2010 7:29:13 PM   
OnyxDelphi


Posts: 138
Joined: 5/30/2007
Status: offline 		p {margin:0px;}So I have a good friend who I care about deeply who lives several states away.   Their a switch...deeply...and yet wants to be my "slave" because of how much they care for me.   I want to take them on, but the side exception...is that they have a really "smart mouth."   So, Dear Abbey!   What do I do?   and more importantly, is there any methods I can take to weening them off of it?
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RE: Long distance...smart ass... - 1/31/2010 7:30:40 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		Just a thought....have you talked with this person about it?

(in reply to OnyxDelphi)
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RE: Long distance...smart ass... - 1/31/2010 7:35:50 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		I agree with LL; if they care enough about you to move to you, and serve you, surely they'd care enough to knock off the smartassness?

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
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RE: Long distance...smart ass... - 1/31/2010 7:42:01 PM   
ourmsbetty


Posts: 266
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		Yes, they should be willing to change it, but if it's an ingrained habit it may take take awhile to break.

My suggestion: put a rubber band around their wrist. Every time they make a smartass comment, snap it. (or have them snap it. it works at a distance.)



(in reply to Level)
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RE: Long distance...smart ass... - 1/31/2010 7:45:23 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Talk to her and tell her the only way you'll take her is if she curbs her mouth. Simple.

If she cares for you then she'll change it. If not then either she feels you're incompatible or she doesn't care for you as much as you think.

(in reply to ourmsbetty)
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RE: Long distance...smart ass... - 1/31/2010 7:51:36 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ourmsbetty

Yes, they should be willing to change it, but if it's an ingrained habit it may take take awhile to break.

My suggestion: put a rubber band around their wrist. Every time they make a smartass comment, snap it. (or have them snap it. it works at a distance.)


Or snap them with a wet towel. It may work faster.

But yeah, it may take a little time and effort to get them where you want.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to ourmsbetty)
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RE: Long distance...smart ass... - 1/31/2010 8:09:13 PM   
Aylee


Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OnyxDelphi

p {margin:0px;}So I have a good friend who I care about deeply who lives several states away.   Their a switch...deeply...and yet wants to be my "slave" because of how much they care for me.   I want to take them on, but the side exception...is that they have a really "smart mouth."   So, Dear Abbey!   What do I do?   and more importantly, is there any methods I can take to weening them off of it?


What do you mean by "smartmouth"?  Do they have a quip for everything?  Is this a sign of them being unsure since you are so far away?  Are you moving to fast and they are trying to go slower?  Or are they calling you names? 

I would need to know what you mean by "smartmouth" to give good advice.  Or any sort of advice. 

_____________________________

Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam

I don’t always wgah’nagl fhtagn. But when I do, I ph’nglui mglw’nafh R’lyeh.

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RE: Long distance...smart ass... - 1/31/2010 8:15:06 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		There's something that just doesn't make sense to me.

They care about you deeply and want to be your slave - why?  Is that the only relationship you would consider with them?

You are not sold on the idea of them being your slave - Why?  Why is that the only relationship possible?

It sounds like the two of you have different expectations of the concept of slavery.

Finally - since this is a person, why do you refer to him/her as "they"?


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Aylee)
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RE: Long distance...smart ass... - 1/31/2010 9:07:57 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		A sam switch, you are gonna have your hands full. Prolly need very clear and effective punishment and reward system, with strict rules and guidlines to create new behavious patterns.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

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RE: Long distance...smart ass... - 1/31/2010 10:01:08 PM   
OnyxDelphi


Posts: 138
Joined: 5/30/2007
Status: offline 		By smart mouth, I mean they usually have something to say about everything. 

(in reply to Aylee)
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RE: Long distance...smart ass... - 1/31/2010 10:01:31 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		My first bit of advice is to try forming relationships only with people you fully accept as they are. This tends to lead to relationships which are better in quality than those formed with people who have a tendency to piss you off.

Secondly you're 50/50 about someone who lives several states away. Long distances relationships involve a much higher risk than local ones and they require far more effort to pull off. I'd stick to the local area for the 'love me, love me not' type of relationships and leave the long distance option only for someone you feel very strongly attracted to.


_____________________________

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(in reply to OnyxDelphi)
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RE: Long distance...smart ass... - 1/31/2010 10:02:19 PM   
OnyxDelphi


Posts: 138
Joined: 5/30/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ourmsbetty

Yes, they should be willing to change it, but if it's an ingrained habit it may take take awhile to break.

My suggestion: put a rubber band around their wrist. Every time they make a smartass comment, snap it. (or have them snap it. it works at a distance.)






quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

A sam switch, you are gonna have your hands full. Prolly need very clear and effective punishment and reward system, with strict rules and guidlines to create new behavious patterns.




Ty to you both for the helpful ideas on what to ACTUALLY do.

I love the replies, but I'm also looking for methods on what to do versus just a conversation on the deeper ins and outs on the relationship.

(in reply to OnyxDelphi)
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RE: Long distance...smart ass... - 2/1/2010 4:11:26 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Why would you want someone who is too stupid to have any opinions?

More importantly, right now you are just friends. I don't know about how you define friendship but here it does not mean one person pontificating while the other listens worshipfully. She isn't your anything yet and doesn't have to shut up and listen while you say things that don't make any sense.

I would recommend her finding someone who isn't so insecure that he's afraid of a sub with thoughts of her own but instead who revels in owning someone that intelligent. As for you, blow up dolls are always quiet until you do needle play.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to OnyxDelphi)
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RE: Long distance...smart ass... - 2/1/2010 4:16:04 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline 		since i am not a smart ass, i feel i am not qualified to answer this.




Hey...s'matter with my face? My nose feels funny...

< Message edited by sirsholly -- 2/1/2010 4:17:21 AM >

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


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Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Long distance...smart ass... - 2/1/2010 4:54:08 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		To "break" a slave requires deep insight into their personality and a program designed around it so the rewards and punishments are effective. Despite all those PC flag wavers that will attack using term “break”, it means to retrain in this case. And yes, remove the spirit (motive) that inspired the bad behavior in the first place.

Breaking someone’s spirit and leaving them an empty shell is not the same as breaking the motives (spirit) that inspire negative personality traits. In my cage threads I talk a little about programming and desensitization. I offer the following only as an example of how to integrate BDSM with the process, not as a suggested course of action. It is about how sex and cages can both be useful tools for a Master molding his slave.

excerpt from: -=Caged Perspectives=-

-=The Forced Capture Fantasy (breaking a slave)=-
I had a slave girl in there [red cage] that surrendered fully while in fantasy role play. It changed her personality. She lost all morals and self image/pride. She would have violated any and all of her previous morals to comply with the hot fantasy that she was a forced captive. . . .

. . . I completely deconstructed her personality, tearing out her morals, self judgments, vanities and competitive ego. She was chastised severally for being a competitive little bitch and told that if she stopped trying to “take” acceptance from people, she would be aware enough to sit back and “receive” the acceptance she was already getting. I taught her to see her own physical beauty and to accept the twisted situation she was in.

Her personality truly changed as doors in her mind opened. Over time, she started getting positive reinforcement from me in her new personality traits and her new perspectives. She didn’t become a completely selfless Zen like slave, but she “smoothed” out her personality a great deal. She stopped competing for attention and learned how to seduce and entice people. Her ability to charm someone increased about 1000%.

So through a series of fantasies that allowed for brutal, humiliating and honest communication about her personality defects, she gained personal growth. Cage time can be very effective..

-end of excerpt
(sorry for cut & paste, I didn’t have time to write up fresh example this morning)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All in all my friend, you may want to dig up some psych books. It’s not that hard and most of it is common sense action/reaction conditioning.

Best Wishes,
Kalon Eric

quote:

ORIGINAL: OnyxDelphi
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist
A sam switch, you are gonna have your hands full. Prolly need very clear and effective punishment and reward system, with strict rules and guidlines to create new behavious patterns.

Ty to you both for the helpful ideas on what to ACTUALLY do.

I love the replies, but I'm also looking for methods on what to do versus just a conversation on the deeper ins and outs on the relationship.



_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to OnyxDelphi)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Long distance...smart ass... - 2/1/2010 5:03:49 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OnyxDelphi

p {margin:0px;}So I have a good friend who I care about deeply who lives several states away.   Their a switch...deeply...and yet wants to be my "slave" because of how much they care for me.   I want to take them on, but the side exception...is that they have a really "smart mouth."   So, Dear Abbey!   What do I do?   and more importantly, is there any methods I can take to weening them off of it?


Get your ass on a plane so when they smart off.  You can put liquid soap down their throat.  Now do this each and every time they get lippy.  Furthermore increase the dose as the lippy count goes up.  IE one remark in a day 1 oz 2nd 2oz you get the idea.  Cured in no time.

BadOne


_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to OnyxDelphi)
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RE: Long distance...smart ass... - 2/1/2010 7:19:20 AM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		Onyx,

I'm willing to bet that if you cured them of their smart mouth, it'd be about 15 seconds before you were missing it.

How 'bout you enjoy it for what it is - character, spunk, intelligence....etc etc

_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Long distance...smart ass... - 2/1/2010 7:49:08 AM   
GraciousLady


Posts: 529
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline 		I just feel a sub/slave should do as they are told. If not both parties are not happy and the relationship is doomed to misery and failure. This person your thinking of taking on is a switch. By definition they will switch! Remember that. So, you either have to work out the things that will doom your relationship or just stay friends. Talk to this person and tell them how you feel and what you need out of a slave. I understand your irritation about this persons outspoken nature because I do not like my subs to speak without a reason but it may be a part of their personality. Another thing here is the distance. If the two of you decide to make a go of it I strongly advise seperate living arraingments at first. Trust me when I tell you there is no way for you to know this persons true nature or situation until you have been physically around them a while. I spoke with someone daily for a year and when they finally moved into my home it was a nightmare. Just be sensiable and don't jump into something without making sure it's right for all involved.

(in reply to OnyxDelphi)
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RE: Long distance...smart ass... - 2/1/2010 8:09:54 AM   
Phoenixpower


Posts: 8098
Status: offline 		Well....my prospective Master sometimes think I would be a smartass....though not as bad as you describe it to say something to everything.....apart from that I think his judgement is wrong anyway as I am innocent.

However....he lives in america and I live in the UK (as German) and he thinks he will be able to handle it in person as certain comments I made in the past I surely would only do once when I would be with him...I am aware of it that some of my comments in the past might put me into trouble (such as my suggestion to put his stupid nippleclamps onto his b.... instead... would probably not go down well when I would be with him in person).

I think you will have to find out in person if you can break that habbit or not. I do know from myself that in person, if someone is genuine in charge, that I do back off...however, if the person isn't in charge about me *yet*, then I won't.

Also online it can also help to explore the dom, because his response to comments I do, tells me also about his behaviour and how he is likely to react and behave in real life.

He personally does not mind it and enjoys it when we do banter....however we both know that I cross the line at times and I will learn not to do that when I will be with him.

However, what is important - IMO - not to forget, is....(though I don't know the situation from your involvement) I had to remind potential Owners in the past that whilst I am happy to serve as Sub or potentially as Slave...it does not happen overnight and whilst I live here 24/7 on my own, I am nowhere near my Sub or Slave mode (so to speak).

So whilst I am happy to go down that path with an Owner, he will never be able to get this from me fully whilst I am living here on my own...as after all...I have to be the boss about my life over here...

_____________________________

RIP 08-09-07

The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

(in reply to GraciousLady)
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RE: Long distance...smart ass... - 2/1/2010 8:30:24 AM   
onlyfreelycaged


Posts: 254
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		I'm a smart-ass.
now, I don't have something to say to everything.. but I do voice my opions when I have them. I was serving a master for a while who didn't like this about me... Lets just say that it ended with me not speaking anything that was going on in my head for the last little while, and he couldn't figure out the problem.. but at that point..

the short point of the story: don't try to change her personality, if it's an important element for her. It could end up in destroying the friendship that you have already.

(in reply to Phoenixpower)
Profile   Post #: 20
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